Chapter 15

Sterling had experienced a lot of wonderful days in his time.

He'd had amazing rodeo rides, he'd organized business deals that made him millions of dollars, he'd won football games and chess games and more money than he could spend in a lifetime, but today may have been the best day so far.

They'd had an absolute ball taking the train, and for the first time he felt like Ben had heard him when he spoke from his heart. Like truly heard his apology and how he meant it, because he had.

Meant it.

He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was going to help Xavi with everything in his power, but part of that helping was not trying to take that baby away from his father.

Right this second though, that didn't matter. What did matter was that they were sitting in front of the fireplace at Ben's house on that comfy old sofa. They'd fed the animals. There was stew on the stove and biscuits in the oven. There was even a frozen apple pie they'd picked up at the grocery store, ready to go in afterward.

God, was he a lucky son of a bitch.

Xavi was playing on a blanket on the floor, staring up at this tripod of dangling toys with a mirror, a rattle flower, and a goofy-looking little bug. The baby couldn't quite reach them. Hell, Sterling wasn't all the way sure the baby could actually hold things, but it was hilarious to watch him laugh and kick and wave as if the toys that were up there were his friends and were communicating with him in some weird way.

"Is he always like this?" Were all babies always so calm?

Ben snorted like a fractious horse. "Define this." Then Ben gave a big belly laugh that had Xavi hunting Ben with those dark eyes. "Of course, he's really a good baby. It's hard sometimes, when you're a single parent, because you don't have anyone else to take the pressure off you. You're tired, and you need someone else to rock the baby or someone else to burp the baby or someone else to take care of the baby. All so that you can get five hours of sleep in a row.

"If you'd known how much work it was would you still have done it?" he asked, pretty much knowing the answer.

Benji didn't even hesitate. "Absolutely. It's worth it, and every time that I get crazy frustrated, I remind myself that one day I will miss this. At least that's what my mom says."

"So you're pretty close with your mom?"

"Yeah. Yes, I am. I see her at least… oh hell, I see her four or five times a week, but I go and we hang out and have lunch together about once a week. It's to kind of, I don't know, connect. After Dad died, it was really hard. I don't know that she is ever going to feel like she's ready to date again and my brother and sister are so far away… So I suppose I sort of feel like it's my responsibility. Also? I kind of like it. She's really neat."

"You said she was a teacher?" Sterling couldn't imagine being quite that close to his mother. Then again, he couldn't imagine his mother being a teacher. His mother was more the gentle neglect kind of parent. Dad was the one who was going to teach a kid something, and he did a lot. It wasn't that he and Sterling weren't close. Dad was great. It was more that Sterling had his business and had his ideas of what he wanted to do with his business.

Dad had his ideas, and what he wanted to do with Sterling's business.

Periodically those two did not meet in the middle.

Ben nodded to him. "She is a teacher, and she's fairly firm. She really believes in learning by doing, and there were times when I was a kid that that frustrated me to no end. But now I get it, and I respect it because I can learn to do things on my own." Ben grinned, and the expression was sort of wistful and self-deprecating all at once. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I do know how to YouTube with the best of them. I'm not sure that I could have survived having my first horse without the internet."

They both cracked up. Sterling respected the hell out of Ben. He couldn't even imagine learning about horses from a cold start. He had been born, he thought, with a rein in one hand and a saddle under his butt instead of a diaper. He literally could not remember the first time he was on a horse, or the first time he had ridden a horse by himself. He did remember the first time he'd gotten thrown, and he was one hundred percent sure he remembered the first time a horse jumped a fence when he wasn't ready.

But the scent of horses? The act of caring for horses? That was ingrained in his genetics deeper than he could even begin to imagine. His daddy would say, "I'm half Navajo, son, and we know our horses."

"So, can you show me pictures of your ranch? Ben asked.

Sterling was weirdly reluctant to do as Ben asked. It wasn't that he was ashamed, he wasn't. He loved his home. He'd had it restored himself. His main house was fifteen thousand square feet of pure joy, and that didn't count the barns or the casitas.

The guest houses.

The foreman's house.

The drovers' houses.

He didn't know whether or not showing off what he had would embarrass Ben.

"Sure, but I don't want you to be weirded out. I inherited this from my grandfather." He took his phone out of his pocket and started hunting for good pictures.

"Oh? From your mom's side or your dad's"

"Absolutely my dad's. He's retired and lives in Jackson Hole now. He has a little place, very charming. Lots of rodeo people come up in winter there. It's like a little winter playground for cowboys who don't have all of their teeth."

Ben rolled his eyes. "And what about your mom? Was she a cowboy?"

"Oh no!" Sterling gave Ben the ack-eye face. "She's from New York City."

"New York City!" Ben exclaimed, and all Sterling could think of were those old Pace salsa commercials. He started laughing so hard that he about forgot how to breathe.

When he could suck in air again, he answered. "Yeah, she came out to Denver for some sort of a pageant. Miss Technology or some such. Dad saw her, and that was all she wrote. He hunted her like a dog does a fox. Then he got her and he married her and they had me and Sierra and then that was it."

"So they're not still together after all this time, right?"

"God no." Sterling couldn't imagine that. "They didn't last an entire year after I was born. Mom moved back to New York, and I stayed on the ranch with my dad. I used to go spend summers with her until I was old enough to understand that summers back at the ranch were way more fun. That was when I started doing the spring breaks up there. Christmases too. Christmas in New York City is pretty cool."

He found the pictures he wanted to show and held his phone up to Ben. Ben flipped through them, almost idly, but there was a smile on the man's face.

"It's way more homey than it appears in the magazines."

Sterling blinked at Ben, shocked. "What?"

"Dude, you're not the only one who can do research on somebody. And I didn't have to hire a private investigator. I just looked you up. Google is my friend." Ben smiled. "There is a huge write-up about you in one of the architecture magazines. They must have taken down all of your personal stuff, though, because it seems a lot different in these photos."

Yeah, that had been a nightmare. Sterling had made sure to be out of town for most of that. "I had Geoff deal with that for me. I have an amazing housekeeper who helped, and of course, I have hands…"

He stopped because how embarrassing was that? He was talking to a man who had to have a friend come over and help him doctor his horse because he was worried he'd be kicked while his baby son was watching.

"You do know it's okay, right?" Ben said, rolling his shoulders. "You don't have to hide the fact that you have more money than I do."

More money than Ben did didn't even begin to cover it. "Thanks. I appreciate it. It's a little weird."

"Have you never dated anyone outside your social circle?"

"Oh, honey, I haven't hardly dated. It's never been a thing." Sterling chuckled. "I can't say I've been in an ivory tower. Maybe a leather and denim one."

Ben ducked his head a little. "I dated a lot. Between the service and college. I didn't have anything serious, though. It wasn't in the cards for me. I mean, it's not like there weren't any queer folks in Durango. But at this point we all know each other, it seems like, and I know none of them are for me."

"Yeah? No one that you ever wanted to settle down with?" Sterling watched him like a hawk suddenly.

"No. No, I—I had a couple who felt like they could be maybes, and one or two offers I turned down. But no one that was forever. I guess…I guess I'm a romantic? I don't know, I believe in for all time."

And Sterling could see not settling for less, so he got it all the way.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm a cowboy, honey. I get that for sure. It's ingrained in my DNA." That made Sterling grin again, but somehow the word forever and Ben had a ring to them.

Ben shook his head, offering him a wry grin. "And your sister must have someone else's DNA, then."

"Mom's. No question. Zero." Sierra had been born chafing at the bit.

"Right. You said your mom is in Italy?"

"Husband four. Or maybe five." Sterling snorted. "She does go through them as fast as she travels."

"Wow. That's impressive."

Was it? It didn't feel that way. It felt weird, but maybe that was his dad speaking through him. His dad had never remarried, though he dated a lot and had ladies he'd had long-term relationships with. Sterling thought Dad just didn't want to sign a prenup.

"It's certainly hard to remember who to make the Christmas card out to."

Ben blinked at him, then cracked up, making Xavi jerk his head to see, the baby almost rolling over.

"Did you see that?" Ben asked.

"I did. Is that new?" He watched Xavi to see what he would do next.

"Are you trying to roll over, little boy? That's the first step in becoming mobile, and then where will I be?"

"You'll be chasing him for eighteen years." That was what his Dad always said.

"Yep. I'll be running my poor ass off." Ben winked over. "Still. Go healthy baby, working toward his milestones."

"Yep. Do you do like, the old-fashioned baby book, or are you a cloud kind of guy?"

"I have one. It is adorable. There are mountain animals illustrated all over it. There's a bear and its baby on the front."

"Papa bear, huh?"

"You know it. I'm fierce."

"I've seen it." Sterling sobered. "And you should be. Seriously. I mean, he's your son."

"He is, and I love him. Sierra gave me the best gift ever, and I know it."

"So, what now, Ben?" He knew that was probably abrupt enough to make the man blink, but he needed to start thinking about what he was going to do about all this… All of it.

"I like you. A lot. I want more of your kisses. I'm a little scared. A lot nervous." Ben watched him closely. "What about you?"

"I want to explore this with you. Like, a relationship. A dating one to start, if you want."

"You're okay with me being a single dad RN?" Ben scooted a skosh closer.

"I am so okay with anything you bring to me. You fascinate me, Ben."

"Kiss me?" Ben leaned forward, face lifted toward him.

"Mmm." Sterling had thought he would never ask. He took that mouth in a deep, long, slow kiss that he hoped did as much for Ben as it did him. And it did a lot for him.

Ben's hand landed on his thigh, and that touch was hot as hell, burning right through his jeans.

He put his own hand on the back of Ben's neck, holding him there, massaging Ben and keeping him there for more kisses.

Ben pushed up, moaning a bit, when the timer for the biscuits went off, startling the hell out of them.

"Dammit." Sterling chuckled. "I'll get them. No one wants burned biscuits. But hold that thought."

"I'll get Mr. Xavi ready for bed. He's had a big day." Ben nodded and stood, scooping the little one off the floor. Xavi was already asleep, tongue pushed out of his lips as he sucked.

Sterling watched them as they disappeared down the hall. Then he adjusted himself before heading to the kitchen to grab the biscuits, saving them from black death. He liked biscuits a lot, but he might have sacrificed them for those kisses if it hadn't been for Xavi being right there. If he was in bed, they'd had no distractions later.

He got out bowls for the stew, and he put the frozen pie in, resetting the timer.

Ben wanted to try again.

Sterling's toes curled in his boots. Jesus, he was scared he was going to screw up. But the worst of everything, hell, everything was out in the open now. So all he had to do was not lie and figure out how to deal with the Aspen to Durango things.

He wondered if he could get Ben to come visit for a long weekend. Maybe bring the baby and see his place.

First, Ben needed to meet Carson and Geoff. They were actually his family, when he got right down to it, and they should know each other. That would help. Carson was already rooting for Ben, he thought, and between Kit and Geoff, they could be devious as hell. They would get Ben to do all sorts of things so they would stop poking him.

Sterling grabbed two Dr Peppers from the fridge, ladled out the stew, and got the butter and biscuits on the table.

"Look at you. Service with a smile." Ben walked into the kitchen, washing up at the sink before returning to the table. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, honey. You did the hard work early on." The stew smelled amazing, too.

"Please, have a seat. We'll eat and then…make out like teenagers until the pie is done?"

Sterling loved how hard Ben was trying, how he was getting the benefit of the doubt, even if he didn't deserve it.

"I can so get with that. Or we take the pie out and then get all hot and sweaty." He winked, making Ben flush a little, and that didn't ease the ache south of his gut at all. Not one bit.

"I could handle that." Ben rolled his eyes. "I swore I wouldn't go back to bed with you, but I want you. Does that make me fickle?"

"No. I think you're an incredibly generous man who's giving me another chance because I came clean and apologized. That's what adults do. We weigh our options and make decisions, right?"

Ben's lips curved in a wry smile. "Adulting, as my co-worker Niecy says, is hard. A minefield."

"Shit, yes. It's way easier to act like a fool and tear off and make rash decisions. But I always end up having to make up for them." He gave Ben a firm look. "You are not a rash decision, by the way."

"No. This is absolutely not a rash decision. I want to—I want you." Ben lifted his can of Coke. "Cheers?"

"Cheers to that for sure. And to you." He clanked their cans together. "The biscuits are fluffy, huh?" He buttered one after he set his can down. He would have two, maybe. Pie could come any time after it was baked off. It could wait until they worked up an appetite again.

"They do. I love the freezer biscuits. They taste so much better than when I try to make them from scratch."

"They do. Buttery goodness." He watched Ben dip his in the stew. He hadn't been lying. Been fascinated him. He would take any moment he could get in this man's company.

"Did you enjoy the train ride? I can't imagine laying those tracks in those conditions." Ben shook his head, licking stew off his lips.

"I can't either. It's like the Million Dollar Highway. We take shit like that for granted, but it had to be horrifying to create." Come to think of it, Red Mountain and Molas passes were pretty horrifying now. He'd much rather ride the train to Silverton.

"Yeah. But you spoiled me today. That was amazing. I can almost get what going across country had to be on a train. Or on the Orient Express." Ben leaned forward over his stew. "What's the best trip you ever took?"

Sterling tilted his head, pondering that. "I went up to Canada for the Stampede, and before I came home, I went up to Banff. It was just me and my truck and trailer and my horse. We had a ball."

"Oh, that's cool. Seriously. I went to Hawaii on leave once. It was gorgeous. So pretty, so many birds and flowers."

"Yeah? I never got there when I was riding. I did go to Brazil once for the big event in S?o Paulo. It was nuts. Like, zillions of people attend that thing." He'd been so overwhelmed by the sights and sounds.

"Oh, that sounds amazing. Seriously, but also a little scary. I'm not crazy, anti-crowds, but I don't love them."

"Is that because of your…" Did he call Ben's scars the result of an accident? Trauma? Attack?

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, my mom says I was always a little reluctant to go to big concerts, and the fair was kinda too loud for me." Ben shrugged, pinking the slightest bit. "But I'm not really plagued with PTSD, if that's what you're asking. I don't have a problem with loud noises or fireworks. I guess…I guess the thing that I left the service with was the need to stabilize. To buy a place and get a horse and have a family." Ben's expression was as serious as a damn heart attack. "It's so easy to tear things apart, you know? To destroy and explode and wreck. I wanted to be a part of something else. I needed to be something else."

"Oh, honey." He reached for Ben, grabbing his hand. "I can totally see that."

"It's different for everyone, but…" Ben shrugged, cheeks turning pink. "I guess for me it was just… the way to understand what I really wanted out of life."

Sterling understood that, he really did.

Oh, who the hell was he kidding? He was a rich kid, who had played at being a rodeo cowboy. Then he became an even richer man. The closest thing he could think of to what Ben had been through was waking up in sports medicine, and even then he couldn't remember it.

So he needed to sit down and shut up with that kind of thing. Hell, what he craved out of life was a normal-ish family, and that wasn't in the cards.

"What do you want, Sterling? I mean, what are your goals?"

"I want you, Ben. I want to know you. I want a relationship. I know it's nuts." And he wanted to know his nephew, but he thought it was better to not mention Xavi right now.

"If you want a relationship with me, that includes Xavi, huh?"

"I— yeah. I mean, of course I want to know him too. But I don't want to push too hard on that until you know you can trust me. I figure that will take time." And as frustrating as it might be for a guy who liked to fix things for people, he would be patient.

"Well, I'm not sleeping with a man I can't trust, so…" Ben winked at him.

"Yeah?" Was that… Did that mean Ben was good with where they were? He sure hoped it didn't mean he was getting kicked out on his ass after the making out, but it could. Surely not. Ben wasn't a game player. He knew that.

"Yeah. Please don't make me regret it. I want you to be the guy I think you are."

"I want to be the guy you think I am." It was that simple.

They stood as if they had discussed it, taking their dishes to the sink. They had at least forty-five minutes on the pie, so he held out a hand to Ben so they could go to the living room to sit again. He wanted kisses.

Really slow, deep, good kisses.

Ben didn't even wait for them to sit on the sofa. He tugged Sterling close and planted a kiss right on Sterling's lips.

"Mmm." Sterling moved close, hands sliding to hold Ben by the hips. Oh, that was warm and firm and perfect, the feel of their bodies pressing together. He could get used that in a hurry.

He'd wanted this back for the last week, and he was fully aware of how much he had to lose.

Dancing Ben over to the couch, he helped the man sink into him without breaking the kiss, which had changed angles a few times, but not let up for air. They had to back apart to sit, but then Sterling dove back in, needing more.

"Want you. This. More." This time Ben didn't wait to climb into his lap, and damn, that was hot.

"Uh-huh. I want you so damn bad." He rubbed them together, rocking Ben back and forth, then up and down. Friction. Damn, it was good.

This was way more intense than making out, but he wasn't going to complain. This was a fantasy he'd been having for days. So he went with it.

They broke for air, staring at each other for a moment, and he took advantage to tug off Ben's shirt, wanting to see and feel skin.

Ben raised his arms, and let him strip it away. He still loved the way Ben's body made the most amazing shapes, the planes and lines fascinating his hand.

He stroked that fine skin, the smoothness only broken by a trail of hair from nipple to nipple and down Ben's belly. And he knew from the last time how damn intriguing that trail could be.

"I've been dreaming about you, just like this."

Ben blinked at him. "You have?"

"Yeah. I stayed here. For you. For a chance of being an us."

"I'm glad. I wasn't sure if I wanted you to, but I've had time to think. To spend time with you." Ben reached up to touch his cheek, then his lips, which felt swollen.

He kissed Ben's fingertips. "I'm grateful."

"No, that implies things aren't equal. I don't want gratitude. I want to know that we're starting off together on even ground. If not socially then emotionally."

He thought on that, then nodded. "Fair enough."

"Cool. I think I'd like it if you spent the night, cowboy."

"I would love that. In fact, I was ever hopeful, and I have an overnight bag in the truck." He figured it was meeting Ben halfway that he hadn't brought it in.

"Oh, clever. Hopeful, too. I like that."

And that was it—right there. Ben thought the best of him, without needing absolute proof. Ben didn't immediately say, "that sure of me" or "do you think I'm easy?" It honored him, and it made him want to be a better man than he was.

"Yeah. But I also knew it could go either way if the train ride went bad for Xavi." He winked. "Now. Making out?"

"Oh, right." Ben laughed, rolling his hips, and didn't that make Sterling's eyes cross?

It did, and the kisses that followed were enough to make his toes curl. He panted into them, touching Ben anywhere he could, but soon it wasn't enough. He wanted all the cloth gone from between them. He tugged at the button at Ben's waistband, wrestling when it was stubborn.

Ben sucked in, and that was all he needed to get that belt and fly open. Ben stood halfway at the urging of his hands, and he eased the fabric down.

"Sweet." He took a deep breath, smelling Ben's musk. He pushed until Ben stepped out of those jeans, and the briefs under them, and then pulled Ben back down on his lap.

"Hey, hold up." Ben undid Sterling's jeans, as well. "You too."

"Oh, right. Damn."

"I know, and you have your boots on. Still, it's only fair."

"Mmmhmm." He believed in fair. Sterling also believed in getting in a ton of touching while he let Ben open his jeans and open the fly wide, then encourage him to lift his hips so Ben could tug them down, then tug off each of his boots in turn.

"Fair enough?" he teased, and Ben climbed back into his lap, that fine body highlighted by the fire behind him.

"So far, so good."

"I'm glad." He kissed Ben's mouth again, taking it by storm, all teasing gone. He wanted to feel Ben come apart in his arms. He wanted everything. Damn, this man was fine.

He held Ben close, palms opened against the smooth back. Ben grabbed their cocks, stroking them both with that strong hand.

"Fuck. Ben." That had him gasping, arching up, his thighs straining and his ass clenching. "So good, honey. You got the best hands."

"Make me ache. Don't stop kissing."

"No stopping," he promised. He'd never met a man so into kissing, because that was something rodeo riders saved for someone else while they were on the road. So this was a real luxury, and his lips burned from it in the best way.

Ben made him feel as if this was something to luxuriate in, to crave, to need, and he dove in and gave it his all.

"Mmmm." Ben hummed into his mouth, the sound one of pure pleasure. That hand kept up the steady pressure as Ben stroked them up and down, and soon they were cooking with gas, steaming up the damn room, metaphorically at least.

Those green eyes stared into his, so focused, so fucking pretty that his heart skipped.

He licked his lips, then nipped at Ben's lower one, smiling at the gasp he got.

Those little hints of surprise, of need, sent Sterling over the moon. He wanted more, but Ben was setting the pace, and Sterling was going to let that happen.

Ben's hand never stopped, never so much as slowed, and his thighs tightened under Ben's ass. He moaned, his pulse kicking up yet another notch.

"So pretty," Ben murmured against his lips. "Fuck, I need you."

"Anything you want, honey. I swear it." He would sit here and let Ben ride if that was what he needed.

Ben chuckled, the sound tearing through him. "I want everything. Everything. But right now, this will do."

"Later we can get more acrobatic. After pie."

"Oh-ho. A twofer?" Ben pressed at the heads of their cocks.

"Uh-huh."

Ben leaned in, bit at his earlobe enough to make it sting. "I like it."

"Oh good. I bet we can work it. I have to admit, sugar inspires me."

"I'll keep that in mind. I can keep treats around."

"Now see, I like initiative in a man." He and Ben both stroked faster, fingers squeezing, their skin hot enough to burn.

Ben danced on his lap, and Sterling had never—not once—seen anything more beautiful.

"Come on, honey. Give it to me. I want to watch you come apart," he urged, his need pushing him so damn hard.

"Yes…" Ben hissed, fingers clutching him as liquid heat poured over their fingers. "Sterling."

"Uhn!" His head fell back, his orgasm flashing up his spine as he shot. "Damn!"

Ben shook against him, watching him as he shivered and quaked through his orgasm.

They slumped together finally, and they both sucked air, which made him laugh a little. That had been damn intense for a hand job.

"Want some sweats?" Ben gasped out. "As soon as I can move, of course."

"Yeah. We have time before the timer goes off." And if they fell asleep, he was a light sleeper. He'd hear the buzzer.

"There's a blanket here, too." Ben grabbed some tissues and they cleaned up before they wrapped up together.

"Mmm. This is grand, honey. Thank you."

"So formal. That fucking rocked."

He hooted. "So it did."

Ben's lips brushed his ear. "And we rocked fucking, too."

"Oh, damn." And if Ben wasn't careful, that twofer was going to start before the pie. "Talk dirty to me, baby."

Ben's chuckle was dark, wicked. "I'm a soldier. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"I bet I can. Rodeo locker rooms." He rested against Ben, pretty much content to his bones.

"Mmm…I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

They laughed together, both of them tickled.

"You go first."