Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

"P enny?" BJ had only intended to drop the tray off and check back in on breakfast, but the look of utter shock on Penny's face stopped him. "Are you okay?"

Stupid question. She'd been dealt an emotional blow this morning. He knew how much she wanted this baby. It had to hurt that they hadn't succeeded. Funny thing was, he found himself morose as well. He knew this was her kid. They weren't going to be parents. He'd be there in the kid's life, but not as a father. Then why the heaviness in the pit of his stomach?

"I'm fine. I just…you know."

She waved a hand over her abdomen, but he didn't think this was simply normal period issues. Through seventeen years of friendship, he'd gotten to know Penny's moods pretty well. Her expression at the moment held something more than pain and fatigue. She almost looked like something had poleaxed her. But what?

"Right, well, I better get back to breakfast." He nodded to the tray. "Eat and take the medicine. It will help."

She mumbled an agreement, but her mind was a million miles away. He hurried back to the kitchen, thankful to see nothing had burned.

What the hell was going on?

Not only with Penny, but him too. You'd think he was the one on their damn period with all the dark, moody shit clogging his brain right now. He hadn't wanted to let anything show in front of her—she had enough to deal with right now and no way would he add to it—but ever since he woke up and she told him she wasn't pregnant, he'd been…sad.

"Stupid," he muttered to himself as he stirred the eggs in the hot pan. "It's not like it affects you whether she is pregnant or not."

But it did. It affected him because once they succeeded, it was over. This…whatever they were doing would be accomplished. No more sex. No more Penny.

He grunted, running a hand over his long hair, pulling it up to secure it in a topknot with one of the ties lying on the counter. He didn't know if it was his hair tie or Penny's. The past few weeks, he'd been staying here a lot. His stuff had gradually migrated here, mixing in with hers.

" No more Penny. Idiot. It's not like she's going to stop being your best friend just because she'll be a mom."

Their relationship might go back to the platonic friendship they had before, but she wouldn't cut him out of her life. He'd still have her…

But not like now. Not all of her.

Shoving some bread in the toaster, he checked on the sausages, brown and perfect. Sprinkling some shredded cheese on the eggs, he stirred them around the pan as the bread toasted. Once everything was done, he plated it, trying to think of the food and not the confusing mess of emotions running through his mind right now.

This was about Penny and what she needed. She was the one going through pain right now. Physical and emotional. Her needs mattered. He was doing her a favor. He didn't get to be upset by the lack of results. It was unfair of him.

He glanced down at her plate, piled high with food. "I'm just upset for her."

The breakfast didn't answer.

Yeah, all this perplexing emotional stuff whirling around in his brain was simply the reaction of seeing his best friend upset. Nothing more. He'd always been one to take on others' problems. Hence the hero complex his siblings so often accused him of. Whenever his mother had been upset as a child, he'd been the one to cheer her up. When Charlie got her heart broken in high school, he'd been the one to take her to that little punk's house and help eggs the bastard's car. Mature? Not really, but it had put a smile on his sister's face.

He chuckled and gave a slight shake of his head. Man, he'd been worried he was going off the deep end there. He could almost hear his sister's voice taunting him, telling him this thing went deeper. They'd wanted more. What did Charlie know? The woman had never had a successful romantic relationship in her life. He loved his sister, but she was crap with relationship advice. She didn't know what they wanted out of life. Penny didn't want more, and he sure as hell didn't. What they had right now worked for them and if it went back to a platonic friendship after? He could deal with that.

As long as he had Penny in his life, he'd be fine. If she was happy, that's all he needed. Wife, kids, that whole family dynamic wasn't for him. He didn't want more. He didn't need more. All he needed was what he had. No matter what anyone said. Even that tiny little voice in the back of his head whispering he was full of bullshit.