2. Alaska ‘Allie’ Villanueva

Alaska ‘Allie’ Villanueva

“Daddy,” I gasped. The dirty little nickname tumbled past my lips as my body held on tight.

“Just like that, baby girl. Fuck! Just like that,” he grunted.

Winston Nash was a god.

Not only with how handsome he was, the definition of masculine beauty, incredible muscle definition that came from going to the gym along with time outdoors, but the way he controlled his body, the strength he had as he worked in and out of mine.

“Oh,” my voice squeaked. My head fell back onto his shoulder. My legs were unsteady, and I was about to slip. But I should have known better. Winston held me to him. He’d never let me fall. Not ever. His hand slid up and held my neck. I felt the way it tightened around me when I swallowed, and a loud whiney sound erupted from me. “Daddy,” I cried.

“Take it like a good girl,” he grunted. The depth of his voice made everything inside of me warm up. God, I loved his voice. How he talked dirty. “Fuck, just like that. Jesus, this greedy little pussy is going to break my dick right off,” he rasped, his hips never missing a beat, our bodies in sync.

“Baby!” I gasped. I was so, so close.

“You like how daddy fucks you, don’t you? Going to ruin you,” he promised. I was pretty sure he already had. “You won’t ever think about anyone else, princess. Just me. You and me. Always,” he promised, and I let myself believe him. Winston swiveled his hips and started to fuck me harder, like he had lost the little control he had, and I was more than happy to be his little toy. His hands held on to my hips tightly before swatting my ass.

God, I knew it was coming. He always delivered. Playing my body like he knew it better than I knew myself. “Please, Daddy!” I begged.

“You’re going to get it, baby girl!” The vow was clear in his voice. “You’re going to get every fucking…”

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

My eyes popped open, and I quickly shut them again. Hoping I’d go right back to the moment in my dreams, but nothing.

I rolled to my side and gazed out the small window in my bedroom that overlooked the cute yard of the rental I lived in.

“It was a dream,” I whispered to myself as my eyes immediately started to fill up with tears. “Damn it.” I sniffled, rolling to my back and pressing the palms of my hands to my eyes. “No more crying!” I whined, annoyed at myself.

Of course, it was a dream. The whole time I dated Winston Nash had felt that way.

Now those dreams were only to be lived when I slept because it seemed Winston Nash and his stupid face were going to haunt me for the rest of my life. There wasn’t a night I hadn’t dreamt about him. A night I had been able to sleep all the way through.

For the first week, I’d hoped he would call or text. Somehow try to reach out because he would want me back. But nothing. Then I thought maybe he would reach out for Thanksgiving, but again, nothing. Now, a whole complete month had passed since we broke up, and I still couldn’t seem to get over the hope of him coming over, stopping by unannounced at my place or work, declaring his undying love.

God, I was an idiot.

I glanced at my phone and scrolled to my camera roll. I opened it and went directly to the album I’d created one night a week ago when my roommate and I had tried to drink my feelings away. I’d put them all together, ready to delete them. Thankfully, Piper stopped me before I did something I wouldn’t be able to take back.

I swiped through the images. There were many, but I still wished we had taken more. That I had done something creepy like filming him when he was sleeping or cooking, or just being.

Winston was incredible in bed, but what I missed most was just being with him. Around him, in his arms. And as shitty as it was, especially since it had been me who ended it, I missed him.

It was stupid. After six months, he had started to change. It felt like a wall had suddenly been built between us, and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get through. Then a month ago, in the heat of a moment, when I tried to get him to listen, I’d stupidly broken it off.

With my ego and pride bruised, I hadn’t reached out. Not once.

I’d fallen in love with a man who was older and settled in his ways. For whatever reason, I just wasn’t what fit into his life or world. I hated that I felt like I somehow hadn’t been enough. I sat up and looked at my room.

Everywhere I looked, there was some kind of memory stuck to Win. Him standing to the side getting ready. Win walking into my room, holding a tray of food and coffee. God, he used to make the best coffee. I had no idea what he did or why, but his coffee always tasted better than any I ever made or bought.

One day, I’d be okay. I’d be fine with Winston not being in my life, with him not reaching out once from the moment I stepped foot outside his house. When my phone pinged with a message, I frowned.

“Shit,” I whispered to myself. I needed to get my head together.

I was practicing law, working at a great firm that paid well. But I was living very below my means to help pay off my student loans and with a long-term goal of opening my own firm one day to specialize in family law. Goals and all that. But I had done one crazy, uncharacteristic thing right before Win had changed.

I’d booked Winston and me a cabin in Colorado in a small mountain town he had fallen in love with after selling some land to a friend of his, Clay Garcia. Some cowboy who had left and relocated there from Texas. I’d done that knowing I would be off for over two weeks because the firm closed every year to provide everyone with time off.

Now I was stuck with a non-refundable cabin rental and airline tickets.

Had I really thought Win and I were that solid for me to book a vacation together to surprise him with? Yes. Yes, I had. I’d thought we were going to be forever.

Like I said, I was an idiot.

I shook my head and frowned. Naps were never a good idea for me.

I glanced at the text. I needed to make a decision about what to do with the cabin. I couldn’t not go. All that money would go to waste.

I couldn’t do that.

Fresh mountain air? Maybe some snow? Spending time on my own? That would be good for me. Worst case, if I hated it, I didn’t have to stay through Christmas. I could come back home early. Maybe change my flight or rent a car and drive back.

That sounded like a good plan.

I stood up and grabbed some loungewear and headed to the shower. After a good scrub-down, washing my hair and shaving my legs, I walked out of the bathroom dressed in my buttery soft loungewear and a towel wrapped around my long hair and frowned.

“Surprise!” my best friend in the whole world shouted, just as she turned on the lights in the kitchen. My eyes widened, and I blinked to adjust to the light. Looking at the setup she had prepared, I laughed. I couldn’t help it.To say the least, Piper could be a wild card. You might never know what she was up to, but everything she did was done with the best of intentions.

“Piper!” I exclaimed, trying to think of what the hell she could have possibly been thinking. “What is this?” I giggled as I approached. My vision was blurry, but I could tell she had a cake in front of her with a small candle burning brightly smack dab in the middle.

I hadn’t put my glasses on after my shower and quickly put them on and shook the towel off my head even though I was pretty sure my hair was still probably dripping wet.

Yup, it was a cake.

A beautiful one.

I was too far away to see what it said sitting in front of her on our old, out-of-date dinette table. “For you!” She grinned.

“For me?” It isn’t my birthday! I had no clue what she was up to, and when my eyes dropped and read the writing on top of the cake, I stilled.

“Happy one month no contact,” I read softly aloud. The cake was beautiful with the words written out in bright green frosting. My favorite color.A color I knew she had probably asked for them to match specifically because Piper was all about the details when she did something for you.

“Oh,” I said slowly, not sure what to feel.

My eyes rose just in time to see Pipe’s smile falter slightly. Her bright blue eyes widened and then looked down at the cake and back at me.

“Allie.”

“Pipe,” I mumbled, not sure what to make of it.

“It was supposed to make you feel empowered,” she started to explain. I could tell by the look of horror on her face that she hadn’t had any kind of ill will. It wasn’t her fault I felt like my heart would never recover. “I didn’t think it through. Now that I’m looking at it and see that look on your face, this feels harsh?—"

“You told me you didn’t think I should break up with him,” I said softly, unsure of what I felt. Piper had told me to talk to him, and I had tried. Hadn’t I?

Every time I thought about that moment, I wasn’t sure anymore.

All I knew was that one moment, I was trying to get him to talk to me, to see me like he used to, to quit brushing me off or giving me the cold shoulder. Something had happened in the last two weeks before that, and I didn’t know how to get through to him. Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, I was throwing it all away.

Ending things with Winston felt like it crushed me.

“I know,” she sighed, making her red curls bounce. “But you did, and no matter what, I got your back. So, ta-da! This is from that bakery you love! Your favorite, too! Double chocolate cake with vanilla bean whipped buttercream frosting! And your fav color!” she doubled down, Vanna Whiteing with her lean arms in front of the cake. Yup, just like Piper with details.

“Pip––“

“I know this month’s been hard,” she cut me off, concern clear in her face. “Breaking up with Winston wasn’t easy. I know it. I know how much you cared and how much it hurt when he started to put distance between you two.”

“Piper—"

“I just… I’m sorry! I feel kinda guilty for pushing you to talk to him, and then you guys... I thought that maybe instead of crying, let’s laugh about it. One month no contact is good! Remember when I broke up with the one we don’t mention? I kept calling and booty calling in like it was cool!”

“True,” I muttered, knowing she was right. She kept going back to her ex like it was an Olympic sport until I told her that just because he was good for her hole, it didn’t mean he was good for her soul. Though, calling Win for a booty call didn’t sound half bad.

“I’m proud of you. And as more time passes by, it’ll get easier. Then, one day, Winston Nash will be nothing but a bad memory and life lesson,” she finished, studying me closely.

Piper has nothing but good intentions.

I looked down at the cake and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill. She was sweet and the best friend a girl could ever ask for, but she was also wrong. So incredibly wrong. There was no way in hell that Winston Nash could ever become a simple memory. Not when he owned my heart. Not when I was sure he would always have it. No one would ever get close to making me feel anything like what I’d felt for him.

“One month no contact,” I reread the words on the cake and repeated them again. “One month no contact.” The ends of my lipsstarted to twitch up, and I giggled. I had to. As much as it hurt to realize, she was right. Piper Purcell had a weird kind of sense of humor, but thank God she did! For the first time in thirty days, I laughed so hard I cried.

“Are those good tears or bad tears?” she exclaimed with concern. I watched as a blurry bubble of color rushed toward me. Before I could answer, her arms wrapped around me and squeezed me tightly. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, Allie! I promise!”

“You didn’t.” I sniffled, and she tsked .

“You are literally crying!” she exclaimed.

“I’m literally just a girl!” I muttered, and for a beat, silence hit our cozy little two-bedroom Spanish rental before we started to giggle.

“That’s better.” She sighed, stroking my hair before pulling away. “I’m sorry that was insensitive,” she apologized. I shrugged it off and took a deep breath.

“It was sweet. You had good intentions. It’s not your fault I’m stuck.”

“Stuck on Mr. Stupid, huh?”

“Pretty much. Mr. Stupidly Hot,” I muttered. Hot and wonderful. “It’s fine.” I inhaled deeply and slowly let it out. “Everything will be fine.”

“Definitely,” she encouraged, squeezing me one more time before walking me over to the cake. Holding my hand, she looked at me. We were both short and curvy, but that was pretty much where our similarities ended. I was all dark hair and green eyes, while she had gorgeous red curls and bright blue eyes.

“Now, make a wish and blow out the candle,” she ordered. I blinked then glanced down at the cake and the candle that was slowly melting away before I looked back at her.

“I don’t know if this kind of cake necessarily gives you a wish, Pipe.”

“Pssh. Please! Any cake gives wishes if you concentrate hard enough,” she remarked, and my lips twitched. I had no idea what I would do without her.

“Fine,” I sighed, shutting my eyes.

For a moment, all I could see, all I could hope for, was the man I had let go. Win’s deep, soulful eyes. The lines at the edges that hinted at how much he enjoyed laughing. His broad shoulders and strong arms that, when wrapped in them, made you feel so safe and loved it took your breath away. I have never felt that way. Not with anyone. Not ever.

And as stupid and silly as it made me, I wished for the one thing I shouldn’t. I blew the candle out and opened my eyes. Piper already had two spoons in her hands and a great big grin on her face.

“Now we eat!” She winked and damn, I liked this plan of hers. We sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. “How was work?” she asked. I grunted before taking a big bite of the most delicious cake ever made.

“Not as good as this,” I murmured then moaned before taking another bite.

“Best cake ever.” She sighed happily. “Did that boss of yours give you a hard time again?” She knew exactly what I had been avoiding.

“Eh.” I shrugged.

I never got anyone’s attention. Ever. I was okay to look at, but I didn’t have men falling at my feet. I had lived my life flying under the radar. It wasn’t like my lack of height and curves particularly called anyone. Other than Win, a voice in my head whispered. But for some reason, my boss, or my boss’ son, seemed to be attracted to me. I had just started at the firm when I started dating Winston. The fact I had a boyfriend and that Winston Nash liked to make his presence known had steered my creep of a boss away.

But now that Win was gone, my boss had started to make a move again.

“He’s just…” I didn’t have the words to describe what Turner Hutchkins was. “Icky,” I finally said. “He found out Winston and I broke up,” I shared.

“How?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I think he overheard me talking to my mom in the breakroom.” Or maybe it was the fact that Winston hadn’t been around to pick me up for lunch the last four weeks, unlike he had done religiously when we were together.

“Shit,” she whispered. “Is he bugging you again?”

“He asked me to dinner.”

“Gross.”

“Right?” I made a face. Turner Hutchkins was a walking, breathing HR nightmare. He was the reason sexual harassment cases existed. Too bad he was also the owner’s son of Hutchkins and Hutchkins Law Firm and seemed to think he was untouchable.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t think I am going to stay there much longer.”

I had plans. Bigger ones.

Ones I knew if I stayed working where I was wouldn’t go far. The money was good, and the clients were a walk in the park, but it wasn’t what I wanted to practice. I had taken the corporate law gig because it was a great steppingstone. But my heart was in family law.

I wanted to help people.

Really help them.

“I thought you needed another year of experience.”

“I do. But working for that guy and having to deal with him—“ I made a face and shook my head. “There has to be a different firm out there hiring.”

“You would give up the time you already did with that asshat?” she asked.

“I know but… I don’t know.” I sighed. “Thankfully, I have time to think about it. I am officially on vacation and won’t go back till the start of the new year.”

When I’d first heard about the break from work, it freaked me out. I wasn’t used to not working every spare moment I had to be able to pay for law school, but those days were behind me. I had actually been able to save and put some money away last year. More so the six months I had been with Win. The man had insisted on paying for everything.

Even at the end when he hardly looked at me.

“Good and bah-humbug to that guy,” she started to say just as she settled on a movie I hadn’t seen in a long time. “ Grumpy Old Men ?” she asked, and I nodded.

“Good choice.”

“So…” she started to say slowly, and I braced. I had a feeling I knew where this conversation was headed. “Have you thought about what you are going to do about that cabin you rented?”

The cabin.

The cabin that like a dummy I’d rented so I could stupidly surprise a guy I hadn’t even been dating for a year. A cabin rental that turned out to be non-refundable. What the hell had I been thinking? That he’s supposed to be your forever, the hopeless romantic in me whispered.

My heart softened at the memory of Winston talking about the land he had sold to his buddy Clay. We had just started to see each other. He had kept going on and on about how beautiful it was. How Alpha Mountain, Colorado was easily one of the most beautiful places he had ever been to. It had made me curious, and I’d looked up the small mountain town.

I’d been shocked at how beautiful it was.

Then, because I was stupidly in love, and I’d known we both had time off for the holidays, I decided to be spontaneous and romantic for the first time in my life.

“You could always go with me, you know?” I glanced at her already knowing the answer.

“I wish. But you know I can’t.” She sighed, and I knew she was right.

She was a crafter by nature and had started a side hustle during law school that turned into a very well-paying small business before we had graduated. A small business she decided to focus on before diving into practicing. Something her old-money family did not approve of.

The holiday season was her bread and butter. There was no way I could ask her to get away. Not when I knew just how many craft fairs she had signed up for and how busy the weeks leading up to Christmas would be for her.

“I know,” I muttered, turning my attention back to the old movie. We both giggled as the two old guys did shenanigan after shenanigan.

“I think I am going to go,” I announced, finally putting my plan out in the universe. Fresh mountain air would be good for me. Even my mom had suggested I go out there and see it with my own eyes. To have an adventure.

“On your own?” She sat up.

“Yeah.” I nodded. I had been toying with the idea since I received an email back letting me know that unfortunately, my booking was non-refundable. I guess it turned out that heartbreak wasn’t on their list of get-out-of-jail-free cards.

“I think it would be good for me, you know?”

“To go alone?” I could feel her eyes on me.

“Yeah.” I nodded before turning to my best friend, who was looking at me like I had grown an extra head.

“You want to fly off to a different state, one you have never been to, get a rental, and hoof your way up some alpha bananas mountain?

“Hoof and alpha bananas?” I repeated, but Piper wasn’t going to be distracted. She made a face that made my lips twitch.

“You think it’s called Alpha Mountain just because? Please! I bet some serious weirdos live up there. The kind who are all you pretty, you mine,” she said in a deep fake caveman voice, “and pound their chest and stuff.” This had me crumpling into a fit of giggles, one that she joined me in.

“Where do you get that from? We live in the city of weirdos, Pipe!” I laughed. “I highly doubt anyone will find all this pretty and mine, ” I repeated, mimicking her tone. “It’s just me. I think some time away, new scenery, fresh air… it’ll be good for me.”

“Alone, though?” She chewed on her lip, and I bumped her shoulder with mine before resting my head on it.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“What if there is snow or something? We’re from LA, Allie! Do you even know how to drive in snow?”

“I drove in it when we went to Running Springs that one time.”

“Those were small snow flurries that didn’t even stick! We’re both born and raised here. You really think you can survive?—“

“Survive? Dramatic, much?” I grinned. “I’ll be fine. I will fly there, grab groceries, and spend time at the cabin, maybe set up a Christmas tree.”

“You should stay here with me.”

“You only want me here so you have help with setting up and breaking down at the craft fairs,” I half-teased.

“That’s not true!” she gasped before she playfully winked. “Maybe a little true.”

We settled onto the couch and kept watching the movie, and for some reason, like usual, my thoughts drifted to Winston and all that could have been. After the movie ended, we each went to our rooms. While I was lying in bed, I picked up my phone. Just like I had when I woke up, I pulled up our pictures.

God, it felt good to look at them.

To see his eyes, his face.

The way he looked at me in candid shots we took. But it also hurt. Hurt so damn badly because I really thought we had been it. That he’d been the one. Not that I’d told him that or even shared with him just how much I loved him.

I’d trusted my gut and gave him my heart. For what?

For him to wake up one day and change his mind? Just like that? Knowing it wasn’t healthy, and really knowing better, I scrolled through them only to go through our text chat. Like usual, I tried to figure out where things had changed. To pinpoint when whatever happened, happened. But no matter what, I couldn’t figure it out. All his messages had been laced with nothing but love and affection. By the time I scrolled to the last one, my fingers hovered over the chat box, and I started to type out a message. How many times had I done this? Written messages and then quickly deleted them?

Me: Hey, I know it’s late, and I know it’s been a moment, but I wanted to let you know I miss you. My finger hovered over the send button before I shook my head and deleted the message.

What would be the point? It wasn’t like he had reached out.

It was obvious that Winston Nash, as much as we had in common in and out of the bedroom, as hard as I’d fallen in love with a man who I’d thought understood me and my wants and needs more than anyone in the world, had moved on.

I just had to figure out how to do the same.