Chapter 21

Well, there was the cat out of the bag.

They moved to the family room with their coffee after breakfast, wherein his dad had sat with his eyebrows working, speechless for the first time in Sterling's life.

He loved it.

Finally, his dad cleared his throat. "Someone explain this to me."

"Sierra and I were friends in the service," Ben explained, and Sterling adored how calm and strong his lover was. It was breathtaking. "She knew that I wanted a family, and when she turned up pregnant, she came to me. She and the biological father signed their parental rights away to me before Xavi was even born."

"Sierra was pregnant." His dad shook his head. "What the hell, son? Why would she not let us—" Dad stopped and took a breath. "Nothing against you, Ben. Seriously. But I don't understand."

"I'm sorry, sir." Ben shrugged. "I didn't know that she had a family."

"I understand, son. I do. I wish she had reached out. But I can see he's a happy, healthy baby. I approve." Dad was trying so hard.

Xavi let out a burp, then started to cry, and Ben rose. "Let me go change him and we'll go for a walk."

"I'll join you," Geoff said, popping up.

Cowards.

He sat there as all of Dad's attention fell on him.

"How the fuck long have you known about this? What are you up to?"

"I'm not up to anything. I was. I was going to go take that kid away from him. But he's a good man. And I knew last month." He wasn't going to lie.

"Wait. Wait. Start at the beginning." Dad's expression was hurt. "A month?"

"Yes." He stared his dad down. "I was on my way to his place to cut him a check when I ran off the road in a damn snowstorm. He was amazing to me."

"And Sierra?—"

"He's a wounded warrior. He has all these pictures of her in the service, and when she was pregnant. It's like…she hates us."

"Dammit." Dad shook his head. "I mean, I knew she hated the limelight here, but I love that girl."

"I know." He sighed. "I'm— I'm in a relationship with Ben, Dad. A good one, I think."

"So, why? What do you like about him?"

"He's honest. Kind. He's funny. He loves Xavi like that kid is the one thing on earth that needs his love, but still has more to go around. He's a nurse and a veteran, so he gives a shit." He ticked stuff off on his fingers, because it was all important. "When I admitted what I had done, he gave me a chance to redeem myself. He forgave me."

Dad pursed his lips. "Well. Even if none of that is true, I can see you believe it, and you're not stupid. So there must be something to him. Dammit, son, I wish you'd said."

"I wasn't ready for you to rush down here. Bad enough I had Carson and Geoff."

Dad cracked a smile. "Did you, now? Lord have mercy. Does Mr. Ben have family?"

"His mom. I haven't met his siblings." Sterling wanted to, but that could wait. They had a situation to deal with now.

"So…" Dad pursed his lips and shook his head. "Naked shenanigans with your sister's baby's father? A little tacky."

"What? No. He's not the actual dad." He scowled when his dad gave him that glinting grin he knew so well. "Go get more biscuits."

"Nope. Blueberry muffins. Biscuit seconds will come later." Dad sobered. "What about the pictures?"

"The lawyers are on it. I'll make sure they don't hurt Ben."

Ben came in, holding Xavi. "My worry is Xavi. They publish one picture of this baby and I'm going to lose my temper."

"They won't." Sterling meant it too. He would move heaven and earth to keep that from happening.

"Muffins." Jenny walked in not long after Ben with a tray. "I also brought some nice juice. Does Xavi need anything, Ben?"

"I think he's okay. I may have to give him another bottle soon, but he's interested in all the dogs." Ben met Sterling's eyes. "They were all sleeping around his crib. All of them."

"He'll never be unsafe with them around, honey." Sterling's lips curved in a smile that he couldn't stop. And as soon as Xavi was old enough, all those dogs would sleep on top of him. Hounds loved kids.

"I guess not." Ben chuckled. "But it was a little wild."

Xavi stared at Dad, frowned like he was trying desperately to decide who this new person was.

Dad waved at him. "Hey, Xavi. How goes it?"

The baby tilted his head and began to kick hard.

"That's his way of waving."

"I like it. It's effective."

Ben hesitated. "Would you like to hold him, sir?"

"You're welcome to call me Bodie. And I would love to. I love babies, yes I do." Dad reached out for Xavi, who did that lunging thing.

"He is your grandson."

Dad glanced at Ben, eyes going a little misty. "You think so?"

"Yes, sir. I'm not here to make waves. I'm here because I have feelings for your son and—" Ben shrugged. "Family is family."

"Thank you." Dad cleared his throat, then lifted Xavi to look at him, eye to eye. "We're going to be buds, you and me."

Sterling believed it. His dad was a good guy. He really was.

Xavi crowed, throwing his head back in his signature happy greeting.

"He likes you." Ben moved to stand close to him. "Do you want a muffin? They smell amazing."

"I do. Jenny has a way with them." He pulled Ben closer still, wrapping an arm around his waist. "And she makes amazing juice. She insisted on the juicer a few years back, and we were skeptical, but damn."

"Yeah? I pass out a lot of juice boxes…" Ben winked down at him. "I do like a juice—orange, pineapple, pear—I'm easy."

"Come sit with me, honey." He poured juice, which turned out to be orange-pineapple, and he and Ben grabbed muffins and whipped butter. This was the life.

Not that Eggo waffles at Ben's place hadn't felt, and tasted, just as good.

Dad was focused on Xavi, talking to that sweet baby as if he could understand.

"Does that remind you of being a little boy?"

"Lord yes. He is an amazing father. He tells stories and knows everything. He never made me feel like I was bothering him. Now, he never gave me an inch, and everything I won, I earned, but he—" Sterling shrugged. He could never pay Ben back for this gift. Ben had offered Dad the chance to be a grampa, and it was precious. "You did a good thing, honey."

"When you love someone, you do what's best for them, even if it's scary."

"True, but it's hard to make yourself do it sometimes."

The dogs all started to wander in, Papa Smurf begging morsels while everyone else sat to watch Xavi.

"And then there's those weirdos. They're in love."

"Right?" Ben's eyes went wide. "Do you believe this? I mean, they're not herding dogs."

"No, but they're pack dogs, and this is their pack. So it's like we're adding a puppy," Sterling teased.

Ben hooted. "A puppy…"

"Yep. A small, not very hairy creature who needs help with everything."

"That smells like poop and milk?" Ben shot back, and Sterling cracked up.

"That's right, honey. He fits right in."

"Of course he does!" Dad announced. "He's tied to this land, on a cellular level. The next generation of men to be here."

Ben blinked at that, lips parting as if he would say something, but then he closed his mouth.

"Don't get stressed," Sterling murmured. "Dad is grandiose."

"I'm not. I'm—worried? How can I offer you anything, Sterling? I make forty-eight thousand a year. You have single animals worth twice that." Ben hissed the words, eyes worried.

"Dad, can you watch Xavi a minute?"

"Sure, son. Between me and Jenny and Geoff we got this."

"Thanks." He grabbed Ben's hand. "Come with me."

"Where are we going?" Ben came though, didn't he?

"To the bedroom. I want to talk with you, alone." They moved to his rooms, and he tugged Ben to the sitting room where they could plop on the couch. "I don't need stuff, Ben. I need you. You give me you."

"I just—I'm…I'm falling in love with you. I have a baby that's already in love with you. What the fuck are we going to do?"

"We're going to do what people do when they're in love, baby. We're going to find common ground and build on it." He wanted that more than anything.

Ben looked up at him, tears in his eyes. "Kiss me?"

So Sterling bent and kissed Ben on the mouth, putting his all into it, making it count. He wanted Ben to feel his need, his love.

He had never wanted anyone the way he'd wanted Ben.

"Mmmm." Ben wrapped both arms around his neck, holding on tight, and the kiss ended, but it went right into another one.

Sterling needed Ben to understand that he wanted them together. That he wanted them here, living their best lives.

"Your dad is out there." Ben leaned back just enough to break the kiss, but stayed where he was, loving on him.

"I know. I needed you to understand how important you are to me."

"I think I do. I get freaked out sometimes."

"Well don't. I was thinking how I missed our waffle mornings." He kissed Benji's nose. "I love you. Not your trappings. And you feel the same way. I know you do."

"I do." Ben rolled his eyes. "Although the private hot tub is cool…"

"It really is. I love it. And you and me, honey. We're going to use it."

"Yeah? I'd love that. So, let's go rescue your father, huh?"

He doubted Dad needed it, and in fact, when they got to the family room, Xavi was sleeping on Dad's chest.

Ben snapped a photo. "So cute."

Dad blinked awake for a moment, the recliner so comfy he'd obviously dozed off. "Mmm. We're good."

"Cool. We're going to get another muffin then."

"We're fine, boys. Shoo." Dad covered Xavi with a blanket. "It's naptime for Xavi and his Pap."

Ben chuckled, and they headed to the kitchen to grab yet more food.

"Want to meet some of the stock?" Sterling asked.

"I'd love to. Is it—it's okay to leave Xavi here?"

"Geoff is right there." He pointed, and Geoff waved. "See? And the dogs are close."

Everyone but Papa Smurf would guard.

Papa Smurf loved the side by side. In fact, when he did the little pat on his leg that was Papa Smurf's call, he came running as fast as his tiny wienie legs would carry him.

"Okay, then yes. I would love to."

"Come on." He waved to Geoff, knowing he and Jenny would step in if something weird happened, but Dad was way more maternal than Mom.

Also, he felt like Dad understood Sierra more than he did somehow. Understood…everything more than he did.

"What?" Ben took his hand.

"Huh?"

"Your jaw got all tight."

"I was thinking about Sierra."

"Yeah? She's not talking to me. I think I've been blocked. She never spoke to me after I left the hospital, before, so I'm not surprised."

That set him back on his heels some. "So she ghosted you too?"

"Yes."

"Huh." Okay. Okay, that was hurtful, but it made him see things in a new light.

"I mean, I didn't know it. I got out of the hospital, I got out of the service, and I moved home. I went to nursing school. I was working and learning and losing my mind." Ben shrugged. "I can't tell you I even noticed."

"Well, sure. You were service buddies. I feel that way about a lot of my riding friends. We lost touch." A sister was another thing. But maybe Sierra just… didn't have it in her.

"Yeah. I can see that. So—tell me what you love most." Ben kept holding his hand as they made their way to the garages. "To raise, I mean."

"Oh, damn. I love all of them in my own way. The working horses are athletes. So are the bulls. The wild horses are a passion. Conservation. So are the bison and the other animals kind of collect here. Goats and sheep from kids' events. Retired draft animals as rescues… They're all important."

"Oh, I've never seen a draft horse in person. Do you hitch them up? Do you ride them?"

"We do hitch the ones who still want to work." Sterling felt his jaw tighten again. "Some of them were so abused that the very sight of the harness makes them terrified. Some were well-treated and love to pull, but can't do the heavy work anymore and weren't considered breeding stock. I'll introduce you to Angus. He's a Clydesdale, and he's gentle enough to ride."

"Angus? So sweet. I'd love to meet whoever you want me to. I love the animals."

"I know." He wanted to move Ben's up here. He had a vision of using Ben's farm as a satellite place, a jumping off point for the Turquoise circuit. And he had enough space for some alfalfa…

He wasn't ready to ask Ben, and he knew that Ben wasn't ready for him to ask, but it was there, bubbling in his brain. Of course, if Ben decided to keep it as a place to stay when they went to visit Benji's mom? So be it. That was cool too.

And there he was, planning Ben's life.

He took Ben to the big closed-in barn that housed most of the animals he kind of considered personal pets first. Then they'd get on the Gator and go for a tour.

"Be nice to the goats, Papa," he warned.

He put the little shit down and he ran for the miniature goats, who scattered, bleating and bouncing like fiends.

Ben cracked up, applauding hard. "Oh! Oh, God. Look at them go! It's like goat bowling."

"It is. They all love the game, but I don't want him to get kicked or trampled."

"I bet you worry more about the cows."

"I do, because he suddenly becomes a herding dog in his head."

"Lord have mercy. He's the tiniest herder."

"He's amazing. He honestly is." He whistled Papa up and scooped the dog into his arms. "So these guys are the minis. There are a couple of teenagers that live on the ranch with their folks, and they do yoga with them and make videos."

"Oh lord." Benji hooted, making the goats all bleat back at him. "I need to see this."

"I'll show you. And this is one of my babies back here." The big guy loved his stall. He could venture out at will, but he hung out in there all the time, sleeping with one foot up.

Angus whinnied at him, the old man sticking his nose out and nickering as if to ask him where he had been.

"I know, buddy. It was important. Ben, this is Angus." He tugged out a zippy bag of carrots he'd gotten from the kitchen to hand one to Ben, who presented it to Angus on his open palm.

Angus sniffed it, then snapped it up delicately, as if it was a piece of caviar.

"Hey, gorgeous. How are you today?" Ben had a gentle hand, and Angus let him scratch and stroke and pet. "He's huge."

"Nineteen hands high, and he literally weighs a ton." He loved how Angus had filled back out when he'd come to stay.

His owner had loved him, but when he'd retired Angus, the old boy had gotten so depressed watching the other horses pull his wagon that he'd stopped eating.

So his handler had called Sterling, who had always admired Angus at the rodeo shows.

"He's stunning. Seriously. I could spend hours brushing him." Ben combed his fingers through Angus's mane, smoothing it.

"He'd give you some new muscles." Sterling rubbed Angus's nose.

"Yeah, he's tall enough to need a stool."

A loud whinny sounded, and he laughed. "Sorry, Angus. We need to meet the lady of the land." He took Ben to meet his mom's Arabian, who was also retired, and who was bossy as all hell. "Meet Fatima."

Ben nodded his head. "Miss Fatima. Pleased to meet you, beautiful lady."

Fatima bobbed her head, her gorgeous dark eyes sharp as they studied Ben. She got a carrot too, and that made her ears twitch happily. Ben was good with the horses; he loved them and it showed.

They knew it. These guys were adored, and they responded with so much joy, letting Ben stroke her ears.

Papa Smurf wiggled, wanting to get a move on, and he laughed. "Come on, honey. The pup here wants his ride on the side by side."

"Right. We can't disappoint Papa Smurf. That's important."

Papa barked as if he knew exactly what Ben was saying.

Sterling was eager to show the ranch off anyway, and ten minutes later they were in the Gator, and he was driving Ben around while Papa sat on the little windshield lip, wagging and barking at everyone they passed.

"This place is huge. Seriously." Ben kept taking pictures. "How many cowboys do you need to run it?"

"Mmm. How many do I need? Or how many do I have?" That made him grin again. "I hire a lot of guys who have nowhere to go. We have about two hundred employees, but that includes guys like Geoff and Carson. Probably a hundred and fifty of them are cowboys and vet staff."

"Wow. Do you have a medical guy on staff?"

"We have three certified techs. The vet is in town, but he specializes in ranch work."

"I meant for cowboys, cowboy." Ben bumped shoulders with him. "I'm trying to see if I can fit in here somehow, someday. I intend to get my PA certification when Xavi goes to school. That's something that may be worthwhile."

"Oh. No, we don't. We have an urgent care that gives us a discount, but it would be great to have someone on staff. We get a ton of injuries, and we have a bunch of cowboys with wives and kids who are paying for their own insurance right now. A staff medical person would cut that way back." That was a damn fine idea. "I love the idea of an RN here, especially one who's studying to be a Physician's Assistant."

Ben beamed at him. "See, that's good to know. I mean, I'm all about the ranch kids. I would treat cowboys too, though." That came with a wink.

"Well, I would hope so, but only medically." He reached over to pat Ben's leg, which made Papa Smurf try to come for pets too. Which was tough since he was driving.

Ben snagged Papa and cuddled. "Easy, sweet boy. So, there's something I can help with here. That's great."

"Oh, honey, there's any number of things I could use your help with, but I want you to be happy. To use your skills."

"I like helping folks — and I'm not scared of helping kiddos, you know?"

"That has to be hard. I mean, I know you're not at like, St. Jude's or something, but sick kids would break me." Sterling hated the idea of Xavi being ill.

"Oh, mostly I deal in runny noses and sprained ankles."

"Yeah?" He stopped the Gator at a fence line, because one of his best bulls was right up next to it, waiting for him. Bulletproof heard the side by side and he came to see who was out and about.

"For the most part. Look at the size of that bull. Good lord."

"That's Bulletproof. Bull of the year last year. Hold onto Papa, will you?"

"Sure."

Sterling got out and went to the fence, whistling a bit. "Hey, BP."

The big beast snorted and tossed his head in greeting. There was no worry in the big body, no tension. No, this guy knew he was the king of whatever pen or pasture he was in.

"Pose nice for a picture, huh, buddy?" He grinned. "You ready to go to work tomorrow?"

Another short snort. That was absolutely a yes.

"Good man." He turned. "Want me to take a pic of you with him, honey?"

"Oh, I got one of you. And I think Papa might lose it. He's vibrating."

"Yeah, he thinks he's going to intimidate Bulletproof. He's full of himself." Sterling shook his head. "Little nerd."

"Napoleon syndrome."

"Shit, yes. Okay, buddy. Make me money." He got back in the Gator, reaching out to rub Papa's ears. "He'd kick you into next week, buddy. He's not like Dub."

"Dub?" Ben asked.

"Double Barrel. He just retired, and he adores Papa."

"No shit? I mean, seriously? He doesn't want to hurt him?" Ben shook his head. "I can't imagine."

"No. No, they get all lovey. He's the only one Papa doesn't chase. Let's go meet him." He knew Dub was in a stall today because he was going to be donating some sperm in a bit. But they could meet him before that.

"Sure. I hope Xavi is being good for your dad…"

"Oh, honey, Dad is a pro." He glanced over. "Do you want to go check on him?" He got it. Ben had to be nervous, thinking about how Sterling had been intent on taking off with Xavi.

"No. No, I trust you. They'd call if there was a problem."

Ben amazed him.

"They would. I promise. Dad will be on the floor with him and the baby gate will be keeping the dogs out by the time we get home. I guarantee it."

"Okay, let's go. I need to see Papa Smurf's bully buddy."

He nodded, and off they went. He loved Ben's interest in the ranch.

Hopefully it would all combine to make Ben want to stay.