17. Seojun

CHAPTER 17

SEOJUN

I don't deserve this man's attention. I don't deserve this man's affection. And I most certainly don't deserve his body.

I'm sure he'll realize that sooner or later. He'll figure out I'm the scum of the earth and discard me accordingly. But if he thinks I'm going to stop touching him, licking him, loving him before then, he's got another think coming. Besides, it's not as if I could let go, even if I wanted to.

I can't. Not when he's been so kind to me and I've been so cruel. Not when his eyes set me on fire and his hugs bring me home.

No. I can't let go. I'll hang on to him for dear life and be happy when he realizes I'm undeserving of his attention and throws me away. Hell, I'll even thank him for giving me a quarter of his time when he didn't have to.

I stroke him and suck him and stare at him, watching the effect I have on his body, how hot and hard he gets against me. I revel in making him feel that way, even if it's on a countdown. Because I know—I know—as soon as he comes, this is over. He'll wake up, and I'll return to my pathetic life, trying to make something of myself.

When he clenches his legs and his breathing seizes, I take him to the root and stay there until he spills down my throat. And he does. His hot load sears me, but is there a sweeter memento of our time together than this? Is there anything better than the memory of how I made him feel?

He groans, his breathing labored, and hooks a finger under my jaw, and I brace myself for the inevitable…kiss?

"Huh?" I hum in his mouth.

He's kissing me. Why is he kissing me? I was certain this would be the end. Why would he choose me after everything I'd done?

"Wha'?" he hums back, and I open my mouth to see him staring at me.

I shake my head and breathe him in. He caresses my cheeks, my hair, my neck.

Is he unbuttoning my shirt? I don't even need to open my eyes to confirm as I feel a gentle breeze replace the soft fabric around my chest and back.

Before I even know what's happening, I'm sitting on the couch, and Jack is pulling my dress pants down and running his hot, wet tongue over my soft cock.

Shivers explode from my pelvis to my taint, and I bite down on my lip as I watch myself grow in his warm mouth.

With each bob of his head, I get bigger, thicker, harder. And he looks positively sinful with the smirk that permeates through his expression even with his mouth full.

Maybe…

Maybe he doesn't hate me.

He's under no obligation to return the favor, to blow me, or do anything to me, for that matter. Maybe the fact that he is means he doesn't hate my guts?

I comb my fingers through his hair and take long, deep breaths as I feel him take more and more of me. But I don't push him, I don't force him, I don't do anything other than hold on to him, the motion more than enough to shake the doubts off the top of my head and allow me to enjoy this moment.

"Oh, Jack." I moan, and his eyes smile brighter as if he needed my words for motivation.

He wraps his fingers around the base of my cock and starts stroking me at the same time as sucking me, and my fist tightens around his hair. He groans. It reverberates through my cock to the rest of my body, taking my breath away.

I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment or a man like him to want to give that to me, but…but one thing's clear.

"I love you, Jack!"

It slips out of my mouth, and I don't even have the time to feel ashamed for uttering the words as my stomach clenches and my knees spasm. I shoot my load, wave after wave, and Jack laps it all up as if it's the tastiest meal he's ever tried.

But after the high comes the drop, and I bury my face in my hands, my cheeks turning red instantly.

Jack pulls me out of his mouth. His hands grab my wrists and push down, and when I open my eyes again, I find him mere inches away from me.

"I love you too," he whispers and kisses me.

I'm stuck for words, which is fine because I have a tongue down my throat, but my mind is about to explode.

He loves me? He doesn't hate me? How is that possible? After everything I've done, everything I've put him through…how could he not hate me?

"Oh-my-God-stop-overthinking-and-kiss-me-back-you-fool," he mutters without breaking free from our kiss.

I don't know how a man like Jack can look at me and not see who I am, but…if he loves me, maybe I'm not such a monster after all. Because how can a guy like Happy ever love a monster?

I push my tongue into his mouth and let go of all my stupid, overbearing thoughts. Just enjoy the moment. That's all I can do at a time like this.

A beeping sound breaks the spell shrouding us, and Jack pulls away from the kiss. I have no idea how long we've been kissing or how much time has passed in general, but I lie there and watch him pick up his phone from the coffee table and read something on the screen.

He laughs.

"What?" I ask.

He chuckles as he puts the phone down and returns to me, taking me in his arms.

"I messaged the guys for an update."

"Oh God." I turn and bury myself in his neck. "Do I even want to know?"

"It's all good. Annie made everyone calm down and then Zeke taught them all a lesson in humbleness."

"Humbleness?" I look up at Jack.

"I told you he can teach anyone anything."

"So everyone's safe?"

He chuckles.

"Everyone is safe and sound. And after teaching everyone to share their feelings with their inside voice, he taught them how to clean."

"How to clean?" I grimace.

"Yeah, they're all putting your apartment back to order as we speak."

"Oh. So…so no one's hurt?" He shakes his head. "And I didn't get anyone killed?"

"Of course not. Everyone is fine. Bob and the other guys from SPAM. Kevin. Shuga. Even the supervillains. Although we need to talk about making amends with them."

I breathe a sigh of relief and nuzzle against Jack for a moment longer before I have to face reality again.

We drink our hot cocoa, and the next episode of Real Housewives plays on, but I'm not paying attention. I'm just focusing on the here and now, being with Jack and playing through the events of this evening again and what I could have done differently.

So many things, as it turns out. Starting with giving clearer instructions to Kevin and telling the truth to Jack's friends. If Red Viper hadn't been there, things wouldn't have gone downhill so fast. If any of the supervillains hadn't been there, the evening would have gone as planned. We would have been able to do a little schmoozing and a lot of interrogating.

A moment from the engagement party comes to the front of my mind, and I sit up.

Jack looks at me.

"What is it?"

I purse my lips and replay that moment in my head.

"I heard something this evening. Who…who is April?"

Jack's eyes go wide.

"April? SPAM April?"

I nod.

"She's a regional manager. She's my boss. Well…everyone's boss, really."

"Regional, huh? That means she's got access to more stuff than everyone, right?"

Jack cocks his head and purses his lips.

"Yeah. What are you thinking, Seojun?"

It sounds almost like a warning. Maybe I should heed it. But how can I when I'm so close?

"Does April have an office?"

"Seojun, no. April is… She's scary. You don't want to mess with her."

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Back at the party." I take his hand and squeeze it. "When you told me you'll see this to the end. Did you mean it?"

"Of course."

I lean my forehead against his and stare into his eyes, hoping they won't hate me by sunrise.

"Then we have to do this."