12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

“ D o you always have to be so damn difficult?” Cassius glared at me.

I rolled my eyes as he moved toward me, but when he turned me toward him, I saw the humor in his eyes. I smirked at the look on his face.

“I do love when you give me attitude, my love.” He leaned in and kissed me softly. “I was thinking that we should stop pretending you’re a prisoner here,” Cassius spoke as he pulled away.

His declaration made my smile disappear as golden eyes glided over my face, waiting for me to say something.

“What does that even mean?” I whispered, too scared that my voice would give away the excitement I was feeling.

“I want you to stay in Crimson because you want to. I want you to choose me.” His emotions were raw and unfiltered. It may have even been the first time I saw fear in Cassius’ eyes. “When I think of you leaving me, my whole body aches with longing for you. The gods and the stars above know that I would be nothing without you, Thea. They created me to love you, and I intend to do that whether you love me back or not.”

Cassius continued in his worried state.

“I never stood a chance. You had me the moment you called me a coward in the woods on the night of the blood moon. You’ve consumed my every thought since that day, and I’ve dreamt of a life with you. You are everything I never knew I longed for, Thea, and it terrifies me that you could leave. Not even the gods could keep me from you. So please, put me out of this torment and tell me you’ll stay. Even if you do not love me back, stay, and I’ll spend a lifetime treasuring you and making you fall in love with me.”

Cassius seemed to realize he was rambling and closed his mouth. Through my magic, though, I could feel his overwhelming emotions bubbling up and taking hold of him.

I paused for a moment to allow the silence to fall before whispering, “You’ve lost your mind…” His shoulders slumped in disappointment at my words, “…if you really think that I do not already love you. My heart and soul chose you long before my mind caught up.”

Cassius’ mouth seared mine in a breathtaking kiss .

★★?★★

My eyes shot open, and I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom, Cassius’ words haunting my thoughts. How could he be so convincing? I sat up in bed, my chest heavy with longing for a man I couldn’t have. My dreams had become my own personal hell. There was no relief from the torment of his betrayal. Ever since returning to Cerithia a few days ago, I hadn’t stopped thinking about Cassius.

The way he looked at me and smiled in my presence made my insides clench. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t fear me. Stars above, I was sick and twisted to long for the man who had ruined my life. But there was a burning deep inside me, a rage because he acted as if he didn't kill me.

Gathering my emotions as best I could, I stood and dressed in my guardsmen’s uniform. Training would be a great distraction from Cassius—and from the fact that my father hadn’t been seen since I ruined his party. The reminder made me smile.

It was easy to fall back into a routine of training with the guards when I never wanted to sleep and didn’t have anything to distract me.The guards saluted me as I walked along the front of the fields.

"Who would like to challenge me today?" I asked. A guard stepped forward, and we prepared ourselves for a fight. I was distracted by thoughts of Cassius today, more than usual. It might be the day a guard wins against me.

My face turned at the impact of the guard punching me in the face. Shit. I blocked his next punch, ducking low and punching his stomach. The guard crumpled to his knees, and I pulled my dagger and held it to his heart.

“Dead,” I sighed.

The other guards grumbled at my victory. I allowed one challenge a day, and if a guard pulled a death move on me, the men could have two days to themselves. No one had beaten me yet.

I grinned at the men as they all muttered under their breaths and got back into formation.

The men liked the way we trained, and happy guards would be more loyal than mistreated guards.

“They can’t afford to take a day off.” Jeb looked at me disapprovingly.

“A day off will not lose us this war.” I rolled my eyes.

“It’s not how we do things in Cerithia,” he argued again. “This is something I would expect from Crimson,” he said, speaking loud enough for all the guards to hear.

All the men stopped their hand-to-hand combat and glanced between us at Jeb’s insult. My fire flickered over my skin momentarily before I regained control. Turning toward Jeb, I took a menacing step toward him. He took a step away.

“Jeb. I will say this once, and I hope it makes it through that very thick skull of yours. I’m the captain; you are not. So, I would not say stupid shit to me unless you want to be demoted or beheaded.” His eyes widened, and I could see his dark cheeks redden from anger and embarrassment. “And if you think comparing my tactics to Crimson’s guard is an insult, you are dead wrong. You’ve never seen how ruthless and powerful they are.”

Jeb opened and closed his mouth like a gaping fish out of water.

“Now leave my sight.”

Jeb scurried away without saying a word or looking back. My eyes glanced at the rest of the guards, who all stared at me. Leer was the only one smiling, but if he liked how I handled that, then I’m sure the other men did too. It was clear that Jeb did not treat them well while I was gone.

“Because Jeb irritated me, and I do not take orders from him, you all may have the rest of the day to yourselves!” I announced.

The men immediately stopped what they were doing and got in line formation, all of them saluting me. Once dismissed, they hooted and hollered as they dispersed.

“You know the men will be loyal to a leader who is fair,” Leer sighed close by. “They might all fall in love with you if you keep being so…nice.”

“I’m giving them a balance.” I nodded. “I understand you all have lives outside of this place, and family is important.”

“What will you do with your free time?” Leer asked as we started toward the castle. He worried for me. His wife, Larissa, had him bring me small treats almost every day. Today it was a delicious, sweet bread that I couldn’t wait to devour. They were the only two friends I had here.

“Probably sneak around and get in trouble,” I shrugged.

Leer laughed but shut his mouth quickly when Jeb and my father strode toward me.

“Go,” I ordered Leer, and he didn’t argue.

My father’s green eyes glared daggers into me, and Jeb’s smug smile had me rolling my eyes. He went and tattled on me. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for them to get closer.

“Thea, is there a problem?” The king questioned. He stayed far from me. It was the first time that we had been near each other since I lost my shit.

I shook my head. “No, no problem.”

“Well, Jeb said that you are being unmanageable.”

My eyes flickered over to Jeb slowly. He was becoming a real pain in my ass, a problem that I was about to get rid of if he didn’t back off.

“I’m supposed to be managed. Why?” I called my father out. He had used a poor choice of words, and his fallen face let me know that he realized his mistake. “I am the captain.”

“Not managed, but Jeb has been the captain for seven years. He knows what he’s doing.”

"Well, now that’s debatable.” I narrowed my eyes at him, and his face looked ashen. Did he really think I would be deterred if he went and tattled on me? “The men would feed him to the monsters in the woods in a heartbeat. They have no loyalty to a dictator.”

The king’s eyes widened, and his face reddened at my words. One thing I learned in the past few weeks was that my father hated free will and choice. He told fae what to do, not caring about the impact it had. Fae in Crimson did the opposite, and their guards were loyal to a fault.

“If you really don’t think I can manage the men, then maybe we let them vote on who they think should be captain.

Jeb looked at my father, then at me.

“You’re that confident?” Jeb hissed. “They would never choose a fucking psycho bitch as their leader; they are being nice to you because they pity how easily you fell for Cassius’ lies!”

My father looked at me, his calculating eyes scanning me for a reaction I wouldn’t give. I tisked at Jeb, letting him know I thought he was a complete idiot.

“Tomorrow, the men will decide who will continue as captain of the guard,” my father agreed. “We are getting ready for the biggest war in Elloryon history, and I need to know my men are loyal to their leader, that they trust them.” His face almost looked pained at the idea that I was the one they trusted more.

His green eyes glared at Jeb, then back at me. The king stalked away, leaving Jeb and I alone. I flashed my black eyes toward him, and he let out the smallest startled cry.

“You really shouldn't have done that, Jeb. Consider yourself a dead man walking.”

Jeb scrambled quickly away from me; his bravado was gone without the king there to protect him. I chuckled at his retreating form.

I didn’t want to go sit in my cramped room by myself, so I headed to the woods to clear my mind. It had been easy to avoid my father and my “family” these past few days. They didn’t seek me out, and I didn’t bother them either. I wondered if this was how my life had been before I went to Crimson. What had I done to occupy my time before? Maybe I had hung out with Sybil and the twins.

“Gods, this is fucking torture,” I muttered, bored.

★★?★★

The next morning, the men stood in line formation, confused because the king was standing with Jeb and I. The king was never here. This was definitely not something he deemed important.

“Yesterday, it was brought to my attention that you may not approve of your captain, Thea, leading you.” The men all looked around confused. “Jeb feels that you may feel more comfortable with him keeping the title. So, today I ask that all of you make your selection of who you’d like as captain by standing behind them.”

The men looked around at each other but stood without moving. I nearly chuckled at how ridiculous this was. There were a few who would choose Jeb, but I was confident the majority would choose me.

“Now, would be good,” my father growled, and Leer was the first to leave formation and stand behind me. That was the only encouragement the men needed to move behind me. Two soldiers went to stand with Jeb, but it was clear that he wasn’t even close to having my leadership skills.

“Well, Jeb, that is settled. Thea will be the captain of the guard,” the king sighed, narrowing his eyes at him, as if he had expected a different outcome.

“I want Jeb gone,” I demanded.

My father turned to me.

“He’s an asset.”

“He’s a liability. He’s undermining my every move. How can we prepare for war when he’s trying to divide the men?”

“He will back off.” The king narrowed his eyes on Jeb.

Jeb’s jaw was so tense, I thought it would snap. He glared at me with a promise to destroy me. Too bad for Jeb, because he would be dead soon. I wasn’t letting him continue to fuck with me, and my father wouldn’t do as I asked.

“Fine,” I agreed, knowing what I had planned.

“We expect to see you for family breakfast in an hour,” my father said to me. I couldn’t hide the shock that crossed my face.

“Alright,” I nodded.

The king walked away, and the men got into line formation. Jeb stood next to me, still tense. I glanced at him.

“Join the line formation; I don’t need a babysitter.”

Leer was holding back a smile as Jeb did what I ordered. The men stared at me with respect, and it made my chest swell.

"Actually, Jeb, you are on blade-sharpening duty,” I dismissed him. “I’m sure all of you are not used to hearing praise, but thank you for trusting me as your leader. I promise not to abuse my power, unlike some fae.” I glared at Jeb. “As a token of my appreciation for each of you, I will again be giving you the rest of the day. Rest, relax, and spend it with your family. We will resume training tomorrow.”

The men saluted me before cheering as they left. Jeb glared at me from the small armor shed.

Dick.