27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I t had been two days since Cassius and I spoke, but he was always lingering around me. Food and water magically appeared on my nightstand when I woke up each morning. Today, I awoke to a hot bath drawn for me as well as a note from Cassius letting me know that I could come to the dining hall to eat breakfast with him if I wanted.

My chest tightened at the thought of leaving our room, but I was also determined to feel better. I did not want Jesper and my father to have this power over me anymore. More than that, I wanted to learn what I was missing from Cassius. So, I soaked in the bath, trying to force away the memories of Jesper watching me bathe and holding my head under water. When it became too much, I got out and dressed.

As soon as I left our room and walked the hallway of Crimson’s castle, I felt terrified. The stained-glass windows shined beautifully across the stone walls, casting rainbows of colors across the ground in front of me.

I could hear the chatter of the men eating as I slowly made my way through the open door. Walking into this space brought back memories of the trials. All the guards stopped eating to stare at me. My heart beat wildly at the attention. Would I always feel this fear?

Before I could feel scared for long, every single guard stood up from their seat to face me. Then, to my astonishment, they all bowed deeply before me.

After they rose back up, Haden walked to me quickly and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. He stepped in front of my eyes so I would focus on him.

“You’re alright,” he assured me.

“Why did they bow?”

“You’ll have to talk to Cassius about that.” He smiled as he dragged me to the food. I gathered a plate, trying to ignore the staring I could feel. Instead, I focused on my breathing so I would not become overwhelmed. When I turned, my eyes scanned each face, looking for Cassius.

“He should be here in a minute,” Haden said. I nodded as we sat at a table with Kace and Zaden. They both stared at me with big smiles plastered on their faces.

“Hi Kace. Hi Zaden,” I spoke softly.

“It’s so good to see you again.” Zaden smiled.

“Are you feeling better?” Kace glanced over me like he was worried.

“A little.” I slowly ate my food as the guards stared at me. I could hear their faint whispers, but I did not get the impression that they were being cruel to me.

They talked among themselves as I ate. I was sure they could tell I was overwhelmed, so they didn’t push me into conversations. It was nice to have noise around me, though. My thoughts weren’t racing through bad memories like they did when I was by myself.

“So, what have you guys been up to?” I finally asked.

“Mostly training. Cassius has been a little—pissy, so he takes it out on us with our training,” Haden chuckled. “Although he has given us a few days off since you’ve been back, so that’s a plus.”

Zaden and Kace were chuckling in agreement.

“Anything you want to talk to us about?” Kace asked.

Was there? My mind blanked. So much had happened, but I didn’t want to burden them with what I went through. I stared at my plate for a long moment.

“No.”

“Well, you’ll never believe who moved to Crimson and is trying to be a guard.” Haden’s eyes widened with his gossip. “Leer.”

“Leer made it?” I glanced around the room. “Is he here?”

The guys all stared at me like I was crazy. “I told him to come here with his family for safety. We’re friends now.”

I glanced over when someone slid onto the bench at our table. My eyes locked with Cassius’ as he sat with his plate across from me. My eyes drifted over his face.

“Good morning, my love. I’m glad to see you are feeling good enough to leave our room.” He smiled at me, and I almost gawked at the sight. Gods, he was fucking handsome.

“Why does everyone look so horrified?” He asked the guys.

“Thea ran into Leer at Cerithia, and apparently they’re friends now.” Haden laughed when Cassius’ face looked surprised. “She told him to come here to be safe.”

“Interesting.” His eyes flickered over to me briefly as he took a bite of his food. The chatter of the dining hall had died down, and I could see the guards watching me and Cassius closely.

“Why did all the guards bow at me when I walked in here?”

Cassius choked on his food and had to hit his chest to catch his breath. He glanced around at the men watching us before finally meeting my eyes.

“You’re royalty.”

Haden raised an eyebrow at me.

“Not really. I’m a bastard child of a king. He never claimed me as his daughter, so I’m not technically royal.”

“You’re royal,” Cassius insisted. “If you don’t like it, you can tell them to stop. They’ll listen to you.”

I nodded in response and took a bite of my food. I saw Cassius look at Haden with a pointed look, and Haden threw up his hands in surrender. He was smiling brightly at Cassius, and the whole exchange seemed odd. Obviously, there was more to this story, but I didn’t pry. I listened to them talk about training schedules for a while. Cassius had been running them ragged.

“We have less than a month until war starts. We will need to go scouting,” Cassius announced at the table.

“Is war really necessary?” I asked.

“I don’t want war, but your father and Jesper will declare it when I don’t return you.”

“No, they won’t,” I sighed. “My father is too scared to start a war if I am not in Cerithia. If anything, he will just try to kill me to start the curse over again.”

Cassius’ jaw clenched at this statement. Kace stared at me so intensely that I had to look down because it was making me feel anxious.

“You’re probably right, but we still need to be prepared,” Cassius spoke. “You can train with us if you’re feeling up to it.”

I nodded but said nothing.

“How did you discover Lavtan?” Kace asked as he began shoveling food into his mouth.

“I was snooping around and saw him go into my father’s throne room. It was a complete accident,” I chuckled softly.

“Lucky for us,” Zaden said with a smile.

“Speaking of lucky,” Haden smiled. “Where were you last night, Kace? You never came to your bunk.” Haden wiggled his eyebrows at Kace and smiled when he refused to answer. “Fine, keep your secrets.”

I couldn’t help but smile at their banter. I glanced at Cassius when I felt him staring again. His gaze was intense.

“Would you like to go somewhere with me today?” he asked.

“Ok,” I agreed.

Haden was smiling brightly at us as we watched each other.

★★?★★

Cassius was giddy as we rode our horses through the woods. Something about the area was familiar, but I could not place it. After a short ride, we arrived at a small hot spring, and I realized why it seemed familiar. It was the hot spring from my memory with him. Cassius glanced at me and smiled like he was so happy to just be with me.

“A hot spring.” I looked at him.

“You love this hot spring,” he answered back as the horses stopped.

I slid off Kaida and headed towards the spring. I could feel its warmth without even getting in. Nothing sounded better than soaking in the hot water. My eyes glanced at Cassius as I contemplated whether I felt comfortable undressing in front of him. Could I trust him? My mind waited to see if my darkness would protest, but she did nothing.

Slowly, I started to undress. When I glanced to see what Cassius was doing, he was standing with his back toward me. “What are you doing?” I asked.

“Giving you privacy.” His fists were closed tightly at his sides, and his voice was tight with desire. It made me smile as I slipped into the water.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” I called out. Cassius glanced over his shoulder when he heard the water. He strode toward me, stripping his clothes off too. I couldn’t look away from his muscles and tattoos. Cassius gave me a cocky grin as I continued to stare at him, not giving him the decency he gave me.

“It’s not polite to stare,” he teased.

“I can look away if you want.”

“You can look at me; it all belongs to you anyway." He came into the water and sat across from me as I floated in the warmth. It smelled of forest and wildflowers here.

We relaxed in silence for a long time. Cassius never came too close to me. He just watched me from across the spring as I replayed the memory of us here. I glanced over my shoulder, where Cassius had emerged from the woods in his uniform. My cheeks heated as I remembered the kiss.

“Blushing, little viper?” Cassius whispered.

I hesitated a moment before responding. “I know why this hot spring is important."

Cassius’ eyebrows shot up.

“You do?”

“Our first kiss,” I whispered. “Well, second, technically.”

He didn’t move. Gods, he didn’t even look like he was breathing. His eyes burned bright gold before they began to swirl with black.

“You remember our kiss.”

I nodded. Cassius’ eyes dimmed a moment later, and I frowned at the shift in his mood.

“What’s wrong?”

“I wish you could remember all of it, Thea.”

I swam closer to him. The look of sadness that was painted over his features made me want to cheer him up.

“The night we met...” I started, but Cassius sat up straight.

“How much have you remembered?”

“A few things.” I smiled. “The night we met on the blood moon, why didn’t you let me see your face?”

His tattooed chest rose and fell with deep breaths as he watched me.

“I thought you would recognize me as the Prince of Crimson, and I didn’t want you to hate me. I don’t know if I could have handled you looking at me like I was a monster if you knew. I liked that you looked at me like I was some type of hero.”

“Why didn’t you ever come back?”

“I did,” he answered. “But you were never there. I didn’t realize you had been drafted into the war.”

“I remember when you learned I was the captain of the Cerithian armies.”

He smiled brightly.

“That may be one of my favorite memories of us.”

My cheeks heated again as I stared at him.

“I remember giving you your prize for winning that stupid game.”

Cassius’ eyes flashed black quickly at the memory. His chest rose and fell in choppy breaths.

“One of the best days of my life,” he muttered. “I knew I flirted with you a lot, but I never expected you to reciprocate my feelings, and if you did, I never thought you would act on them.”

He smiled at me for a long moment, and I knew that sharing this with him had made him happy, maybe hopeful for us.

“Anything else?” He sounded hopeful.

“No.” I shook my head. “I stopped seeing memories when Jesper started hurting me.”

“Will you keep telling me what you remember? It’s nice knowing that you can remember parts of us.”

“Yes,” I agreed immediately.

There was a long pause before he spoke again. And when he did, his voice was soft, as if he was worried he would spook me.

“If you ever want to talk about what Jesper did, I will listen.”

Gods, I wanted to tell him every hit, cut, and hateful word Jesper ever spewed at me, but I couldn’t. For some reason, I felt disgusted with myself that I couldn’t fight off Jesper. How can I be this powerful woman who is going to crumble kingdoms and kill kings when Jesper was able to hurt me so badly? I felt weak.

“I don’t think it would help,” I answered.

“I can see it in your eyes that you hide terrible memories behind them. Every time you look at me, I see all the ways I’ve failed you looking back at me. You can’t hide the emotions you send down the bond, my love. I know that you are hurt deeply, and if you don’t get those thoughts out of you, they will eat you alive. Sometimes, speaking about hard things is what we need to do so they cannot hold power over us anymore. Let me carry the burden of your pain with you.”

My eyes flickered between his, and my darkness hummed at his words, like they agreed.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Cassius didn’t push me to speak; he waited patiently for me to make a decision about what was best for me. Tears formed in my eyes as I looked at him. No thoughts formed, even though I wanted to tell him, so I showed him. Slowly, I rose out of the hot spring, showing Cassius my marred skin. Jesper’s name carved into my flesh in two places, along with the insults he carved, had Cassius’ face falling as his eyes took in every new scar. I turned so he could see my back, and I cried silently when Cassius’ hand touched the word traitor cut into my skin. As soon as I felt him, sobs left me violently.

“Thea…” he choked out.

“I couldn’t fight him off. I was too weak, and now I will live with the reminders of what he did to me forever. I can’t even look at myself in a mirror anymore.”

Cassius turned me, tears falling from his eyes as he pulled me to him in a tight hug.

“He will never hurt you again,” he promised. He kissed my head as I sobbed into his chest. After a few minutes, Cassius pulled me back and raised his hand, so his shadows swarmed over me. His eyes never left mine as they moved over every mark on my skin. When he pulled his shadows back, all of Jesper’s words were covered in tattoos. Where scars had marred my skin, beauty now covered it. A black forest, crimson-colored flowers, and a blood moon replaced the insults. He had given me the gift of our story to cover Jesper’s ugliness.

“Much better,” he whispered as he tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear. I stared at him for a long, tear-filled moment before pushing up on my toes to kiss him. Unlike our first kiss here, this one was not full of lust. It was full of longing and love. Cassius slipped his arms around me and held me to him tightly as he kissed me back.

“Let’s go home,” he whispered as he pressed his forehead against mine.