26. Lexi

Opening my suitcase that I threw onto the edge of the bed in Summer's spare room, I sigh. Zac is away at a medical conference, so we're all alone for a few days. Still, I debate if I should even unpack anything.

"Here. Have some water," Summer offers when she strolls into the room. She hands me a bottle while she too observes my predicament. "You're just going to live out of a suitcase?"

I take a sip of the drink then flop onto the mattress next to the bag. "I'm not sure. I feel like Holden will come to his senses, but then again, he trampled on my heart, so that's my sign to leave Lake Spark. Except…" I sigh. "I already accepted my next project, and I think my new addiction to Jolly Joe's coffee can't simply be ignored." I must sound miserable.

Summer stares at me with a glint of amusement as she crosses her arms. "Do you truly believe he is going to beg for youto come back?"

I bite my inner cheek and ignore the dullness in my belly. "Maybe I want to imagine it far too much that I'm blinded by the obvious."

She grabs a nightgown from the top of the pile in my luggage and holds the lace up by her finger as she inspects it. "Doesthis even cover anything?" Her face screws up.

My brows rise because this is the last thing we should be discussing, yet it's still a nice memory with Holden. "I think that's the point."

She stutters a laugh and drops it back onto the clothes. "I want to root for you two. I'm sure you're right, that he's pushing you away due to his current situation, although…" She bobs her head side to side. "It's a shitty way to do it. But sometimes in life we need to let go because it isn't meant to be." Her eyes fill with sorrow, and I wonder if she's speaking of herself in her current marriage.

I throw my closed bottle of water behind me. "This hurts too much. You could be right. No more chance for us." A cry bursts up through my body to hit the back of my throat and sting my eyes.A wound he caused that makes my lips quiver."I'm sure as hell not going to chase him or try and speak to him again any time soon. He has to figure everything out, and if he didn't mean what he said, then he must make the next move. But that's the problem…"

Summer walks to lean against the dresser. "Go on."

"It could very well be that Holden meant every word." I scoff a sound and fall back onto the mattress. "What a na?ve woman I've been."

Summer sighs. "It will be okay, either way."

I wipe a tear away. "Why does it have to hurt this much?"

"Sometimes love hurts us."

My attention causes me to shoot up onto my elbows. "I guess I've never looked at it from that angle. Still doesn't make it any less painful. When he first broke it off, his conviction was strong, but yesterday at the hotel it was less. Still, I'm hopeful, even if he doesn't deserve it."

"Maybe space will help. But why are you so adamant to wait for him? He ran away when things got tough." It keeps sounding as though she is speaking to herself.

A faint wry smile brings a line to my mouth. "I've always treated life with such ease. But now, I see what I've been missing, and Holden surges into my life and I see everything through a different lens. I didn't know I was waiting for that. Now? My instincts scream that I shouldn't let go. That's what you do when you love someone."

"Don't confuse attachment with love," she highlights.

I swing my legs off the bed and stand. "I hear you. But I feel it in my bones that we are the real thing. It's so twisted, but I will wait a long time if it means he comes around." I search for my sweater that I tossed somewhere in my anguish.

Summer slants her shoulders up. "As long as he can fix the wound that he caused, then maybe you have the outlook that more of us should have." There's that sorrow again underlying in her voice. I really need to make sense of what's going on with her, but right now, I'm selfish and need to deal with my situation.

I find my sweater on the floor and bundle up. "I can't think of it any other way, otherwise the pain will only grow and be hard to fade away. Actually, our relationship moved fast, but the pain might last longer if this is our end."

Her eyes widen. "You really are optimistic."

I lick my lips and puff out my chest, attempting to gather strength to ensure I don't mope around. "Don't worry, I'm raging with anger, but this fucked-up sympathy inside of me has me unable to run. I can only imagine what he's going through. And saying he doesn't love me or that we were a mistake stings like hell." She looks at me, unsure, while I point my finger to the door. "I cried all night. But right now, I need a break from the waterworks and to go get a damn coffee at Jolly Joe's."

A renewed energy hits me, and Summer grins. "Well, before you go, I wanted to tell you some happy news." I smile and patiently wait. "Zac and I are having a baby." She appears happy.

I squeal in delight. "Finally, some great news in this shitty day. This is wonderful." I jump up to give her a hug.

"I think so. It feels like life is happening quick, but this is a gift." She glances down at her flat belly.

"It is." And maybe one day, I'll have a baby, too. With Holden's eyes and his humor and his nose…

Lexi, stop.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know in case I throw up at some point. But I'm nearly at the end of my first trimester, and it hasn't been bad."

"Well, I'll be there to clean up any puke if you do."

She nods in appreciation. "Okay, I'll let you be so I can focus on some work. Just don't wait forever, Lexi. Nobody deserves that heartache."

I nod that I understand, but I can't go down the rabbit hole of rehashing all of my feelings. I gently touch her shoulder in passing as I leave. Maybe she understands more than I could imagine, and she is wiser than me.

* * *

Okay,my confidence that everything will resolve was a fucking lie. Or that's what I feel as that swirling sadness and anger hits me again somewhere between parking my car and walking down Main Street. My head hangs low, and my misery returns, as if my rant earlier didn't happen.

"Lexi?" a young faint voice says, and my eyes snap up to see a beautiful 12-year-old with sass walking my way. She's missing a smile, though.

"Hey, Lori." I search the area, concerned that I will run into Holden again. But there's only a group of her friends from school heading into Jolly Joe's.

She quirks her mouth and tucks her hands into her jeans pockets. "Won't you come back?"

My nose rises because I'm not entirely sure what their dad told them. "Uh, I'm not…"

"He didn't say anything, probably because, well, someone showed up. But you haven't been around, and I'm smarter than my little brother."

Ah, Holden has spoken with Lori about her mother. "It's kind of complicated."

"He's being an ass."

Her blunt statement causes my head to perk up from surprise. "You're not afraid to be bold, huh."

Lori rolls a shoulder back, and her eyes peer down. "I don't want to see her and still my dad is walking around moody."

Indicating with my head, I suggest we sit down on the bench nearby, and she follows me. "If only it was that easy." I'm sure he didn't get into the specifics with her. "Sometimes adulting really sucks." I sigh and try to level with her age.

"Yeah, I can clearly see that." Her flippant tone brings a half-smirk to my face. "Just, please, can't you talk to him? You're just having a disagreement, and someone has to say sorry, right? You'll be there when we order pizza this weekend."

I glance away. "Lori, it's… I want to be honest, and time will tell."

A long silence floats in the air. "Please, Lexi, can't you talk to him? Maybe he'll listen. He can deal with my mom and fix whatever it is with you."

My eyes snap in her direction and see her hope. I touch her arm. "I-I... My only answer is to give him space. There is nothing else."

"Okay, but you'll be back tomorrow? Surely, that's all it will take for you both to be happy together again. I've never seen him this happy, well, until he lost it a few days ago."

My heart breaks more, and I do my best to keep my tears at bay in front of her. "Lori, I do appreciate that you felt the need to talk to me." I spot one of her friends at the door of Jolly Joe's, and she calls Lori's name. "You should go to your friends, okay?"

She nods in agreement and stands. "Just…" Lori can't finish her sentence.

But still, I give her a knowing look.

I should have seen that Holden making my heart crack would affect more than just me. If only he could see that mistakes can be rectified.