Chapter 4

Chapter Four

H adrian fairly fled down the front steps of the Earl of Stanhope's house, shame and guilt warring within him for the way he had handled things with Lilly. How could he have been so thoughtless? She obviously felt the weight of her current situation keenly, and instead of helping things, he had made them far worse.

He didn't think he had ever held a crying woman in his arms. To his astonishment, he had not found the experience altogether terrible—other than the fact that he had been the one to make her cry in the first place. His heart had actually warmed at the opportunity to offer her comfort. She had always been such a brave, stubborn little thing.

Guilt clawed once more within him. Why hadn't he checked in on her after her father's death? When Henry had told him she had no dowry, he had seen that as a reason for her to accept his offer without stopping to think what her reduced circumstances had meant for her. As the daughter of an earl, she should never have been relegated to little more than a poor relation.

He swung himself up on his horse, still thinking about how sweetly she had melted into his arms, the top of her head barely reaching his breastbone. The momentary spark between them could only be described as... attraction. On his side, at least. And he'd had a passing thought about whether making love to someone he actually cared about might deepen the experience.

He spurred his horse forward, trying to banish the idea from his brain. This was Lilly he was thinking about, for God's sake! The whole point of this was to have a sham marriage, not to be fantasizing about making love to his wife!

Despite his best efforts to brush it off, the encounter lingered in his mind, casting doubt over everything he thought he knew. He couldn't escape the feeling of looking into a mirror and seeing a stranger staring back at him, forcing him to confront parts of himself that he didn't like.

After Hadrian rode away, Lilly dashed up the grand staircase to her bedroom. Her heart raced as she tried to block out the evidence of the earl's recent financial struggle—the missing paintings, the neglected repairs, and the barren walls once adorned with lavish art. Finally reaching her destination, she burst into her room and flung herself onto her bed. The soft mattress cradled her body as she promptly succumbed to hot, salty tears once again, releasing all the pent-up emotions she had been holding in for far too long.

She cried as she had not done since her father's death, as though her world were ending because, in a way, it was. The last of her hopes and dreams had just been crushed beneath Hadrian's careless Hessians.

Love and a family of her own were forever out of her reach if she accepted his offer.

But if she did not, she and her mother would forever be poor relations, and she would spend countless more years sitting in the corner of ballrooms where her increasingly advanced age and lack of dowry made her completely unmarriageable.

Was there really a chance of her making a match, any match, given her current circumstances? To be quite honest, she had known deep down for years that the answer was no. But she had still held a sliver of hope, and she supposed that was what she grieved most. Because some part of her had dreamed that Hadrian would miss her, that he would come to call, that he would realize he had always loved her...

A bitter laugh escaped her as she realized that what she had dreamed of had come true, just in a far different manner than she had hoped. And if she refused him, her fate would probably be exactly the same. She would still end up old and alone; she just wouldn't be as comfortable.

Just then, her mother burst into the room, still mussed from her nap. Her normally impeccable appearance was now disheveled, with strands of hair escaping from her usually perfectly styled coiffure. Lilly had never seen her mother look anything but put-together and refined, making her current state even more shocking. It was as if a storm had swept through and ruffled her mother's immaculate exterior.

She slammed the door behind her, quivering with excitement. "Agatha just told me the earl came to call. She said he proposed to you!"

"Agatha should not be listening at doors," Lilly muttered, pushing herself to a sitting position and wiping her face with her sleeve, which she knew her mother would hate. She should have known that someone had been listening. Her mother and the earl had spies everywhere.

"Why are you crying?" her mother snapped, finally noticing Lilly's tears. "This is the answer to our prayers. I never thought we would be so lucky as to have you marry into such a wealthy family! And you have always been quite fond of that young man."

Despite her mother's constant passive-aggressive jabs, Lilly chose not to dwell on them. It was no secret that she had never lived up to her mother's expectations; just being born a girl instead of the desired son had disappointed her greatly. A boy would have guaranteed her mother's financial security. Instead, she had ended up with an unmarried daughter who had ruined every chance of bettering their circumstances.

"He's always been a great friend," Lilly managed.

"Then why didn't you say yes when he asked? Have you completely lost your mind?" her mother exploded angrily.

"I didn't tell him no either; I simply asked for some time to think about it."

"What is there to think about?" Her mother shook her head in disappointment. "You have always been such an unappreciative child. Can't you see that not only your future, but mine as well, depends on this decision?"

"I am fully aware of that, Mother." If she weren't, she wouldn't even be considering this option.

"When he returns, you must beg his forgiveness for not saying yes immediately and pray that he still wants you."

Lilly massaged her aching temple, wishing she could escape this conversation. "He is not interested in consummating the marriage or having children. He just wants to satisfy his father's demands over the Brazen Belle's article and continue living his life as he always has." Maybe if her mother knew the truth, she would not be so excited about the marriage.

But instead of understanding, Lilly only received a shrug in response. "That sounds like a dream come true to me. You will have wealth, a title, and a comfortable place for us to live, and he won't make any demands on you. I do not understand you at all, Lilly." Her mother stared at her for another long moment, then gave a huff of disgust. "We will talk about this tomorrow," she threw over her shoulder before leaving and slamming the door behind her.

Dry-eyed now, Lilly hugged her knees to her chest, knowing she'd never really had a chance once her mother had found out about Hadrian's proposal. Her life would be even more terrible if she said no and then had to be endlessly castigated for her poor decision.

At least now she knew what she could ask Hadrian for when she accepted his offer.