Chapter 32

32

REYA

T he following morning is our weekly reward trip to the markets. A chance for us to spend the allowance they provide us with and to have a morning free from classes and learning. Whilst the other girls are excited at the prospect of buying new ribbons and trinkets, I'm bursting with excitement for our afternoon class of combat. I'm itching to hold a sword in my hand and feel like my old self again. Trying so hard to do better at feminine skills such as crochet and music is taking its toll and I'm ready to let all my frustration out in the ring.

We leave the mansion and begin the short walk to the market; each dorm is accompanied by their house mistress to ensure we don't mingle too much with any Asen soldiers or single males. I mean, we can't have a chosen one getting herself pregnant with an Asen bairn now, can we?

The market—filled with vibrant colours of fabric and the delicious smell of baked goods—is bustling with customers when we arrive. Whilst Saveya talks excitedly about which stalls she wants to visit first; I scan the busy market to see if I can spot an opportunity to sneak away and speak with Arkynn. I have heard nothing from him or the rebellion leader since that first meeting, and I'm eager to make myself more useful to their cause.

I'm staring into space at a jewellery stall when I hear the familiar whistle of a meryn sparrow and my eyes dart toward the sound. My eyes find Arkynn. He leans around the side of a nearby building and beckons me to follow him. I look behind me to see where our house mistress is and, luckily, find she's distracted talking to a stall holder behind us. I slowly edge away from the stall and checking around to make sure no one is watching me. I weave through the crowd to where he waits for me. His hand reaches out and pulls me up the side of the building. Before I can say a word, he envelopes me in a tight hug.

"Crystals, I've missed you." He sighs, and I relax into his hug, desperate to feel something familiar and safe. Ark reminds me of home and of happier times. He leans back and scans my face. "How are you holding up?"

I roll my eyes and groan. "It's torture, Ark. Hours of dance classes and sewing and music. All training me to be the perfect little shadow wife. I hate it."

Ark's lips quirk upwards. "Not enjoying being one of the girls, then?"

I sigh. "I've never fit in, and I can't see that changing here." I glance behind me to check no one has seen us. "Anything for me?"

He nods his head and leans in closer to my ear. "We need someone to get into the commander's office and locate the route for a shipment of onyx that is being transported to their headquarters in the north district. I said I'd try, but if I'm caught in the commander's offices without permission." He makes a cutting gesture across his throat.

"I can do it," I insist eagerly. "I'll get into his office."

Ark looks at me, conflicted. "Are you sure? If you're caught…"

"Then I'll talk my way out of it. Trust me. I can do this," I insist, and after a moment of hesitation, he nods his head. "I should go before I'm missed."

Ark reaches for me again and pulls me in for another hug. "In a few months, this will all be over and then we'll get you out and we can be together, truly together. I know I hurt you, but you and me, Reya, it makes sense. No one knows you like I do."

I hastily untangle myself from him and clear my throat. After everything that happened, he still thinks we can be together. Could we? I mean, I no longer harbour those feelings for him. It was a juvenile puppy love, but he's the closest thing to home I have.

"I have to go. Speak soon." I move to turn away, but Ark yanks me back towards him and presses his mouth against mine. My eyes widen in shock and then alarm. What the hell is he thinking?

Before I can yank myself away, I'm ripped away from him and on my backside on the floor. I look up in shock to see Raegal with eyes as black as night, his shadows wrapped around Ark's neck. Ark grapples at the shadows, trying to pull them off as he dangles in mid-air.

"You dare to touch her!" he hisses coldly. "You dare to think you can disobey my orders? You just signed your own death penalty."

I scramble to my feet and rush to stand in front of Raegal. His eyes don't move from their target as he squeezes the air from Arkynn's lungs. I place my hands on his chest.

"Raegal. Please stop. He didn't mean to. Arkynn knows we can never be. He knows I don't want him like that."

Raegal's dark eyes fall on me and I should fear the darkness in his eyes, but I don't. "Please don't hurt him. He and the twins are all I have left. He's my friend. Please." I plead, my voice breaking. "I can't lose anyone else in my life. I won't survive it."

I hear Arkynn falling to the floor behind me, and he gulps in large breaths of air. The shadows that were seconds ago squeezing the life out of him are now surrounding me and I yelp in surprise as Raegal yanks me against his body and shadow weaves us away.

No sooner do his shadows disappear than he has me pressed up against the wall of his office, his hands gripping my chin.

"Is he what you want? That pathetic boy who couldn't see what was right before his eyes all those years? Does he make you whimper with pleasure like I can?" He cups at my sex over my skirts. "Answer me!"

I look into his dark, angry eyes. His shadows seep out into the office and climb the walls, sweeping across the floors in a turbulent flood.

"No, he isn't. I don't want him like that. I didn't know he was going to kiss me."

He rubs his thumb over my bottom lip, and I gasp at the contact as a ripple of heat runs through my body. He studies my reaction, and a cold and confident smile crosses his taut face. "You'll never be his."

"Never," I repeat and it's the truth. He yanks my skirts up and I feel his hand move up underneath my underwear until he cups my naked sex. His eyes flare when he finds me wet.

"Are you wet for him?" Raegal demands to know, his eyes darkening further.

"Not for him," I admit, and he growls as he yanks my face towards his and places his mouth on mine. He holds my head prisoner in his hand as he devours me. He's cruel and demanding and I take it all. Raegal parts my folds with his other hand and strokes across my sex, causing me to whimper in need against his lips.

"I want to kill him for touching you," he admits as he pushes a finger inside of me at the same time as his tongue swipes against mine. We kiss like the world is ending and I forget everything but the feel of him. "More," I whisper against his lips. "I need more."

I feel his smirk against my lips. "You'll get more when I decide you deserve more." He withdraws his finger and I whimper at the loss. He brings it to my mouth. "Open." I do as instructed, and he pushes his finger into my mouth. "Lick it clean."

With my eyes trained on his, I swipe my tongue across his finger and his eyes flare with pure carnal desire. "I want to fuck you until you ache everywhere. I want to fuck you until you're so full of me you can't think of anything but me," he says, as his shadows rip my skirts in half, and they fall to the floor. A rush of deep need rushes through me at his words. It's wrong. So wrong, but I want him. I want him to own me and use me.

He rocks his hips against my now naked sex, and I release a guttural moan at the feel of his hard length. "Tell me what you want, Terror? Is it him or me?"

He nibbles at my ear as his hand brushes softly against my core. "Please." I whimper, desperate for him to touch me and give me what I so desperately need. He abandons my ear and grips tightly at my chin as his eyes burn into mine. "Him or me?"

I hate him for making me say it. "You," I admit, and he rewards me by stroking his finger up and down my sex.

"Say it. Say ‘I want you, Raegal,'" he demands coldly as he inserts a finger inside of me and my eyes roll back in my head as his shadows sneak under my top and tease my nipples.

"Gods." I moan, lost in the sensations he's causing. He pauses and I growl at him. "Fine! I want you Raegal."

"Good girl. Now let's see how loud I can make you scream, Terror."

I gasp when he pushes a second finger inside of me and he pumps them in and out. I wrap my legs tightly around his waist and chase his movements with my hips, eager to feel him deeper. His shadows touch me everywhere, stroking up my back and up my thighs. "I hate that I want you like this," he whispers against my ear.

"Same," I reply breathlessly as I chase the waves of pleasure that climb higher.

There's a loud rap on his office door.

"Commander!"

Raegal curses under his breath. "What is it?" he demands as his fingers continue to pleasure me.

"I have an urgent message from Captain Graystream regarding the missing girls."

Raegal sighs and presses his forehead against mine. "One moment." He covers my mouth with his hand as he plunges his fingers in and out of me with a desperate urgency. My eyes widen as my release burns through my body in wave after wave of pure ecstasy, and his eyes never leave mine as he watches me come undone on his fingers. He removes his hand from inside me and he places his finger to his lips, urging me to be quiet. Untangling my legs from him, I wobble on my own two feet, feeling drunk with pleasure. He strides to the door and opens it just enough to stick his head out.

"Speak and quickly!" he orders the poor soldier. The soldier informs him they have received intelligence on the location of one of the missing girls and that Jasiel is waiting to speak with him in the command centre.

Raegal swears under his breath and runs a hand through his dark hair. He looks back at me standing against his wall with my ripped skirts at my feet and his eyes flare with regret. "Tell Captain Loring to meet me there." With one last glance my way, he opens the door and strides from the room, closing it briskly behind him. I watch aghast as his shadows cover the door from the inside, effectively leaving me locked in until his return. Damnation! I've been gone too long. Moryen will probably have noticed my absence by now. I reach for my skirts and wrap them around my waist, attempting to tie them together where he ripped them down the middle. Why do my clothes end up in tatters every time he touches me?

I glance around the office, then I pause as I remember my earlier conversation with Arkynn. My eyes land on his desk drawers and taking one glance at the door, I rush around to the desk and try the top drawer. Its locked.

Think, Reya!

Smiling, I pull my dagger from my left boot and insert it into the lock. The tip is the perfect size. I wiggle and twist it, but it doesn't budge. I search the room frantically for anything I can use when my eyes fall on his shadows surrounding the office door. With an inkling of a crazy idea forming in my head, I walk towards the door and swipe my finger into the mist of shadows and sure enough, a wisp of a shadow lingers on my finger. I look up at the ceiling and ask for the Mother Goddess to bless me with luck. I return to his desk and, taking a seat in his dark leather chair, I press the slither of his shadow into the lock. I wait with bated breath and send my thanks to the goddess as the lock of the draw clicks open.

Mission accomplished.

Conscious I'm running out of time; I open the drawer and hurriedly search through his correspondence. I skim read the top lines of the documents until my eyes land on the very thing I am searching for. I pull it out and scan the details, committing them to memory until I can get back to my room and write it down. A slither of guilt runs through me. Here I am betraying the man who I've just been intimate with. I shake the thought from my head. I don't have time for second thoughts. I don't owe him anything. I skim read the rest of the document. I still when I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. Quickly and quietly, I place the document back within the pile I found it and place them back in the drawer, closing it softly. I panic when I realise it isn't locking itself. I glance at the door, debating if I have enough time to retrieve more shadow and attempt to close it before he comes back through that door. I don't. Rushing to my feet, I rush back to lean my back against the wall where he left me just as the door swings open. His eyes sweep over the room before landing on me.

"Have they found them?" I ask him, still clutching at my torn skirt.

"Possibly. I'm sending more soldiers to assist, including your friend," he says. "Either that or I choke him to death for touching you."

Is it wrong that part of me heats at the way he gets so violent at the idea of someone else touching me? I look down at my tattered skirts as he moves towards me. He places a finger under my chin and forces me to look at him.

"Fraternising with a Shadow Kissed is punishable by death. You need to make sure he doesn't touch you again. Had anyone else witnessed him kissing you today, I would have had no choice but to punish him."

I gulp. I knew the laws forbidding soldiers from having any kind of sexual contact with a Shadow Kissed once they were at the mansion. Damn Arkynn for being so stupid and reckless. I nod my head in response. The next time I see him, I need to make it crystal clear that there is no hope of anything romantic between us.

"What am I going to do? The mistress will know I'm missing by now?" I've no sooner said the words when there is another rap on the commander's office door. He curses. "Why can't I have privacy when I desire it?" He strides over to the door and opens it a fraction, ensuring whoever is on the other side cannot see me.

"Good morning, Commander."

"What is it, Orym?" Raegal demands, keeping his body firmly in between the doorway.

"There's a Shadow Kissed missing, Commander. Her mistress is worried the rebels have taken her. Shall I organise a search party?"

Raegal shakes his head. "There's no need. The missing female is here, in my office."

There's a silence. "She is? Oh, oh, I see, sir. What would you like me to tell the mistress?" I don't miss the tone of understanding in the soldier's voice. My cheeks heat in mortification.

"I expect your discretion, Orym. If you can tell the mistress that I caught Miss Lockwood attempting to sneak into the barracks and I'll be escorting her back to the mansion myself shortly."

"Of course, Commander," he replies. "Your secret is safe with me. Good morning, miss," he says into the room and my cheeks flood with blood in mortification.

"Err, hi," I reply, wanting to curl up and die.

"That will be all, soldier," Raegal barks as he steps back and effectively pushes the door closed in the soldier's face.

"You couldn't make up another excuse?!" I exclaim, feeling completely mortified. "He thinks we were in here; you know…"

Raegal smirks as he watches me, his hand leaning against the closed door, his other on his hip. He tilts his head. "No, I don't know, Terror. You'll need to use words."

I cross my arms over my chest, forgetting they were holding up my tattered skirts, which fall to the floor again at my feet. His nose flares as his eyes move up my bare legs. He strides towards me, and I gulp in apprehension. When he stops in front of me reaches out and grips at the back of my neck, forcing me to look at him.

"We were doing exactly what he thinks we were doing. Better that than he suspects you and your boy are lovers. I'm the commander, it's expected that I take liberties."

I scowl at him. "I'm glad you find the matter so trivial. It isn't your reputation I'm bothered about in the slightest. He thinks we were in here having sex!"

Raegal's lips quirk as he fights a smile. "And he wouldn't be far wrong, and we both know it."

I swallow deeply. "I thought you didn't touch my kind?" I ask him, feeling cornered and confused.

His eyes study my face as he strokes his thumb across my jawline. His eyes linger on my amethyst necklace. "It seems I have an insatiable hunger for you. And when I do bed you, Terror, it will be in a bed and when I have the time to keep you there for days on end."

My cheeks redden as I hold in a breath. "This is a mistake."

He nods in agreement as he runs his thumb over my bottom lip. "Agreed. A terrible and stupid mistake, but I fear there's no turning back."

I reach out and tentatively place my hand on his chest. "Raegal, what do you know about this connection between me and the mutts? Is there something you're not telling me?"

He considers my question for a moment as he cups the back of my neck in his hands. "When I know, you'll know."

"But you have your suspicions, right?"

He nods. "But that is all they are right now, Terror. I need one last taste of you before I take you back," he whispers as he closes the distance between us and kisses me like I'm the air he needs to breathe. I melt against him and meet his eager kisses with my own, all the while the heavy sense of guilt sits uncomfortably in the pit of my stomach.

"I'll make a deal with you, Terror," he says as he reluctantly pulls his mouth away. "If you can beat every contender in the combat class this afternoon. I'll take you home to see your brothers tonight."

I still at his words. "But it isn't allowed."

"I'm the Lord Commander, Terror. If anyone can break the rules, it's me." He grins at me and for a moment I'm bewitched by him.

"Why?" I ask him. "Why break them for me?"

He sighs and I'm distracted by his shadows as they collect my ripped skirt from the floor at my feet and weave the two pieces back together like new.

"I keep asking myself the same question. We should get you back. Be prepared for Moryen's punishment."

I crinkle my brow in confusion. "Punishment?"

He nods, smirking. "Yes, for trying to sneak into the barracks, remember?"

I groan in response. Great! No doubt she'll come up with something that I will find abhorrent. "Wonderful!" I mutter and, grinning, he pulls me against him as his shadows wrap around us, taking us back to the mansion.