Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

“ W hat the hell was that?” Moon exploded, swiveling to face Eyja.

But she wasn’t looking at him. She had sat down on a stool and was wringing her fingers, oblivious to his outburst.

“My own father... I can’t believe he thought I was lying,” she said to herself.

“Can’t you?” he snorted. “Considering what you said and how you said it?”

No wonder the Icelander was convinced the two of them were lovers. The foolish imp had all but described what he had done to her in that forest. And this after promising she would not reveal what had happened! He could have punched a hole through the wall of the hut, such was his fury.

He forced himself to calm down. Eyja had not precisely said that they had lain together, their two fathers had reached that conclusion on their own. But how could they have done otherwise? Her reaction when asked if it was true he had not touched her had been just as damning as if she’d admitted out loud he had buried his face between her legs to feast on her. A child accused of stealing a honey tart and innocent of the crime will not convince anyone he didn’t do it by hiding his hands behind his back because they happened to be stained with blackberry juice at the time.

“Couldn’t you have used your judgement for once and kept your mouth shut?” he roared. “I was just about to walk out of there, having earned both our fathers’ forgiveness for what we did, and you had to come in and ruin it all!”

He couldn’t remember ever being so angry, even when he had found her amidst the army of Saxons, dressed as the least convincing boy he had ever seen. Why? Why was he so irate to be mistaken for her lover when he had not minded being accused of dragging her off to war, which surely could be seen as a much graver offence? He had no idea, and that didn’t help him hold on to his composure.

Eyja finally looked up at him. The expression on her face was icy cold, and her eyes once again put him in mind of frost. “Oh so you do think I possess some judgement, even if in your opinion I never use it. I’m flattered.”

His nostrils flared. She dared speak to him thus when he was already furious and she was in the wrong? It was not to be borne! “Don’t even start. I’m not in the mood for?—”

“Well, neither am I! And what are you angry for anyway?” she cut in, not in the least impressed by his show of anger. Damn it, he should have known. She had never been one to cower. “Are you so scared you might be forced to marry me? Don’t worry. We both know that the threat is meaningless as I am not carrying your child. In a few days I will bleed and this will all blow over. It will be as if it had never happened.”

This reasonable answer did little to appease him. “I would have preferred not to be seen as a liar, thank you very much,” he hissed. “Even if it’s just for a few days.”

“Well, you should have thought of that before you lied and claimed not to have touched me,” Eyja snapped, standing up at last. “Because you did touch me. You did more than that. You put your finger inside me, you licked me until I?—”

“All right, I did!” he roared. Really, did the woman have no sense of self-preservation? He was on the verge of an outburst and she was calling him a hypocrite and reminding him of what he had done to her. As if he had forgotten any of it! The feel of her tight sheath convulsing for him, the incredible hot softness, the taste of her pleasure... He already feared he would remember them until the day he died. “I did touch you. And it turned out to be the biggest mistake I ever made.”

The silence following his declaration almost crackled.

“A mistake,” she repeated in a deathly voice. “Well, I suppose I know where I stand, don’t I?”

With those words she made for the door. He could tell from the way she walked that her legs were barely supporting her.

“Eyja, wait.” He could not let her go like this, not when she looked mortally wounded, not after calling what he had done to her the biggest mistake he’d ever made. In truth, he did not see it that way.

She stopped but kept her back to him.

“Why should I wait? You are supposed to stay here until my father has instructed my brothers not to kill you, but I can go. They love me, they will not tear me limb from limb. I have nothing to fear, they will not hurt me.” She threw him a look over her shoulder, superb in her disdain. “It’s better if I leave, as I would hate for you to make any more mistakes .”

A mistake.

That’s what Moon would think when he saw her now, how he would consider her for the rest of his life. Not as a childhood friend, not as an annoying imp, not as a woman, but as the biggest mistake he had ever made.

A sob building in her throat, Eyja went to find her mother, whom she expected to be in the vegetable patch at the back of the hut, her favorite place. This was not the homecoming she had hoped for or even imagined. Only this morning she and Moon had woken up side by side in the woods and shared a joke about the time he had dared her to eat a moldy apple. She had bitten into it and might well have eaten the rest if he’d not snatched the fruit from her hand with cries of horror. There had been such warmth in his voice when he’d told her he’d always admired her spirit that, for a moment, she had almost thrown herself into his arms and begged him to take her.

And now he might not want to see her again.

She found her mother shelling beans on the bench by the tree.

“What is it, sweetheart? Have you been crying?”

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, falling into her mother’s arms. “I’m so sorry for leaving like this, for worrying you. It was not my intention. I only wanted to help, wanted to stop the invaders, do something that would make you proud. And then, when we arrived, I was so scared! I realized I had no idea what I was doing. But I didn’t want to change my mind, not after having come all this way... And Moon, he?— ”

“I know.” Her mother held her tighter, cutting her fumbled explanations short. “It’s all right. I understand why you wanted to go, your father just explained it to me. I’m your mother, so I’ll always be proud of you and I’m a Saxon, so I cannot help but be touched by the fact that you wanted to defend my country. And I’m glad you weren’t on your own. Moon was the best man you could have had with you. He’s strong and honorable, he will have protected you, and understood better than anyone else what your motivations were. You grew up together. He knows you inside out.”

The innocent comment sent heat to Eyja’s whole body. He did know her inside out now. Literally. His fingers, his tongue had explored her hidden depths. Yes. And he considered it the biggest mistake he had ever made.

As if that was not enough, he’d been told he would have to spend the rest of her life with her, precisely because of that mistake.

“ Faeir said Moon and I would have to get married if I happened to carry his child, but... Moon will never want to marry me. He hates me.”

“What are you talking about? He’s never hated you.”

“He does now, because this is all my fault. Because of me he will be saddled with a wife he didn’t choose, a woman he doesn’t love.”

The biggest mistake of his life.

“Do you mean that you could be with child?”

Eyja stilled when she suddenly remembered that this was impossible and therefore a marriage between her and Moon would never come to pass. In her distress she had quite forgotten it. As consolations went, it was a small one.

“No. I cannot be, since we never lay together. I told Faeir as much but he didn’t believe me.”

A silence. Then a question, spoken in a tentative voice. “Did anything happen even if you didn’t lie together? Your father would never have doubted you if he’d not gotten the impression there was something between you two.”

Yes. That was the whole problem. Despite her promise to Moon not to mention what had happened, she had betrayed the new intimacy between them. Eyja bit her bottom lip. Could she confide in her mother? This was embarrassing. But she sensed she could have an ally and in that moment she desperately needed one. Someone who would know the truth and believe her. Someone who would not judge her. Her mother could be that person. The two of them had always been very close.

She took in a deep breath. “Yes, we... I mean, he?—”

“My clothes!”

Ari, Hilda’s son, appeared out of nowhere and skidded to a halt in front of her, his rolling eyes betraying his fury. Eyja’s chest hollowed. Having to justify her theft—her borrowing , rather—of his clothes was the last thing she needed when she already felt so wretched.

“Forgive me. Ari, I?—”

“You were the one who stole them, so you could go to war! I should have known.”

“No, I didn’t steal them, only I needed men’s clothes and as you aren’t as—” She stopped herself before she could offend Ari further by pointing out she’d chosen his clothes because he was quite frail for his age. Perhaps Moon had a point. She really needed to learn to curb her tongue and exercise better judgement. “Anyway, I always meant to give them back, I swear.”

“Well, I don’t want them back!” he cried, with as much disgust as if she’d offered to smother him in pig fat. “They’re all ruined now.”

Eyja swallowed. That was exactly what Moon had warned her of on the first night, when he’d found her. And right now she could not deal with it. Tears started to sting her eyes. Could this day get any worse? Would no one believe her, whatever she said?

“Ari,” her mother soothed before she could start crying. “You’re right. The clothes are quite ruined, so I will get you new braies and a new tunic, along with a nice leather belt to compensate you for the inconvenience. How would you like that?”

The youth was instantly appeased, and no wonder. His clothes had been rather tattered to begin with. “Very well.”

“Wolf was telling me how glad he is that you helped our daughter to stay safe, even if indirectly. Thanks to the disguise you provided for her, she was able to pass unnoticed amongst the men, and keep out of harm’s way. You have his eternal gratitude, and mine.”

The mention of her father, whom everyone respected in the village, was a masterstroke of diplomacy, and sealed the deal. Now Ari would be able to boast to everyone he had earned the Icelander’s approval by helping his daughter in some small way.

“Tell him if he needs anything else, I’m his man.”

Without throwing so much as a glance in Eyja’s direction, he walked away.

Once they were alone again, her mother placed a hand over her shoulder. “It’s been a hard few weeks, physically and mentally, I bet. Go home, get washed and changed into your normal clothes, have something to eat and then rest. You will feel better in the morning for it.”

Would she really? Eyja was not so sure, but she did feel drained, so she did not protest. At least in the hut, she would not walk into anyone wanting to shame or accuse her of some dark deed.

As she slipped back into her soft woolen dress, she could not contain the sob she’d been fighting. Here she was, dressed as a woman once again. It was as if everything was back to normal. Except she knew that it was not.

Everything had been turned on its head.