16. Steff

SIXTEEN

STEFF

The end of the first week of the baseball camp fell on July Fourth. We decided to do a couple of practice innings of real play for about two hours, then we let all the kids head out early since most of their families had plans. Aiden was doing crazy good. The extra coaching was really helping him excel.

I'd arranged with Kellan to meet him in town. He wanted to take Aiden out for lunch to celebrate a great first week. To my surprise, Kellan texted me that I was welcome to come along for lunch. We met at a burger place that had an old-fashioned arcade with pinball machines and everything in the back.

After Kellan and I had ordered at the counter, he gave Aiden a stack of one-dollar bills to go play games with while we waited for our food. As he ran toward the games, I said, "You know, that kid is a really good baseball player."

Kellan nodded. "Yeah. Thanks again for suggesting the camp. He's been talking about it nonstop all week. It's the most fun I've seen him have in forever."

"No thanks needed. Like I said, he's a talented kid. He deserves to have that talent explored and molded."

"Still, I'm happy you offered. And I'm really happy April offered to pay for it. I couldn't have swung the price otherwise."

"Are you really surprised she did?" I asked. "April loves her family. Always has. There's no way she'd let Aiden miss out on something like this."

Kellan sighed and smiled, nodding his head. "You're right about that."

The next few minutes passed in silence—amiable at first, but it grew awkward after a while. Mostly because I could tell Kellan was trying to figure out how to ask something. I could only imagine what it was. My anxiety grew with each passing second.

Finally, he said, "So what's really going on between you and April? Like for real. I need to know. You broke her heart when you left, and I don't think she ever really recovered. That's a lot to try to forgive. Plus we were friends, man. Best friends. You, me, Kris. Like the Three Musketeers. You broke our hearts, too. You walked away and left us behind like none of us mattered. Not me. Not my brother, and especially not my sister. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on."

It was pretty much what I thought he'd been about to say. It didn't make it any less painful to hear. I took a breath, trying to collect my thoughts. I wanted to make sure I said this the right way. It was a hard conversation, but it needed to happen.

"There was a lot of stuff going on with me back then. A ton of stress and personal issues that none of you knew about. They were… complicated. It's hard to explain, but I knew, or at least thought I knew, that April would get hurt. It would have been hard with me being away for college. My uncle's health wasn't so well. Plus, high-school romances never really pan out. All those things bouncing around my mind… I decided it was better to end things. All because I didn't want April to hook herself onto me and ruin her future with a guy who wasn't good enough. Or wasn't… I don't know… what she needed.

"In hindsight it was the absolute worst decision I could have made. I know that now. Honestly, I probably knew it within minutes of breaking things off. I was too scared to try to take it back. Like, how do you take something like that back? You can't. And I was sure you and Kris would hate me as much as April would. I couldn't face that, so I cut all ties. Disappeared and never looked back. It hurt like hell, but at the time, I really truly did think it was the right thing to do for everyone involved."

I took a deep breath, hoping I'd explained things as well as I could. The truth wasn't an option, but what I'd said had been 99 percent what I'd felt and thought. It was the closest I could get to the truth without revealing what couldn't be revealed.

"What could be so important that you'd leave behind everyone you loved?"

My bear whined at the question. April hadn't been the only one we'd been bonded to. Kris and Kellan had been my de facto pack. Friends who somehow kept me from going feral without my real family. They'd been the brothers I'd always wanted my real brother to be. It had broken my bear's heart.

I sat for a moment, trying to think of how to explain better. I'd done all I could without telling the actual truth. And the actual truth would sound like a joke. A thousand explanations or stories flitted through my head, and they all sounded like lies. I didn't want to lie to Kellan. Not again. I'd trusted him with my life at one point.

Fuck it , I thought. "So… basically I'm a human-bear hybrid shapeshifter. I can turn into a bear whenever I want. In the long run, April and I couldn't be together because she's a human and I'm not."

Kellan took a sip of his tea and leaned back in his chair. I'd expected him to laugh and call me a liar. Or worse slap me across the face and call me a liar. Instead, he sat there staring at the ceiling, introspective and quiet. My heart started to flutter. What the hell was he doing? I wanted him to do something, say something. Anything. Christ, was he trying to think of how to grab Aiden and run from the psychopath who thought he was a bear shifter?

Instead, Kellan nodded once. "That checks out, actually."

I stared at him dumbly, my mouth agape. For a few seconds, it was like my brain had been short-circuited. Or more like my mind was a scratched record or CD, going back over the same words over and over again. "What?" I mumbled.

Kellan shrugged, his brow knitted. "There were times when we were kids when you'd get really angry and you'd growl. It didn't sound like a kid pretending to growl. I mean, it really sounded like an actual animal. Kris told me once that he saw your eyes start to glow. Said it wasn't a trick of the light. Plus, whenever we went over to your house, there were giant-ass bear prints in the backyard. All over the place, you couldn't miss them. You and your uncle never acted like they were weird or out of place. Then there was the way you could eat what-the-fuck-ever you wanted and still have abs of steel. Pint of ice cream, three bowls of spaghetti, and a platter of fried hot wings? Still have a six-pack? Bro, that's not human, not by a long shot."

I didn't have words. The server brought our hamburgers and I continued to look at Kellan, unable to form the words I wanted to say. Finally, I managed a single sentence. "You mean you actually believe me?"

Kellan popped a fry into his mouth. "Yeah. I knew it had to be something extreme as shit for you to leave April." He waved at Aiden to come eat. "Being a secret magical creature is pretty goddamn extreme."

Finally realizing that this conversation was really happening, and that Kellan believed, another fear erupted in my mind. "This is a secret, Kellan. You have to swear to me that you won't tell anyone. Can you do that?"

Frowning, he nodded. "Of course. I get it."

I sighed and let myself relax. "Good. People could die. I could die, if the wrong people found out. You understand that?"

He looked at me with sincerity. "Secret is safe with me, brother. Don't worry. I promise."

My bear gave a happy jolt, and a massive weight lifted from my shoulders. My friend knew. He knew and he didn't care. He wasn't scared of me, wasn't horrified, and didn't want to run screaming. It made me beyond happy, but also sent a sliver of shame and pain through my heart. I could have told him all those years ago. What if I'd told him and he could have helped me explain it all to April? What might have been?

Aiden sat and started scarfing down his food the way only nine-year-old boys could eat. Kellan looked over the table while we ate. "I'm guessing April doesn't know, right?"

I shook my head. "There's so much I need to tell you, man."

Kellan pulled out his phone and checked the clock. "I've got time. Aiden, the coach and I need to step outside and talk for a bit. You good?"

"Yeah, Dad. How long are you guys gonna be?"

"A little while. If you're done, order a milkshake. Then go finish up those dollars on the video games."

"Nice."

Kellan nodded to me, and I followed him outside. Then, in the sunlight of a beautiful Fourth of July, I told him everything. All of it. And it felt so damn good.

By the time I made it home later that afternoon, I felt like an entirely new man. I'd need to tell the guys about Kellan knowing the truth, but they'd understand. There were very few humans who knew about shifters. The secret was guarded, and for good reason. Kellan would never betray me, or us. It was such a fantastic day, that when I stepped out of my truck, I almost didn't hear the yelling next door.

I froze and tilted my head, trying to pick up the words. April was chewing someone's ass out. I headed toward her house, rounding the corner to the back patio. She was pacing and had her phone in a death grip to her ear.

"You dirty motherfucker. Goddamn money-hungry piece of shit. I hope you catch an STD and your dick falls off." Her face was red as she screamed into the phone, and despite myself, I had to stifle a laugh.

"You betrayed me. How could you do that?"

It was that Luca asshole. The one who'd known all her dirty little secrets and sold her out for a quick buck. What a douchebag. Now he was calling for God knows what and making April upset? I couldn't have that.

By the time April finally saw me, she was shaking with rage. Her hands were trembling as I pulled the phone from her hands. Her eyes were wide with surprise but there was a sense of relief on her face now that I was there.

"Is this Luca?" I asked.

There was a long pause before the voice on the other end finally spoke up. "Yeah. Who the hell is this?"

Not bothering to answer his question, I said, "You aren't to contact April again. Ever. Is that understood?"

"Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are, but?—"

"Shut the fuck up. You'll stop harassing April, or you'll have me to deal with. Trust me, that is not the kind of trouble you want. One more word from you, even a single text, and I'll make your life a living hell. Goodbye."

I hung up and immediately blocked the number. Shoving her phone into my pocket, I took her still shaking hands and led her into the house. She was mumbling under her breath. I could barely hear her, but it sounded like she was talking through all the ways she was going to torture and kill Luca. I didn't blame her. Dude was a grade-A cocksucker.

I poured her a glass of wine, hoping it would help calm her nerves. When I handed it to her, she finally seemed to snap out of her rage-filled daze. She blushed and smiled, taking the glass from me. I let her take a minute.

After a few sips, she sighed. "Sorry about that. I kind of spaced out after getting off the phone with him. That tends to happen when I get overwhelmed. I sort of go to a place in my head and… I don't know. Like I said, I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Nothing to be sorry for. It's fine," I said as I sat down across from her.

She took another long sip of wine. "Thanks for stepping in. I was getting so pissed that I don't think I would have been able to form coherent words if you hadn't pulled that phone away. Probably should have handled that better."

When she drained her wine, I refilled her glass and helped myself to a glass of my own. I was more of a beer and whiskey guy, but it seemed weird to sit there and watch her without partaking myself.

"What's the history between you two? I don't want to sound like this, but the dude seems below you."

April huffed out a breath and leaned back in her chair. "Are you sure you want to hear this?" I nodded encouragingly, and she shrugged. "We met at a fashion show in New York. I was walking, and he was an up-and-coming model, trying to get his foot in the door. He was trying so hard, and all he wanted to do was succeed. After that show, I sort of took him under my wing, you could say. I was his mentor at first, then we became friends. After that I took him out partying and… one thing led to another. After a while, we were an item.

"I found out he had an eating disorder. A lot of models have that. Male and female. I thankfully never did. I tried to help him, but the disorder led to drugs, and I guess I fell into that same life. I'd been in it a while. I'd tried things and done stuff, but once I got with Luca, it totally changed. We'd party really hard. I'd get so high that I didn't even know where I was in the morning."

I held my breath as she told the story. My heart hurt, and my bear's sadness surged through me. She'd gone to such a dark place, and put herself into so much danger.

"I'm not proud of it. That part of my life didn't last long. It was maybe a year before I told Luca I was going off drugs. Told him I was going cold turkey. I wasn't a full addict, so I didn't have any withdrawals or anything. Luca didn't like that. My career was still going stronger than ever because I only used every now and then. Mostly at parties or"—she looked uncomfortable, like she'd almost said too much—"other times. His career wasn't going anywhere. Even with me throwing my name around. He was always too high or drunk to get to showings or auditions. That led to him forging my signature on some documents and stealing about forty grand from my bank account. Then he dug through my computer and phone for a bunch of photos and videos I thought were in secure folders."

I growled, then quickly cleared my throat to mask the sound. "Sounds like more than just an asshole. More like a living, breathing pile of shit."

April nodded. "He ended up selling the photos and his information on America's favorite model. Larry said he probably made close to a million bucks, maybe more. He sold me out, and once all that info came out, there were way more stalker occurrences. Anyone who's famous deals with it at one time or another, but it got crazy. Guys telling me all the stuff they wanted to do to me, or me to do to them. It's bad. Sexual threats, physical threats, the whole nine yards."

I had trouble keeping my face and breathing composed and calm. Miles had dug up a lot of the information, and I'd gleaned a little more from the papers and TV. Most of the background stuff had been left out. I berated myself.

"I'm sorry," I said. "If I hadn't done what I did back then, none of this would have happened."

April leaned forward. "No, you can't take that on yourself. I chose Luca. That was my mistake. Nothing you did could make me choose a guy so shitty."

April was trying to make me feel better, which actually made it fucking worse. She sat there and told me about how god-awful her life had gotten, and she was here trying to comfort me? What the hell?

"I was supposed to protect you, though." Tears stung my eyes. "I was the one who was supposed to keep you safe, and I wasn't there. I wasn't fucking there to keep the darkness of the world away from you."

Before I could register what was going on, April had my cheeks in her hands, and she was looking into my eyes. "You can't take those burdens on, Steff. I made my own mistakes, and I paid the consequences. This isn't on you."

I turned my head and kissed her palm. "I'm sorry I made this about me."

She smiled at me. "You wouldn't be Steffen James if you weren't protective."

I pulled her close and kissed her. It surprised both of us. The kiss was one of passion, desire, longing. It was a kiss I'd dreamed of for years. Night after night I'd lain in bed dreaming of having April like this again. Of having the velvety softness of her lips against mine.

Her body melted into mine. My body reacted, and I was getting hard. This wasn't how I wanted our first time to be. I pulled back and nibbled her lip. "What are your plans tomorrow?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "It's the Fourth of July weekend. I thought I'd hang out with the family."

"Do you think there's a way to carve out some time for me?"

She nodded eagerly. "Of course."

I kissed her again. "Call me if that idiot is dumb enough to bother you again. I'll take care of him if I need to." With one last lingering kiss, I headed home.