Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

“We won’t stay long,” Kicks said as we walked toward the great hall for dinner.

Varic had once again made the suggestion we attend dinner. Why? I couldn’t begin to fathom.

Kicks might not be looking as dire as I was, but he was walking slower than normal.

The din of the crowd grew louder as we got closer to the main hall. Eating with these people over and over again was going to do little for my appetite.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself as we approached. We were about to turn the corner when the sudden, familiar feeling of standing beside the abyss gripped me. Charon was near.

I clutched Kicks’ arm harder, as if that would keep me in this world.

He looked at me immediately. “What is it?”

“Kicks, I—”

I didn’t get a chance to finish, as I was suddenly standing in the arena again, the stars above. There were whispers and the feeling of crackling power coming from the darkness that surrounded me.

Charon appeared, his face hidden by the hood of his dark cloak, and everything inside of me tensed. I was about to get tested again.

“You are here for a second test,” he said, his voice heavy.

Stay calm. Don’t show fear.

“How many more times am I going to be tested?” I asked. I was done following anyone blindly. They’d been ready to kill me last time. What did I have to lose?

“Until we feel it’s been enough.”

“We? You mean the ones who won’t even show their faces?” I waved a hand toward the faceless darkness of those so ready to judge but not be seen.

“We reveal ourselves when we choose.”

“And what if I don’t want to be tested again? Then what?” I said, trying to stare into the dark void where his face should’ve been.

“We’ll have to make a decision about your future that might be unfortunate,” he said in that deep rumble of a voice.

Unfortunate? That was what they called killing me? It didn’t scare me if that was the intent. I was more ready to fight now than before. I’d been afraid for so long, of so many different things, that I was growing a callous a mile thick.

“So you’ll kill me if I don’t take your tests, or kill me if I fail?” I said, done keeping the agitation out of my voice. I’d kill all of them if I could, and I didn’t care if they knew it.

“Yes.”

I didn’t respond, waiting to hear what else he had to say, since my input didn’t matter anyway.

“You will be subjected to continuous shocks. They will rise in their intensity until you name someone to replace you in that same position. That person will then be shocked to death. They will not know who chose them, nor will anyone else. They will just die here and remain missing forever to all who knew them.”

This was too easy, my list of enemies too long. It wasn’t an honorable way to kill, but I’d be crazy not to—but that wouldn’t be much of a test, would it? No. These people were too twisted. I already knew how this was going to go.

“ But …” I rolled my hand, urging him to get on with it.

“There are conditions on who you can choose. You must care for the person, and we will know if you’re lying.”

And there it was. The unpleasant but I’d expected. The sick twist that made this fit.

“And if I don’t, I die,” I said.

“That is correct.” He stood there, all high and mighty, his arms crossed and ready to dole out what he thought fit. “Do you have a name, or shall we begin?”

This was an impossible test. There was no name to offer and I was at my breaking point. If this was the way the tests were going to go, it was only a matter of time before they killed me anyway. “You might as well just kill me now, because I won’t give you a name.”

Instantly, my wrists and ankles were manacled to a stake in the ground. Charon was going to kill me. If he didn’t, a horde of faceless gods would. It was almost easier that I hadn’t expected this tonight. The surprise helped me keep my dignity, at least for now. Kicks would figure out what had happened to me. He’d know I hadn’t wanted to leave him, or Charlie. He would make sure Charlie knew I never wanted to leave him. It wasn’t a goodbye, but it would have to be enough.

The sky blazed with light as a bolt hit me with a shock so intense that I dropped to my knees and gasped for breath. Once I got some air back into my lungs, I stared up at Charon.

“You might call yourself a god, but you are evil. All of you are.” I made a point of looking at the audience obscured by darkness.

Another bolt lit the sky right before hitting me, worse than the first. Pain shot through my body and I writhed on the ground, gasping. The only positive thing about this was I wouldn’t last long. If I was going to die, it would be fast.

“Do you have a name?” Charon asked, hovering over me.

I wished that a list of names didn’t run through my mind, but they did. I thought of them, and then imagined each person’s face. But I didn’t say one. If this was my time, maybe it was meant to be. Maybe I wasn’t meant to walk this earth anymore. Kicks would care for Charlie. The whole pack would. Kicks would move on once I was gone. Charlie would grow up and have a full life.

Charon stepped closer, his boots right in front of my face where I was lying in a ball on the ground.

“What about Evangeline?” he asked. “Don’t you remember how she looked at you with fear? Would it really be so bad if she died?”

If she’d stared at me in fear, it had been deserved. I thought back to the death I’d caused. Only someone insane wouldn’t have feared me.

“No.”

I struggled to my knees, refusing to remain completely bowed.

Another shock, this one stronger, more agonizing than the last, brought me down again.

“What about your father?”

“He’s alive?” I whispered.

“Yes. Think of how horribly he disappointed you. Is his life really worth saving?”

Maybe Charon was right, and it wasn’t. But what would be left of who I was if I said his name? Maybe he was weak, but did he deserve my fate? Was it worth living if you hated the person you were? How much would you give in order to survive? Would you crawl on your hands and knees in order to take another breath?

No. I wouldn’t.

“Say his name. Choose, and the pain will end,” Charon said.

Another jolt shot through me, this one so strong that I was unsure how I wasn’t dead.

“What if I offered you the choice of anyone in the pack?” Charon said. “Any innocent? Someone you weren’t close to, perhaps?”

But innocent . Why did I have more of a right to live than them?

I felt the tears on my cheeks, knowing how my death would hurt Charlie and Kicks. But I couldn’t give him a name.

Suddenly my wolf was there, licking my face. If my hands weren’t manacled, I would’ve hugged him.

Thank you, I said silently.

He licked my face again, as if he’d heard, as if he knew I needed his strength to get through this.

“No,” I said firmly. “I won’t choose. Do whatever you must.”

The shocks came faster. I could feel urine soaking my pants as I retched from the pain that made me lose control of my body.

“Choose, Piper,” Charon urged. “End this.”

Tears streamed down my face, mingling with sweat and remnants of vomit on my lips, but my wolf was beside me.

“I won’t do it,” I said, my voice weak but still firm.

The shocks began again, and I couldn’t fathom how I was still alive. My vision blurred, black spots filling my eyes. I could barely move, my cheek pressed to the dirt. I lay there, waiting for the final shock that would finish me. All the mistakes passing through my mind, the missteps, what I could’ve done to avoid ending up here. But I was here and nothing was going to change that.

There was a pause in the pain as I lay there. The murmurs seemed to grow, but I couldn’t understand a word of what was said and was beyond caring.

Suddenly the dirt changed to the feeling of stone.

“Pips?”

Kicks wrapped his arms around me as I passed out.

I woke wrapped in a thick robe, my hair still wet, cradled in Kicks’ arms. I fisted the front of his shirt in my hand. His arms tightened around me. I’d never been one to cling until tonight. I was holding on to him for dear life, as if he could stop Charon from getting to me

“Charon?” he asked.

I nodded. My teeth were rattling so badly I couldn’t get words out.

“It’s okay,” he said. “You’re safe. You’re here.”

But I wasn’t safe.

He rubbed my back and arms. It took me a while longer to be able to speak and tell him what happened.

“Do you think he was bluffing when he said he’d kill you?” Kicks said, his voice getting rough the way it tended when he wanted to shift. Unfortunately, it was hard to kill something he couldn’t even see.

I replayed the events in my head. They didn’t make sense. Charon had said he was going to kill me. It felt as if he were trying to kill me. And yet I was here. What would be the point of bluffing like that and then undermining himself by not killing me?

“I don’t think they’re going to kill me. I just don’t know if it’s that they don’t want to or if they can’t,” I said.

“Next time they come for you, tell them to come find me instead.”

I tightened my arms around him, knowing I’d never do that, even if it was an option.

“Even if I could, this might be my only way to get rid of Death. They can unblock what she did and then we can get out of here.”

“We’ll find another way.”

I wish I believed that.