13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I ’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous, but I was more curious about my father inviting me to a family meal. I didn’t bother dressing up and wore plain black clothing. As soon as I entered the dining room, everyone at the table turned to me. They all put on brave faces, but my darkness hummed at their fear.

I sat away from them. Jesper was the only one who glared at me. I said nothing, hoping they didn’t expect an apology. Food was placed in front of us, and I slowly ate the meat as I stared at them.

“Thank you for coming,” my father struggled to say, making me smirk. They didn’t want me here. They must need something.

“What do you want?” I asked, shoving bread into my mouth. “You don’t invite me to meals, and you wouldn’t start now, not after I ruined your party. So, what do you want?”

My father glanced into my eyes.

“We’ve received word that Falgon is planning to move into our territory again. We’d like you to scout their troops and see if you can determine if they’re planning an attack.”

“All right.”

“You’ll do it?” He seemed surprised.

“Why wouldn’t I? I’m the captain. It’s my job.”

“After you ruined...” he paused. “You seemed angry with us the last time we were all together.”

Well, that was putting it lightly.

“I am, but I have a job to do, and I want to break my curse.” My eyes bore into my father as I mentioned the curse. I still didn’t understand everything, but that was the only reason I was still here. But one thing was for certain, I hated this kingdom and these fae at the table. A scouting trip would give me the break I needed from Cerithia.

“We’ll send some men with you.”

“No.” I stood. “I’ll go alone.”

My father’s jaw clenched. He wasn’t used to being defied or spoken back to. I grabbed my roll and looked up at them.

“I’ll be back when I figure out what’s going on.”

I didn’t wait for them to say anything. I walked out of the room and heard their harsh whispers as soon as I left, but I kept walking.

★★?★★

I was happy to leave Cerithia, even if only for a short while. The atmosphere had been intense since my kidnapping, and I hadn’t been able to uncover any new information. I felt stuck.

I set up my base camp a few days ago and had been watching Falgon’s castle for two days. I noticed their guards were becoming scarcer, the number patrolling dwindling each day.

Something was clearly wrong. I felt it the moment I stepped onto Falgon territory. Even the forest was eerily silent tonight— the kind of quiet that made the hairs on my neck stand on end, as if sensing I was being watched.

My father’s instructions had been vague, almost as though he was desperate to send me away. I nearly turned back to Cerithia when I realized something was off, but I didn’t. The truth was, I’d rather face whatever was coming than return to the dullness of life there.

Glancing around the darkened forest, I saw nothing. Just as I shifted my focus back to the castle, I caught a slight movement deep in the trees.

Dammit. They knew I was here. I began to creep toward the castle to see what was happening.

“Don’t move.” The voice came from behind me. I turned to see dozens of guards now standing in the forest, surrounding me. “We will shoot you.”

My eyes darted around, counting about thirty men. I hadn’t even heard them approach, which was honestly impressive.

“I could kill you all without lifting a finger,” I warned.

“We know,” the captain sighed. I noticed that his green uniform had a white crest over his heart. “But you don’t need to do that.”

Before I could ask him why, a sharp pain made me cry out. One of the men behind me had shot an arrow into my arm. I turned, my fire mist surging forward and killing the man quickly. Whipping around, I killed half the men with a swipe of my hand before I started to feel something foreign pumping through my veins.

My fire magic stopped immediately. Damn it.

“You poisoned me?” I glared.

“We just needed you to not kill us all. It will wear off.”

I threw my dagger at him, killing him instantly, and then smiled at the irony.

“I don’t need my magic to kill the rest of you!”

The commotion made by all the men yelling and charging at me was so loud that it made more men come sprinting from the castle. I started running into the forest as they chased me down, picking them off one at a time with my daggers. As I ran, I ripped the arrow from my arm. Sybil’s healing magic was trying desperately to heal me, but it couldn’t.

I kept moving toward Kizar lands, with Falgon’s army following. Somehow, though, a guard managed to get in front of me. I readied another dagger to throw at him, but he dropped his weapon.

“Thea, please stop; we don’t want to hurt you!” He held up his hands in surrender.

I froze at his gesture. His eyes moved behind me before he moved out of my way.

“Little viper.”

Cassius’ voice drifted through the cool night air. My body stiffened at the sound of it. Great, the arrow was going to make me hallucinate too. Either the stars were torturing me, and I didn’t understand why, or my sanity had snapped for good.

I turned quickly, not expecting to see him. I blinked rapidly when I saw him standing in the forest. Cassius was a vision in his black uniform. His golden eyes glowed in the dark, and his dark hair was chaotic, like he had been running his fingers through it.

“Little viper,” he spoke again. This time I realized I was not hallucinating. I gripped my viper-handled dagger in my hand as I ran at him.

Cassius had expected my attack. He pulled out his own daggers and blocked every stab I tried to make. Not once did he try to attack me back.

“Thea, stop,” he demanded between my strikes. When I didn’t listen, he cursed under his breath. Suddenly, our daggers tangled with each other's, making them fall from our hands. Cassius looked up at me to speak, but I swung my fist and punched him in the face.

He stumbled backward, grabbing his cut brow. Blood dripped down his face as I ran at him again. I was not giving up. This was all his fault. Cassius dodged my attack, grabbing my wrists and yanking me flush against him as we tumbled to the ground. He cushioned my fall and quickly rolled us, so I was pinned under him. I was determined, though. My darkness would not stop me this time. No, it had retreated inside me with my other magic. The guard’s attempt to subdue my magic would only help me kill Cassius.

“My love, please stop,” he muttered as I thrashed around under him. His grip loosened, and I punched him again, making him fall off me. “Fuck!” He grunted as he held his nose. I stood and prepared myself for him to charge at me, but he just stared at me without moving. Something somber filled his features. I hated the way he stared at me with his empty eyes. The look of longing was worse than a punch to the face.

“Fight me,” I demanded. “Let’s finish this once and for all.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head and looking away from me as if he couldn’t bear to look at me. I glanced around to see Haden, Kace, and Zade watching our exchange. Gods, I hadn’t seen them since the trials. They all watched me with blank, uncomprehending stares. I couldn’t stand to see their faces, so I glanced at Cassius.

“Quit being a coward and fight me, Cassius. I promised you I would kill you, and you still sought me out. So now be ready to die.”

His golden eyes glanced around us as Falgon guards watched the exchange; all of them had laid their weapons down. His shoulders slumped as his eyes found mine again. My chest tightened at the odd gesture. I wouldn’t allow myself to fall for whatever this was. Cassius would use it to break me, to kill me.

He frowned at me before he tossed down his weapons and fell to his knees in front of me. His long exhale filled the silent space around us as his eyes closed tightly. Wisp floated behind him, her flames a normal shade of blue. She wasn’t warning me against him, but I knew she was not on my side. She loved Cassius, not me.

“Pick up your weapon and fight me!” I demanded through clenched teeth. My rage pounded in my ears as I stared at him kneeling in front of me. Cassius shook his head. If he thought I wouldn’t kill him, he was mistaken. If he thought I would fall for this act, he was stupid. Something about his submission to me made my insides twist with agony. I hated this. Desperate to understand why he was doing this, I glanced around us as if someone would speak up.

“Kill me if you must,” he whispered as his haunted eyes found mine.

“Cassius…” Haden started to say, but I was already running toward him. I tackled Cassius to the ground so he was lying flat on his back as I straddled him, my dagger pushed into his throat. A single drop of blood ran from his neck. And yet, he didn’t fight me.

“Come home,” he spoke softly. “Please.”

I sharpened my gaze on him, looking for the cruel, malicious man he had been in the clearing. His lips parted as his eyes glistened.

“I am home,” I lied. I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing how terrible Cerithia had been. Della had said I needed to be in Cerithia to learn the truth. I hadn’t pieced together enough to understand what the truth was yet.

“I’ve missed you terribly, my love.”

Tears filled my eyes because I knew his words weren’t true, but they still made time slow down around us as we watched each other. My teeth sank into my trembling lip so that he couldn’t see how much he affected me. Cassius’ hands rested on my hips, and I waited for him to hurt me, but he didn’t.

“Stop,” I demanded. “I will never fall for your lies again.”

He winced at my words.

“Come home with me; fight with me there. Yell at me, hurt me, hate me, but do it in our home,” he tried again.

“Cerithia is my home.”

“Liar,” he snapped. “Even you know that is not true.”

His words and actions were confusing me. Why wasn’t he trying to hurt me? I hated that I didn’t know if this was a trick, even though he had betrayed me already. The dagger felt heavy in my palm as his words sank deeper into my doubts. It was clear that he was trying to enchant me. I shook my head, trying to get rid of these unwanted thoughts.

“Have they treated you well in Cerithia?” He kept pushing it. His eyes scanned over my face for any trace of the lie I would tell. “Did they welcome you with open arms? Do they treat you as well as Crimson did?”

How did he know what to say? All the cruel interactions I had with my family came crashing around me. My stomach sank at the harshness Cerithia had shown me. Crimson’s whore . It made me hesitate and question if I could kill him. Everyone had been cruel to me. No one wanted me, but I didn’t want him to know that he was right that day in the clearing. Who could love a monstrosity like me? The answer was no one. Not even my own family.

“Yes,” I forced the lie out.

“Oh, my little liar, you will never convince me that Cerithia has been kind to you.” His eyes darkened.

“Shut up,” I demanded as my blade pushed more into his neck. Wisp twirled around us in a frenzy. Was she worried for me or Cassius? “Why are you in Falgon?”

“Because I cannot cross into Cerithia without dying or being invited because of the curse. This was the only way to get to you and tell you to come home with me. You killed the first Falgon guards we sent to get you. You disappeared from our bedroom before I got a chance to talk with you again.”

The Falgon guard who had muttered Cassius’ name to me as he died flashed through my mind. My body went rigid as I realized that it was Cassius who had sent the men for me.

“Why? So, you can trick me and kill me again?"

Heartache filled my already tight chest as I watched him closely. This small interaction was somehow making me feel something other than rage and devastation. I knew what he was saying was impossible to believe, but my darkness obsessed over each word he spoke. I didn’t know what to do. My lips parted as I tried desperately to slow my racing heart.

“I never tricked you,” he pleaded. “The only ones tricking you are your family and that little bastard, Jesper.”

“You killed me,” I hissed. “Cursed me.”

“I know,” he frowned, closing his eyes tightly, and laid his head back on the ground.

I pushed my dagger into his throat harder, making him shut the fuck up.

“I was not planning on killing you tonight, but I will enjoy it. I will be happier when I know that you do not exist in the same realm as me.” I leaned down closer to him, so our faces were inches apart. “And I will kill you in the name of Cerithia.” Cassius’ eyes bounced between mine as I leaned over him. Quickly, he pushed forward, kissing me by surprise. The motion caused my blade to nick the skin on his neck.

I pulled back, confused, and lifted my blade over my head so that I could plunge it into his heart. My breathing was too quick, and I thought I might faint. Even as I readied to stab him, he didn’t flinch. His hands squeezed my hips tightly, like he just wanted to feel me, as he watched me with a yearning in his golden eyes. The bond on my arm suddenly burned so violently that I thought I would drop my dagger. Leer’s words bounced around my mind. He looks like a man longing for a woman he can’t have.

“Any last words, Cassius?” I breathed out softly.

His hands moved from my hips to my thighs.

“I love you, Thea,” he whispered. “It was an honor to be yours, and I wish things had happened differently. Maybe our next life will not be so cruel to us.”

A lump formed in my throat as tears filled my eyes. I felt paralyzed by his confession. A tear rolled down my face as I stared at him.

“I will wait for you in the next life.” His hand brushed the stray curls from my face. Then he closed his eyes and waited for my blade to pierce his heart. The blood bond burned so painfully that I was losing the grip on my dagger. Doubt swarmed me, even though I knew this was likely another trick. Something about his words had given me mixed emotions. I had expected cruel words or a fight, but not a confession of love. My darkness was swarming inside of me again. It was frantic at what I was doing. It didn’t want me to do this.

My movements stopped because I couldn't do this. Gods, was I this starved for love that I was quick to believe Cassius' words, or did something deep inside of me remember him, not allowing me to hurt him. Before I could conclude my thoughts, Wisp decided for me that I would not be hurting Cassius. Her form suddenly shifted to yellow, causing me to look away from Cassius.

The sudden change in her mood made me pause. She seemed to be expanding so vastly that I was in awe. Then suddenly, Wisp rammed me so forcefully that I was knocked from Cassius. I lay there dazed for a moment, then groaned as I lifted myself up off the ground slightly. When I glanced back at her, she had created a wall between Cassius and I. She was protecting him.

I glanced around but didn’t try to move toward him again. Relief filled me that I did not have to make the decision to kill him right now. He stood at the same time I did, but he just watched me without moving. He didn’t question why I was flown from him as he glanced at Wisp like he could see her. His eyes glanced around him, where she circled him. He could see her.

All this time, at the trials, he could see her. Gods, why did he act like he couldn’t?

“You see her,” I accused. His tortured eyes found mine.

“Of course I see her,” he whispered. I hadn’t expected him to be honest. “She is attached to my soul.”

What the actual fuck was going on? Wisp was mine. She protected me; she was supposed to be my friend. My jaw tightened as I refused to show my betrayal to them. Was she working with him this whole time?

“Come home with me,” he begged, but I shook my head. “You belong with me, Thea. Please, I just want you back in our home, in our room, in my arms, and with me.”

“I can't!” I yelled at him. There were still so many things that didn't make sense. She was loyal to Cassius, and her betrayal pumped hurt through me. Before I could see their reaction, I turned and ran toward Kizar’s border, hoping Cassius couldn’t cross there either.

Tears blurred my vision as I tried to understand what had just happened. I could hear them behind me, but I was almost to the safety of Kizar. Sobs racked through my body so violently that I wondered if the gods themselves could hear my pain.

“Little viper!” Cassius’ voice echoed through the forest. I shook away the comfort my darkness found in his voice. It was difficult to see in the dark as my eyes blurred with tears of anger and sadness.

“I dreamt of you before I ever met you in real life,” Cassius called out to me just as I crossed into Kizar. His confession made me stop. The air was difficult to breathe in, and I wasn’t sure if it was what he said or what just happened. I turned slowly, wetting my dry lips. He walked toward me cautiously but stopped when he saw that I gripped my dagger tightly in my hand.

“When I was a child, I dreamt of a girl with wild, dark curls and eyes as green as the moss in the woods. I told no one about it. I thought you were just some random fantasy, but you never went away. For years, you came to my dreams, and I just watched you from the shadows. I found myself excited to go to sleep as the years went by because I would get to see you, the girl with no name. I think I memorized every line of your face, every curve of your body, the way your voice sounded in my dreams. I was drawn to you before I ever even met you.”

My hands trembled at what he told me.

“I didn’t know you were a real woman until your mother came to me. I thought the dreams were my own mind torturing myself with someone I could never have.”

I searched his eyes for understanding. Cassius took a small step forward with his hands up slightly, showing he meant no harm to me.

“You look just like her, except her eyes were blood red,” he smiled softly at me. “I was outside, wandering the woods one day. It was as if something had called me there, but I couldn’t explain it. It was an overwhelming need to be in the forest. Then I saw her, and at first, I thought she was the girl from my dreams. I could tell that she was a blood witch, and I knew the risks of going toward her, but there was a pull coming from her. I did not fear her.”

I found myself wanting to believe his words. I took a step back as if it would shield me from him.

“Bayla,” he said lightly. “She smiled at me when she looked into my eyes. She told me that she knew of my secret—that I dreamt of you. Bayla told me it was her daughter I dreamed of, but she refused to tell me your name or where you lived. I remember asking her what she wanted, and she told me she had seen visions of you and me in the future, that I would fall hopelessly in love with you,” he chuckled and ran his hands down his face. “Bayla said she wanted to meet me once just in case she could not witness our love firsthand. I thought she had lost her mind, but she made me promise that I would never stop looking until I found you.”

“Why?” my voice shook as I spoke.

“She said we would save each other.” His shoulders slumped as he glanced into my eyes. “I started traveling to different parts of the realm as soon as I was old enough and could control my shadow magic. Every night I snuck out, and I searched for you.” His lips had a slight smirk, as if he were remembering a precious memory. “I found you a year before I first talked to you on the night of the blood moon. Gods, I knew your mother was right about falling hopelessly in love with you when I saw you for the first time outside of my dreams. You were practicing throwing daggers at a tree, mad at the realm for some reason, and I couldn’t stop watching you. I returned every night for a year hoping to see you again. I even left one of my viper-handled daggers for you to find one night. Then I realized who you were. I tried to stay away once I realized you were King Luren’s daughter, but it only seemed to make my longing for you worse. Do you know how much torture it is to long for someone you have never met before?”

I shook my head, not knowing how to take this information. “My mother liked you,” I said, cocking my head to the side, trying to understand.

He nodded slowly.

“She seemed... pleased with me. I somehow got the feeling that she was making sure that I was a good fit for you. Bayla told me to protect you, and I didn’t know what she meant by that until years later. I think your mother knew what was going to happen long before it did. Even if your mother had not come to me, I know our paths would have crossed. It was destined.”

My chin trembled as I tried to hold in my emotions.

“Why are you telling me this?” I whispered. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“Maybe it does,” he frowned. “I keep hoping that one day I will tell you something about us that will magically trigger your memories. I pray to the gods, the stars, and any being out there that will hear my plea that you will stop looking at me as if I am your villain. That you will stop looking at me like you do not love me anymore.”

“You are my villain!” I stared him down. “How could I love a monstrosity like you?” I spit his own words back at him. He visibly shrank away from my venomous words. Cassius opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it and said nothing else. A pained expression overtook his face as he looked down at his feet.

“My mother was obviously wrong about us.” The words tasted sour coming out of my mouth. Cassius swallowed hard as Wisp appeared next to him. He glanced at her, and I swore I saw a sad longing in his eyes. After a moment that felt like forever, he finally looked back at me.

“One day, you will know how wrong those words are. You are angry with me, and it's making you skew your reality in Cerithia because you fear you will have nowhere to belong.” His golden eyes narrowed on me as he squared his shoulders. “Well, I hate to break it to you, little viper, but you will always feel that way until you are back home with me . I am your home. I am where you belong.” He pointed at his chest.

“Why are you doing this to me? Just stop with the lies,” I begged. He was confusing me. I had been so sure of my anger and bitterness toward him, but each time I saw him, my walls were breaking. He had admitted to killing me and acted as if it weren't a big deal. My eyes met his. I didn't hate him like I hated my father and Jesper. The hate I had for them burned with a vengeance inside of me. But when I looked at Cassius, it wasn't vengeance that burned, it was a longing to understand why he did what he did.

“When you go back to Cerithia, I beg you to please look at your family and everything around you clearly. Do it for yourself, for your own safety. They cannot keep up any sort of charade with you if you stop turning a blind eye to their behavior. Della was right; you need to find out the lies and secrets of Cerithia before you will ever truly choose me. I know you are confused, and I wish I could tell you everything right this second.”

"Then why don't you tell me?" I asked.

He frowned. "Because I can see it in your eyes that you are terrified of me. You are not in a place where you will believe anything I have to say without wondering if I am lying. You need to spend more time in Cerithia to truly understand everything. You are supposed to come to the conclusion that you love me on your own, and I think I keep making this harder for you. I'm making you more confused instead of letting you do this." Cassius looked pained as he watched me. "Della said I was forcing this too much. She said that I needed to let you be angry with me for killing you, to let you process all of this at your own pace. I thought she was wrong, but when I look into your eyes, I know she's right. I just miss you so much that I keep trying to rush it."

I turned away from him because my resolve was breaking. My sniffling seemed deafening in the silent forest.

“I have never been your villain. Gods above, I know I am a monster, but I am your monster. I will destroy every fae that has kept you from me, even if I must burn this whole fucking realm to the ground. I will do it for you, for us. I would do almost anything you wish. But the one thing I will never do, even for you, is give up on us.”

When I turned back to him, he was gone, and my chest felt as if it were caving in.