1. Winston

Winston

“You look like the world rests on your shoulders,” I said, standing at the doorway of his home office. He had gone up there for a file, but I had a feeling he forgot I was still at his place.

Nicholas Marsh, a man I knew better than my own blood brothers, shot me a look that would frighten most.

But I wasn’t most.

“Win,” he warned, but I simply shrugged him off and strode in. Sitting my ass down on the chair in front of his huge desk, I crossed my arms in front of me.

“Is it finally time?” I asked. Nick’s brows bunched like he didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about. His eyes bounced to the big wooden wall clock behind me.

“Time for what?” he asked.

I knew by the look on his face he was completely distracted. Probably trying to remember if we had something in the books, not that we did. He more than likely couldn’t think or focus. I knew all too well how that fucking felt.

“To talk about what you’ve been avoiding,” I pointed out. “Or are we still acting like you’re not in love?” I announced calmly. The poor sap had been in love with his son’s ex-girlfriend for way too long. And trying to hide it along the way. I watched a muscle under his eye tick, giving him away.

“I’m not—" he started to say, but when our gazes locked, he swallowed hard. His Adam’s apple bobbed heavily before he ran his fingers through what little hair he had left. “What makes you think I’m in love?” I couldn’t help myself. Despite being broken-hearted, I laughed.

“Really? That’s what we’re going with?” Fuck, it felt good to laugh. It had been two weeks since I’d had anything to smile about, much less laugh about. Two weeks since I had let Allie walk out of my life and all the color in it seeped out with her.

“Win, I’m tired.” He sighed.

“Yeah, I bet. But imagine how I must feel?” I said, and the motherfucker had the audacity to scowl.

“What do you mean?”

“See, my best friend, one of the best guys I know, hmm-ing and ha-ing for what has it been? A year? Almost two?”

“Win—“

“Tell me I’m imagining shit, that I’m way off base here, and I’ll drop it. This conversation never happened, and I will apologize for sticking my nose in your business,” I laid out because I was done pussy-footing around this shit. If only one of us could be happy, he deserved to be. He still had a chance. Not like my dumb ass. He needed to grab it with both hands and never let it go.

“What gave me away?” he finally asked.

“Well, first off, you forget that I was there when you first met her.”

“Who?” he dared, and my lips twitched.

“Noah’s ex.” Nick winced.

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. “I forgot you were there,” he mumbled, and I chuckled softly.

“I saw how you looked at her. Then I thought maybe I was wrong. Maybe she was just someone you thought was attractive. She was a cute girl. I wouldn’t have blamed you. Then you told me how they broke up in front of you and didn’t say anything else. Not until later last summer. Then suddenly, you kept going to the movies,” I reminded him. Nick had thought he was so slick, and maybe if we didn’t know one another the way we did, I wouldn’t have noticed.

“So?”

“So?” I shook my head. “Man, I know you. You hate going to the movies. That’s why you set up a theatre room here.” The poor lovelorn schmuck.

“Maybe—"

“Maybe she works there?” His silence was the confirmation I needed. “I’ve been with you to the movies, Nick. I’ve seen how you look around trying to be subtle while you watch out for her when you think I’m not paying attention. Not to mention the fact you had us change gyms.”

“I told you it’s closer—“ Thankfully, he stopped mid-sentence and stared at me for a beat before he went and outright lied. “She goes there,” he finally admitted.

“I know that, too.” My lips twitched.

“I know, but I didn’t know you––“

“Noticed her? Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have. I mean, it was suspicious you would rather go to that run-down place than the state-of-the-art gym we went to before, but I did notice the way you almost dropped a free weight last month when you saw some trainer talking to her.”

“He was too fucking close,” Nick growled. I didn’t blame him. The thought of some asshole getting close to Allie would have me seeing red, too. Just thinking about the men she worked with already made it fucking hard to chew. Especially her dipshit boss. Now that she dumped my ass, I couldn’t be around to make my claim known.

“So, why don’t you talk to her? Ask her out?” I asked. I loved Nick like a brother. He was my best friend and business partner. Together, we had made our way through business, creating more for ourselves than we would have ever dreamt of.

“She’s young,” he reminded me, but I rolled my eyes. She was young but not too young. Plus, time was a sneaky bitch. One moment, you’re in your twenties trying to figure it out, and then suddenly, all of it’s gone, and you’re left a shell of who you used to be.

“And?” I challenged. He didn’t seem too surprised by that. He knew the kind of man I was. I went after what I wanted. Always. No matter what. It’s how I charmed Allie all those months ago.

Now…. I shook the thought away. This wasn’t about me. It was about Nick.

“And?” I repeated. My best friend shook his head and sighed.

“Win, she dated Noah.” The argument was flimsy at best. They had only dated for a couple of months at the end of their senior year. Noah had had his share of girlfriends since.

“I don’t know, man.” I sighed as this thing inside me, this growing ache that had started when Allie dumped me, started to gnaw at me. “I mean, look, I get it. I get the situation isn’t the best but…” My voice drifted to nothing, and my eyes dropped to the top of Nick’s desk. The dark wood color was the same as Allie’s eyes.

“What?” Nick asked, snapping me out of my heartbroken thoughts.

“Life’s too short, Nick. Especially when it comes to your happiness. I was there when you and Noah’s mom found out you guys were expecting. I was by your side when you two tried to make something of it even though it wasn’t working, and I was there when you walked away. I know you.”

“And?”

“I hate seeing you unhappy,” I pointed out. Not when one of us could be happy. I’d fucked up my chances by trying to do the right thing. But somewhere along the line of trying to do that right thing, I’d made Allie think I didn’t want her. Fuck, I would never want anyone but her.

“I’m not unhap?—"

“You are,” I cut him off because honestly, it was stupid. Life was too damn short to sit around and wait for that right time. “We’re forty. How long do you think we got? Twenty, thirty years if we’re lucky? I know you. I know that this last year and a half, with the way you’ve been working, putting in crazy hours, you’ve been doing it to stay away from her. I wasn’t sure at first, but I am now. But the thing is, what’s the point if you’re going to work yourself into an early grave?”

“Win—"

“You won’t be doing anyone any favors doing that shit,” I muttered. “You remember me asking you about fatherhood a couple of weeks ago?”

“About being ready?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “What did you tell me?”

“No matter what, you won’t ever be ready. It’s just one of those things that either happen or you jump in to try and make happen and then roll with the punches having a family tosses at you.” And fuck me, that had gutted me. He hadn’t been wrong. Roll with the punches. The idea of screwing Allie’s dreams didn’t settle well with me.

“Now, look, I know I don’t have kids, but I have let myself fall in love a couple of times, so I can tell you there is never a right or wrong time. You just make do with your situation and hold on until you can’t.”

“Yeah, and that’s worked out fucking fantastic for you, hasn’t it?”

“You’re right.” I sighed. I should have known better. When Nick set himself up this way, so damn stubborn he didn’t know what was right there, right within his reach, it was like talking to a goddamn wall.

“I should get going. Dinner was good.” I patted my stomach, but I couldn’t even keep up with the act. “Allie and I broke up, by the way,” I shared.

I knew it was only a matter of time until Nick asked why she hadn’t come to Thanksgiving dinner. The fact he hadn’t already told me just how preoccupied he’d been with his thoughts of Blanca.

Before he could say a word, I put my hand up and kept talking. “Sometimes, doing what we think is the right thing fucking sucks. I just wanted you to know that. And honestly…” I looked away because that thing in my chest fucking hurt.

Jesus! I’d been an idiot. Acting like I didn’t give a shit when I did. Fuck, I wanted Allie so fucking badly, I didn’t know which way was up. I’d been trying to do the right thing and not do something crazy like ruin her plans and dreams and everything she worked toward her entire life by knocking her up. Whether she knew it or not.

“Honestly, you and I? We’re idiots,” I finally muttered under my breath before my dark gaze met his blue one. “Don’t be a dumbass like me. Talk to her. Try and make something work, or else it’s going to be you and me when we’re old, and that’s fucking sad.” Without giving Nick a chance to ask what the hell had happened with Allie, I left.

I headed home, having walked there since I only lived a block away. My head full of Allie and her smile. Then, as quickly as that image popped into my head, so did the one she had worn the last time I saw her.

Tears in her eyes. Jesus, those tears made my insides burn. Disappointment glaring in my direction so fucking strongly I had no idea how the fuck my damn knees had kept me upright. The worst part about it was I had been the only one to blame.

I walked into my house and straight to my bedroom without looking at anything. How the hell had I been with her for six months and the ghost of her was everywhere I looked? I turned on the TV on auto pilot before I took my time changing. Even in my walk-in closet she haunted me. I could see her there, plain as day. Her smiling face, wearing my favorite raggedy shirt as she stared at me like I was everything she could have ever dreamed of. Like I was some kind of hero in a romance novel. I’d sat her on top of the dresser and ate her while I kneeled on the ground in front of it

This was what my life was going to be like.

A house filled with the ghost of her. My Allie. The only remnant I had left because I couldn’t go after her. I could only watch her like some kind of creep from the shadows across the street. Renting different cars so she wouldn’t recognize mine.

I couldn’t go after her, or else I’d fuck up her life. But I couldn’t stay away either.

My brows bunched. Jesus. With Nick and I, it was going to be like a real-life version of that movie Grumpy Old Men . I just wasn’t sure if I’d be Jack Lemmon or Walter Matthau.

Probably Walter’s character with how damn sad life felt. It was all so damn depressing. In an old shirt and boxers, I got into bed and flipped through the channels. Nothing caught my attention. Nothing at all.

I only had Allie on my mind.

Finally, I gave up and shut off the attempt at getting lost in some nonsense show and lay down. Looking up at the crisp white ceiling, I sighed.

Yup. This is what life has in store for me. A lifetime of solitude and loneliness because I was a damn idiot.

My phone pinged, and like it had for the last two weeks every time I got a text, hope spread through me. Will it be Allie? And just like every time I checked who a text was from, I grimaced, and my lips thinned. Nope. Not Allie.

Nick: You were right. Life is too short. Hope you know that, too. Whatever happened with Allie, fix it.

Yeah, right. If it were only that simple.