Chapter 20

There was no way this was real.

Benji sat out on the private back porch of Sterling's big ranch house that was literally—literally—sixteen thousand square feet bigger than his house.

There were two hot tubs. A pool.

The man had a sitting area big enough to be the baby's bedroom.

Sterling had a private plane.

There was no way that this was real.

People like Benji didn't get involved with billionaires. He didn't get involved with people who had reality shows desperate to have perverse photos they could use as blackmail. Honestly, blackmail?

God, it was beautiful out here.

They were sitting in a bowl with the Rockies kind of all around them, and it was beautiful. There was nothing wrong with Durango, but this was the sort of thing that you saw when you closed your eyes and you imagined life in Colorado. This was what the pictures all said it was going to be like.

And here he sat in the middle of it.

Sterling was still asleep, and so was Xavi. But Benji was awake because this wasn't his bed, and it wasn't his place, and he felt like a stranger here.

Which, okay, made sense.

This was his first time here, so that was reasonable. He could accept that.

How could he justify it though? Being here. How could he justify being with Sterling. He didn't even make six figures. He probably was never going to ever make six figures a year. Not his entire life.

Benji texted Sierra like he did. Whether or not she saw the pictures or cared, he texted and he sent the picture and he said, "At your brother's ranch. It's amazing. Huge. But amazing."

He wanted a cup of coffee, but he wasn't sure if there was a way to get to a place that had coffee without going back in and disturbing Sterling. He assumed there was a way.

Or maybe not.

This was a very private little porch.

He sort of hoped that he could find Geoff. He liked Geoff a lot. He really believed they could be friends.

Maybe they could hang out.

Maybe he could ask, is it always this big?

Did Sterling find this as overwhelming as he did? Did Sterling care as much about him as he cared about Sterling?

He must, right? Sterling had left all of this behind to go sit in an Airbnb in Durango.

For weeks.

For weeks, he'd ignored his business. And for what?

What if Benji wasn't worth it? What if this was some kind of strange false thing that didn't actually mean anything?

God. He had no idea what to do.

Benji grabbed his phone, knowing Mom would be up. It didn't matter how early he was up, she was earlier and she had to get ready to go to school.

He dialed, and she picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, baby, are you okay?"

"I don't know. I think so."

"Okay. Focus." That voice had said the same words to him his entire life. No matter what. His ever-so-practical mom knew exactly what to say. "Physically, are you safe?"

"Yes, yes, Mama, I'm safe. No question."

"All right. And the baby's okay?"

"Xavi is fine. They actually made him a nursery, like with less than twenty-four hours' notice. Mom, they made him a nursery."

"Aww." She chuckled, so soft. "That's actually kind of sweet."

"Sterling has been perfect. He's been incredibly sweet." And that was the truth.

"Where is he now?"

"Sleeping. I think he's grateful to be back in his own bed. I think he missed it."

He could see her nodding in his mind's eye. "That makes total sense. It's been a couple of weeks, hasn't it?"

"Maybe more than a couple," he admitted.

"So. Are you completely wigged-out?"

"Oh Mama, I can't even tell you. This place is wild. It's beautiful. It's huge. There are rooms and rooms and rooms and hot tubs and pools and— His closet is the size of my garage."

"Wow." There was a pause. And then, "Do you like it?"

His voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm scared."

"All right, I'm listening."

"I'm scared that…I don't… I don't know what I could give to a man that has everything like this. I don't know what I possibly could have to offer. He could buy and sell me one hundred times over."

"Oh, I do not think so, young man." Her voice went pure-D teacher. "You are amazing. You are strong and brave. You are a motherfucking hero. You sacrificed for this country and for that baby, and don't you ever let me hear you forget that ever again. Do you understand me?"

He nodded, finding himself distressingly close to tears. He did not cry. This was not a thing.

"Thanks, Mama." He shrugged, even though she couldn't see him. "I feel a little overwhelmed. The last month has been a lot."

"You bet your sweet ass it has. I mean, I tell you what, son. You do not do anything by halves, do you?"

No, he didn't suppose he did. He sure seemed to call to drama even when he didn't cause it.

"The important thing to remember is that your stress is going to telegraph to that baby. And so you need to figure out what the hell you're doing because you're the daddy, and it is your responsibility to get your shit together."

"Uh, Mom, you are the kinder, gentler?—"

"Oh, shut up. If you'd wanted kinder and gentler, you'd call your Great Aunt Fanny."

"I don't have a Great Aunt Fanny."

"Okay, you could have called one-eight-hundred-this-isn't-home-sweet-home-adjust'."

They both started laughing.

He couldn't help it. They knew each other too well for this to be anything less than what it was.

"You're right. I need to figure myself out, and I've got a couple of days to do it, and I am in one beautiful place in the world, Mama. I wish you could see this."

"Well, take pictures, send them to me. Hell, you need me up there? I'm four hours away. I can be up Saturday morning."

"Hell, I'm sleeping with a billionaire. I could have you flown up. For that matter, you could ride up with Carson. He's coming back out today."

"Yes, but I have the last week of school, which is a nightmare. And to be honest. I have a hair appointment on Saturday and then a bunch of us are going out for a massage on Sunday and then we're going to go play golf."

"Golf," he teased. "You disappoint me."

"Does it fix it if it's mini golf?"

"Absolutely." That actually kind of comforted him on a bone-deep level to be honest. "I'm sorry I bothered you. I needed to?—"

"Talk to your Mama."

"Yeah." Yeah, he nodded. "Just that. I need a cup of coffee and I don't know how to get to the kitchen."

"I cannot imagine a house big enough that you can't find a kitchen. Do you have that Geoff guy's phone number?"

"Yeah."

"Well, if you don't want to wake up Sterling, call him. Tell him to send you GPS coordinates to the kitchen or the coffee maker. Hell, have him install a coffee maker in the damn bedroom. If they can make a nursery in less than twenty-four hours, they can sure as shit put in a coffee maker."

"You know, you have a point."

"Trust me, son, I've been an elementary school teacher for thirty years. I have a lot of points."

Speaking of school. "No one's bothering you, huh? Everything's okay."

"So far so good. I mean, if they come up to the school, there's going to be hell to pay. All those babies are minors. I won't stand for them being harassed."

No, no, he couldn't see that. Not one little bit. "Well, hopefully they'll give up."

"Hopefully. I'm not worried about it. I've got this. I'm worried about you and your happiness and whether or not you're going to be okay."

"I think I'm going to be fine. I think I need to get a little more sleep and make some decisions. Maybe give myself some time to make some decisions." Maybe he needed a cup of coffee and a shower.

And to tell Sterling he needed fluffier pillows. Surely that wasn't too much to ask. He'd even buy them, but he really hated flat pillows.

"I think that sounds like a good idea, son," Mom said. "Now you stop fretting. And let yourself be. Fair?"

"Yes, ma'am, more than fair."

"Okay. I love you. Go get coffee. Send me pictures."

They said their goodbyes, and he hung up his phone. Then he stood and glanced through the glass doors into Sterling's bedroom. Sterling was on his side, head propped on his hand, staring up through the glass at Benji.

Smiling.

It was a wondering sort of expression, as if maybe he was something precious.

God, that gave him butterflies, like, full-on, and he found himself smiling back.

He headed in, being that moth to a flame. "Mornin', glory."

"Hey, you." Sterling lifted the covers to invite him back to bed. "You okay?"

"Mmhmm. I was talking to my mom and trying to figure out where I could get a cup of coffee."

"Oh, there will be coffee in the kitchen." Sterling chuckled. "This is a ranch. There's always coffee."

"Oh good." He snuggled in, because Sterling was better than caffeine. "Where's the kitchen, though?"

"I'll show you, honey. There's actually a shortcut from our wing here." Sterling chuckled, stroking one hand down to close over his butt cheek.

"Mmm…" He loved the way Sterling smelled like the desert, like morning. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did. I slept really well, baby. Even with Xavi getting us up." Sterling sounded so damn happy. It made his heart glad.

"He did pretty well, I think. He's never been overnight anywhere but the house and Mom's."

"Well, he had you." Sterling gave him a kiss.

"And Geoff pacing outside every time he cried." That had been hilarious.

Geoff was convinced little Xavi was in dire straits every time he made a peep.

"He'll get over that. I do think it's adorable that Geoff adores him already." Benji really did. The guy was like, in full-on uncle mode. He wanted to take Xavi on a tour of the ranch today. Like Xavi was old enough to see cows or goats that he wasn't already well-acquainted with.

"Geoff is a nurturer, you know?"

He chuckled and nodded. Yeah, he knew. Carson was going to be a lucky man. He'd seen the gleam in the big guy's eye when he talked about Geoff.

"Yeah. So is Carson coming up today?" Benji asked, just to make conversation.

"He'll be here as soon as I have someone installed at your house. I want your animals safe."

"Is he a good guy?"

"Terrance? He's been cowboying for my family a long time. Knows horses and cattle. Knows what he's doing, and can do about anything handyman wise."

"That sounds pretty comforting." He shook his head. "Shit. I need to call Mrs. Duran and tell her that someone will be taking care of my place so she doesn't call the police."

"Terrance will help her too, if she needs it. I know you lend a hand."

"I do, whenever I can." God, he had the start of a headache. "This is a wild damn situation, isn't it?"

"It is." Sterling rubbed the back of his neck. "Are you freaking out, honey?"

"I am. A little."

"Well, tell me what I can do."

"Explain to me what happens today. I need a plan." That was reasonable, right? To ask to know what was going on?

"Well, Terrance is heading to your place. Carson will come back and coordinate with the guys on-site to deal with perimeter security. Then Geoff gets the lawyers to chew them into chum." Sterling rolled his eyes. "I'm going to introduce you to the ranch and to my dad."

"Your dad?" He guessed that was fair.

"Yeah. He got the call yesterday, so I know he'll show up today. He believes in circling the wagons. Hell, he'd call Mom in if he could."

"Is he—" God, he was such a dork. "Do you think he'll be cool with me?"

"I think he'll like you a lot." Sterling chuckled. "I'm a lot like him. Sierra is way more Mom. With itchy feet."

"Yeah. What…does he know about Xavi?"

Sterling rolled to his back, bringing Benji with him. "That he's yours. I haven't gone into anything else."

"I don't know what to do," he confessed. The simple fact was that the Jordans had a ton of money, that they could make his life hell.

Not Sterling, maybe, but his dad?

How did he know?

"He won't try to take Xavi. I promise." The thread of iron in Sterling's tone made him believe. He wanted nothing more than to let Xavi know his family but also be safe at the same time.

"I want—I want him to know that he has grandparents. I mean, he has Mom, but I was never going to lie. I never lied." How could he? He hadn't known he was supposed to.

"I know that, baby. Breathe." Sterling pressed their noses together and stared at him. "Oooohhhhhmmm."

He cracked up, which was when he heard Xavi peep, starting to get a little fussy in the sitting room.

"Someone knows we're talking about him." He chuckled softly, and that sound made Xavi coo louder, a sweet little song to get his attention.

He rolled up. "Xavi? Xavi, where are you?"

He grabbed a diaper from the diaper bag on his way by.

Xavi squealed, and when Benji rounded the doorframe to see his son, he saw the arms and legs sticking up, and waving like a wild thing.

"There he is! How could I have missed him?"

That smile was the whole world.

Seriously, the whole wide world.

"Are you wet? I bet you are. I bet you are soppy."

"Need help?" Sterling came out, wrapped in a robe, then grinned over his shoulder at Xavi. "Morning, monkey."

Xavi squealed, hands opening and closing, over and over. Someone loved Sterling.

"I know!" Sterling made nomming noises, moving in once Xavi was changed. "Gonna eat toes."

Xavi shrieked, and the sound was pure, unadulterated joy.

"Aren't you something else?" Sterling tickled Xavi's baby feet with his lips. "Are you a sweet baby? Are you made from sugar?"

A soft knock sounded. "Boss? Is he okay?"

They shared a grin. "He's fine, Geoff. We're about to come out for coffee."

"Okay! I'll get a bottle made up."

"Would you like to hold him, Geoff?" Benji winked over at Sterling.

"Are you…decent?"

Sterling chuckled. "Never."

"Boss!"

Xavi made a noise, and he knew his boy was in love with Geoff now, too. "Come on in, Geoff. He's in a robe and I have on sweats. Xavi is even diapered."

"No one will pee on you," Sterling added.

"Good. Not my kink."

Benji's eyes went wide, and he barked out a strangled laugh.

"Come on, honey. If you go out through the sitting room door…" Sterling opened it to Geoff's anxious dance. "Then the kitchen is right through here."

"Oh, this is way less confusing than it felt last night."

"You were drunk on hound slobber. It happens." Geoff winked at him.

"Where are the dogs? Do they live?—"

Suddenly the thundering of what had to be a million clawed feet filled the air.

"On Dasher on Dancer, on Papa Smurf…" Sterling winked. "No jumping, guys. Baby on board."

Papa Smurf cared not at all, and he tried to crawl up Sterling's body, barking hysterically.

"Someone's glad you're home," Benji said, and Sterling passed Xavi to Geoff before picking up Papa Smurf.

"Oh, my puppy. Aren't you a sweetie?"

The licking and wiggling made them all laugh, and they headed to the kitchen in a sea of fur, all of them wading along through dogs. It was hilarious.

Then the scent of coffee hit him, and that wasn't funny. That smelled freaking amazing.

"I'll pour out. How do you take yours, Geoff?" Okay…mugs. Coffee mugs. This was a kitchen. They came with mugs.

"Cream and sugar, please. And they're in the one on the right of the sink."

"Oh!" A woman about Benji's mom's age came out of what had to be the pantry, stopping and blinking at them. "Mr. Sterling. It's good to have you home!"

"Thanks, Jenny." Sterling went to kiss her cheek. "Coffee smells delicious."

He offered her a smile, then gave her a hand. "I'm Benji. Ben. And this is Xavi."

"Hello, Benji." She shook hands, then went to Geoff and peered at Xavi. "Oh, hello, precious angel. Look at you. You are the handsomest thing."

Xavi stared at her, then did that wild bucking lunge for her, almost dropping out of Geoff's arms.

Jenny caught him easily. "Yessir. You need a bottle, and then we'll make everyone a big breakfast, hmm?"

Xavi knew that word, and he proved it by opening his mouth, shoving his fist inside his mouth.

Geoff and Jenny both melted, and it was visible.

Sterling knew good people.

"Okay, here we go. Geoff, bottle. Did I hear you were pouring coffee, Ben?" Jenny was like a drill sergeant, getting them all moving. And in three-quarters of an hour there were biscuits, gravy, eggs, sausage, and potatoes.

They were all sitting there when a silver-haired version of Sterling walked into the kitchen. "Jenny, my girl. I missed you. I smell biscuits and gravy."

"You do, Mr. Bodie." She beamed. "I had a feeling you would take a red eye so I made plenty. Blueberry muffins for later with coffee, too."

"Good, good. Silver. Good to see you, son." Sterling's dad hugged him, clapping him on the back.

"Hey, Dad. This is Benji. Ben, my Dad, Bodie Jordan."

"Ben. Pleased. I'm sorry you and your son got caught up in all this."

He stood and shook hands, but he didn't quite know what to say…

Hi. I'm your daughter's baby's father?

Hello. Pleased. I'm your daughter's brother's new lover and there are picture of me riding him like a prize pony?

"Hello," was what he settled on. "I'm sorry that people have to be jerks."

Mr. Jordan laughed. "I hear you. I do. Well, let's eat!"

Xavi was in a little Pack ‘N Play deal, the dogs all watching him as he laughed and stared at them through the mesh.

That was hilarious, how Xavi was even more fascinating to them than food.

They sat to eat, and he listened to Sterling chat with his dad about the ranch and… he didn't get it. Why had Sierra run away?

Mr. Bodie seemed—not easy, but reasonable. In fact, Sierra had been that—not easy, but reasonable. A lot like her dad.

He wasn't judging, he hoped. Just confused.

"So you didn't tell me how you two met, son."

Sterling glanced at him, and he had one of those moments where time slowed down and he had to decide which direction his life was going to take.

What kind of man and dad and person he was going to be.

"He found me with a private detective. I adopted Sierra's baby."