6. Jesse

JESSE

"Do we have everything?"Maddie asked as she leaned forward in the back seat of my truck, her eyes darting around the cab as she bobbed her knee.

"You have everything that paper said that you needed," I told her in my rearview mirror. "You have cleats, shin guards, and long socks."

She drew her brows together and nodded, appeased for the moment or, I hoped, for the remaining fifteen minutes we had to get to the field.

Before I'd had the chance to contact her teacher about what activities she would recommend, Maddie had come home from school last week waving the flyer for local soccer league sign-ups, asking if it was okay to join.

After I called the number and verified that it was an open sign-up and not tryouts, I piled her into my truck the next day to head to the mall and get everything the coach on the phone had told me she needed.

I prayed this was a sign that, just maybe, the tides were turning a little. But as excited as I was to see her excited about something, I worked to keep my expectations in check.

I glanced back at my back seat, a grin splitting my mouth when I spotted Maddie's. "I never knew you wanted to play soccer."

"My friend Jeffrey plays. He said it's fun and mostly you just run and kick the ball," she said, lifting her shoulder in a shrug. "And I like playing kickball at recess. It's better than dancing," she mumbled.

"From what they told me when I called the number on the flyer, a lot of kids join the league at your age. So don't worry about that, okay?" I caught the hint of a smile when she lifted her head. "And if any kids do get stupid, I'll be right there with you."

"You don't mind driving to games?"

I opened her car door and shook my head.

"I told you, Mad. I work from home and will take you to anything you want to do whenever you want."

And I meant that with my total heart and soul. I'd chauffeur her all over the damn place, not only to give her the distraction, as Dr. Asher had suggested, but to help her grab any kind of joy she wanted to chase.

"I think we have everything." I took her hand and the purple duffel bag she'd picked out and headed to the entrance to the indoor sports facility.

"Maddie!"

A blond-haired little boy, who I guessed was Maddie's age, charged us as we stepped inside toward the fake grass.

"Hi," Maddie said as she surveyed the long line along the edge of the field.

"Don't worry about that," he said, turning his head to follow her gaze. "That's just check-in. I told you there aren't any tryouts. You can just sign up."

"I told her that too," I said, squeezing the tense little muscle in her shoulder.

Maddie hadn't talked about too many friends in school, but I'd heard the name of one boy a lot. I hadn't officially met Jeffrey before, but I already liked him for looking out for her and getting her here in the first place.

"I bet you're Jeffrey. Nice to meet you," I said, dipping my head to meet his gaze. He was an inch or two shorter than my niece.

"Yeah, how did you know?" Jeffrey said, his brow furrowed as he peered up at me.

"Maddie said you're the one who told her about today."

"Oh yeah. Hi," he said.

"This is my uncle Jesse. I guess, Mr. Evans to you." She squinted up at me.

"Let's get you signed up, Mad." I reached for her hand but stopped myself, tipping my chin forward instead. "We'll let you lead the way, Jeffrey."

"Okay, come on," he said before taking off. Maddie followed and I lingered behind. I hadn't been to a soccer game since high school, when I used to sit in the stands and cheer my superstar girlfriend on to victory.

The same superstar girlfriend I'd been trying to stop thinking about for the past couple of weeks, but the universe wasn't making it easy.

Watching the kids kick the soccer ball back and forth reminded me of the afternoons when Emily would come over after school and ask me to practice with her. I'd had no idea what I was doing but would exaggerate hovering and blocking just to get close to her.

Memories of that were both sweet and dirty since the back-and-forth was a high school version of foreplay, and I'd end up dragging her somewhere to attack her lips and run my hands all over that toned ass and up those gorgeous thighs.

I clenched my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to shake the images out of my horny brain like an Etch A Sketch.

Spotting the table full of forms attached to clipboards, I grabbed one and began to fill it out while Maddie spoke to Jeffrey, still scanning the space and taking it all in. I smiled at her excitement and clicked the pen to start writing when someone tapped my shoulder from behind.

"Jesse? I thought that was you."

"Penny? I didn't expect to see you here. I mean, I probably should have." We shared a laugh when I arched a brow. I'd caught a glimpse of her at the reunion, but I had been too preoccupied with Emily at the time to approach her or anyone else.

"This is what happens. You move back to town and realize how small it is. The whole damn island only looks big on a map but, in reality, it's pretty tiny." She was in full athletic gear, just as I'd always remembered her, only this time with a cap on and a whistle around her neck.

"I guess you're one of the coaches. I'm here to sign up my niece."

"I am, but I also run the league and manage the other coaches." I swore I saw her smile shrink by an inch for a second, as if she was bracing herself for something. "You said you're signing up your niece?"

"Yes, my niece is…mine. Long story, but she's excited to be here."

"I love hearing that. How old is she?"

"She's eight." I stepped closer, glancing over my shoulder to whisper. "Is there any way that she and Jeffrey could be on the same team? He's the friend who made her want to come in the first place, so that may make it easier for her."

"Jeffrey Johnson?" She nodded when her eyes met mine, as she probably spotted my confusion. "The blond kid with the freckles." She pointed to where he was still in deep conversation with my niece. "There are a few openings on his team. Give me the form after you're done, and I'll make sure to add her to the list before I hand it off to the coach."

"Thank you," I breathed out. "I really appreciate it."

"Of course. In fact, that team would probably be better for her overall since you already know the coach."

"Jesse?"

The familiar voice behind me didn't hit me as hard as when I'd heard it for the first time in twenty years, but it almost knocked me on my ass just the same.

Emily was still just as beautiful as when I'd seen her at the reunion, this time in a snug tracksuit instead of a dress, when I found her standing next to me. Her long hair was pulled back in a ponytail, just like on all those game days when it would bob behind her as she raced back and forth on the field. I couldn't help but laugh when I spotted the whistle around her neck too.

Emily was Maddie's coach. I didn't have to ask to confirm because it would just figure.

"I'm a new coach. Penny talked me into joining when we met up after the reunion. I've never coached anyone before, but I have to admit being here has me all sentimental. Are you here to sign up your daughter?"

My stomach twisted as she examined me. I'd thought my lie of omission was harmless and the most stress I'd have today would be to get Maddie to mingle with other kids. I'd expected to have to explain that, while I wasn't Maddie's actual father, she was my kid. But explaining it to Emily was very different—different enough for me to have avoided the conversation altogether, even though I'd asked her to the diner to talk.

"Maybe I should put on my cleats," Maddie said, now at my side, peering up at me with her brown eyes full of worry. I had been too distracted by her new coach and what I was about to say to notice she'd come back over to me. "Some of the kids are practicing, and I don't want to get hurt."

"You won't need the cleats today, I promise," Emily said, grinning at Maddie as she bent to meet her gaze. "Today is more of a meet-and-greet, I think. Right?" she asked Penny.

"Yes. No worries about cleats." Penny said from where I'd forgotten she was behind us. "Jeffrey Johnson is her friend," she told Emily. "He's been in this league since he was four and I already had him signed up with you, so I thought we could add…" Penny trailed off as she turned back to my niece.

"Maddie," I answered, swiping my palm across the sweaty nape of my neck. Shit, I really didn't want to break this to Emily here—or at all. But I wasn't going to have a choice.

Penny eased closer and looked between Emily and me. "Unless that's a problem."

"No."

Emily and I both answered at the same time with the same gusto…or denial.

"Again. A tiny town on a tiny island," Penny murmured. "Well, at any rate, I'm happy to have friends in the league. You know, Emily and I used to play together when we were kids on a league like this. It's where I had the most fun and learned to love soccer."

"Me too," Emily said, her sweet smile running through me like an electric charge. I might have bought all the supplies that Maddie needed for soccer, but I felt unprepared and exposed all the same.

"Well then. Hi, Maddie. I'm Emily." She flicked her eyes to me and smiled. "It is great to meet you. I've known this guy for a long time—" Emily jerked her chin in my direction "—so it's nice to meet his little girl."

My chest tightened at Emily's comment. This was another problem I hadn't anticipated. I'd hoped to stop people with an explanation before they'd mistake us for actual father and daughter and make my niece feel even worse.

"You did? You were friends?" Maddie asked, a deep crease in her forehead as she looked between us.

"Yes," Emily answered before I could figure out what the hell to say to that. What Emily and I had been was a lot more than I could ever explain to myself, let alone an eight-year-old.

"We were friends a long time ago," I added, the hurt flashing across Emily's face mimicking the sour pang in my gut. I wasn't sure if it was dread, nerves, sadness, or a debilitating concoction of the three.

Jeffrey rushed over to us in my periphery, grabbing Maddie's arm.

"Hey, Maddie! Want to see me kick a goal? I can make the net jump!"

"Go ahead," I said, waving my hand and wanting to hug the kid for offering to show off to my niece and distract her for a few minutes. I hoped he'd kick the ball enough times to give me a chance to get through the short version for Emily.

"Wow," she whispered when the kids were out of earshot. "She looks just like Tessa. Right down to the butterfly earrings."

For a moment, I forgot the turmoil in my gut as a chuckle escaped me. Jeffrey took Maddie by the shoulders to place her in the perfect spot as he set up the ball and ran up to kick it.

"How is Tessa? I missed your sister." She said, still focused on the kids. "Maybe even more than you since I wasn't mad at her."

I pushed a weak smile across my mouth at her smirk.

Jeffrey screamed a "Yes!" as Maddie's expression lit up with wonder. Emily's comment about Maddie's resemblance to her mother hit hard as I remembered Tessa making that same face when she was excited.

"It's unbelievable," Emily said, shaking her head. "Tessa could be her twin."

"She was," I finally said as Emily's face twisted with confusion.

"She was? I don't understand—" My stomach bottomed out when her jaw went slack. "Is Tessa oka?—"

"She's gone," I whispered, keeping an eye on the kids over her shoulder as I inched closer. "Passed away. Tessa was Maddie's mother, and now…I'm her guardian."

Turned out, I could sum up a short version of the story, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"Jesse, I'm so…" Emily's eyes filled with tears as her jaw trembled. She sank her teeth into her bottom lip and reached for my hand, sliding her palm against mine. "I am so sorry. So incredibly sorry. I'd thought at the reunion you were talking to your daughter and that's who the little girl on your phone screen was. I assumed, and I shouldn't have and…" She trailed off, pressing her hand to her chest.

"You weren't wrong. For all intents and purposes, she is my daughter. The transition is a little tough from uncle to father, but we're putting in the work." I smiled, squeezing her hand before I dropped it. I was too tempted to pull her to me and bring her into my arms for my own selfish comfort, so I took a half step away from her instead.

"It's all still new. We're adjusting. It's why Caden and my mother pushed me out of the house a couple of weeks ago, even if it was to go to my high school reunion."

"I'm glad they did," Emily whispered, sniffling as she held my gaze.

"I'm glad they did too. Tessa loved you. She didn't speak to me that whole summer after we broke up. I'm sure she's getting a big kick out of this right now."

Emily sputtered out a watery laugh. "I loved her too," she said, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand.

Someday I would be able to talk about our situation without wanting to bawl like a baby, but something as simple as holding Emily's hand had quelled that constant storm tearing through me, at least for the moment.

"Maddie. Her full name is Madison, right?" Emily asked.

"Most people assume Madeline, but yes. How did you guess that?"

Her face crumpled as if she was about to sob.

"All of Tessa's dolls were named Madison. I gave her Madison Three, remember?"

"Wow," I breathed out as the wind was knocked out of me. "I can't believe I forgot that."

"For her birthday, I always bought two pairs of earrings, one for her and one for Madison Three." She brought her hand to her mouth when her voice cracked.

"I remember the earrings." I reached out to grab her hand back. "You were always great with her. That meant a lot to me."

"She was easy to love." She inhaled a long breath through her nostrils and straightened. "It would be a privilege to be Maddie's coach. I'm glad you're both here."

Not thinking about Emily had just become a million times harder as I'd be seeing her all season, but I could figure out a way to do this for Maddie.

"Uncle Jesse, is Emily the friend you had the good dessert with?"

I shared a chuckle with Emily before I turned to where Maddie stood behind me. I had been so caught up in the swell of emotion between Emily and me, I'd forgotten to make sure Maddie wouldn't hear us.

More evidence that I'd made the right choice to keep my distance from Emily. She'd consumed me from the beginning, and I couldn't afford that now.

And somehow, I'd have to figure out a way to avoid it for the entire soccer season.

"Yes," Emily said, her voice steadier even though her eyes were glassy. "Diner cake is the best cake."

"It is! I love diner cake." Maddie's eyes lit up as she looked between us. Now that it was all out in the open, my shoulders sagged with relief, even if my heart rate still kicked up at Emily's wide smile.

Regardless if I'd resolved not to date anyone for a while and ignore whatever I was feeling for her, now that Emily was Maddie's coach, she was very off-limits, no matter what my intentions had been.

"I better get with the other coaches," she said, straightening her long chestnut ponytail, her old tell when she was nervous. "I am so excited you're on my team. It's going to be an awesome season." She looked between us with a wide smile and jogged behind the registration table.

"She seems really nice. And pretty," Maddie whispered as she leaned against me. "Were you good friends in school? Why did you stop?"

I exhaled with a soft groan, my eyes still drifting toward Emily until I forced them away. I didn't know what to tell my niece and didn't have the energy to lie.

"Because sometimes, Mad," I sighed, letting my gaze linger on Emily's departure for one more minute before I dragged it away, "some things are too good to keep."