Chapter 30

30

MADDIE

Friday, April 11

M y phone vibrates in my pocket as I walk along the Thames, past the super-touristy bit near Parliament and the London Eye, the art museum and Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre, almost to London Bridge. I’m getting my daily long walk in while I wait for Stella and Ethan to get off work and hang out with me.

I’ve been doing everything in my power to not think about Patrick, but I have too much damn time on my hands. There are only so many walks to take, museums to visit, coffees to drink, landmarks to view.

It’s Reese calling.

I stop abruptly and someone brushes past me, grumbling.

My eyes widen and I start to panic a bit, which is my normal reaction to Reese these days. I’ve managed to avoid the video calls she keeps requesting. Stella’s been pushing me really hard to come clean to our sister. I get why.

Because now Stella’s in on the lie.

There’s only one week until the road trip. Maybe I can hold off telling Reese everything until then.

The phone stills, then immediately rings again. I step out of the walkway to the edge of the path overlooking the river.

My heartbeat accelerates. Is something wrong? Why’d she call me twice in a row? She never calls without ensuring I’m available first.

Now my phone buzzes with a text.

Reese

Maddie—why are you in London? Did I miss a message chain about you heading there from Saint Lucia?

Reese

Stella? Is Maddie with you? I just tried calling you both and no one answered

Oh no. How the hell did she figure this out? Maybe Patrick told Oliver and he told her? But I can’t believe Patrick would do that, at least not intentionally.

A separate text from Stella pops up.

Stella

Mads, now’s the time to deal with this. I’m going to be in trouble too, but you need to come clean. I’m in a meeting. Talk to Reese

More texts from my oldest sister roll in.

Reese

I don’t understand what’s going on. I’m kind of freaking out

Reese

I happened to click on your contact and realized location tracking was still on. When I checked, it showed you in England

Reese

Can you please call me when you can? Maddie?

“Oh. My. God.” I press the screen of my phone to my chest.

That’s what got me caught? I’d shared my location indefinitely with Reese when I moved in with her and Oliver. As a single woman, it’s a good idea to let someone know where you are at all times.

I guess I never turned it off. Oops.

Me

I will call you back in five

I cross the walkway and find a bench beneath a tree. It’s cool and cloudy but at least it’s dry today. I’ve confirmed in my two weeks here that it’s just as wet in London as it is in Dingle. I take a few deep breaths and remind myself that I can make my own decisions about my life, and I don’t need approval from my older sister.

“Maddie!” She answers the phone before I even hear it ring.

“Hi, Reese.”

“I’m so glad to hear your voice. You’re in England? What’s going on?” Reese has panic in her voice, and a pang of guilt stabs my heart.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“How about with where you are?”

“London.”

“Oh.” She pauses. “Did you finish your internship early?”

“Not exactly.”

“Maddie?” Reese lets out a noisy breath. “Can you fill me in? Please?”

“I’m going to give you the sixty second—maybe slightly longer—summary. Just let me get through it, okay?”

“Go ahead.”

I fill my lungs with air. Here we go.

“Blue dumped me. He was cheating on me with some new girl in Saint Lucia.”

Reese growls into the phone. “What a jerk. I’m so sorry, Mads.”

“You were right about him. About it being just a holiday fling.”

“Oh, honey, I didn’t want to be right. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.”

“I went to cancel the flight but couldn’t get my money back, so I paid extra and changed it to Dublin. I needed to plan the road trip anyway and was looking for inspiration. I thought I’d go to Dingle. Meet Patrick. He was supposed to be helping me plan, and I needed to get away.”

“Wait—you were in Ireland? With Patrick? As in Oliver’s Patrick?”

I murmur an agreement and watch a twenty-something man and woman walk by. They’re holding hands and moving as one, occasionally glancing at each other fondly. It makes me yearn. For Patrick, I guess. That connection we had.

“Oh my god. What about school?”

“I thought you were going to let me get through this?”

“Fine, fine, go ahead.”

“I left the program.”

Reese gasps. “No, Maddie, really?”

“It wasn’t for me. I was much happier working in restaurants. Well, mostly.”

For a few seconds, ten jobs and ten men flash through my mind. Eleven. Now it’s eleven. I shake my head to get the thoughts out.

Reese is quiet, so I continue.

“I met up with Patrick . . .”

Here we go. This part might be harder than the rest to share. How I seem to be repeating my mistakes over and over again.

Even though it was different with Patrick.

“...and ended up working at his pub for a while. I loved it. And Patrick was amazing.” My voice has a dreamy, wispy sound to it.

Reese doesn’t say anything for at least thirty seconds. Absorbing, I guess.

“Madison Elizabeth Hart,” she finally says.

“What?” I sit up straight on the bench. She’s got her mini-mom voice on.

“You hooked up with Patrick, didn’t you? And then it went wrong, like it always does at your jobs.”

I flinch, but that’s a solid summary.

“Yeah.” I wish I could argue with her. Convince her it was different this time. I know it was. I think it was. But what evidence do I have of that?

From the outside, it looks exactly the same.

Like I’ve learned nothing.

Reese sighs. The bone deep, exhausted sigh of a mother, or at least a sister who acts like a mother. “I wish you’d have been honest with me.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I shouldn’t have lied. But I was so afraid of what you’d think.”

She’s quiet.

“What about school, Maddie?” Her voice is softer, kinder. “Was that another impulsive decision?”

Ouch.

“At the time, yes, but it was the right one. Because what I’ve learned over the past month is that I love working in pubs. Restaurants. Whatever. And school isn’t for me.”

I feel more confident talking about this part. This is something I did figure out while in Dingle. What I want to be doing with my career.

“Hmm.”

“Also... it was more than just a hookup with Patrick.” I might not have evidence, but as my sister, maybe she’ll understand.

She breathes in loudly through the phone. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I nod my head even though she can’t see me, and she pauses a beat before responding.

“So what happened? Are you still with him?”

“No. It ended. He pushed me away. It was too much, too fast. I’m too much. As always.”

“Maddie. You are never too much.”

“Always a bridesmaid.”

“I mean, technically, you are a bridesmaid this time,” Reese says.

I let out a giggle, and she joins me for a beat. Then tears spring to my eyes.

I give her some details, including the story about the first night we kissed. She laughs and groans at the right spots. Then lets out an appropriate aww when I tell her about how he took care of me after the bike accident, his cottage, his pet sheep, his nieces.

As we talk, relief slowly seeps through my body, releasing the tension and stress from not only today, but the past few weeks. Months.

Why have I been so afraid to tell her what’s going on?

“You know I’ll support you through whatever, Maddie. I’m sorry you didn’t think you could talk to me.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Oh, little sister. I just want you to be happy. To find your way, your place in the world. That’s no easy thing.”

I can’t help but think how happy and settled she and Stella both are. Careers, significant others, where they live. They’re so confident in their choices.

“I can’t believe you found me through location tracking.” I sigh. “I didn’t even think to turn it off.”

“What about all those freaking pictures? Sunsets, sand, surf?”

“Screenshots from the internet. Oh, except for the pub. That is actually O’Brien’s. I was afraid you’d show it to Oliver and he’d recognize the background.”

“You are such an asshole.”

We both burst into laughter.

“Wait. how long have you been in London with Stella?” She gasps, as if she’s figuring it all out. “She’s been lying to me, too?”

Oh, shit.