Chapter 68

Millie

A few weeks later

“There she is!”

Sally and Belinda jumped up the minute we walked into the fire station conference room, making clear that everyone had made an appearance. For just a second, it was all a bit overwhelming. Brent was there, so were all the firefighters, as well as some people I didn’t really know. I looked down in alarm, worried that our baby would wake up, but she slept on, oblivious to all the fuss happening outside her baby carrier. I moved in a gentle swaying motion, just in case, trying to keep her sleeping for that bit longer.

“Oh my god…!” Sally squeaked that out as a whisper as she came over, hands to her face. “She’s beautiful!”

“What name did you settle on?” Belinda asked.

“Chloe.” I stood straight, feeling that weird flush every time I said it. Pride, that’s what it was, I realised. “This is baby Chloe.” When we came up with her name, and each time I said it, a possessive wave of love rose up, threatening to overwhelm me, but I’d grown used to surfing its tides. My baby, my daughter, my heart.

“Hello, Chloe.”

The two women whispered that as they stared into the carrier.

“Congrats, mate.”

The men all surged around Knox, Charlie, and Noah, like they’d done all the hard work. To be fair, they were more than pulling their weight post birth. Housework was always up to date, often in response to Charlie’s many alarms going off. Nappy changes and baths were all shared. Buster was walked, healthy meals were prepared, and I had everything I could possibly need.

Then Mum asked me what I was intending to do when Chloe was a little older.

A relevant question and an important one, but one I couldn’t seem to answer. Chloe needed me right now for almost everything. The idea of leaving her just felt wrong. Even coming here today, putting on clothes that were acceptable for wearing outside the house felt weird, odd and yet… It was good to see familiar streets, cars, parks, buildings as we drove away from the house, to remember the outside world existed. I felt like a moth in a cocoon, batting its nascent wings against the constraints, while also being glad for its soft warmth.

“Millie.” I looked up to see Brent standing there. “How are you, sweetheart?”

“Good.”

It was my default response because I couldn’t put the truth into words that were easily consumed. My life had changed so much it was almost as if I wasn’t the same person. I’d discovered a love like I’d never known. I’d been preoccupied with the idea of being someone’s first choice, but having my baby, I realised I could be the one doing the choosing. I chose her, chose to do the best I could for her, every day.

“Well, you’re looking amazing. Now, I had a proposal?—”

“This is not a job interview.” Charlie appeared at his shoulder, shooting his boss a dark look before smiling down at me. “Now, should we show my girl where she’s gonna work some day?”

“You want to bring up your girl to live this insanity?” Belinda asked, smiling as she looked over at the guys. Their voices were getting louder and louder in that rowdy way men do when they get together. “I’m not sure she’d want to deal with this sausage fest.”

“We’ll see.” He said that in some mysterious way, as if he knew something I didn’t, but then he steered me out of the conference room and towards the appliance bays.

“You are not giving our baby the tour you gave me,” I told him. “I am not sliding down a pole with her in my arms and neither are you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He pulled me in close, and just for a moment, we stood there in the relative quiet. “Just thought you might want a little break.”

I let out a breath, feeling the tension I didn’t realise I was holding leave my body as I nestled into him.

“How did you know?”

“The first day we came back to work after parental leave, I felt like I had no skin.” My arm went around his waist, hugging him because I had no idea. “Everything was raw, ragged, bleeding. I wanted to cry, scream, jump out of my skin, and instead I ‘manned up’ and focussed on the job, when all I wanted to do was come back to you.”

“Thank you.” I looked up at him now, reassured by his ready smile. “I didn’t realise that was so hard on you.”

“It wasn’t.” His eyes burned into mine. “Not when I remembered why I was doing it. I was always caught up in the idea of being a hero as a kid. It’s why I joined the service, to have something bigger than me to focus on. Turns out I needed something a little more specific for it all to make sense. I did it for you, Millie, and Bubs here.” He reached down and brushed a curl of hair back from her forehead. “That made everything alright.”

Not for the first time, I thanked whatever deity was on duty for bringing me them. I had no idea how women did it with just one guy, often one that was inattentive and disinterested in the process of raising their own kids.

“I love you,” I said, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Love you too.”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead, and then when he pulled away, I nodded.

“We can go back inside now.”

Knox and Noah had questions in their eyes as we returned to the room, but I shot them a reassuring smile. Firefighters carried in cakes, pots of tea, and trays of sandwiches. The traditional ‘wetting of the baby’s head’ was often men getting together and getting drunk to celebrate the birth of a child, but my guys hadn’t wanted that. Instead, we sat down and chatted, Chloe waking up at some point. I’d fed her quietly and then when she was burped, people came over to be introduced to her.

“She’s beautiful,” Judy said, Blue holding one of her twin toddlers while she had the other on her hip. “And so placid.” She looked over her shoulder at her partner. “We should’ve had a girl.” As if in response to that, her son started to squirm and fret. “OK, OK, Mummy takes it all back.” She hoisted him higher in her arms. “You’re perfect just the way you are.”

“Well, now that everyone has had a chance to have something to eat.” Groans went up around the room as Brent got to his feet. “I’d like to make an announcement.”

“The government has accepted our new pay negotiation!” one of the guys said as the others cackled.

“No, but HR has approved something else.” Brent turned to me. “Your position came up for a permanent appointment, Millie.” I knew that because he’d sent me the paperwork, but honestly, I was too caught up in looking after Chloe to even think about it. “And you’ve won the position.”

“What?”

I blinked, unable to believe what I was hearing, then looked around for answers.

Only to find them fairly quickly.

“Babe, I did your application for you,” Noah said. “You were trashed and I wasn’t sleeping, so…” He shrugged. “I did it for you. I didn’t know if anything would come of it and figured you could make a decision as to whether to accept it or not. I just wanted you to have the choice, y’know?”

He was talking faster and faster, as if putting a wall of words between us, but he didn’t need to. I laughed, even as I felt the tears forming.

“Thank you. I…” I shook my head. “Thank you. I can’t believe you did that, but I’m glad you did.”

“So…?” Brent asked. “What do you think? I can put someone in the role temporarily until you’re ready to come back to work…”

I looked down at Chloe and knew two things: that she was my entire world and that living that life as a full-time stay-at-home mum would be too much for me. Being out of the house, interacting with people, having adult conversations, I needed all that too. I jiggled my baby as she started to fret a little, then looked up.

“Yes,” I told Brent. “Yes, I’d love to accept.”