17. Chapter 17

"Wake up!" Nev clapped his hands loudly in front of my face. My head pounded as it tried to chase the fogginess away, allowing bits and pieces of what happened to come back to me. Peering up at Nev from the ground, I tried to spit out the rag he tied into my mouth so I couldn't talk. Wherever we were was much hotter than the Crimson Kingdom and I didn't particularly like it.

My arms burned with a sharp pain. Nev had wrapped the magic cuffs from the tips of my fingers up to my elbows while I'd been passed out. The sharp barbs punctured my flesh, making it bleed.

"Good morning. I was worried that I accidentally killed you with the paralyzing powder." Nev's boyish looks had vanished. The man who stood in front of me now looked like a crazed lunatic. His eyes were empty voids and I squirmed with discomfort. His red hair was sticking every which way, and his clothes were dirty and soaked in sweat.

"That worked out better than anything I could have planned," he gloated. He pulled the gag from my mouth. My mouth was so dry I could hardly breathe without it being uncomfortable.

"I don't understand. You were my friend."

"I was never your friend." He scoffed like that was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. "You were entirely too easy to trick."

My head pounded so violently that I squeezed my eyes shut to find relief. Dizziness combined with the intense heat made it difficult to focus on anything when I opened my eyes again.

I tried to find my voice again. "I saved you."

"You did," he conceded. "Thanks, by the way. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to carry out my assignment of making sure you disappear from the trials."

"You're one of Riven's men?" I asked him in order to gauge his reaction.

Nev stepped towards me with a wild anger in his eyes. He lifted his hand and slapped me across the face so hard that I fell over. I squeezed my eyes shut at the pain of rocks and sticks poking me.

"Riven was a moron." Nev sat me back up before going over to his bag and grabbing food. He sat in front of me and ate it. "Riven was just a small pawn in the game. I'm a bigger player than he was ever going to be. He talked too much."

"Are you going to kill me?"

He took a bite of his apple before glancing off to the side. Nev seemed lost in thought for a long moment.

"No. My assignment was to make sure you stayed alive and get the king and Cassius to leave the castle to find you."

"They won't come for me," I huffed. "They couldn't give two shits about a participant in the trials."

Nev threw his head back and laughed so loudly that birds flew from the trees. I watched him as he stared back at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You actually can't remember anything?" He sighed, annoyed. "They would burn down the realm to find you, Thea, and not because they care about you, but to keep you from getting into the hands of the Kingdom of Cerithia."

"Cerithia?" Something in mind wanted to know why everyone in Crimson was so weary of Cerithia. "Why is everyone so damn secretive?" All this cryptic bullshit was getting old.

"Well, you'll know who they are again real soon." He shot me a satisfied smirk. "Do you realize how many fae have died because the Crimson Kingdom refuses to give you back to who you belong to because of the prophecy?"

It was starting to feel like everyone knew about the prophecy except for me. I glared at Nev, wishing I could light him on fire. The darkness that lived deep in my chest hummed alive. I could feel it clouding any rational thoughts I might have.

"The Crimson Kingdom is the one you should hate. They are the enemy!"

"I never said they weren't," I snapped back.

"No, but you crawl into Cassius's bed and sleep with a man who single-handedly destroyed the alliance between the Kingdoms of Crimson and Cerithia. A man so ruthless he would kill anyone for his own benefit. The man is a fucking psycho, and you just look right past it and fuck him anyways."

"It's none of your business what happened between Cassius and me."

"He has a reputation as a cold-blooded killer. A liar. A thief. An evil soul disguised with a pretty face to help him trick those around him and you fell right for it…again."

"Again?" Confusion clouded my thoughts.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that we freed you from the Crimson Kingdom so that you can return to the Kingdom of Cerithia where you belong."

As soon as he said I belonged there I got angry, but I didn't know why. Who was I supposed to believe? The darkness that lingered inside of me was clawing its way out. The Kingdom of Cerithia had sent a group of men to make sure I didn't complete this tournament. Riven had tried to kill me because of it. Now I had Nev sitting before me, acting as if Cassius was the one to blame.

Cassius was keeping secrets, but so was everyone else. We were all liars, but there had to be a truth somewhere. I looked up to the bright sky and wished for some fucking clarity on the matter.

I needed more information to piece together all of this. Maybe Nev could give me just enough to understand. "Riven said you guys didn't want my wish to come true."

"We don't." He looked at me skeptically as if I had more thoughts about this. "It would be the downfall of the Kingdoms."

"You guys don't even know what my wish would be," I argued.

"We know what it will be. Why do you think the Crimson Kingdom wants you to win the trials so badly? Because you disappeared with all the elitist magic holders, and no one can find them. Everyone wants the same thing." He stared at me for a long moment. "Your kind needs to be controlled before they kill us all and the only way to do that is with you."

"Elite magic holders aren't fucking monsters."

"Keep telling yourself that, Thea."

He stood up and glanced into the thick woods we were on the outskirts of. I watched him gather his bag of belongings. Great, we were moving again. I watched him gather more of that powder in his hand, but I couldn't fight against him when he blew it into my face. At least this time I closed my eyes so it wouldn"t hurt as much. Fighting would be pointless, so I closed my eyes as he lifted me. His heavy footsteps lulled me into a deep sleep.

"Thea?" I turned around. Cassius stood in his room at the castle. He seemed distraught. "Where are you?"

"We're in a dream," I whispered. I wasn't used to seeing him here anymore.

"Nev took you. Do you know where you are?"

"I thought you didn't remember things from dreams?" My eyes narrowed on him.

"It was for your protection, Little Viper. We can talk about it when I get you back. Now, where are you?"

I hesitated to tell him anything. Who did I trust? Nev was carrying me tied up through a forest, but Cassius had never hurt anything but my feelings. Both were liars, though.

"We"re headed into the thick forest that I rescued you from, but he wants you to follow," I warned him.

Cassius watched me and took a hesitant step forward, but I stepped backward. His outburst in his room still played fresh in my mind. I was tired of the back and forth with him. He halted when he saw me step away.

"If I could tell you what I know I would." He sighed. "I can't, Thea. Not until the curse is broken. Not until you remember everything." He said, pained as he watched me. Like he wanted nothing more than to pull me close to him. I was also in pain, mostly over the fact that I couldn't remember why we were this way with each other.

"So, you have been lying to me, keeping who I am a secret? You and I know each other, right? That's why I feel this way about you without hardly knowing who you are?" I was angry now.

"I tried to stay away so it wasn't confusing for you, but I'm not doing a very good job at it. I just wanted you to do well in the trials this time."

"Because I've been in the trials before? Riven and Nev have both told me. Nev says I shouldn't trust you, that you are a fucking monster. That you broke the alliance between two Kingdoms, and that you kill mercilessly. That I fell for your shit before and that I was doing it again. What happened the last time I was in the trials?"

"The Kingdom of Cerithia always made sure you didn't place in the top ten and you always disappeared back to where you were hiding before we could follow you and help free you." He was angry as he spoke. "Last year you made the number eleventh spot and so we were hopeful that this would be the year that you finally made it."

Cassius had announced at the start of the trials that this was the seventh year. Had I participated in each one of them? If I did, why hadn't Sybil or the twins said anything? Confusion plagued me again. It was like I was living someone else"s reality.

"I've competed seven times?"

He looked confused as to how I knew but confirmed my guess.

"Why do you want me to win the trials so badly?"

"Because you need to steal the witch"s blood stone from the Kingdom of Cerithia and you need a group of men to help you. We have sent others to try, but they aren't powerful like you. They need your magic to guide them. My family cannot set foot on Cerithia territory without starting a violent war. The stone will give you back your memories and help save our Kingdom."

His family? My heart thudded in my chest as I stared at him. How had I not noticed before? He looked similar to the Crimson King. Except Cassius's eyes were a stark contrast to the King's. This was why the King was so worried about his return when he was taken. Cassius was the Prince of the Crimson Kingdom.

"You're the Prince?" A sense of tension filled the small space.

"Yes." He nodded. "I know it looks like I'm keeping secrets from you and trying to disguise things, but I truly cannot tell you because of the curse. No one from the Crimson Kingdom can speak of it. I want nothing more than to tell you everything. I've spent seven years trying to bring you back to me. I wait each year for the trials because I can see you again, even though you don't remember me. And I'll keep doing it every year until you remember every detail about us. I will never give up on you."

"Why am I cursed?"

"I don't know. If I knew I would tell you."

My head hurt with everything I heard. How could I still not remember anything when Cassius gave me so much information?

"Why do I dream of you? I've dreamt of you for as long as I can remember."

He gave me a smile.

"I'm part dream stalker from my mother's side. I needed to see you, even if you didn't know who I was. So, I went to your dreams to visit."

A tugging feeling overwhelmed me, and I looked backward as if someone would be there. I tried to shake the feeling away, but I couldn't.

"I'm waking up." I turned to Cassius. He stood staring at me, his body tense with worry.

"Can you use your magic?"

"I have magic cuffs on." I could feel myself being pulled from the dream. "We"re not that far into the forest."

Before he could respond, I was ripped from the dream.

My eyes squinted in the brightness of the sunlight. I was sitting on the ground again, and once my eyes adjusted, I could see that Nev was seated at the side of a small stream in front of us. He sat there staring at the water for a long time before turning back towards me.

"Oh, you're awake?" he asked, seeming confused.

He continued doing whatever he was doing in the water without acknowledging me again. I scanned the forest for anything I could free myself with, but there wasn't anything. The gag was back in my mouth so I couldn't speak. The sound of the creek running made my mouth feel even drier. The sun beamed down on me, making me sweat even though I was still only in Cassius"s' shirt.

A few minutes later, Nev returned, looking triumphant as he held a fish in his hands. He built a small fire, and I watched as he skewered the fish and roasted it slowly. My stomach growled loudly. I was so famished.

"If I ungag you, will you not ask a million questions?" he asked, skeptical of my ability to follow through on the request.

I nodded yes. He still didn't seem sure of my answer, but he untied my gag anyway. I sucked in deep, desperate breaths, but the air was so hot that it didn't make me feel any better.

"I need water."

Nev sighed in annoyance but grabbed a bottle next to him and held it up to my mouth so I could drink. It was cold and crisp and tasted so good against my parched tongue.

"Are you going to feed me?"

"Yes," he said grudgingly. "I have to keep you alive. Besides, walking this far to the Cerithia territory is taking longer than I thought it would, so we need to rest here for the night."

I didn't say anything at this announcement. My eyes scanned the woods again and I waited for Cassius because I knew without a doubt that he would come for me. Even though he pushed me away, I could see the want lingering in his eyes when he stared at me. Obviously, he warred with his feelings for me, but I don't think he or the Crimson Royal family would let what Nev did slide. He had already gone directly against the rules of the tournament.

The black Wisp caught my attention as she floated close by with several others. Something about their presence calmed me, but I wondered why they were black flames. The darkness hummed at the sight of them, like they called to it and were trying to beckon it to release. The darkness slowly crept through me, like it was preparing to attack. I wasn't sure it would get past the magic barbs on me though.

"Why are you so quiet?" Nev asked.

"You told me to not ask questions," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but you literally never do what you should."

"Well, I want food, so I'm keeping my mouth shut. Maybe after dinner, I'll pester you with questions."

Nev looked at me from the other side of the fire. His eyes were nothing close to the friendly guy I had been friends with at the trials. How could he have been so convincing? Maybe I was gullible, and everyone knew that, so they had preyed upon that weakness.

An unnerving feeling hit me when I realized everyone knew more about me than I did. One would think that being told things about myself would trigger my memories. I knew there were still huge pieces of my life missing. And then there was the matter of the witch"s bloodstone.

Nev startled me out of my thoughts when he sat in front of me with the fish. He took a bite before feeding me one. We did this in silence for a long time. The fish had no real flavor to it, but it tasted so good on my empty stomach. And anyway, I had survived off of less before. Nev didn't leave when we finished, and I knew something was coming.

"Do you know something?" he accused.

"What do you mean?" I bit out. "I"ve been tied up and dragged through a forest by a deranged lunatic. It's not like I'm having conversations with others out here." I hoped that my attempt to make him feel stupid would work and he wouldn't interrogate me the way I wanted to interrogate him.

He studied me closely. "You're oddly quiet."

"Because you won't answer any of my questions anyways so what's the point of talking? Should I beg you to let me go?"

"I never said I wouldn't answer any questions. You just need to ask the right ones."

Again, with this cryptic shit. I wanted to roll my eyes and spit at him.

"Why don't I have memories?"

"You were cursed," he answered without hesitating. "After the prophet spoke of you being the downfall of Kingdoms and wiping out those who didn't feel the same about elite magic, someone felt the need to erase your memories so you couldn't remember whatever your plan was."

"Who would do that?"

"No one knows." Nev seemed genuine in his response.

"When did this prophet predict I would be the fall of Kingdoms?"

"Seven years ago. You are a monster, Thea. The prophet"s telling told us that. You will crumble Kingdoms. You will kill Kings, but the question is...what Kingdom will you be a monster for? You could burn the whole realm down if you wanted to." His eyes glanced over me. "Seems fitting."

"That doesn't sound like me," I argued.

"You don't even know who you are, so how can you be sure that it was not your intention before the curse was placed?"

His question made me not argue back. He was right. What if I was this destroyer of Kingdoms? What if I planned on burning down the realm around me? The darkness I held inside made itself known as I struggled to convince myself I wasn't a monster. If Cassius knew the prophet's proclamation and it was truly that bad, he would not be trying to save me. He would want me to die if I was the cause of suffering. If I were to threaten his family's Kingdom, he would not let me live to see the day that the proclamation came true. I stared at Nev for a long moment.

"So, the Kingdom of Cerithia will kill me when I get back to it?"

He shook his head. "No. You are a valuable fae to have when on the right team. But you will have to choose which Kingdom your loyalty lies with. Crimson or Cerithia."

"But I'm a threat to both."

"No, you"re a threat to all the Kingdoms that you are not loyal to. The thing with you though is no one can trust a fucking word you say because you burn bridges just as fast as you build them. No one wants to take the chance of releasing you from the curse if they don't know that you are fighting for them."

"So, what about the other Kingdoms? Don't they want me, too? This seems to be a fight with Cerithia and Crimson."

"Yes, they do. All of them are desperate for you to pick them. Although most Kingdoms are terrified of you, you could take down armies of enemies with a flick of your wrist if you wanted. You are the most feared fae the realm of Elloryon has ever known. The realm had all once been ruled by a single family. In a war many millennia ago it was divided into five territories. Akecia, Crimson, Kizar, Cerithia, and Falgon. Crimson and Cerithia have always had war. They are the worst of enemies. The other three territories stick to themselves for the most part. None will try to get between Cerithia and Crimson to steal you away."

There was nothing to say because I wasn't sure what to ask at this point. All the Kingdoms wanted me for one reason. They were all terrified of me and if I was with them then they would be safe from me. The more I learned, the more I sounded like a monster. Swallowing the hard lump in my throat I tried to keep myself from getting upset. I didn't want to be feared or a monster.

I was trying to free a whole group of fae for fuck's sake! How did that sound like a monster? Maybe because elite magic holders were monsters. I wanted to shake away that feeling, but it stuck with me. Maybe us being locked away had kept harmony for all the kingdoms. Maybe it was better for me to be locked away since every Kingdom only wanted to use me as a weapon anyway.

Is that what Cassius wanted from me, too? The realization that I was only a pawn in this shifted something deep down inside of me. The Wisps all seemed to burn bigger at this shift, as they sensed it too.

No one cared about me. No one picked me because they cared. Others wanted me to hold over the heads of others. A feeling of dark numbness consumed me. This was definitely not the first time I had reached this conclusion. Maybe living in Exile had been done to keep everyone safe. Why should our realm live in fear of me? My mind shifted to a memory that broke free from the curse.

I stood in the castle hallway of the Crimson palace. I could hear the king and Cassius talking in angry whispers.

"You need to do whatever you can to convince her to choose us, Cassius," the King demanded. "You're running out of time."

"How am I supposed to tame a monster!" Cassius hissed back. "Thea will always do what she wants because no one can control her. Why do I have to be the one that has to do this?"

The king spoke so softly I could barely make it out. "You'll get her to pledge her loyalty to the Crimson Kingdom or you won't get your throne when the time comes."

"Fine," Cassius snapped. "I'll keep pretending like I care so much about her. At least she was so starved for someone to love her that I barely had to put effort into it. Pathetic."

"Well, make sure she believes you actually care about her and don't completely despise her. That should be easy if she is that desperate for anyone to show her some attention. Gods above know her family never wanted her either."

I ran back to his room and sat numbly on the bed. I had never heard Cassius speak so poorly of me.

He thought I was a monster. He thought I was pathetic. Just then the door to his room opened and he walked in wearing a big genuine smile. My heart couldn't understand how he could put on such a good show for me. He truly hated me. Cassius pulled out a bunch of the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen before from behind his back. He knelt on the floor between my thighs and pulled me to him for a hard kiss.

All I could think about were his words. What was he thinking about every time he touched me or kissed me? I'm sure disgust filled him. Was he thinking of someone else? My heart cracked under the weight of betrayal that his words made me feel. I truly cared for him, and I thought I had finally found something real. Someone who could love me. Someone who saw past the elite magic I held. I thought Cassius loved me.

"What's wrong, Little Viper?" he asked, frowning that his gift hadn't gotten the response he expected.

I wanted to tell him off. I wanted to tell him that I had heard every word he said of me, but a bigger part of me didn't want him to stop pretending. I wanted to pretend like he loved me. I wanted to pretend the smiles and the kisses were real.

I really was pathetic.

I hated myself more than ever before. I wished so deeply that I wasn't a monster. I wished I was worthy of a love like Cassius. His words had broken me more than years of my family"s outright disgust for me had.

"Nothing," I lied. His hand brushed my braid off my shoulder. Cassius's golden eyes stared at me like he truly did care.

"I missed you today," he spoke softly.

All I could think of was how unworthy I was of even this fake affection he showed me. Who could love someone they were terrified of? Cassius had made me think that I could be normal, and I never would be.