Chapter Seven

Wilder

I wait for my current class to start exiting the room before I pack up my stuff. The past few days have left me on autopilot, barely responding to external stimuli because once again, everything is a mess with my mate.

I could blame the fact the I haven't spoken with her or sought her out in nearly a week on the fact that I'm now facing many more duties as pride male, but even I know that would be a bullshit excuse.

The truth is far more stupid; she was right.

Now that I've had time to come to terms with what my father pulled and tried to expose Delaney to, I find my thinking at the time to be absolutely ridiculous.

How could I have thought that Delaney getting her parents involved would be a bad thing?

Likely because my own father is such a fuck up that I find it hard to comprehend that there are parents out there that actually want good things for their children.

I begged off of returning home with Delaney over the weekend, where she brought Adam and Cory and her mates to spend time with her family, because I just wasn’t ready. I knew it was important to her, and yet I let my ego get in the way and told her I had other responsibilities.

I did actually, so it wasn't a complete lie, but it would have been fairly simple to rearrange my schedule to fit Delaney's needs in.

In fact, it would be expected of me as her mate to assimilate into her life like she should be melding into mine. Which clearly isn't happening.

Everyone has kept me in the group chat, so I know all about the cute picnics Cory and Adam have taken her on,the football game she went to to support her brother, but also how she ended up fucking August and Jackson in the empty women's locker room after and how hot it was, but it's just life going on without me.

I don't know how to reinsert myself into her life after we had just started getting somewhere good and I blew us off the map.

My teeth ache from how hard my jaw keeps clamping itself shut, because I'm so tense, and my lion doesn't understand what the fuck I'm doing with our mate.

“Wilder? You have a second?”

I shake my head and force myself into play-nice-with-my-colleagues mode as I start collecting my lecture notes so I can replace them in my briefcase. “Yes, I have a moment. What did you need?”

“I was just wondering if you could check over this grant proposal I put together; it’s for that one you won last year, and I just want to make sure I'm giving it my best shot. My students could really benefit from this kind of program.”

“Yeah, I could do that. When's the deadline? Could you email it to me so I can check it out when I'm focused? I tend to miss more important things when I've been lecturing all day.”

“Maybe we could just go over it really quick in your office?”

I finally look at my colleague, wondering if I'm reading the situation correctly. “You…want to go to my office? How is that better than here?”

“Well,” she says, stepping forward, “we’d be alone, for one. There wouldn't be any students vying for your attention. I could give you all of my focus.”

A snort from the auditorium has me whipping my head around to see who is still out there. There are hardly any classes that run in the evenings, so my students are usually anxious to get out of this room so they can get home for the night. “Pretend I'm not here. Please, do finish this fascinating conversation.” Delaney clicks her pen and continues to read a textbook she has open, completely chill. Even while this other woman is clearly making a pass at me.

“That's all you have to say?” Is she not jealous at all that another woman is trying to get me alone?

She shrugs, still not looking at me. “Use protection? Don't get caught? Oops, sorry, looks like you blew that one already.”

My colleague, another professor in the shifter program, teaches about shifter politics to my shifter history. We've crossed paths a few times, interacted at department events, but we're not at all as cozy as she's trying to make us seem.

“You really shouldn't interrupt important conversations between your professors, miss. I need to ask you to vacate the hall as it is after hours now, and you have no business remaining here. One might assume you're attempting to do something inappropriate.”

Delaney starts laughing as she simultaneously packs up her stuff. Was she sitting there the entire lecture, and I was so zoned out I somehow didn't notice? Even with a hat on, I’d know it was her in a crowd of a million; and that’s nothing on the way our bond always tells me when she’s close by. I’ve just been so out of it that I’ve not been paying attention to it.

“Professor, respectfully, out of the two of us, I'm pretty sure that shoe is a closer fit for you.” Then she stands and walks slowly on stage via the stairs to the side and my mouth goes dry because I haven't seen her or smelled her in so many days and seeing her now in front of me is testing all my self-control.

My cock is hardening just from her near presence, and my lion is so loud in my head, demanding I claim her, that I can barely hear over the roar of him. I stare at her like a man starved, fingers curling over the lectern until it threatens to crack.

“I beg your pardon?” my colleague asks, 80% affronted.

“I can feel your bad musty lust from the audience chairs. Your proposition is completely one-sided, he's not going to give you what you want. Now, I suggest if you actually do have a grant proposal that you could benefit from him checking over, you accept the email offer and hightail it out of here before he snaps out of his dire need for me and rescinds it. Maybe you're a lovely person but set your sights elsewhere.”

“How dare you speak to me so! Wilder, do you know this student? She seems exceedingly troubled! I require your name so that I might ensure your student file is flagged for disrespectful behavior!”

Delaney completely ignores this other woman while she walks right up to me, and I watch her like she's moving in slow motion, until she’s right in front of me, twining her hands around my neck.

“Know her?” I ask with an incredibly fuzzy head. If I wasn’t so dumb on my mate I’d point out that everyone knows who Delaney is, but that would require far more words than I’m capable of right now.

“You cannot— this is against the rules! You cannot fraternize with faculty! You'll be expelled for this, mark my words!”

“Should we tell her?” Delaney asks for just me to hear. Her lips brush the shell of my ear, and I bite back a whimper.

“I want very badly to put you up on this lectern so your ass is up in the air, and go to town on you.”

Delaney inhales sharply, pressing her hips into me more. “You think it could hold my weight?”

“Wilder, I must insist you step away from the student. She is not worth you losing your job over!”

I ignore my colleague because I have all I need in front of me. The days of unease melt away as her cherry scent soaks into me, and I know I won’t be able to do anything until I apologize and own up to my mistakes. “I’m so sorry, Delaney. You made the better call, bringing in your parents. Your mother is terrifying, and it’s even more terrifying that all of your fathers hang on to her every word because they scare me too.

“I never should have asked you to keep them out of it, because that was the only choice that could have been made— or should have been made.

“I’m used to having control over my life and I find with you in it, I don’t have that. I thought it was just a matter of time and then I could order everything neatly, but I’m realizing that you come with chaos.”

“That’s actually my middle name.”

“I can’t tell if you’re serious or not. Anyway, I’m deeply sorry. I’m proud of you for making that decision to go against me, for eradicating my father because the pride is better with him gone.”

Delaney turns her head sideways to address the intruder. “Why are you still here? Go. Anything that’s about to happen is completely consensual.”

My colleague strides forward and I act instinctively. I tuck my mate behind me, wrapping an arm around her behind my back. “Sheila, whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong. The headmaster knows about us, this is my mate. Thank you for your concern, but it’s misplaced. E-mail me that grant request if you want me to look it over, but yeah, that’s all I can offer you. All I’m interested in. Now if you’ll excuse us, my mate and I have some important things to discuss. Have a good night.”

I sweep Delaney up and toss her over my shoulder, grab my briefcase, then look behind me to see her do a little finger wave to my angry colleague.

“Is there anybody you’re not afraid to go head-to-head with?”

She seems to think about this. “If there is, I haven’t met them yet.”

“You're trouble.”

“You’re only saying that because you're so used to doing things on your own. It's good for you to stir things up a little.”

“We’ll see. By the way, where are the men paid to trail you day and night?”

“Don't you think that's a conflict of interest? It feels weird to me that they're being paid for that.”

“Don't change the subject. Where are they?”

“I sent them on an errand and then snuck out because I wanted some time to corner you alone. Didn't realize there was a schedule to be wary of.”

I actually like the edge of jealousy on her tongue, because it tells me things that I might not know otherwise, things I was ridiculous to doubt just moments ago. She did not like that woman talking to me. “If I have a schedule,” I tell her, “it’s so that I can spend time with you amidst all my other commitments.”

“Don’t try and go all smooth talk on me now after you’ve been avoiding me for the better part of a week. I’m actually quite angry with you.”

I can’t walk another step without fixing this. I tuck into the staff bathroom and flip the lock and then set her down. “I need you to look at me when I say this.”

“I’m listening,” she says, blinking slowly.

“I’m sorry. I messed up and it took me a few days to fully understand to what extent, but I need to fix this because it’s been killing me not talking to you. I…” I look away from her so I can try and control myself a bit more. “This is going to sound remarkably like an excuse, but I'm not used having to split my time with people and explain my choices to them.”

“You’re used to being in control, that’s what you meant to say. I think it came out wrong.”

“Yeah, that. That’s not going to work with us, is it?”

“No, it’s not. Not if you want this to be an actual mating and not just an ‘on paper’ one.”

“Is that what you want? You seriously aren’t weirded out by the age gap or anything?”

Her fingers start trailing up my torso slowly, and I'm immediately transported back to the time she took the time to help make me comfortable with her. How she asked me to close my eyes as she touched me and got me used to her presence.

I don’t even realize my eyes are shut until I feel her lips press against mine, and they fly open when it catches me off guard. I'm too wrapped up in a good memory instead of living in the here and now.

“I don’t know what you need, Ash. Every time I think I have you figured out, something switches up and I'm left scrambling for purchase. The thing that we are is confusing. It started weird, and we had an even rockier start once I moved here, and now it isn’t even functioning. It hurts. I don’t know how much longer I can handle not knowing where I stand.

“There was a moment when I was sitting in that audience seat, when that woman was coming on to you, where I realized I had no idea how you would respond to her. I don’t know you well enough to comfortably predict whether you would rebuff her or let her make the move and see where it went. I thought it could go either way.

“I have no sense of your loyalty to me, and you’ve told me that this isn’t actually what you wanted when you chose to mark me. So, I’m giving you an out if you need it. For whatever reason, if being with me romantically, involved with me in a heavy way, isn’t what you need, then I’ll stop it. Stop the pestering, I’ll stop the weird texts, and I can just be your student. And no hard feelings if that’s what you need.

“I’m not going to hold it against you if you’re just honest with me. But I need to know now, Ash, so I can move forward one way or another. Because you took me on that date and we did things, and now this… this isn’t what I need, and I can’t do this.”

My whole chest feels heavy, because I can hear and feel the burden she’s carrying in every word she says. I did that. I took this beautiful creature and made her hurt and made her question.

I place a palm in either side of her face and cradle her head, tilting it just so so I can see those gorgeous lavender eyes of hers as I bring my mouth closer. “I want it all, Delaney. I still hate myself for not giving you the choice to say no to me, but I can’t regret what it brought me. I don’t have to tell you that becoming pride male has messed with my head.

“I think underneath it all, I’m embarrassed by my father’s actions. Subconsciously, I imagined that being with youinstimately would make you associate me with him. It doesn’t have to make sense for it to be true, but I think that’s what this is. That’s why I haven’t talked to you in so many days, because I didn’t want to try and apologize sooner only for you to look at me and remember why we’re in this fight in the first place.

“My father was always pride male before he was my father. That was his number one goal and priority, and he never let me forget it. I don’t have very many examples of healthy relationships to look to, but I want that with you.

“I want the… communication, and the emotions, and the partnership, and the steady company along with that. I want you to come home to. In fact, I need it. I have been alone for so long, and maybe I’ve gotten set in my ways, but I know I can find ways to open up. I want to experience life like you experience life. Most importantly, I want you .” I bring my mouth to hers gently, but thoroughly. I taste her, I sip on her, I use my body pressed against hers to demonstrate the thoughts running through my head.

“I know it bothered you when I turned you down after our date,” I whisper into her ear, hands running over her hips and back and over her ass of perfection, “and I’m sorry for that as well. I haven’t been giving you anything that you need, and that ends now.”

“Now? Like, now now? You want to do that in this bathroom?”

I look around and remember where we are. “Okay maybe not now now. Come over for dinner? We can spend time together and I’ll cook for you, and I’ll continue to apologize. As much as it takes until you believe it and hear it.”

“I can do that.”

The fact that she doesn’t add any teasing barb or sarcasm tells me that she's as serious about this as I am. But how many times can I feel serious about this before it sticks?

???

When we make it to my house, it takes everything in me not to throw her against the wall and say to hell with cooking her a proper meal. But respectable treatment is what she needs, what she deserves, and that’s what she’s going to get. So, I make sure to breathe deeply and force myself to focus on what I need to get out of the fridge for dinner.

Except she’s not having it.

I barely have the dead bolt closed before she’s pouncing on me, grabbing me by the head and pulling me down until I'm curling over her a bit, making my balance questionable but making me really goddess damned happy.

I collect all of the preconceived notions of what I’m supposed to do in a relationship, and I throw them out the window. I’m going to take my cues from her and just go with what feels good, what sounds good, what I want in this moment.

In this moment? What I need is for her to— “Bend over the arm of this fucking couch and show me what's mine.”

“Interesting way to apologize, but I accept.”

“Pants off, Delaney. Now , you brat.”

She scoffs and then starts driving me absolutely batty by removing her shirt and bra as slow as humanly possible.She slips off her cute blue high tops and makes a show of putting them on the shoe rack carefully, bending over provocatively while she does, so I can see her bare breasts swing and bounce while she moves.

I growl at her in response. “ Now , Delaney.”

“Sheesh. Bossy, bossy.”

Next her jeans are off and she's standing before me in nothing but a purple lace pair of panties, which she chooses to leave on for now. Brave choice.

I take a step closer to her, pleasantries and good intentions so far beyond the scope of what I'm capable of imagining it's laughable.

My chest feels like it's heaving with every damn breath I take, filling my lungs with the intoxicating scent of juicy cherries and woman. “I believe I told you to bend over.”

She finally complies, arching her back as she lets her torso have a controlled fall onto my couch. I have the mental clarity to take a picture of her and send it to August and Jackson so they'll know I've got her, then I ditch my clothes and try to leash my lion.

“If I go too rough, you need to tell me to stop. My lion is about to get involved and he’s foaming at the mouth to get access to you. Do you have any limits?”

“Edging. If you edge me, I swear to the goddess I will castrate you.”

“Denying you pleasure is the furthest thing from my mind. Anything else?”

“I’ll tell you if you do something I don't like.”

“Good girl.”

She rolls her eyes, so I smack her ass, then I fall to my knees and bury my face between her ass cheeks. The lace is a bit rough on my skin, but fuck her scent is addictive.

“I told you to undress. You left these on why?”

I snap the band of her panties lightly against her skin, watching goosebumps trail in the wake.

“Had to give you some sort of resistance now, didn't I?”

“Sweetheart, I think I'm making plenty of that on my own. If you have any intention of keeping these panties in one piece, I suggest you reach behind you and remove them from your body. Otherwise, I'm shifting my claws out and shredding them off of you. Keep your body where it is.”

She shakes very slightly as she reaches behind her, awkwardly slipping the sopping fabric over her hips and doing this sexy wiggle until they fall down her calves. She steps out of them and gets into the exact same position, but I want better access. “Feet apart. I want to see that pretty cunt leaking.”

She lets out a breathy moan as she once again complies, her feet near straddling the width of my couch. With every part of her on display I bury my face back into that sweet spot, shoving my tongue as far inside of her as I can go. My tongue wants to scoop out all of the deliciousness her body is making just for me, and I start to lap it up, but I can't keep up with how wet she becomes. For every drop I lick, it feels as if 20 more take its place.

“Fucking perfect, Delaney.” Her hips start to press against me, riding my face as my hands find her thighs to grip onto. “Fucking perfect and fucking mine .”

My dick is hard and throbbing, leaking in tandem with Delaney like it thinks she needs reciprocal support.

She gasps as her first orgasm from me is forced into her, our bond strengthening as I continue to give her as much pleasure as I can. “A-plus for orgasm before penetration.”

Of course, this throws me completely off my game, so I lick her once more before I'm forced to just kneel there, naked, between her spread legs, in utter confusion. “What?”

“We have a rating system. You just…earned your first A-plus. Good work. If you want it to remain an A-plus you better shove something in me. Preference for cock.”

Is it weird that my first instinct upon hearing this information is to reach for my phone and send something through the group chat?

WTF. There's a RATING system? I cannot support this.

In retribution, and because I kind of just want her to stop talking, I stand somewhat abruptly and shove myself inside of her. “Rate this.”

I give my lion control, and I relish the second she feels my penile spines. They’re rubbing into her with every thrust, tugging at her and adding the best kind of friction for both of us.

I can almost feel her lioness get closer to the surface as I pump into her, pulling her hair to the side so I can see the mark I gave her, the thought of how it felt to sink my teeth in her spurring me on. “Fucking mine. You hear me? Mine to touch, mine to claim.”

“Fuuuck. Sure, whatever you say.” I appreciate that her voice is as affected as I feel, all tone gone as I continue to move into her body, but her words have me halting.

“I’m sorry, was that not enthusiastic enough for you?” She flips around and dislodges me, shivering at the feel of my hard barbed cock sliding out of her. “Here’s how this is going to work. You don't get to claim me when it suits you and ignore me for the same reason. You don't get to ask me to do something and then get angry at me when I find a better solution. You’re caught up in your head, and you need to learn how to share things with me and communicate. Would you have broken your silence If I hadn't forced my way into your classroom?”

“What is happening right now?” Really. My head is spinning, my still-wet cock is throbbing with denial, and my mate is starting to…get dressed. Fuck. I messed up. “Delaney, of course I would have reached out. Not speaking to you felt impossible—”

“Then why the fuck did you do it? Do you have any idea how much can change in a damn week? I needed you there. I was fucking worried about you, and you were too busy avoiding me to bother comforting me. I had to hear all accounts of the pride meeting from your fucking auxiliary, who actually made time for me, because my mate thought he was too good to pick up his phone and call me. Or better yet, walk to my dorm and talk to me about it in person.

“I sat in your class this week and listened to you lecture and you didn't look my way once. Not one goddesdamned time. And you know what? Cory tried to comfort me because they saw how much that hurt, and I ended up pulling away from them a little because I was so angry, and it almost felt like they were defending you. So I had to come back for the next class to see if I could get you to look at me. Still nothing.

“Do you have any idea how fucking humiliated I was, sitting alone in a big class of people I didn’t know, desperate for you to reach for our bond and realize I was maybe 10-15 feet away from you? Only for you to continue to ignore the fact that you even have a mate?”

She pulls on her shirt and starts walking towards the door, but I'm still naked.

“Then what the hell was this all for? Why even let me touch you if you didn't actually want me to?”

She lets out a scream of frustration and digs her fingernails into her scalp. “You thick-headed, self-centered idiot. This?” and she draws a circle in the air with a finger, connecting us, “was to get my little bit of time with you I needed and was me insuring you didn't run off and fuck that awfully desperate shifter professor because I still don't know how that would have played out if I hadn't interrupted. This was me being so desperate for a little validation from one of my mates that I goaded him into getting physical with me, because the last time I tried to initiate things with you, you turned me down.

“I respect what boundaries you need, but we're fucking mated and you need to godsdamned act like it. Get your shit together and make me believe you deserve to be in my mate group.”

She storms out. And I'm still naked.

My dick has thankfully finally gotten the message and is starting to deflate as the depth of my betrayal starts to sink in.

I've been stewing in my own self-righteous anger while my mate had been hurting. There were only had a handful of times this past week that I thought about how my distance might have made her feel because I was too busy trying to teach her a lesson and show her how mad she made me by going against my wishes. Then I was stewing in my embarrassment for realizing I had no box to stand on.

It's also abundantly clear I need help, because I've never dated someone as complex as my conduit is, never been with someone that can get what they need from other, sanctified partners when I fail to provide. I'm completely useless to her if I can't pull my weight and make her a priority, and isn't that a shot of reality?