Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“ W hat have you done to Eyja?”

Guilt instantly sliced through Moon. What did Thorfinn know about the argument he’d had with Eyja? Had he overheard them argue yesterday in Wolf’s hut? It was possible, after all, they had hardly been discreet. Anyone might have heard them shouting. Had he seen her cry when she’d left the hut? Or was he simply referring to the fact that they had gone to fight the Norsemen together? Was he, too, assuming that her brothers’ friend had been the one leading her into danger? It was better to behave as if that was the reason behind his question.

He dropped his axe. The chopping of wood would have to wait. He’d hoped to ease some of his frustration by reducing the logs to kindling but it hadn’t worked.

“If you mean I abducted her and forced her to go to battle with me, then you’re mistaken. She was the one who chose to?—”

“I’m not talking about that!” Thorfinn spat. “But you go away together for a few days and suddenly she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. So what did you do?”

“She doesn’t want to be with you?” Moon repeated stupidly, heart thumping hard in his chest. Since when was Eyja “with” anyone? And what did the man mean by them going away together for a few days? He made it sound as if they had gone on a pleasure outing. They had not, they had gone to war. Eyja could have died, and he didn’t seem to care. “Are you and Eyja involved?” he asked, unable to wait another moment to know what was going on.

There was another pause. “We... erm, shared a few private moments before she left.”

Thorfinn was being diplomatic but Moon had no time for euphemisms. “You mean you slept together?” The question came out more like a growl.

If the man was surprised by his question or his tone, he didn’t show it. “No. She wouldn’t let me bed her, only... Never mind. All I’m saying is that now she doesn’t even want to do that.”

Do what exactly? The question was burning Moon’s lips. He swallowed it back, with difficulty. Perhaps it was better he didn’t know. But there was one thing he had to clarify. “You mean you went to her today to ask if you could resume your... ?” He stopped, not quite knowing how to refer to it.

“I did. And a whole lot of good that did me. She refused.”

The man was getting mightily aggrieved but Moon could feel his own temper about to explode. He was incredulous. They had only been back a day, Thorfinn knew Eyja had been through hell, fighting an army of invaders, was exhausted by walking to the other end of the country, and all he could do was to press her for attentions, attentions she clearly wasn’t interested in, complain when she refused, and blame another man for her refusal.

“Mm, tell me, did you make her come when you shared those ‘private moments’?” Perhaps talking in euphemisms was not such a bad idea after all. It helped to keep the worst images from his mind.

“Come?”

Thorfinn stared at him as if he’d spoken in a foreign tongue and Moon considered his question answered. He had not.

“Yes, come,” he said dangerously. The notion that the man had not been able to offer her pleasure, had not even noticed or cared, was the worst thing he’d heard so far, which was saying something. “You know. Did she cry out your name in ecstasy? Did she grab at your hair to keep you closer? Did she beg for more?”

“She... She did ask for more.”

“I bet she did.” Because she hadn’t had what she wanted. “Well, don’t blame me if she doesn’t want to get near you again. By the sound of things it’s clearly not my fault. Ask yourself what you could have done to make her come back to you, ready for more.”

With those words, he stormed away.

Thorfinn and Eyja were involved with one another... This he hadn’t seen coming, and the idea disturbed him. Why? The man was no worse than any other in the village, in fact he was probably better than most. Despite his anger, Moon had the honesty to admit he was personable and attractive—to women at least. That must be why she had chosen him. But still he was disturbed by the notion. Was it because it bothered him that the man had not seen to her pleasure? Was it because that day in the forest he had thought to be the first one to touch her intimately? Yes, perhaps it had something to do with that.

But why had she not told him? She had let him assume she was new to all this.

Then he reflected that he had not mentioned his earlier conquests either. Why would she have thought it timely or even necessary to say she had already been in a man’s arms? He knew she was fearless, wild at heart and she was already one and twenty. It stood to reason she would have wanted to experiment what could happen between a man and a woman.

But why had she refused to bed Thorfinn, who’d clearly seen her as a woman and been ready to give her what she wanted, and all but forced him to make love to her that day in the forest, when it had been clear he was fighting the urge to do it with all his might? Would he ever understand the workings of her mind? The imp seemed to be forever doing the thing least expected of her.

Yes, he should stop trying to make sense of it for fear of going mad.

He headed straight to the river, determined to do just that.

“It’s true then. You went to fight Hardrada’s men.”

Eyja slowed down.

Bragi was loitering by the well with two of his awful friends. The miller’s nephew had always been a bully, from the moment he’d been able to talk, but he’d only ever bothered with boys. Girls had been below his notice. As a grown man, he only spoke to women he wanted to take to his bed, and thankfully she’d not been one of them. He had never addressed her more than a perfunctory word.

And now he wanted to draw her into a conversation. Well, she was not going to indulge him.

She would have ignored the men and walked straight past them but one of his brawny friends placed himself directly in front of her, blocking her way. Eyja had no other choice but to stop.

An immense weariness invaded her. Would she forever be met with obstacles and problems?

Earlier that morning Thorfinn had come knocking at the hut’s door, asking if they could go for a walk in the forest. Of course he’d not been interested in an actual walk, only in getting her in a secluded place so they could kiss and pleasure one another. Twice last month she had followed him into the woods, thinking it was time she found out what her body could offer but the experience had been far from conclusive. Twice his caresses had failed to do more than heat her blood and leave her frustrated. Now that she had felt what a man could do, how much pleasure she could have under his touch, the prospect of a clumsy fumble that would leave her unsatisfied had lost its appeal, as had Thorfinn.

He was attractive enough, tall and broad, with a charming smile, but his arrogance grated. She had barely been back a day and already he’d pounced on her in search for sexual gratification. He’d not even asked her how she was, even though he knew she’d been to war. The message was clear. He was not interested in her, only in what her hands could do.

Well, he had hands too, did he not? If he wanted release, he was going to have to use them, she was not going to do that for him ever again. They were done.

She forced herself to focus her attention back on Bragi, who was nodding toward her cropped hair. “You tried to go to battle like a man, didn’t you, little girl?”

She bristled. After the frosty welcome she’d had from the people she loved the day before, she was not in the mood to endure teasing for people she despised.

“I didn’t try . I did go. I fought and we won.”

In the corner of her eye she saw Moon walking toward them. He would have seen her alone with Bragi and his friends and thought be had better come and help. They had not talked since he had called her the biggest mistake in his life but apparently, he would still come to her aid if need be. She could not help being grateful because she wasn’t sure how she was going to rid herself of such brawny bullies.

Bragi gave a scoff, not in the least impressed by her reply. “A battle is no place for a woman. The only thing they’re good for is a fuck after a good fight because there’s nothing like it to rouse a man’s blood.”

No. Apparently not, she knew that from Farmon. And there was nothing like such comments to rouse her anger.

“They can only do that for men who know how to fight and go to actual battles, though, can’t they,” Eyja spat, “not for the ones who choose to stay at home with both their feet in the same shoe while the country is in danger.”

“Hush, Imp!” Moon warned between his teeth as he drew near the group.

He had a point. Bragi would not like to be called a coward at the best of times, much less in front of his friends. But she was too incensed to care. He already thought her incapable of holding her tongue, so she might as well prove him right. It was time someone stood up to Bragi.

The tall man grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to look at him. Already knowing he would only get her again even if she managed to disentangle herself from his hold, Eyja met his gaze steadily and waited. There was little chance he would actually hurt her here, in the middle of the village, in full view of everyone, with Moon standing near, so she did not tremble.

“Take your hands off her.”

She barely recognized Moon’s voice, so icy had it gone and, though the warning was not aimed at her, she shivered.

Bragi ignored him and glared at her. “Hear me out. The only time a woman should open her mouth is to suck my c?—”

“I told you to take your hands off her.” Without further warning Moon pounced, hitting the awful man square in the jaw and sending him crashing to the ground.

The two other men fell on him in a flurry of limbs.

“No!”

Unable to help him in any way, Eyja ran to get Torsten, who was sharpening his axe outside his hut. Angry or not, he would not let his best friend or indeed anyone face three men on his own.

“Eyja? What’s the ma?—”

“Quick. I need your help. Now.” After a brief hesitation, she gestured at his axe. “Take this as well.” With luck, just seeing him appear armed with such a weapon would be enough to bring Bragi’s friends to heel.

But that was not to be. By the time she’d managed to drag her brother to the well, a general fight had broken out. Apparently the young men in the village didn’t need much incentive to let out some steam. They had no idea who had started the fight or why, yet they were all only too glad to join in. What had started as an altercation between three men for a good reason had turned into chaos.

Eyja wrung her hands, appalled. How was she going to put a stop to this? She could not just stand there while so many people ripped each other to shreds because of her, but what could she do? Torsten stared at the scene and then at her with wide eyes, as if to say he had no idea whose side he was supposed to take and what she expected him to do. And she had no idea what to tell him.

Someone fell to the ground at her feet, unconscious.

She screamed. “Stop, you morons!”

It was then that her father appeared. “What is going on here?”

When they heard him, the men instantly ceased fighting, such was the respect he commanded. They all straightened up and scattered without a word, all save the ones who had still not come to, and Moon, who stood his ground. He appeared relatively unscathed, even if his clothes were in disarray and his bottom lip was bleeding. Relieved beyond belief to see he had not been hurt, Eyja wanted to go and wipe the blood from his chin. He had fought for her, come to her defense unprompted, and even if the whole thing had descended into mayhem, the intention warmed her. He stared at her and shook his head slightly, as if to indicate they had better not give her father further cause for ire, so she stayed where she was.

Then he turned and walked away.

Torsten left as well, leaving her alone with her father, who crossed his arms over his chest. “Care to explain what happened, daughter?”

It was clear he had no doubt she was responsible for the chaos, which felt rather harsh. After all, no one had forced Bragi to talk to her with such venom or touch her like he would cattle, and the other men should have minded their own business. She had nothing to blame herself for.

“I’m sorry... But Bragi said those horrid things to me earlier. Moon was only?—”

“Him, again! It seems that the two of you can only cause trouble when you’re together.”

Everything within her flared at that. If he thought it such a bad idea for them to be in contact, then why did he want to see them married? “And yet you’d have us bound for life!” she could not help but reply, letting her tongue run away with her once more.

The look he threw her froze the marrow in her bones. One year, when she was thirteen summers, their father had taken the whole family to his native Iceland for a few months. There they had discovered a wild, eerie land covered with huge sheets of pure blue ice called glaciers. Her father’s eyes were this moment just as cold as the frozen landscape had been then.

Remote.

“I would have you bound to a man you chose to lie with if you are with child as a consequence of your actions. If you now think him a bad choice, then I cannot carry the blame for it.”

So he still didn’t believe her. “I told you we never?—”

“And I wish I could believe you. But it is clear to me that there is something between you and Halfdan, something you’re hiding, and I would have hoped you’d be honest about it. I expected more from you.”

Pain sliced through her. She could handle his anger, his unfair accusations, but not his disappointment in her.

“I’m sorry I do not make you more proud, Faeir, ” she said on a sob, “but I’m trying my best. Apparently it’s not enough. I’m sorry.”

She ran away before he could answer, not certain she would like to hear what he had to say.

An oddity, a thief, a mistake, that was what she was for the people in the village. It was bad enough.

But now, to her own father, she was a liar and a disappointment.

For a whole week Eyja did little more than sleep, eat and work on a new set of clothes for Ari. Her mother had insisted she could help but she had refused the offer. It was her responsibility to replace the clothes she had borrowed and then ruined. Staying inside the hut had the added advantage of allowing her to avoid Moon. Hearing that he thought her the biggest mistake of his life had been more than she could bear. She had no intention of hearing what else he thought of her. And she didn’t want to see anyone else, at the risk of provoking another disaster, of being accused of some horrid deed, or anything else that would make her father look at her with disapproval again, now that the peace was restored between them.

To her surprise, the evening after the incident with Bragi, he had sought her out to tell her she was not a disappointment to him, and he had never once in his life wished she were any different.

“You would not wish me to be less outspoken?” she had not been able to stop herself from asking. “Less stubborn? Less confrontational? Less reckless? Less?—”

“No. I would never want you to be ‘less anything,’ or a boy either.” How had he guessed that she had often wondered if he would not have preferred to have another son instead of a girl, another strong warrior in his image? “You are my daughter, and perfect the way you are, Eyja. Just like your outspoken, stubborn, confrontational, reckless mother. Why do you think I fell in love with her? Strong men need strong women in their lives. I learned it the hard way. So I will not let you be anything else than your beautiful self.”

“Oh, Faeir !”

She had cried and buried her face into his chest, relishing the knowledge that she was loved, no matter what.

Then one morning she woke up to a familiar and not altogether pleasant sensation. She was wet between the legs and there was a weight in her lower abdomen. Her flux had come. In other words, she finally had the means to prove to the whole village that she was not with child. After placing the protective pad in place, she spent a long moment lying in bed, unsure what to feel or how to announce it. Would her father even accept the proof that she had been telling the truth? Would he not believe she had fabricated false evidence just to get herself out of a union with Moon? After all, much as he loved her, he seemed to think her capable of the worst.

No, she was being silly. Of course he would believe her. The best way was to get this over with as quickly as possible.

She found her mother at the back of the hut, digging up weeds, getting the soil ready for winter. Her hair was streaked with silver now, and yet she was as beautiful as ever. Her father at least thought so, Eyja knew.

Only the night before she had overheard a tender conversation between them.

“You have never looked better, wife.” There was a pause, during which Eyja assumed they exchanged a kiss. Her parents always kissed, even when they weren’t alone. “You have silvery strands in your copper hair now and it struck me the other day that the only metal missing on you is gold. So I went to Caedmon, and asked him to make a chain of gold for you to wear.”

Another silence, during which her father presumably handed over the chain—and possibly kissed her again. When her mother spoke, she did so with a shaky voice.

“It’s beautiful. Oh, Wolf. I love you. I will never stop being thankful for the day you bought me at that auction.”

Tears blurring her vision, Eyja had fled into the forest. Her parents had the perfect marriage, one built on love and respect. No one had forced them to marry, they had simply chosen one another. Well, that had happened after Wolf had bought Merewen from a slave trader, but that was beside the point. He had never intended to keep her as a slave but had definitely wanted her as a wife. And Sigurd and Frigyth, Moon’s parents, were just as happily matched. And yet these men who had married the women of their choice would have forced their children into a union neither wanted. It didn’t make sense.

“Eyja.” Her mother placed the hoe against the fence and walked up to her with a smile. Around her neck was the gold chain she’d received the night before. It was exquisite, highlighting the copper sparks in her hair and making her eyes glow, just as her father had no doubt intended. “You look a bit pale. Are you all right?”

“Yes. I bled this morning,” she told her in a flat voice, knowing she would understand the significance of the words immediately.

“I see. Come, let us go for a walk.”

With those words her mother took her by the arm and led her toward the forest. They often took walks together, it was a good way to air out any concerns they might have or simply share a laugh together.

“So tell me. Are you relieved?”

“No.” How could she be relieved or surprised, or anything else? She knew she would have her flux, sooner or later. There was no other way, as she had not slept with any man. “I know no one believes me but I always knew I would not be with child. I cannot be. I told you. Moon and I never actually lay together.”

In the end she had not finished her confession the other day, and revealed what he had done to her. There had been no need. Her mother seemed to have understood what had happened well enough.

“I know. Virgins have no chance of carrying a babe.”

Eyja stopped on her tracks. “So. You believe me?”

“Eyja. You are my daughter. Of course I believe you. If you tell me you’re still untouched, then that’s what you are. I trust you.”

“I am Faeir ’s daughter as well, and yet he doesn’t believe me,” she said dejectedly.

“Deep down, I’m sure he does.”

Eyja could not help a snort. “If he does, he has an odd way of showing it.”

“Tell me. Do you really think he would force you to marry a man you don’t want? Think carefully, and be fair.”

There was only one answer to that question. “No, he wouldn’t. But then I don’t understand. Why would he insist on making Moon and I think we might have to marry if he means to leave that decision to me?”

“He will have his reasons.” Her mother shook her head. “I cannot pretend to always know what goes on in the mighty wolf’s head. All I know is that you can rely on his love and support, no matter what.”

“Yes. I do know that.”

They walked on, then her mother spoke again. “You know... Your father would never admit to it, but when we discovered you were missing, he took it hardest of all. He hated himself for not having been able to stop you from putting yourself in danger. He has spent the last thirty years protecting everyone from the village, making sure they’re safe. For the first time he’d failed someone and it was you, his own daughter.” A pause. “I’m afraid it brought back painful memories for him.”

Yes. Eyja knew her father had been married to an Icelander before he’d met her mother. The poor woman had been killed by a greedy neighbor who had accused Wolf of the crime and forced him to go into exile. That was one of the reasons he had taken the role as leader of the village. He had wanted to atone for a murder he saw as his fault. He thought he should have been able to protect his first wife.

“He didn’t fail me. I decided to go,” she contradicted. “I wanted to go. I’m an adult now, I can make my own decisions.”

Merewen sighed. “I know. But you’re still his daughter, still the baby he held in his arms and kissed as soon as you were born. I think deep down you understand why he would feel this way, even if you resent it.”

Yes, unfortunately she did. If she had children of her own one day, she would do everything to make sure they were all right, no matter how old they were.

“Come, let’s go back home and tell your father there is no child, as expected. He and Sigurd are meeting with a Saxon from town right now but he will want to know that you’ve bled as soon as they’re finished.”

As they exited the forest they met her brother Steinar, back from the river with a basket full of fish. Eyja stiffened, not knowing how he would react. Since she’d come back, things had been difficult with her brothers, Torsten in particular. They didn’t seem to accept the fact that she’d been intimate with a man they considered as part of the family, which she could understand to a certain extent. It had unsettled her as well at first. But still, that did not give them the right to withdraw their affection from her. If she had managed to make her peace with it, they could certainly do the same. After all, it was none of their business what she did and who with, and perhaps now that she had been proven right, they would thaw toward her. She hoped so because they were very dear to her and she missed them.

“Are you all right, brother?” she asked.

“Yes, thank you. I was on my way to see Faeir .”

That he was using this as an excuse to take his leave was obvious but, as that was precisely what she was doing as well, she did not let it bother her. “So were we, so we can all go together,” she said, taking him by the arm. He stiffened but did not disentangle his arm, which she took as an encouraging sign. “Mother was telling me he’s with Sigurd and a man from town. We’ll go wait for him and?—”

She stopped in her tracks when the door to the hut opened on the visiting Saxon. It was a man she knew only too well, one she had hoped never to see again.

Farmon.

All the blood iced in her veins, rooting her to the spot. What was he doing here? But, of course, as he lived in town, he would have guessed where to find two local Norsemen he wanted to take his revenge on. Their village was the only Norse settlement for miles around. As they had joined at the same time as he and his friends, it stood to reason that it was where he would find them.

She let go of her brother’s arm and took refuge behind his massive body, knowing he would shield her from view most efficiently. Hopefully Farmon, who’d been deep in conversation with her father, hadn’t seen her.

“Go tell Moon he needs to hide,” she told Steinar, panic threatening to overwhelm her.

“Hide?”

“No time to explain. Find him, now, tell him to join me in the forest.” She spoke barely above a whisper, her speech altered by fear. “Tell him Farmon is here. He’ll understand. Make sure he hides his face while he’s in the village. Go! Please.”

With those words, she ran away as fast as her legs could carry her.

What was Farmon doing here? Had he come to make them pay for leaving without warning and making a fool of him? Or to finally put his threat to execution and have her service him and his whole pack of men like a whore, no matter what she said?

Well, this time she and Moon weren’t alone. The villagers would defend them if necessary, her father would eat Farmon alive and spit out his bones before he’d had time to understand what had hit him. She had nothing to fear, she was safe here.

Despite this assurance, when she finally reached the cover of the trees, she fell to her knees.