Chapter 18

"No, Mom. I don't know exactly what's going to happen. Do you want to come with me?"

"Of course not. I have a week left of classes. I've let the principal know. She has my back. I'm worried about you, my Xavi. This is wrong."

"I know." Maybe this was what Sierra had walked away from. Maybe this was what Sierra couldn't deal with.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Ben pulled into the driveway of Sterling's rental. "I just don't know."

"Well, you'll call me, right?"

"Of course I will." He took a deep breath. "Okay. I need to go talk to Sterling and see what the plan is. I love you."

"I love you too. If you need me to handle anything here…"

"I know. Thank you. Bye."

They hung up and he checked his surroundings before he got out of the vehicle, making sure no one would spring out at him.

Sterling met him on the back porch, grabbing him in a hard hug. "Jesus, honey. I'm so sorry."

"Me too. Are you okay? Is Xavi here?"

"Xavi is with Carson. It was safer to have him meet us at the airport. He's got my baby seat. He's been at your place packing things."

"Are you sure? He needs a bottle."

"I swear to you, Carson would die before he let someone hurt your son."

"I'd rather it not come to that…" He felt like he was going to barf, like all the way. Blorp. "I have to go home and take my truck, right? I have the rest of the week off so I can make a plan."

"Honey, the best way to do this is for us to just go. Carson has fed Xavi, and he's ready to bring him to us. If you want your truck, we can get it brought up." Sterling brought him all the way inside. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"I don't know what to do. I've never had this sort of thing go on, but we need to be somewhere we can breathe and make a plan for a bit." Surely that was fair, right?

Sterling leaned back to watch him. "Can you trust me a little while longer? I promise we'll have time to talk it all over on the way up."

Why not? He'd trusted Sterling when he'd had reason not to. He'd let the man in when logic said it was a mistake. Why not keep trusting? "Okay. I worry about you."

"I worry about you. This is all my fault." Sterling's expression set in grim lines.

"Well, I guess by definition it is." What else was he supposed to say? He didn't know anything about being famous or about being wanted for a television show or honestly about how television shows worked. It did seem to him that this would be a strange way to go about things—taking pictures of people being in a relationship in order to convince them to be on a show to start a relationship, but whatever. "Right now that doesn't matter. What matters is making sure Xavi is safe, Mom is safe, and that we make these assholes understand that this is not the way that adults act."

Sterling blinked at him, managed to hold back the smile, though—which was a damn good thing because Benji might pop him in the nose. "You're absolutely right. This is not the appropriate way to act, and I guarantee you I will bring down all the power of the Jordan Corporation on their nasty little heads."

Okay, was it weird to admit that Jordan in corporate shark mode was kinda hot? Probably. So he wouldn't admit it. He would sort of keep it to himself—like deep down—but there was something incredibly sexual about that little growl. He would have to explore that one day in the shower by himself.

Take a deep, deep breath. "Okay, so what now what do we do right now?"

"Carson is at your place. He's packing up things for the baby—formula, bottles, diapers—and clothes for you. Basically I told him to bring the shirts that were hanging up in the laundry room, two pairs of jeans, your boots and then the entire laundry basket for you." Sterling shrugged. "I don't know where you keep your swim trunks, so you'll have to get in the pool and hot tub naked."

All right, so Sterling got points for understanding what he wore.

"Upper right-hand drawer of the dresser. They're red."

Sterling started texting, thumbs moving like lightning. "Anything else?"

"What about my toiletries and such?"

"Absolutely anything that you need I can get you at the ranch. Is there something that you want me to have him grab specifically?"

Benji shrugged. "The book beside the bed, and then I think that's it. Assuming that you have a toothbrush for me there at the ranch."

Really? Was he honestly that easy to pick up and pack up and move? For a couple of days he guessed so. In fact it was way harder now with the baby than it ever had been before. Hell, when he was in the service he could be ready to go in fifteen minutes. Packed, ready to deploy, boom. So there shouldn't be a shocker, but it was. He'd thought he was more…settled.

"We need to remember Xavi's blanket, his stuffed woobie. You know the one? I think it's a horse, but nobody's really sure. It's blue."

"Are you kidding? That is absolutely a horse." Sterling seemed shocked that he didn't know for sure.

Speaking of horses… "Do I need to write out a feeding schedule for anybody? I can."

"We'll text it to Carson. He's going to be on it until my guy can drive down tomorrow, and then Carson will drive back up to the ranch.

Sterling sounded so sure. Like this was easy. Like he could pull everybody in and protect them, and it was as impressive as it was concerning.

"What about my mom?"

"Did she want to come with us? I will totally get a room made up for her."

"No. No, she has students who count on her, and then she's already spoken to the principal and she says that they'll take care of it. You don't think they'll bother her?"

Sterling shook his head. "No, I really don't."

And there it was again, that hard edge to Sterling's voice, that gravitas. Benji could see where it would be concerning if it were focused on him, but when it was just about him it was a comfort.

"I really wish Xavi was here."

"I know, honey. I'm sorry. This was the safest thing to do. If they were following you, they weren't following Carson, and they don't know where Xavi is. They think he's still there at that daycare."

Oh, Benji hadn't considered that. "I'm really not a strategist. That wasn't ever my job. I fix people when they're broken. I don't make the wars."

"I didn't make this one, but I'm sure as shit gonna finish it." Sterling stared at him full in the face, and he could see the fury blazing in those pretty eyes, the absolute horror that someone had done this. "I cannot believe that someone took intimate pictures of us. The man came on to your property and took pictures of us. I'm going to burn those sons of bitches to the ground."

Benji could detect no lie there, but he really wanted to know why Sterling was angry. He understood why he was angry. He was livid because his child was in danger. He was mad because his privacy had been invaded. He was pissed because this was not the way that things were done, but he needed to know why Sterling was angry.

He just had to figure out how to ask.

He went with, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Not terribly original, but open-ended enough not to seem like an asshole thing to say.

"Ben, you—you don't understand. Man, I've already fucked up so bad with you. I started this whole thing fucking up." Sterling's lips pressed together as if he were holding something in, and when he spoke again Benji swore there were angry tears in Sterling's eyes. "There's something about you that's special to me. Something important enough that I'm willing to own it, to come to you hat in hand and ask for a second chance. To be grateful when you give it to me. And now when I really feel like I have a chance—a chance to be a good man and a chance to be with you—this happens. These assholes that I have no control over dare to come and threaten the people—" Sterling stopped, swallowed hard, and there was that pressing of the lips again.

It went on longer this time, long enough that Benji worried.

"—the people that I love."

Whoa.

Okay. Okay, this was not a situation wherein he could pop off with something. He didn't want to be glib, but on the other hand he wasn't going to use the L-word until he knew he was using it from a space where he wasn't scared.

On the other hand—or was that on the other other hand—he couldn't not say something, because that was more cruel than anything he could do.

"I hear you." He took a deep breath and spoke again. "I hear you, and we can discuss that at length together when we have time." He reached out and took Sterling's hand. "I'm not putting off telling you how I feel. When we decide what we want to be, I want to be logical about it and sure." Because he wasn't just Benji Collier. He was Benji Collier, Xavier Collier's daddy.

"I understand." Sterling held his gaze. "Just know that I'm not going to change my mind."

Now he thought he could be a glib, at least a bit. "What? You mean after the adrenaline rush is over you're not going to decide that you're straight?"

Sterling's eyes widened. "Man, I will beat you."

Benji reckoned it was more than a possibility, but it wasn't an absolute. "You can try."

That made Sterling laugh in that way of someone who is supersaturated with emotion, unable to handle one more thing without letting off a little steam. "Honey, there are a lot of things that I wanna do with you and more things I wanna try. Beating isn't on the docket."

"Fair enough." He took a deep breath, and he let it out in a rush. "How about you? What do we need to pack of yours? Electronics? Chargers? Oh my God, get my phone chargers and my tablet. My laptop's with me, but I need my phone charger. What about a baby monitor? Do you have something like that?"

"Let me start from the beginning." Sterling started counting things off on his fingers. "I'm packed. All of my chargers are packed. I will text Carson about the chargers and the woobie. I will text Geoff and tell him to get us a baby monitor. Anything else?"

"Ice cream."

Sterling stared at him like he'd grown another head. "What?"

"I guaran-damn-tee you, by the time that I get run out of town, we fly out of here, my son has his first airplane trip, we land in Aspen, and then get to your house? I am going to need coffee, food, and ice cream." No question.

"Fair enough, honey. What flavor?" Sterling grinned. "Never mind, I'll get them all."