Chapter 19

The quiet felt like a balm.

The flight up had been awful. Poor Xavi had screamed the whole time, his little ears not able to adjust to the change in elevation that happened so fast between Durango and Aspen, one hour from wheels up to wheels down.

Then they'd gotten into the car and Xavi had promptly puked his guts up. Thank God at his age it was stinky, but not real voluminous.

They'd arrived at the ranch in a flurry, the entire household turning out to get them in and get them settled, and Sterling could tell that Ben was a little unnerved.

It was Geoff who'd made everything better.

"Boss! Finally. Ben, let me show you Xavi's setup. Sterling called and said he was feeling poorly." And Geoff had swept Ben off so Sterling could get the reports from security and the law team, set the menus with the housekeeper, and make sure everything was safe and secure.

And now he and Ben were finished with their supper and sitting in his family room with a couple of big bowls of ice cream. Rocky road for him, cherry nut for Ben.

Ben was blinking at him, the poor man absolutely shell-shocked.

"You okay?" he asked, because he needed to hear what Ben was thinking.

"I think so? I can't believe I'm sitting here. I—Are you glad to be home?"

"I'm glad we're safe." And yeah, he had to admit, it was good to be back on familiar ground, with his stuff around him. His people. But Ben was the most important thing right now. Ben and Xavi, who was asleep.

"This place is huge. Maybe later you can tour-guide me around." Ben nibbled on a cherry. "So, they want you to be on TV? Why you? I mean besides the whole you're hot and rich part, of course."

"I think one of the show's big investors is a fan. Like a rodeo fan. So he's been very insistent." Hell, who knew why people got bees in their bonnets? "And I would be happy to show you around, honey. Just say the word."

"Right now, let's sit with this. I have to think, and I don't know if I remember how."

"I could only imagine."

"So did you grow up here? I mean, was this like your dad's place?"

"Yeah, at least a chunk of it. I expanded it afterward."

Ben shot him a curious glance. "Has it been in your family for long?"

"No. No, believe it or not, my grandfather grew up in Texas. He actually—kind of literally—struck oil twice, and then he bought a piece of land up here. I think I told you he was a rodeo guy?"

Ben offered him a vague smile. "You said your dad was. You said he was still kind of in it a little bit?"

"We both are."

A little bit. Shit. It was a good fifty percent of his money. Bucking bulls, broncs. Steers for the roping events. They did a lot of contracting. More than that, they sold a lot of semen straws. He had to admit he loved it. The bulls were money, but the horses were his passion.

The rest of it was investments, a couple dozen oil wells. Lots of land, and he had a few companies he dealt with that were mostly outdoor living and cowboy culture. He tried to keep his businesses inside his interests.

Dad now? Dad was all over the place, and kind of brilliant at that. He had a knack for knowing when to buy in and when to jump out. He was much more willing to take a risk with his money than Sterling was. It worked out because Sterling was going to end up with all of that money when Dad was gone. And he was going to have to learn how to deal with all of those businesses he wasn't used to dealing with.

"I really don't know a lot about rodeo," Ben admitted. "I mean, I've seen them, of course. But I'm really not a fan."

"No. I always wonder. Why people decide to get into horses and cattle if they're not into rodeo?" he teased.

"Oh, I wanted to be a cowboy in my own way. I know that it's silly, I guess, but it was what I wanted to be when I grew up." Ben's cheeks were bright red.

"You don't have to be embarrassed, honey. Seriously. This is just— I guess you could say it was our family tradition. I'm sunk into it deep."

"So? What did you do? You said you roped."

"I tried everything. I was good at some of it."

One of Ben's eyebrows arched. "You want to confess how good?"

"A room of gold buckles and a few million-dollar events," he admitted, and Ben nodded as if he knew.

"‘A few million-dollar events'." Ben swallowed hard all of a sudden. "I have to admit, Sterling. I don't even know how to parse that kind of money."

Now it was Sterling's chance to be hot-cheeked. "I don't know what to tell you. I grew up with money. I've been blessed, and I know it. Shit, I never wanted for anything a single day in my life, except possibly to understand why Sierra disappeared on us." He wasn't sure whether he should be embarrassed or ashamed or what, because he simply was what he was.

He had money. He'd inherited some of it. He'd earned some of it. He'd been given some of it. It wasn't fair, but it was what it was. He tried to be a good man. He couldn't imagine the struggles some people had to deal with. And it would be a lie for him to say that he could. "Is that gonna be a problem?"

"I'm sure it will be," Ben said. "I mean, I don't think there's any way for two people to have a relationship, and things not to come up that are problems. At least I don't have to worry about whether or not I could buy diapers from here."

"No. No, you don't have to worry about whether or not you can buy anything from here. I got you in this situation, and, no matter what, I'm going to take care of us until I can get us out of it." Then he'd go back to working on them for the long-term. A way longer term than any stupid reality show.

Ben smiled at him, pulled another cherry out of his ice cream. "So what's your favorite thing here? I mean, in this house?"

"In the house? I have to say that I like my bathroom. It's got a rain bath. It's got a clawfoot tub. It's got towel warmers. I like the entire room. My whole bedroom suite is amazing." He'd had it specially designed when he added on to the house, and it was warm and masculine. Private. He felt like it was a space that was for specifically for him.

"Okay, fair enough. So…what's your favorite thing? Not inside the house." Ben grinned at him. "I mean, obviously there is one, since you made such a point of, you know, inside."

Sterling bounced on the sofa, almost upending his ice cream. "I have a heated pool, with lights, and the hot tub. And a towel warmer. And heated stones on the way back. To the house. I love it with a fiery, burning passion of a thousand suns."

"Dude. You do not."

"I totally do. I even have a pool boy." He couldn't help his smile.

Ben cracked up. "Are you telling me that I am dating a dude with a pool boy? Is his name Raul?"

"Patrick. But he is really, really pretty. That's not why I hired him." He'd hired him because Patrick was the cousin of the son of one of his drovers. The kid had needed a job while he was going to school. Patrick was taking classes over at Mesa State, but the pretty factor didn't hurt.

"You are a perv."

He swatted Ben's thigh. "More like an appreciator of fine things, thank you."

That had Ben going again, laughing like a loon. "I can't believe this. I cannot believe I am sitting here in the house with a man that I'm in love with, and he has a pool boy."

Sterling's entire world screeched to a halt. He'd heard those words. Clear as a bell, he'd heard them. A man. That I'm in love with.

"Yeah, well." He tried to think of something clever to say, but all he could hear were those words. In love with. In love with. In love with. In love with. Like it was on repeat, like there was a scratch in his mental record and he kept skipping. "The pool and the hot tub are the best of that. I can get another pool boy."

"Not until I meet this one." Ben reached over, took his hand. "Are you okay? I know you have to be scared."

Nobody but Carson ever asked him that. He was sure nobody but Carson had ever asked him that. He took a deep breath and held it like he was smoking a joint. Then he slowly let it out. "I'm mad. Honey. I mean, I'm really pissed."

Ben's lips tightened. "I understand that. I am too. And I'm sorry that these people are so…weird." Ben stared at him for a second like he couldn't put all of his words together. "I mean, seriously, who does this? This is not normal. Professional people don't stalk people to get them to do what they want like this, do they?"

"You're asking for logic where I'm not sure there is any."

Ben tilted his head as if that didn't compute. "I hate when shit doesn't make sense. So, what do we do? Surely we don't simply have to live with it, right?"

"The lawyers are on it. They're a good team. Dad assembled them, mostly. And while they work on the legal angle of all of this, we work on getting to know each other better and taking care of Xavi."

"You aren't going to let them leak pictures of the baby, right? I mean, I'm not concerned about naked pictures."

Yeah, Ben might lose the pediatrics job, but surely he could always find work.

"No. No, they can do what they want to me. And I'll try to keep you out of it too, honey. But Xavi is off-fucking-limits. I will shut them down." Sterling would fight that battle tooth and nail.

"That works. I'm not ashamed. We weren't being nasty. We were making love in private. And even if we weren't, who the hell cares?"

"I know. And—" Sterling's jaw flexed. "And it wasn't for them. But I'm not ashamed of you. Not one bit."

"No." Ben's laughter sounded forced to him, but then the tension eased Ben's, and it relaxed. "I can totally compete for your attention."

"You don't have to." Sterling licked his spoon, staring over it at Ben. "You have it. Undivided."

Ben smiled, and this one felt more real to him. "Good. I need it."

"Do you?" Sterling scooted halfway across the space between them. "Trade you a marshmallow for a cherry."

"Mmm…I'll let you have whichever cherry you want."

Oh. That was terrible and adorable all at once. He had to wink, making it cheesy but fun. "I can think of a bunch of stuff I want."

"I love it when you're evil." Ben gave him a laugh, then pulled out another cherry, offering it to him.

They traded the marshmallow and cherry before he leaned in for a kiss. He wasn't all let's get busy. Sterling wanted Ben to know he was desired. Needed.

Ben rested their foreheads together, both of them breathing. "Damn, babe. What a fucked-up day. I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Neither do you." Ben touched his cheek. "You didn't do this."

"I feel like I did, even if it's indirectly." He breathed into the air between them, letting Ben's scent wash over him. "But I'm glad you're here with me, honey. So glad."

"So am I, as weird as it is." Benji kissed him again. "Okay, as sexy as you are, let's eat up and have the tour before Xavi wakes up again, huh?"

"Yeah. He'll have one more bottle, hmm?"

"At least. He's got to be empty as a worm."

"Carson did good with him, though, huh?" Sterling was pretty proud of his security head. Carson had kept Xavi alive and safe and had arrived with the kid happy and fed and dry. And now he was sending the occasional picture of outraged animals who didn't really know him as he did the feeding.

"He did. Xavi didn't have a problem at all. He wasn't sure what to do with the plane and the stress." Ben finished up his ice cream. "So this is the family room?"

"Yep. This is where I spend a lot of time playing cards with Carson and or Geoff. Though, oddly, rarely at the same time." He wondered if they would stop avoiding each other now that they seemed to be bonding over the Ben situation.

A guy never knew with Geoff, even if Carson was an open book.

He finished his last spoon of ice cream. "You ready to go exploring?"

"I am. I'm curious as hell to see. How big is this place?"

"Big." Big enough that he was embarrassed.

"Babe." Ben looked at him as he ate his final cherry. "Just tell me. I read the article in the magazine."

"About eighteen thousand square feet in the main house. There's also two casitas. Mom doesn't like to stay in the house when she comes to visit, in case Dad shows up." He had nine bathrooms. Lord.

"Wow. Do you have a lot of company?"

"Sometimes, yes. And Carson and Geoff both have suites here, like my dad."

"Well, see? That's not too much." Ben rolled his eyes, winking at all. "Come on, you. I need to wash my hands. And check on Xavi. And then? I will explore."

"You got it, honey." He should be proud, right? He had a nice office and library. A game room. And he wanted Ben to see his outside haven. His pool and all.

That was the part that rocked.

Xavi had a crib in his sitting room, a blue nightlight warming the room. The bedding was all dogs, crib a bright white. He was still sound asleep, his lashes dark on his little cheeks. Babies had such incredible faces.

"Come on." Ben tiptoed out, and he followed, showing Ben the office, then the game room, among others.

"Let's duck outside for a sec, huh? I want to show you the setup out there in the courtyard."

"Sure. This is a beautiful place. It's not formal. It feels comfortable. Homey."

"Thanks." He put an arm around Ben's waist. "I worked hard to keep it that way. Mom wanted like, Italianate. Dad wanted it to seem like a modern architect magazine. I wanted old Colorado lodge." And he'd scared off more than one designer. Now Geoff dealt with all that. He knew what Sterling liked, and what he wanted to keep.

"That's cool. You know, I've never known anyone that used a designer. Does that make me a hick?"

"Nope. I probably would have run all over to thrift shops if left to my own devices. There are some good ones in Carbondale and Glenwood." He steered Ben toward the big patio doors off his bedroom.

"Oh, I like this. It's safe, right? I mean, it feels off-the-road a lot…"

Sterling hated that worry written on Ben's face.

"It is. And we have cameras and a security system we can arm. Also, if you see a couple of guys who look a lot like Carson in cowboy hats, they're guards." And they were usually casual about it, but with what had happened, they would be on patrol.

"Okay. Sorry. I just…this is your bedroom, you know? Your private space."

"Yeah. If we have people over, I lock up this entrance and use the main one off the kitchen. I don't like people wandering in the bedroom either." He grinned wryly. "Especially family."

"Okay, that makes sense, doesn't it?" Ben walked out onto the porch. "I hate finding Mom in my bedroom."

"Does it happen often?" He wouldn't be surprised. His mom loved to snoop.

"Not too much, but you know how moms are. They have to bring in laundry. They're hunting for a washrag. They need a pair of socks…"

"I bet with Xavi it's even worse. She needed this or that for him."

"Yes. Even though all of his stuff lives in his room or the hall bathroom."

Sterling chuckled. "Well, here's my sort of private patio. Then it attaches by the walkway there to the big outdoor kitchen and dining. My hot tub and sauna is around over here. The main hot tub and pool are farther around the house."

"Dude… You have a hot tub? I—is it? I mean, can we soak? Is that a thing?"

"Yes, we can. If you want to tonight, we'll wander out here after Xavi eats. Geoff got a baby monitor, so we can set it up and bring the handset out here." He loved that Ben seemed excited about something. Well, excited and not also weirded out.

"I do love to bubble." Ben nodded, then explored the porch. "Oh, this is perfect. You have a great view. Seriously. Magical. I bet you have coffee out here a lot."

"I do. It's super peaceful. Here it is." The hot tub was a ground-level entry, with a little deck built around it, the natural stone and weathered wood blending in with the scenery. "I'll fire it up in a bit."

"And there's a pool?"

"Yeah. That's beyond the big patio. There's a family hot tub out there too. This is a two-seater."

"Perfect. I love it." Ben stopped in the porch light. "I didn't want to say it, not when we were running around, but I'm getting in deep with you, Sterling."

"I know. I heard what you said." He took a deep breath, letting it calm him, because Ben was saying everything he wanted to hear. "I'm all-in. I love you, Ben. So much it kinda scares me."

Ben took his hand and squeezed his fingers. "We've got a ton to talk on. I know we do, but—I wanted you to know I have your back."

"Thank you." He drew Ben to him to take a kiss. "That means a lot."

"We're—we'll figure shit out. I don't know how, but…we will. Just like eating an elephant."

"A bite at a time? Yeah." He held Ben close, swaying a bit. "Do you dance, honey?"

"As much as anyone does, yeah." Ben leaned into him hard. "Mostly polishing belt buckles."

"That's my style, too." He would put on some music later, once Xavi was down for the night, and they could dance.

"Well, there you go. I knew I liked your style."

"That's the best part. We're stylin' together." Smooth, Silver, he thought. Lord help him, he was a dork.

"That was terrible." Ben lifted his head, bringing their mouths together around the laughter.

"Mmhmm." He grabbed Ben's butt to hold them together, and the kiss was getting interesting when he heard a call from the main patio doors.

"Boss? Xavi is crying."

"Oh, I don't like that we can't hear him…"

"Well, pick him up, Geoff. He's not that much heavier than you." Although he was way cuter.

"Okay. I wanted to make sure that was all right." The door shut, and Geoff disappeared.

"He's a sweetheart. Has he ever held a baby before?" Ben asked him, and he shrugged.

"I have no idea."

"Hmm." Ben chuckled, easing away. "Let's go check?"

"You got it." He took Ben's hand and they headed back inside.

"Oh, poor little baby. You have had the most terrible day. Someone was evil to your dad, but Uncle Geoff is here to fix it. I promise. I will rip off their heads and sh—poopy down their necks."

Oh, how damn cute was that? And he heard Ben chuckle, too. Someone was already in love with Xavi.

Geoff was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the shelves that held his buckles and belts, cradling Xavi carefully. "I swear to you, Uncle Sterling will never let anything happen to you or to your daddy. He has mean lawyers, and Carson, and me."

"He's right, Xavi." Sterling smiled down at them. "Good job, buddy. I bet he's hungry, huh, Ben?"

"I bet he is, poor baby. It's hard to be only little." Ben shook his head. "I need to find the bottles and the formula."

"I'll show you." Geoff handed off Xavi to Sterling, then stood.

"I'll see if he needs changing," Sterling added. He didn't mind. He intended to let this baby know that he was loved.

"Thanks." Ben touched his back, then followed Geoff out of the room.

He walked Xavi to the sitting room, where Geoff had put the diaper bag they'd brought with them and set up a makeshift changing table. "Here you go, bud."

Xavi blew a raspberry at him, the sound buzzing.

"I know! Just think, you have an Uncle Carson now, and an Uncle Geoff, and wait until you meet my daddy. He's sure to show up any day now, since he was informed what was happening." Whew! That was a diaper and a half. "I need to see what your daddy wants him to be called…"

There was no way Dad wasn't going to want to be Grampa. No way. He loved kids.

He lifted Xavi back into his arms after the change, and headed to the kitchen. There would be a bottle there sooner than here… or whatever.

Geoff was making coffee, and Ben was showing him how the bottles were made, how the bottle warmer worked.

All of those incredibly normal and basic things that hadn't happened in many, many years. It hit him that this was what this type of house was made for.

Families.

Children.

People.

A wild howling set up, and Sterling smiled.

Scott was here with the pack. Three bloodhounds, five bassets, and a dachshund.

"Those are my babies," he explained to Ben.

"Oh, wow. Your babies are as noisy as mine is."

"Oh, definitely more."

Xavi was listening, his head tilting back and forth.

"Can I let them in? They know I'm home."

"How many are there? Are they going to eat Xavi?" Ben asked, and Geoff cackled.

"Nine! Louie, Dewey, and Scrooge. Scarlet, Mr. Big, Randolph, Piggie, Gertie and Papa Smurf! And no." He hoped not.

"Wow!" Ben blinked. "That is a lot of dogs."

"Yeah, and we're about to be overrun." Sterling grinned, knowing they would be so damn excited to see him.

They came galumphing in, howling and wagging and barking.

God, that poor baby was going to lose his mind for sure.

Of course, that wasn't what happened at all.

Little Xavi stared at the dogs, eyes wide. He didn't scream, though. He stared at them like they were fascinating.

"Here. I'll take him. I have a bottle ready, okay?" Ben took little Xavi and popped the bottle into his hungry mouth.

"Hey, guys!" Sterling knelt down, letting them jump and lick. Tiny Papa Smurf crawled up on his leg to get to his face, wiggling and grunting.

"Hey Papa Smurf. Have I been gone?" He ruffled those soft, fuzzy ears.

"Papa Smurf. Really." Ben stared at him, then rolled his eyes. "I love it."

"Thanks. I've had one of the puppies from this line since before I was born." And he had adored every one. All the dogs were amazing, but the dachshunds did it for him.

"Aw." Ben beamed at him.

He nodded, knowing his cheeks were rosy. "Scott here." He tilted his chin toward the drover who was standing there. The big blond cowboy had been working for his family since he could remember. "He's our dog trainer and breeder. He's the one who has the breeding line right now. I think that when the next litter of puppies comes. It'll be time to get the next."

Even if the idea of losing Papa Smurf made acid rise in his throat.

Scott chuckled, holding out his hand to Ben. "Pleased. Yeah, he's had Lazy, Harmony and Grumpy. I keep telling him this next one has to be Smurfette."

"I'm Ben. I think that's a fabulous idea. Is it a long-haired dachshund?"

"Yes, they're registered names are Schtroumpf Bricoleur. So this one is Schtroumpf Bricoleur's Papa." Scott's eyes cut to Xavi. "So… Can I see the little one? Is he yours?"

Ben nodded. "Yes, this is Xavi."

"Oh man, he's beautiful. You must be so proud."

"I am," Ben nodded, beaming like the proud daddy he was. "Do you have any kids?"

"Man, I have grandbabies. Eight grandbabies." Scott's blue eyes twinkled. "Wanna see pictures?"

"Are you kidding?"

The two men set to looking at pictures and oohing and ahhing over little ones. Sterling sat on the floor and let himself be surrounded by dogs and drool. He knew he probably had too many in a single pack, but the bloodhounds had been a trade. And the Basset hounds were irresistible. He'd gotten one, and then one became three, and then three became four, which had gone back to three again, and now he had five. There was something about those long-eared dogs that did it for him.

He also loved the way the Basset hounds walked underneath the bloodhounds' legs when they were all hunting.

Geoff stood there for a second with a cup of coffee, then reached down a hand to help him out. "You seem pretty happy for a guy who had a terrible day."

"I feel pretty happy for a guy who had a terrible day," he admitted. Then he glanced at Geoff, their eyes meeting. "I'm going to take these people down, though. No question."

Geoff nodded. "I understand. Your dad's gonna be here in the morning. There wasn't any way I could put him off."

No surprise there. "Does he know about Xavi?"

"He knows that Xavi exists, and that he's here, but nothing more personal. I thought that would be something that was beyond my pay grade."

"Shit, man, I'm fairly sure it's above my pay grade." Sterling wasn't looking forward to this. But the worst-case scenario is that they simply told the truth.

It was a complicated truth, but it wasn't hard to understand. The hardest thing to understand about it was why there were pictures of him and Ben in compromising positions.

Weirdly enough, the Sierra part was the easiest.

"It'll be okay, Boss," Geoff told him. "I have no doubt, I mean." He pursed his lips and shook his head. "Whatever it is, we'll fix it. To be perfectly honest. I feel a little bit sorry for the unfortunate souls who were in your office this morning."

"A little bit?"

"A skosh, a trifle. Possibly a teeny-weeny bit."

Sterling had to smile. These were his people. Once Carson was here all of his people would be in one space. Was it evil that he wanted to keep them?

Not like in Saran Wrap hung on a wall or anything, but together. Here. In this space.

"It's going to be okay," he told Geoff. "Worst-case scenario they can have a meeting with me. Alone."

Geoff's eyes cut over to Ben. "He's the daddy and a decorated soldier. Worst-case scenario? They can have a meeting with him."

Sterling loved that idea, and he knew his smile was wolfish. "Alone."