11. Summer

11

SUMMER

I rush through the hotel until I'm outside in the crisp autumn air. It's nearly a march that gets me to the dock. Hearing my name being called causes me to groan and look up, with my hand cradling my neck as if a gentle massage will do something in this moment.

"Summer, wait!"

Of course, Nash would follow me. How could I think that I would get off so lucky? A moment to process isn't in the books today.

"Go away, Nash," I sneer.

It only adds fuel, and Nash continues his quest to arrive right in front of me. He extends his arm to touch my elbow, but I yank my arm away with a scowl.

"I was going to give you space, but I can't. We should talk about this." He's adamant.

I scoff a laugh to myself. "I don't even know where to begin." My eyes move in all directions as I become aware of another fact. "How the hell do we keep ending up on this dock?"

Fuck him for smirking. "Maybe this time we won't end up in the water." My death stare causes him to sober up his humor. "This was always a spot for us, long before. It seems it hasn't changed. What better location to talk than here? The guests get live entertainment, too." His attempt to make me laugh falls flat.

I charge forward and grip his shirt in pure frustration. "Now is not the time for jokes. I'm about to have a meltdown. No, I am melting down."

Nash remains composed and encircles my wrists to keep my arms in place. "Why is that?"

It's happening again today. That wave of an uncontrollable blur of feelings cannonballing through me. "Because I feel guilty. It's crazy, but I do. I should still be mourning, not making out with my dead husband's brother. It feels like I'm still sneaking around behind his back."

My words must hit Nash hard as he instantly recoils, letting my wrists fall. "Damn it, Summer. That thought has to snap out of your head."

I shake my head. "It confuses me."

"No shit. Your mixed thoughts caused you to kiss me."

"I wanted to see if that fire is still between us," I almost shout then realize what I just admitted and halt.

Nash snickers. "You really needed to test that? That's a bad excuse."

I grab my hair as I sink through a hole. "Is it? Back then, you let me go. You moved on as if I was a mistake. Why wouldn't I have my guard up?"

His face turns dark, his eyes seething with a mix of anger. "You want to know something, Summer?" I look blankly at him because it wasn't a question. "That necklace that you sometimes wear? The one hanging around your neck?" My eyes drop down, and I clasp the treasure chest. "I told him to get it. He was determined to buy you a flower or some shit like that, and I told him he should get you the treasure chest, a lucky guess I said. I left before I could see if he heard me or not. Seems he did. And you know why I told him?"

I swallow, wanting my heart to stop the spark that might explode. "Don't tell me," I breathlessly implore.

His eyes inform me that he won't listen to me. "Because you never fucking left my mind."

My eyes sting with tears. "You're making this worse."

He steps to me and slides his hand along my cheek to the back of my head, giving me no choice but to face his resolve. "I'm supposed to be in Lake Spark to make it better."

"Everything hurts," I simply answer.

His thumb wipes away a lone tear falling down my cheek, and he pauses for a second when his sight locks on the view of my scar. "It doesn't need to." His whisper scrapes his throat.

My cheek nestles into his palm. "I'm not sure what that looks like yet."

Nash gives me a comforting look. "Me neither, but I want to find out."

My heart is gravitating toward him. I'm conflicted about whether I should feel guilty or not.

"I need to get out of here."

The corner of his mouth lifts. "Are you sure you don't want to push me into the water?"

He always knows when to attempt to calm me. "Shut up, Nash." I'm not in the mood.

His hand falls away, and I give myself a moment to study him, wondering about his intentions now that he's back.

It's clear as day, he has no qualms about what he wants, and at least that's honest.

Sitting on the couch in the living room, I have music on and pour myself a glass of wine then set the bottle on the coffee table. Bo is asleep, and I'm aware that Nash will be returning home any moment. I'm sure he found every excuse under the sun to stay away for the last few hours. My small sip turns into a less-than-elegant near chug. It's been that kind of day.

The key turning in the lock immediately heightens my blood pressure because it's Nash returning. Clearing my head only brought me a tiny ounce of transparency. If there weren't the factor of being a widow, then without a doubt I would explore the magnetic friction that Nash and I have.

If I look back through the years, I shouldn't have been so blind. We had a loosened knot that only needed to be retightened. Loyalty was in the way, and now there is a ghost between us, and this dynamic is new to me.

I glance up when I hear the door close, and Nash slowly walks my way with hesitation, yet his piercing eyes are still far too powerful.

"I was wondering if I needed to send out a search dog or something." I smile nervously.

"Nah, just wanted to give you space and figured you would be in good company with a bottle of white." He indicates with his head to the bottle on the living room table.

"Seemed only fitting. Want a glass?"

"I'll grab a beer." He disappears into the kitchen, and after the sound of the fridge closing, I hear the snap of the bottle cap. Nash is quick to return with a bottle, and he swaggers his way to the couch to sit down on the opposite end of the sofa, a solid no-man's land between us.

I thrum my fingers on my thigh. "Uhm, you can put on the sports channel or something. I know pre-season games are over and the season is starting."

He smiles to himself. "Very honorable of you, but I wanted to ask… is it better if I stay at the Dizzy Duck? I know my brother wanted me to stay here to ensure you're okay, but I might be making this worse for you."

"No," I raise my voice, then calm. "I mean, it's fine. I don't want you to go. It's good for Bo, and I'm not sure…" I avoid meeting his eyes, and I stare at my bare ring finger. "I don't think staying at the Dizzy Duck would matter. You're still in Lake Spark. Still close enough to do damage."

"Damage. Great." His tone is edged.

My hand rockets up to relax his thoughts, and I scooch over on the couch to bring up my legs and bare feet to cross and half face him. "No, I mean… It's just, I would still be a hot mess of feelings, so might as well get a baby-oatmeal maker out of the deal."

Relief hits him. "Okay then."

"As… well, as long as it's okay for you. It's not just me having issues here, right?"

His jaw juts out as if he's wondering where I'm going with this. "Is that so?" He's messing with me. Or is he? "Maybe when I first got back, but it's becoming too obvious what to do. I can handle that… I've accepted that."

He slides over a little, and our space is closing even more. Heat rises under my skin, and my face must appear flushed. "Summer, I'm not going to feel guilty. I've come to the conclusion that maybe my way of mourning is to be near you. To be with you."

My eyes dip low, and I see my charm necklace hanging and floating in the air, and I use it to divert us. "It seems the Nix brothers have a thing for giving me jewelry. A ring and a necklace." Because it was really Nash, wasn't it?

"I'm angry he was the one who gave the necklace to you, if that's any consolation. "

My skin burns from the contrast of thoughts due to that admission. "You shouldn't say things like that."

Because I might agree .

Our eyes linger again, the air nearly suffocating. Nash's finger bolts out and hooks under my chin to draw my attention to him, with his fortitude written all over his face. "There's something I've wanted to do since I've been back."

The room is beginning to spin as every ounce of anticipation inside me surges, and I attempt to keep it down. "I don't think I want to know," I rasp.

Nash leans in. "And I don't care."

My chest panics that he is going to try and kiss me, but his lips bypass my mouth and do something much worse. They brush along the scar above my eyebrow. My entire body melts when Nash gently kisses it.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs against my skin.

I'm not sure how to breathe anymore, as the room seems to be fading around us. "Nash."

"I did this to you… and I'm the selfish guy who not only thinks you're beautiful but who is slightly satisfied that every day you are reminded of me."

As twisted as it sounds, the possessiveness that he has ignites something inside of me. His hands stay firmly planted to hold my head when he withdraws slightly.

"Every time I look in the mirror, there is no escape from you," I confess in a whisper.

He follows the path of his fingers as he lifts a part of my hair, then he places it behind my shoulder. "You're allowed to let your walls down if that's what you need."

Every part of my body is reacting. From my head to my toes and all parts in between, including my sensitive area that longs to be touched .

"Tell me to get up and leave," I plead, with my throat feeling dry.

His mouth quirks out, and Nash's eyes remain persistent with his beliefs. "I'm selfish, remember? You were mine first, so you know I won't tell you to run."

I nod gently, aware that the inevitable is happening.

Slowly we both lean in to let our lips meet. It's a softer kiss than earlier today, sensual and longing spilling out. I hate as much as I love how our mouths perfectly fit.

Our tongues delve in with their tips gently tickling each other, making me want more. Nash cradles my head between his hands to kiss me deeper, to hold onto me so I won't fall. In truth, I already did within.

A murmur fills my throat, and I grip his arms, wanting to ensure that I stay completely in place because I don't want to escape this time. Our mouths part only to find one another again, this time more fervent and insistent. We are past going slow.

I feel my body naturally lead and guide Nash to sit back, and I adjust my legs until I'm straddling him, with our mouths still intact for a kiss, except his hands drop to my waist, his fingers sneaking under the fabric of my tank top. He slowly drags my shirt up, and I want more, too. My hands search between us for his shirt, and I begin to tug as I want it gone. He abandons me for a second to whip his shirt up and off. Meanwhile, I finish the job of getting my own shirt off, leaving me in a bra.

My head falls back as Nash's mouth brushes down my throat to my collarbone that he kisses gently. I place the palms of my hands against his bare chest to create a little space. I check in that we're really going to do this. It appears that all our fears have vanished. With urgency, we return to our exploration of one another. Nash's lips graze my cleavage while his fingers work the clasp behind me. Instantly, my breasts peek out, and his mouth begins to tease my nipple. Everything in me is painfully throbbing for his touch.

Dampness from my pussy seeps through my yoga pants, and I swirl my hips against him. Nash always liked to lead and could read my body, always giving me what I needed. It seems now is no different. He guides me back until my head lands on a cushion, and he hovers over me while we kiss.

But my lips feel vacant when he sits up on his knees to pull my yoga pants down while I raise my legs. His eyes are on me, hungry.

"My beautiful Summer," he whispers. The pants find a home on the floor, and his wicked eyes warn me as his mouth coasts up my legs, slowing on my thighs for a few soft kisses and giving me agony in anticipation.

"Nash."

He teases my thighs with his lips, drawing lazy patterns. His fingers slide up and rub against my panties. I'm not ashamed how soaked I am for him, and he's pleased as he moans in response. Slipping under the fabric to glide along my pussy, he finds my clit, and my entire body tilts up in response. Nash's palm splays against my stomach to calm me, and I'm rewarded with his mouth kissing me over the fabric on that sensitive spot.

"Don't stop." I breathe out my torture.

He pauses for a second. "I never wanted to." Then he returns to worshipping me.

Except his sentence had more meaning. He never wanted to leave and stop us all those years ago… but loyalty got in the way.

My eyes close, taking in the overflow of desire, feeling my panties disappear, and the sound of Nash's zipper filling my ears .

"Tell me I can take you like this." It's not a question, more of a plea.

I lick my lips. "I have an IUD. And I know you would never…" It doesn't matter about logistics now. He would never hurt me physically.

"I want to get lost in you again," he mutters as he parts my thighs open and kisses me by my knee.

I'm already lost in him, this, everything.

The moment he enters me with just his tip, we both moan together. It's been too long, and our tension incinerates as he pumps deeper until I'm full and stretched. Every move causing tremors through my body.

"Summer." His warm breath tickles me, and his mouth caresses my breast as he gently thrusts inside me.

My nails scrape his back to bring him deeper. It sets him off, and our pace changes to a hurried need to let go together. With our eyes connected, it's intense as our bodies become one with him inside me, which is why we let go.

I've needed him.

It's all clear to me now.

I've missed him. That I already knew.

When we settle into an embrace in our afterglow, with Nash tossing a blanket from the back of the sofa over us and my head resting firmly against his chest, there is another thought that hits me.

I was supposed to end up back in his arms.

But why does my heart twist so much?