Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

B J stood there, staring at the empty space where Penny had just been. The twinkling of the lights strewn around the outside seating area mocking him with their radiant glow. Nothing was happy right now. Not when his best friend shared the confession of a lifetime and ran off.

She didn't run. She walked away.

He scowled. True, she hadn't run, but what fucking difference did it make? Penny dropped a bomb into their friendship and left him holding the remains. They had a plan. It wasn't fair of her to change the rules now. Especially when she knew, had always known, his thoughts on love, marriage, and happily ever afters.

They were a lie.

He would never set himself up for that kind of heartbreak. And Penny deserved someone who would be all the way in with her. She deserved a man who loved her with every fiber of his soul. He couldn't do that. Couldn't be that man. Not when he knew how precarious life how. He would always hold back, the fear of losing everything keeping him from fully embracing his love for her.

Love for her.

Did he love Penny? An owl hooted off in the distance as he pondered the question. She was his best friend. The person he shared everything with. The one he went to with his successes and failures. Of course he loved her.

But was he in love with her?

His heart screamed yes even as his brain argued no. He couldn't love her. He wouldn't allow it. Love was a ticking time bomb of pain. He would not sit and wait for the countdown. He'd give her a few days, then apologize for not being able to return her feelings and everything would get back to the way it was.

Liar!

His subconscious screamed at him.

Letting out a frustrated growl, BJ stormed into the restaurant and headed into the back kitchen. Of course things wouldn't go back to normal. Penny had said as much. In her confession, she admitted she couldn't do the baby thing unless he was all in. That meant sex was out. And even if they tried to go back to just being friends, it would never work out. Not now that he knew how deep her feelings went.

He'd always worry his presence was holding her back from finding happiness with someone else.

A dark, ugly wave clouded his vision at the thought of Penny with someone else. He wanted her to be happy. But the thought of her with another guy….

So be that guy.

He shook his head. Knowing he could never do that. Even if a deep, dark part of him yearned for it.

"Love always dies," he muttered to himself. One way or another.

"Hey, BJ," Jeremy, their head chef, smiled, wiping his hands on the rag hanging from his apron tie. "Something you need? Are people liking the food?"

He glanced up at the man, noticing the slight pinch of worry on his brow. Fantastic. Now he was upsetting his staff. Way to fuck up every relationship you have, BJ . He took a small breath and pasted on his most charming smile.

"People are loving the food, man. You have a true gift." At Jeremy's relieved expression, BJ started heading toward the back of the kitchen. "Thought I'd pop in here to help with clean up."

Jeremy frowned. "You don't need to. Valerie is on dish duty tonight."

BJ waved the protest away, making his way to the large sink with the industrial dishwasher. The eighteen-year-old high school senior stood at the sink, hosing off plates with the sprayer before stacking them in the dishwasher.

"Hey, Mr. Jackson," she said, smiling as she finished stacking a plate. "How's the party going?"

"Great, Val. In fact, why don't you take a break and join the festivities. Get yourself some food."

"Really?"

The staff was given a shift meal. Normally they preferred if they ate in the break room, but this was a soft open. Plus, he knew her parents were out there, supporting Jacks and their daughter's first job. She deserved to celebrate, too. It had nothing to do with the fact that he couldn't go out there and face all that joviality. Face his family.

"Go for it." He nodded.

"Thanks Mr. Jackson." Valerie's smile widened as she took off her apron and headed out of the kitchen.

BJ took her place at the sink, grabbing the hose and a dirty plate. He pressed the handle. Intense water pressure shot off the bits of food into the sink's garbage disposal. His subconscious called him a liar. He wasn't back here to give his employee a break. He was back here because he was a coward.

Too scared to face his family. Too scared to face the truth.

It didn't matter if he was in love with Penny or not. The fear of losing her overshadowed any love he felt. He didn't know how to get past that. He was broken. Unable to love the one person in the world who deserved it the most.

She deserved better.

The truth of the matter was, he couldn't be what she needed. Who she needed. He failed her. No matter how hard he tried to make the people he loved happy, he always came up short. He'd never be enough. And Penny…she deserved everything. Which was why he would stay here. Scrubbing the leftover bits of a delicious meal someone else happily enjoyed.

His jaw clenched as he watched the food particles swirl down the drain, falling into the darkness where they'd be ground up into mush. His heart might as well slip down there, too. Not like it was doing him any good. Who needed the damn thing anyway? All it brought was pain and uncertainty.