Prologue

WINSTON NASH

“Are you listening to me?” Allie’s voice cracked, like my heart.

I jerked a stiff nod but didn’t turn around. I had my reasons for acting the way I did. Everything inside of me, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet, ached to go to her. To rush toward her and take her into my arms and beg for fucking forgiveness.

“It’s like you don’t care about me anymore.” I winced, thankful she couldn’t see my face. There was no way I could let her know just how much I cared.

“Alaska––“ I started to say, my voice laced with icy indifference that was the opposite of how I felt.

“Allie,” she muttered her correction. “See! That’s what I’m talking about. I’m not baby or Allie to you anymore. What happened? What did I do?” she pleaded. I shut my eyes. I was an asshole. The biggest fucking dumbass in the world. But this was for her own good.

She had no idea, no clue how much I wanted her. How badly I needed her. The things I craved when it came to my Allie would make her run far and fast from me.

“Nothing,” I rasped. The last six months had been a fucking dream.

A dream I hadn’t expected.

One I hadn’t dared reach for.

I wasn’t the kind of man who believed in hearts and flowers and happy ever afters. But that was exactly what being with Allie had done to me. One look at her was all it had taken for me to fall. Any walls I’d built around me came crashing down before she’d even blinked in my direction.

Life had been so damn good.

Until my needs turned crazed. Darker. Wilder. The ideas in my head would ruin the plans she had for her life, and even though we’d only been together for six months, I knew I loved her in a way I had to make sure to put her needs above mine. Allie had dreams. She had just graduated law school and passed the bar. She wanted to practice and one day open her own firm. She was selfless and fair. Loyal. And like a goddamn animal, like a fucking psychopath, all I wanted to do was breed her. No matter how much I tried, all I could think about was how to knock her up.

Keep her barefoot and pregnant, tied to me in the most feral, primal ways possible.

“All—Alaska.” I cleared my throat. “You didn’t do anything.” I exhaled slowly and schooled my expression. Somber and stern, I turned to face her. I had no idea how the hell I managed to stay standing where I was. How the hell I didn’t fall to my knees and beg her to forgive my cold ways the last two weeks was beyond me.

I hadn’t been able to trust myself when it came to her.

Not after I tossed her pills away a month ago and fucked her bare, spilling my seed deep inside of her. And when she got a new pack to replace the ones she thought she had somehow misplaced? I’d been seriously tempted to fill it with fake ones. To give her nothing but placebos.

But I couldn’t do that to her.

Allie Villanueva deserved better. She deserved to go after her dreams, and I couldn’t trust myself to somehow mess them up. My eyes connected with her light brown ones, and I crossed my arms over my chest.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” she asked, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

“You haven’t done anything.” A muscle beneath my eye twitched, and she frowned. “Look, I’ve been busy. Work’s been crazy.” I exhaled, and my breath caught in my throat as she approached. She was mere inches from me, but it felt like we were a world apart. I didn’t make a move to close the space between us.

I couldn’t.

No matter the fact I wanted everything with her.

I was forty-one, damn it! I’d worked my whole life to get to where I was. Being with Allie had made me want things I’d never thought about. I not only wanted to live with her, but I wanted a family with her. I wanted forever and every messy possibility that could bring.

But I loved her more than anything I could ever want for myself. At twenty-seven, Allie’s life was just starting out. She deserved better. She deserved more.

But I was a coward.

I wasn’t strong enough to say the words I needed to, to make us end. I’d pushed her, left her no choice but to be the one to do it.

“You haven’t spent the night,” she said quietly. My dick fucking throbbed behind my jeans.

“Alaska, I told you––“

“You haven’t asked me to spend the night, either.” Like I needed the reminder. My jaw locked. I knew just how long it had been since I’d sunk into her sweet body. I knew down to the minute since I’d last tasted the heaven between her legs.

“Is there someone else?” she asked. Inside, I felt like she had gut-punched me, but I didn’t react. I didn’t blink. How could she even think that?

“I told you no,” I rumbled.

Acid burned inside of me. I couldn’t believe she could ask that. Not that I blamed her. From the moment we met, we had been insatiable for one another. Inseparable. There hadn’t been a day we shared when we hadn’t taken our fill of each other’s bodies. Until two weeks ago, when I realized I needed to rein in my need for her before I messed up Allie’s future.

“Are we done here? I have a meeting in ten.” The indifference in voice ate at me. I hated acting this way with her, but I was too damn weak to let her go. She had to push me away.

“Are we done…” Her brows bunched, and her eyes widened before they dropped to the ground. “Yeah.” She nodded, and I knew what she was going to say before she said it.

“We’re done , done.” It felt like I was bleeding out on the floor. “I’m sorry, Winston.” Her voice shook. My nails dug into my palm so hard I knew they drew blood. “This isn’t working out. Hope you… hope you have a good life.” Without sparing me another look, she walked out with her head held high. The moment she disappeared, I picked up the mug on my desk and threw it across my office, not giving a shit about the mess.

How could I?

I’d just fucked up my life.