Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Preston

The movie is actually exceptional. I don't expect that in a cartoon designed for kids. Oh, I guess I have to allow for the very real possibility that all of my tastes have changed because of Joel. How could they not?

And because of Elizabeth.

If we were at war, I could describe the situation after a night of explosive sex as a truce.

Actually, that analogy doesn't work at all. Well, I'm a panther, not an eagle, so I can't be held accountable for screwing up literary devices.

If we were at war, the sex would be the fighting, right? Well, if that's the case, then there's no fucking truce at all. No pun intended. Except for those nights I sleep at the fire station, I don't sleep alone anymore. She's either at my place or I'm at hers. In fact, when I work late, she has Joel, and I just go "home" to her place.

When she works late at the theater on Friday and Saturday evenings, she comes "home" to my place.

We have one more place than we actually need.

Why the hell did I call it a truce?

Oh, I know why.

I called it a truce but it's not about a war between Liz and me. It's a war between me and me. Yeah, I know. Go ahead and proceed to make fun of me at your leisure.

If it's any help, I just watched a movie about a couple of antelope ground squirrels trying to find their daughter who'd somehow been kidnapped by a group of roadrunners determined to take over a valley in the desert. I'm not necessarily in a high-critical-thinking frame of mind.

Anyway, the one thing we never talk about is our relationship. We essentially (and I can't stress this enough) have the exact same relationship as always except we also make love. A lot. We make love a lot. But, really, apart from the fact that we do that, there's really not a great deal different about when we hang out now.

Wow.

Okay, I realize how that sounds. So, let me try again.

Remove sex from the equation, and we have the same relationship. When we're together watching a movie, we're just like we were before except for a level of familiarity with each other's body that we didn't have. So, there's cuddling that wouldn't have been there. There are kisses. There might be a little bit of grab-ass and other teasing.

I feel like you must think I'm over-explaining. I don't know how to fix that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that apart from the orgasms and occasional touches and kisses (that remind me that orgasms are part of the relationship), nothing is different. We hang out. I talk about my job. She talks about hers. I bitch about things. She bitches about things. She watches Joel for me.

War with myself. Yeah. I'm at war with myself but right now, a truce is in place. Our almost friends with benefits relationships allows me to keep all the worrisome thoughts at bay.

Hell, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about right now.

Well, I guess I know a little about the movie. I do know that roadrunners probably aren't in high demand for research facilities so the entire premise of tricking the gang into getting caught by conservationists so the valley would be free was probably a flawed premise.

Yeah, that's it. Get uncomfortable thinking about where your relationship is going and immediately do what is certain to make you feel better. Criticize a fucking kids' movie. "All right, bud, time for you and me to hit the road."

"But ice cream!" Yeah. I promised him ice cream.

"Yep. I thought you'd want to go to the ice cream restaurant." It's not actually an ice cream restaurant. It's just an all-night diner but it has a sundae for kids that puts animal crackers around in a circle so it looks like a carousel.

We start to head out of the theater, and I notice that Joel is stopping every few steps and picking up another small piece of discarded trash. We pass a trash can and he dumps it all in while declaring, "Ushers aren't your mother, pal!"

To say that I'm stunned and impressed would be, well, not necessarily an understatement but a very accurate statement. This is unexpected. First, because getting Joel to clean up his own toys can be a nightmare and second, that phrase is a Liz phrase.

It's one she says just about every trip to the theater or when she returns from her shifts. Sometimes, she alters the phrase. If we're at a restaurant it becomes waiters that aren't your mother. I only now realize the deep impression Liz has made on Joel.

Of course, the ushers take precedence because Liz works at the theater. Instantly, I scan the theater as we step into the main lobby. I look over at the concessions and notice she's behind the counter. Joel notices too. He stops me and seems to think. "Hey, what about if we got Liz ice cream instead of the restaurant ice cream, Dad. Can we do that?"

"You know what? That sounds like a really great idea, buddy."

Joel smiles big and practically drags me across the floor as he runs to where Liz is helping a customer. There's a bit of a line, so I curb him and have him wait. "We need to respect the other customers and wait for our turn."

"Oh, okay, but I want vanilla with gummy bears in it."

"You bet, pal. If they have it, that's what we'll get."

"They have it. Liz told me about it and said it was awesome, like me." He grins a little sheepishly and I'm hit by how, once again, Liz's words hold value for him.

I feel strange as I realize that's true. I've been alone with Joel for so long that I've forgotten other people can exist in his world. I'm immensely grateful that Liz is the one he's listening to because, well, I want them to connect, need them to connect, really.

And right then, I realize what Liz means to me.

It hits me hard, and I feel like I'm caught in an updraft. Heat washes over me, and I know that what I'm feeling is happiness, maybe even hope. I smile down at Joel and I begin to picture his other hand being held by Liz. The three of us always together. The three of us a family and not a couple with a kid tagging along or a father and son with a girl tagging along.

Shit, that's a lot.

Almost immediately, I felt worried. I've trusted someone before and it bit me in the ass. I thought she was all in like me, and instead, she was in it for herself. I can't let Joel get hurt again.

We get up to the front but it isn't Liz who helps us, so I get Joel his ice cream. He starts to eat his way toward a gummy bear. I put my hands on his shoulders and guide him like a little robot towards where Liz has moved behind the counter. Before I get to her though, she sees us and hurries around to meet us.

"There are the two most handsome guys in the world!" She gives Joel a hug and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Hey there."

I look at her, and my heart overrides my head. Liz is someone I want more with and I'm just not willing to risk anything with all the questions.

But I'm also a fucking idiot, and my inner thoughts become outer thoughts. "Liz, what is our relationship, really? Are you in this for the long haul? Are we forever or is this just fun?"

I don't know why the hell it becomes so damn important to have an answer right then and there, but it does.

Yeah, I'm the big strong, and silent type, right? Fuck.