16. Jack

CHAPTER 16

JACK

" I 'm so sorry," Seojun says for the hundredth time, and all I can do at this point to show him it's okay is to take him in my arms and squeeze him.

"It's not your fault."

"Of course it is. I created this mess. I came up with this stupid engagement lie for whatever reason. I bound you to me. I made you lie to your friends. Everything that's happened is my fault."

The cab driver glances at us through the rearview mirror, and I smile at him. I press Seojun closer to me, stroking his hair, inhaling the floral and citrus notes of his shampoo like they're my oxygen.

It's true. Neither I nor my family would be in this mess if it weren't for him. And while that's frustrating, especially for my friends' safety, there's no way Seojun could have predicted how terribly this could have gone. If it's anyone's fault, it's Kevin's for not vetting the guest list better, and I guess both of ours for not double-checking. We all made mistakes that led up to this disastrous night, but my friends are nothing if not fighters. They can handle themselves. They've handled themselves during worse things. Things that led me into their lives.

"You were only trying to find your family."

He shakes his head, and I feel wet patches as he rubs against my chest.

"Yeah, in all the wrong ways, and where has that gotten me? I brought my enemies home."

The cab stops in front of my apartment building and Seojun gets out as I take a moment to pay the driver.

"I'm a horrible person," he says when I join him outside and envelop him back into my arms.

"I thought you were a supervillain."

Instead of taking my bait, he looks at me with the saddest eyes and squeezes his fists around my jacket.

"I'm being serious here."

"I know. I know." I plant a kiss on his forehead and lead him inside.

He doesn't say anything when I usher us into my apartment or when I take his jacket and shoes off. He barely looks up at me when I turn the TV onto a Real Housewives episode and pass him the remote while I go and make us both hot cocoa.

The house is quiet without Shuga here. I hope she's okay back in Seojun's guest room. I hope everyone's okay. I shoot a message to Annie and grab a blanket on my way back to the couch.

Seojun is staring at the TV with dried streaks across his cheeks. It's an image I never want to see again. Good thing hot cocoa can fix almost everything. And the things it cannot, I'm here for.

"Here. Drink this." I place his hands around the cup and wait until he's got a good grip on it before I let go and drape the blanket around his back.

He moves the cup to his mouth when he pauses and looks down at the whipped cream and marshmallow extravaganza.

"What is this?"

"Pizza," I tell him as deadpan as I can, which I'm fully aware isn't much, but hey, it still elicits a laugh out of him, so it can't have been that bad.

He takes a sip, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.

"You should have turned me in," he says, eyes still shut.

"To whom?"

"The police."

"Pftt, and what? Watch you pretend you're the police captain trying to get out of it? This is easier."

That makes him open his eyes and grimace.

"So I am your prisoner now."

I shrug. "Tit for tat, honey. Tit for tat."

That makes him roll his eyes, and it's almost, almost as if the cocky, sarcastic Seojun is back.

"I guess it's fair. Only you're out of luck."

"Really? How so?" I raise an eyebrow and set my mug down, untouched.

"I don't have any friends for you to lie to and put at risk."

He sinks into the couch, and I make him take another sip of his cocoa before I put that on the coffee table too.

"That's not true, is it? You do have friends."

He scoffs and turns his head away from me. I put my hand on his chest, where I can feel his heart thumping, and lean my head on his shoulder.

"You do now. My friends are your friends." He scoffs again. "Do you think they'd stick their necks out for just anyone? If they weren't your friends too, they would have snuck out with us. But they stayed behind to try and salvage the situation, my colleagues, and your home."

"Yeah. After I fucked it up."

"We all fuck up, Seojun. Every single one of us. It's how we learn to be better."

He looks at my hand on his chest and bites his lip.

"And some of us keep fucking up and never learn. Nice try."

I move my hand to his neck and from there to his face, gently so as not to scare him away, and lift my head so I can look at him.

"When did you fuck up before?"

He puffs up his cheeks and exhales with a pop.

"How much time do you have?" He glances at me, and I smile.

"All the time in the world."

He shakes his head and budges up away from me.

"I don't deserve to be treated like that. Not after what I've done to you. What I've done to everyone."

I pull my hands away and give him his drink back.

"If you were anyone else, maybe that would be true, but you're…you. So I'm here. And my eyes and ears and heart…they're open."

He hugs his mug and stares at the frothy top a little too intensely.

"You'd be saying that no matter who I am. Your power makes you susceptible?—"

"My power makes me see the positive side of any situation. It doesn't make me a fool."

He sighs.

"No, but I am. I've caused this. I've caused so much misery to everyone that's ever been around me. Even my omma. My brother."

I put my hand on his thigh and give it a squeeze.

"What happened?"

"What always happens. Ever since I was a kid, my omma always told me to watch where I put my signature and my dick. But since I discovered what I can do with my signature, I've been getting into trouble. At first, I used it to convince everyone I was a good student. But then I saw the opportunity to sign permission slips for trips my omma didn't want me to go on. And then came checks when I was short on cash. It doesn't take much of a leap to go from small inoffensive things to petty crime." He takes a sip and some whipped cream sticks to his nose, but he doesn't notice. "Once I got the hang of it, I managed to get us things. Great things. A better house, a better car, better education. But that didn't stop life from happening. Omma lost her job, Min was expelled, and no amount of signatures could get us our lives back. So, I started doing more dangerous things. I started testing my limits. I would find rich, older men and get them to sign me checks. That's when I got into trouble."

"I thought your signature made people forget what they did under its influence."

He nods.

"Yeah. They forgot they even met me. But that didn't mean they didn't notice their money missing. And it only took a five second phone call for them to find out who was responsible. We had to relocate a couple of times before I changed my MO and got smarter. But then other things would go wrong. My brother's car would break down, or our landlord would kick us out, as if the effect of my signature was causing things to go awry. And then, to top it all off, one day, I came back home and they were gone. As if they were never there. As if they never existed."

"That's not your fault."

He turns to me with big red eyes, and it twists my gut to see him like this.

"How do you know? How do you know my constant schemes didn't get them into trouble or curse them into nonexistence."

"I don't think?—"

"Then how do you explain why I can't find a single trace of them? Huh? Four years, I've been searching for them. Four. And it's as if the ground swallowed them up. No one knows what happened to them. No one knows where they are. What if…what if I made that happen?"

I grab his mug and pull him into my arms before his tears turn to sobs and his sobs into a full-on breakdown.

I hold him there in my arms. I'll hold him for as long as he needs.

"We'll find them, Seojun. You didn't hurt them. I know you didn't." I rub his back and keep going until the shaking stops. "You're okay. I'm here. Let it all out."

He pulls away slightly and looks me in the eyes as if for the first time. His bottom lip quivers, and I grab his chin as if that will stop it.

"Wh-why?" he whispers.

"Why what?" I whisper back.

"Why are you being so kind to me?"

"Because…" I start but never finish as he closes the distance between our mouths and puts his hand on the back of my neck.

His lips taste salty, but his tongue is sweet. The juxtaposition of flavors lights up my insides. Even though we're not stuck together anymore, even though his touch doesn't make me feel like there's a river of fire inside me, I still feel the heat explode within me. It's not forced. It's natural. It's what two people ought to feel when they touch with such passion, such tenderness.

Not that I needed it, but it's good to have confirmation that Seojun's signature wasn't completely responsible for how my mind and body reacted to his kisses.

I lie back against the couch. Seojun climbs on top of me, the blanket around his shoulders covering both of us. I deepen the kiss, holding his head in both hands. His are resting against my chest. Every time he exhales, it makes me inhale him, pinning him to me.

I grow hard against him, and he starts grinding on me, making me throb and pulse under all the layers separating us.

Suddenly, everything feels tight. The shirt constricts my body movements, the bow tie, although loose around my neck, is choking me. I'm bursting inside.

As if he knows, he starts undressing me. Unbuttons my shirt, unzips my fly, freeing me of my suit until I'm naked under him and he's painfully clothed. The soft texture of his silky garments feels like a thousand tender kisses all over my skin.

Seojun lowers himself to the floor, and as he takes position in front of my manhood, the blanket drops behind him. He stares at me as he wraps his lips around my length, and I have to hold my breath or risk coming undone.

He rubs my thighs, my calves, my belly, any part of me he can reach. The more he takes of me, the faster he goes down on me, and I have absolutely no idea how I've never thought to do this with another man before him. Because I've never felt more alive than I do with him.

Maybe…

Maybe I was waiting for him.

Maybe all the crap that happened to me in the past, all the exes that took advantage, that used me and discarded me like I was nothing, were just the warm-up for him. This tiny marvel on his knees before me, bringing me closer to absolution with every dip, every look, every breath.