15. April

FIFTEEN

APRIL

When we pulled into the parking lot, I finally pulled my hand free of Steff's. I had no idea why I'd allowed that. Why did I let him hold my hand like that? Bigger question, why did I enjoy it so much? I tried to tell myself it was simply familiarity. An act of comfort that would have been pleasant if anyone had done the same. The problem was that no matter what I told myself, the truth was, I liked holding his hand. The contact had been emotional and pleasant. It could turn into a problem for me.

I didn't want to think about how awful it would be if things went badly again. It felt like Steff was trying to mend the bridges he'd burned so long ago. Part of me wanted him to, wanted to help build them. Another part, the part that was terrified of being hurt again, was screaming and gnashing her teeth at the thought. How could I reconcile those two parts of myself?

Before I could even begin to delve into my psychosis, a man walking toward the truck with a big smile on his face caught my eye. I recognized him immediately. Retired Major League Baseball player Marcus Stanley. I'd met him a few times at parties. I'd even sat at his table at the ESPY Awards a few years ago before he'd retired. My jaw dropped when Steff jumped out of the truck and gave him a hug.

"Steffy baby," the big man yelled, wrapping his arms around Steff. Steffy baby?

"How are you, you big jackass?" Steff asked, stepping away.

"Better than I deserve. Who you got with you?"

Aiden had climbed out of the truck and was standing there, staring at Marcus, his jaw almost on the ground. The guy was one of the best baseball players of the last twenty years, and it was obvious even a nine-year-old knew it.

Marcus stepped forward and put out a giant paw of a hand to Aiden. "Hey there, little man. You ready to learn some of the secrets of the ol' bat and ball?"

Aiden's head bobbed up and down so fast, I was afraid it would pop off. "Yes, sir."

Marcus smiled and turned to me. His eyes found my face, and there was a moment of confusion. He recognized me, but couldn't figure out from where. I could almost see the lightbulb go on as it hit him. Then he glanced at Steff, a questioning frown on his face. Steff rolled his eyes and shrugged. My face went red.

Marcus put out a hand to me, "Fiona? I think we've met once or twice. What brings you to this little burg?"

"Um, the name's actually April. Fiona Steele was always more of a stage name. Or better yet, a business name, if you will."

He smiled and put his hands on his hips. "Ain't that something. Well, good to meet you, April. How did you manage to end up in a truck with this ugly sucker?" he asked, pointing a thumb in Steff's direction.

"Well, uh… I'm actually from Lilly Valley. It's about an hour away. Steff and I grew up together. We… we dated in high school."

Marcus spun and gaped at Steff, his eyes as big as saucers. "Steff, you dated the most famous supermodel in the world and never told me?"

Steff looked a little uncomfortable now. I was glad I wasn't the only one. He shrugged. "In my defense, when we dated, she wasn't a model. Hey, let's show Aiden around a little. We need to get started soon, and I want him to see everything."

Thankfully, Marcus didn't question it. He and Steff led Aiden toward a facility beside three big baseball diamonds. I walked along beside them, trying to stay out of sight so Marcus wouldn't ask any questions. As we walked, I pulled my phone out and did a quick search. It seemed Steff and Marcus had been teammates in the eight months before Steff's injury. Looked like they'd been friends for a while. Jesus, I even found a post from Marcus with Steff at his house in Chicago at Marcus's daughter's birthday. Damn.

Aiden's enthusiasm for the campus and athletic facility was contagious. Everything he saw was the best thing ever . I walked beside Steff while Marcus showed everything to Aiden. Our arms brushed, and I tried to not be bothered by his proximity. I was lying to myself if I said it didn't make me anxious. It was a strange anxiousness, though. I couldn't quite explain it.

By the end of the tour. Steff and Marcus led me over to the dugout designated for parents. It looked like only two or three other parents had chosen to stay. That was fine by me. The fewer people here, the less likely anyone would notice me.

"Steff, you want to help out today?" Marcus asked.

Steff gestured toward me. "I'd love to, but I don't want to leave April alone. Besides, my day is the third-base session. That's the day after next. I'm here in case somebody else can't make it. Looks like you're all set."

"Suit yourself. God knows why you'd rather sit with a pretty lady instead of a bunch of sweaty, screaming kids, but whatever."

Marcus led Aiden toward a group of about fifty kids and ten other coaches. Steff walked down the steps into the dugout. I thought the view would be terrible down in the weird little hole, but I could see everything at eye level, and I understood why teams always sat here. You could really get an idea for how the game was going. Steff sat beside me and picked up my phone from the bench.

"What are you doing?"

Steff grinned but didn't look up. "I'm putting my number in here. You can call me if anything happens. I've got a few errands to run. Aiden won't miss me for an hour or two. Besides, I want him to get used to listening to other coaches. If I'm here the whole time, he'll keep looking at me. I don't want him to be self-conscious with his coach around. After a day or two, he'll be settled in and it won't be as big a deal."

"That makes sense, actually. What are you going to do?" I asked.

Steff shrugged. "Some things for work. Nothing exciting. Bathrooms are down this hallway, and there's a chest of ice water over there," he said, pointing to a huge chest at the stairs.

"Thanks. I should be fine by myself for a while."

Steff stood there for a few seconds, and as we looked at each other, I could almost sense the electricity between us. I hadn't felt the sensation in years. The longer he held my gaze, the more intense it became. Then, Steff lifted a hand and caressed my jaw. His thumb grazed the line of my chin. Gooseflesh erupted all over my body, and I had a hard time pulling in a breath.

"See you in a little while," Steff said, then turned and left without another word. He left me wondering what the hell was going on between us.

I spent the next two hours watching Aiden run all kinds of drills. I really didn't have any idea what was going on. I never told Steff, but even when we were dating in high school and I went to all his games, I had a hard time following the rules of baseball. It wasn't as straightforward as basketball, and it had all the hidden rules and hand signals and stuff that I had no desire to try to figure out. All I did was cheer when the people I liked hit the ball or got on base. Other than that, I sat and stared into oblivion.

When they broke for lunch, I was starving, and when Marcus came by to offer the parents a sack lunch, I took one greedily. It was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a bag of Cheetos, prepackaged apple sauce, a granola bar, and a juice box. Literally an elementary school lunch. It was the most delicious thing I'd ever seen, and I hadn't eaten all day. I'd been too nervous on the drive over to have one of the donuts.

Before I started on the nutritious lunch, Steff appeared on the stairs of the dugout. In his left hand he carried takeout bags. He took one look at me, about to devour a kindergarten lunch, and laughed.

"I've got something a little better than that. Unless you'd prefer a PB&J?"

"What did you bring?" I asked, my stomach growling more than ever.

He walked over and sat beside me. He pulled out two Styrofoam containers and opened one. Inside was the biggest club sandwich I'd ever seen. It was so big I didn't think I could fit it in my mouth. I smiled and took the container from him, the kid's lunch instantly forgotten.

"Where did you get this?" I asked before taking my first bite.

"There's a deli about ten minutes away. I figured you'd be hungry and I didn't want you to starve."

That was pretty thoughtful. As I ate, I remembered that he'd always been that way. Especially when it came to me. When we'd been together, he'd never let me want for anything. I could remember times when we were kids that he always looked out for me. It was just one more thing I'd loved about him.

Steff must have sensed my change of mood. He stopped eating and turned to stare at me. He stretched out a hand and cupped my cheek, gently turning my face to meet his. Our eyes connected again and that same feeling swept over me like it had earlier.

"April, I'm sorry about everything I did to you. I've got a lot of things to tell you, and when I do, a lot of things will make sense. Please, trust me. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm asking, just trust me enough to give me the time to tell you the truth."

I sighed. "I shouldn't. I don't know what's going on between us right now. I should still hate you, but I don't. I can't. Why can't I hate you?" I was almost in tears by the time I was done talking.

Steff looked sad beyond belief, then pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. "It's because we were always meant to be together. No matter how dumb I was or where you went, we were meant for each other. I can't expect you to believe me after what I did." My breath caught. That was the first time he'd ever mentioned what had happened. He went on. "I can only promise that if you give me a chance, I'll make it all up to you."

I shook my head, pulling away from him, tears burning my eyes. I still couldn't agree. My heart was still raw, even all these years later. "Steff, I can't do it again. I can't. If it happened again? If I let you in, and you hurt me like you did before, I'll die. I'm serious. I will die."

He took my hands in his and looked into my eyes with so much intensity it snapped me out of the crying spell I'd been descending into. "There is nothing on this Earth that will get me to leave you again. Nothing."

He said it with such conviction that my heart jolted. "Why? Why now?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he leaned forward and gently kissed my lips. My body shuddered, and a warm happiness filled me. It was like coming home after being out in the dark for years. As much as I wanted to jerk away from the kiss, away from him, I found myself sinking into it, my hands finding their way to his chest.

He pulled away and whispered, "Because we're soul mates. We've been given a chance to make things right, and I plan on doing just that."

I clutched at his shirt, the words plunging deep into my heart. Soul mate? For the longest time, I'd believed Steff and I were soul mates. It was the reason I thought I'd never found a fulfilling relationship with another man. My soul belonged to Steff.

I held his gaze, my heart racing with fear, excitement, and trepidation. I had to stop the fighting between my brain and my heart and be honest with myself. I had to give, but I had to be careful. The fear was so strong that it was all I could do to allow myself a small sliver of hope.

"One chance, Steff. That's all I can give you." My voice quavered. "If you break my heart again, there won't be another do-over. I'll be gone, and you'll never see me again. This is it. Do you understand?"

Steff let out a sigh of relief and nodded faintly. "All I need is one chance. I won't need another," he whispered, then he kissed me again.