12. Nash

12

NASH

M y fingers trail along Summer's arm as we lie on the couch with a throw blanket loosely draped over her. All the more reason why I need to keep her naked body warm and close to me.

"This has to be our last time," she whispers weakly as her eyes follow her fingertips tracing my chest.

"Then why are you still in my arms?"

"Maybe I want to get every moment I can," she answers.

I inhale the scent of her hair, a familiar calmness coming over me. "I'm surprised you haven't run away yet. But here you stay." Her lips brush along my chest, and she settles again with her cheek resting against my body as I begin to stroke her hair.

"It's hard to… It feels like we are picking up from the last moment I was in your arms like this. Except there's time between us, and I'm not sure if it haunts me or not."

"Let go, Summer. Speak without thought. Otherwise, you'll be miserable."

"I don't like being alone," she laments .

I squeeze her tighter. "You're not. You don't need to fight it. I'm not going to run away."

"You did last time."

My body stills for a second due to the reminder. "Things change. Life changed."

She gave a gift to my brother. My nephew is in the picture. The challenges seem vague in the future for us, but that's better than nothing.

Our fingers gravitate toward one another and intertwine to move our hands together. "It feels like we've come full circle if I'm honest. It was you, then not, and now I'm back to you. The hole in my heart for many reasons is beginning to diminish slightly, barely."

"That's a start."

We lie here in silence in an embrace that is more than comfort; it's right.

"I remember you and I being like this for hours. Nobody knew. Now it seems to be a repeat, except I haven't figured out if the stakes are higher."

Inside of me there is a fight to shake her and tell her it's all going to be okay. In truth, this is a whole new realm for all of us. Both Summer and I want to honor Zac and the time since he has passed. Except for me, my timer is up. Does that make me a bad person?

Am I just swooping in because I have my chance to have Summer again? We haven't even figured out if my brother is the ghost that will haunt us or guide us. I'm just choosing the latter.

"Remember when you and I would order in food so we would never be apart? Just you and me barely clothed and talking?" she asks.

"I wouldn't forget something like that." We would lie in bed for hours, and I would take her too many times to count .

"We were in our own world. That's what I want now." Summer lifts her head to bring her gaze to mine. "I need to process what's happening between you and me. Is this what consolation is, or do people get a second chance in the saddest of circumstances?"

What she says is wise. We could both be blinded by lust, even if I'm confident that I won't let go this time.

"I'll give us that," I agree.

Her sigh for once sounds comforting. Summer's letting go, even if just for tonight.

"I should probably go to sleep. I need to be at the Dizzy Duck early," she mentions yet doesn't make an effort to move.

Nor do I encourage her to leave our island on the couch. My eyes roam the room, purposely avoiding any photos on mantels, and I'm relieved that the box of blocks is an easy distraction. "Summer."

"Mmhmm." She sounds drowsy.

"I'm sorry I didn't show up when Bo was born."

I wasn't a man. I couldn't put my pride to the side, instead wallowing in what I didn't have.

Summer adjusts her body again, and her fingers grip my jaw to guide my gaze to hers. "It's okay. You showed up eventually."

She isn't mad at me now, but I know she was, and maybe now it's just washed away.

Something has been stirring in me lately, and I should tell her. "I'm not here because I feel like I owe it to someone to be here for Bo. I want to be here for him."

Her mouth shifts to a faint smile. "It seems you just went from a five to a six on the baby scale."

"I need to work on my diaper changing, is that it? Is that why I'm not excelling at a faster rate to a ten? "

She chuckles faintly. "Probably. Now I think I need to leave this sofa purely because my side is beginning to ache. I'm impressed that we both fit here like this."

"We're kind of one body right now." And it's the only fit that will be the right size.

"True. Still, my hip is going to hate me tomorrow."

That's reasonable, which is why I shuffle with her to sitting up with the blanket carelessly covering her breasts. We both take a moment to stretch before Summer stands and gazes at me peculiarly. "Do you think you can sleep with me?"

My eyes grow big. "I was supposed to return to my room?" I'm teasing her because it probably was an option in her head.

"I shouldn't answer that," she admits right before she peers up with her eyes vulnerable. "I don't want to sleep alone. Not tonight."

"Then I'll follow you."

Her eyes gleam with appreciation.

I grab my boxer briefs and tell her to go on ahead. Picking up the beer bottle and wine glass, I bring them to the kitchen counter and will worry about them tomorrow. When I'm upstairs, I do a quick check through the door that's ajar to Bo's room, and I hear white noise and see the glow of the blue nightlight that projects stars. It's cute. I head to my room, grab a shirt, and check myself in the bathroom. Settling in for the night sounds good right now.

Arriving at Summer's room, I remember she mentioned the timeline of moving into the house which already erased one equation of this whole situation. Summer is on her side under the covers, now in a cotton t-shirt.

"Hey," she greets me shyly.

I saunter to the bed and then slide under the blankets to join her. We face one another and lie on our sides. "You're still warm," she grins.

"Uh, should I be ice?" I wonder.

"No, it's just I remember sleeping with you and you radiated so much body heat that you had no choice but to take your shirt off."

My tongue runs along my bottom lip. "It will probably happen again, if that's okay?"

Her hands rest under her cheek and her smile feels earnest. "It is. So just hold me," she requests.

I scoop Summer close, encasing my body to hers. "You never need to ask."

"Then maybe I never asked enough," she states softly.

Quieting her, I seal her lips with a tender kiss, refusing to recall why she couldn't ask.

Of course, I woke to a cold bed because Summer slipped out without detection this morning. I'm not surprised, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to confront it.

Which is exactly why I'm leaning against the front desk in the Dizzy Duck with my ankles crossed and snacking on a pumpkin-shaped sugar cookie, thankful that I didn't get the ghost-shaped one because that would be too fucking relevant.

"I don't know, I'm kind of thinking that the whole traditional Christmas gala has to return. It's stuffy, and my parents loved it. It was kind of a competition with the Lake Spark Country Club, but the Dizzy Duck Inn had a bit more holiday festivity. You know? Like, a resemblance to the setting of that game Clue but with a holiday theme," I explain to Stuart behind the front desk .

He listens with interest. "You mean, like a murder mystery kind of night?"

I snap my fingers. "Ooh, that's a good thought. I think that historical museum over in Everhope does one of those. We need one a bit closer, and it seems that we have a place. I should run that by Holden and Stone." I roll my shoulders back with a cocky tone. "I should have given this place more attention the last few years. I'm full of great ideas."

"Hey, Stuart, do you know when the coffee repair guy is coming? That machine Holden ordered way back keeps breaking down. It's becoming a nuisance," Summer asks as she focuses on a few papers in her hand.

"Kind of like me?"

Her eyes shoot up. "Shit," she mutters to herself, clearly being caught out and aware this was going to happen.

I give Stuart a warning glare to disappear, and he gets the message.

"Avoiding me is classic," I inform her.

She rolls her eyes. "Can we just leave it?"

Approaching her, I tsk my tongue. "No. So either we talk here or I'm happy to carry you to the dock since you tend not to shut up there."

Summer seems irritated. "Nash, now isn't the time?—"

I shove my half-eaten cookie into her mouth and her sound is muffled. "I need you quiet."

She wipes the back of her hand across her mouth as she chews and swallows the cookie. "What the hell, Nash," she barks.

"You're freaking out, I know you are."

"This is happening so fast. You're back a week and I'm sharing a bed with you. I should feel guilty or… it's only been a few months since…" She is quick to scan the room and sees we are alone. "A few months as a widow. Am I dish onoring him by ending up in bed with you? I don't know the timeline for these things."

"There isn't one," I blankly remind her.

Summer jabs a finger into my chest. "Why aren't you feeling the same way? This must be a slap in Zac's face. Don't you feel guilty?"

"No." I'm direct. My bluntness causes her eyes to spear me with surprise, as she wasn't expecting me to say that. "Not today, at least." Which makes me an asshole, I'm sure.

She blinks as she tries to contemplate my answer. It's a long silence. Idling in some ways, too.

The tip of her tongue darts out to lick a crumb away. "Damn, the seasonal cookies are good." She shakes her head, realizing she's slightly off track. "Nash, I'm…" She heaves a breath and straightens her posture. "It just feels…"

I cross my arms. "I'm waiting, otherwise that dock is calling our name, and throwing you over my shoulder is no issue for me."

Summer provides me with a pointed look. "Fine. My sentence as a non-flustered human is that this thing between us, it just feels… gravitating, impossible to ignore. But a fucking clock is taunting me; I should be taking longer to mourn."

"Language, Summer," I goad her to try and get the faintest of smiles from her. But then I step closer, realizing the magnitude of her thoughts. "Don't run away. We'll figure it out together. I'm also on the same timeline of history as you."

"Everyone doesn't stare at you the same way," she hisses softly. It kills me that she appears to fear shame.

"Summer, who cares what people think? You have a backbone. Don't let anyone but me get to you. "

She exhales a deep breath as she soaks in my words. "Okay."

I touch her shoulder delicately. "Okay, you're saying it to get rid of me now, or okay because you are agreeing?"

She's exhausted by me, but her smile developing means she doesn't mind. "Okay, I am agreeing." She still sounds a bit stubborn, and I'm still not 100% convinced.

"Can I also hold you while you sleep again tonight? Maybe tomorrow too?"

Her tongue darts to the corner of her mouth, and she contemplates for a second. "Well… considering last night, then it would feel kind of… empty sleeping alone. So, yes."

I grin at her response, as it is the only answer for me.

Her hand shoos me away. "Now go. I need to get back to work, so can you just…" She ushers me in the direction where I need to go, but I don't budge.

I have to throw in my smug card. "I partly own this place. I'm sure I can ensure you don't get in trouble if you want to grab lunch as two people trying to figure out life together."

Summer looks away, but her light demeanor remains. "Not today. I really do want to work to ensure I finish on time to let the babysitter go."

"Want me to do that? Rumor has it if I add pick-up duty to my roster, then I might move up from a six to a seven on the baby scale."

Summer chuckles. "Get out of here. And no, I'll do it."

All the complications between us seem to fade away for these few moments. "Hey, Summer, I was…" My thumb draws a line from my mouth to my stubbled chin as I hesitate to ask, but I take the plunge anyhow. "Maybe we can do that pumpkin patch thing this weekend. It would be good to get out of Lake Spark for a day. Just you, Bo, and me."

"That could be…" She stops herself from protesting .

But another issue dawns on me. "You, uhm… you're not afraid to get in a car with me, are you?" Last time she ended up in the hospital.

She glances away then back. "No, Nash. I'm not. The accident was literally that."

"We had been arguing before," I remind her.

"Yeah, because you ended things." That's a cold splash of water, but then her entire face softens. "Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't want it that way."

I swallow, accepting her answer, even if I'm not entirely free of my guilt. "I just wanted to check. I mean, I would understand if you are."

Summer's eyes grow into large circles, clearly now humorously annoyed. "Can we close this topic? You had an idea for this weekend."

I relax a little. "Yeah, a getaway."

"A good idea. For all of us, the three of us." Summer nods and leaves me be.

The three of us. She didn't mean anything by it. Just a simple answer.

But it tugs somewhere inside of me.

Stepping into someone's shoes. Or getting a renewed chance.

Fuck.

I'm going to throw every ghost cookie, no matter how perfectly delicious, into the garbage. I have enough reminders as it is.