28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

I knew Haden was following me. He did a horrible job of hiding in the trees, but maybe he wanted me to know he was with me. After all, he had been lurking around me for the past few days. Today, when I woke up, I finally felt good enough to try and find Leer.

I dressed in simple clothes, not scared of others seeing my scars for the first time in what felt like forever. Nervousness plagued me as I walked the simple road to the town. I was remembering the welcome I had received in Cerithia and hoped nothing like that happened here.

Surprisingly, though, when I got to the city, the fae stopped in the streets and smiled—even bowed to me.

Haden stepped out of the tree line and moved toward me.

“Why are you spying on me?”

“Cassius trusts me to make sure you are safe.” Haden gave me a smile. “And you are my friend. I want to make sure you’re safe too.”

I rolled my eyes and glanced around. After a long walk through the town, Haden finally asked me what I was looking for.

“Leer and his family.”

“Are you really friends with him?” Haden frowned. “He was horrible to you during the trials.”

“He had his reasons, and I forgave him. He was my only friend in Cerithia.”

Haden frowned slightly before grabbing my hand and pulling me to the left. He dragged me through the streets until a cute home with a big green yard stood in front of us. Before I could open my mouth, the door opened, and Cassius stepped out. My heart raced at the sight of how good he looked in his black uniform.

“Thea?” My eyes moved past Cassius to Larissa and Leer.

“You made it!” I smiled and ran to them. They both hugged me tightly. When they let me go, they held me at arm’s length to look me over.

“You’re in Crimson?” Leer questioned as he glanced at Haden and Cassius.

“I’m a prisoner.” I shrugged.

“You don’t look like a prisoner.” Larissa raised her dark brow at me. I could feel Cassius staring daggers into my back, but I ignored him. “Come in; the kids will be happy to see you, and we can catch up.”

“That would be great.” I smiled and let her lead me inside.

“I can escort Thea back to the castle when we are done visiting,” Leer offered.

Cassius hesitated for a moment, his eyes jumping from Leer to me. “Fine,” he muttered as he and Haden turned to leave.

Their home was twice the size of their last, and this time, the furnishings were not falling apart. The kitchen even had fully-stocked shelves of food. The kids came squealing toward me, and I hugged them before they ran off. I could feel Larissa and Leer watching me. When I turned to them, Leer raised his blonde brow at me.

“Why was Cassius here?”

“He was letting me know that he was accepting my application to be a guard of Crimson. He said he hadn’t realized that you sent me here.”

My heart thudded at the news.

“Your home is lovely.” I smiled.

“The royal family gifted it to us.” Larissa smiled. “That is part of being a guard for Crimson.”

This was a vast change from how they lived in Cerithia. They hugged each other tightly, and for some reason, sadness filled me.

“Now, tell us everything.” Larissa smiled and sat me down on the couch. I went through everything I could think of that they missed. When I stopped talking, they both gaped at me from the couch.

“Stars above, Thea.” Leer frowned.

“I’ll be alright.” I looked at them. “I’m so happy you guys are safe. How are you feeling?” I glanced over at Larissa, but she didn’t make my healing magic surge forward.

“I’ve never felt better.”

She raised her pretty face up to Leer and kissed him.

I stood. Cassius and I still hadn’t talked yet, and he had not made any sort of move on me since I had kissed him at the hot spring. In fact, it seemed like he was avoiding me. I had hardly seen him in two days. It made feel as if I did something wrong.

“I’m going to head back to the castle. I’m still quite exhausted, but maybe we can meet again soon.”

Leer stood and told Larissa he would be back after escorting me home. He and I walked in silence for a long time. It was as if he knew I was struggling. Finally, he sighed heavily when we were almost back.

“You aren’t alright.” He frowned. “What can I do to help?”

I glanced at him and knew he couldn’t do anything. Moving my eyes away from him, I looked at the castle.

“Unless you can make my trauma disappear, then there is nothing to do. I want to speak to Cassius, but I feel disgusted with how broken I feel after Jesper's torture. My mind keeps tricking me into thinking I am not worthy of love or Cassius, so he must be using me.” Tears filled my eyes even as I tried to hold them in. The past two nights, my mind has reeled with terrible dreams of Cassius killing me. I was struggling with his betrayal and wondering if I was falling for it again. No matter how many times I told myself that Cassius loved me, there was a small voice questioning everything. Just because my father was bad didn't mean that Cassius was good. That's what it kept saying.

I didn't actually think Cassius was a bad guy, but my mind was being such a bitch.

“He cares for you.”

“I know, but the confusion is overwhelming."

The words broke my resolve. Tears flooded down my face as a loud sob escaped me. Leer moved to me quickly, holding me tightly against his chest. He didn’t say anything to comfort me; he just let me cry, and that was all I wanted. When I pulled back, I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“I am so lost, Leer."

“Then let him explain, Thea. I’m sure there is a reason for his madness.”

I knew I needed to let Cassius explain, but I was scared. I was terrified that whatever his reasoning was, it would not be good enough for me. More than anything, I wanted a reason to forgive him. But fear was making it impossible to move forward. I felt stuck.

“Thank you for being my friend.”

“I think I’m the one who should be thanking you, Thea. I owe you my life more than once.”

I gave him another squeeze before heading to the castle as he turned to head home.

“Are you alright?” Cassius was standing in the shadows. Had he been out here the whole time? The smell of rain and night hit me as he ran to catch up.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “For being kind to Leer and Larissa. They mean a lot to me.”

“Anyone that’s important to you is important to me,” he said sincerely.

“Will you just... stop.” My voice echoed around us.

He pulled me back by my arm.

He frowned. “I love you.”

My mind didn’t want to believe his words, but my heart did. Even though we were making progress, something had shifted in the past two days. My mind had been concocting all these false scenarios of Cassius betraying me, and now I was drowning in negative thoughts. All because he had been avoiding me. It was as if he were chasing away all my doubt by being around, but when he was gone it hit me ten times worse.

He gripped my wrists and pulled me close to his chest.

“I do love you,” he said to me. “When the gods decided that I was not worthy of you, Thea, all I could think was to hell with them because you are my heaven and stars. As long as I can make you think I am worthy, then I will die a happy man. I will do anything to show you that I love you. I would do anything for you, my love. Please, just give me a chance to show you and explain to you why I did what I did.”

I shook my head. “What if your reason is not good enough? It will destroy me.”

Cassius dropped to his knees in front of me. Holding himself to my stomach.

“You are everything to me.” His golden eyes looked up at me, and he frowned as tears filled them. “I am nothing without you.”

I shook my head.

“What happened in the past two days to make you look at me like this again?” he asked quietly.

“You have been avoiding me and I feel like I did something wrong. My mind is swarming with every negative scenario it can think of, and I can not stop it. I am trying to be strong; I am trying to be in a place where I can talk with you."

“Little viper, that wasn't my intent. I was giving you some space to process. If you want, I will linger around you constantly.” He glanced up at me from his knees. “You have to face this at some point. You can’t keep running from it, thinking that it will reveal some ugly truth. If anything, I would hope my words and truth bring you comfort.”

Gods, he could read me like an open book. I would push this conversation off until the end of time if I could. It was odd to hide from this, but on the other hand, I wanted to know the truth more than anything.

“We’ll talk soon,” I promised as I backed away from him and headed inside to our room, leaving Cassius kneeling in the dirt.