25. Emily

EMILY

"Didwe ever really do this back then?" Jesse asked me as we strode to the restaurant entrance.

"Do what? Have dinner together? Yes, lots of times," I said. "I couldn't have the pizza burger I always ordered with you at the diner for at least five years, because the thought of it made me pissed at you all over again."

"I mean a date. Diner dates don't count, even if my niece disagrees." He pulled the glass door open and stepped to the side for me to walk through. "We never did any…I don't know…adult couple stuff."

"Um, I remember plenty of adult couple stuff. Especially that last month," I whispered as we stepped into the restaurant.

Jesse had made reservations at a steakhouse and arranged a sleepover for Maddie with Jesse's parents. We'd been officially together for two months, celebrating the holidays with our families like we used to, although watching my mother so happy to see Jesse would always be an adjustment. Despite my attempt to slow things down and create boundaries, I'd gone back on almost everything I'd said.

My furniture wasn't in Jesse's house, but everything else of mine had piled up as I spent more nights there than in my own apartment. Rent was becoming a needless expense for a place just to pick up my mail.

"The best I was able to do was that clam bar in Seaford when I worked with Caden that summer. I always felt like I never took you out on a real date. And after all this time back together, I should have done this sooner."

I stepped in front of him and smoothed my hand down the front of his jacket.

"I love that you planned a night like this for us, but I'm very happy eating cheeseburgers with my two favorite people. And back then, you know I never cared about that."

"But I did. I always pictured some asshole jock buying you lobsters in Maine," he muttered as we approached the hostess.

"I was too busy in Maine to eat any lobster. And again, I'm very happy to eat anywhere as long as I'm with you. But if you want to date me, I won't fight you."

"Thank you." He cracked a grin and gave his name to the hostess.

"Come to think of it," he said, glancing back at me as we made our way to the table, "I don't remember us going to an actual restaurant for dinner, other than the night I followed you on your date."

I groaned and shook my head as he held out my chair.

"I guess I technically went on two dates that night."

I fought a laugh when Jesse's eyes narrowed in a glare.

"I wasn't sharing you then, and I'm sure as hell not sharing you now," he whispered, his breath fanning hot on my neck, sending goose bumps across my shoulder.

"You know, I have to say, I don't hate your alpha side."

"Which part?" He squeezed my knee after he settled next to me. "When I get jealous or when I tell you to crawl to me in bed so I can?—"

"Stop it," I gritted out, pushing his hand away and raising my menu to block his face.

"I think it's both. Look at those cheeks. I bet I know where else you're flush?—"

"I said, stop." I kicked his foot under the table.

"You are so damn sexy when you're flustered." He pulled the menu down and leaned in to brush my lips. "Dating you is fun."

"Emily? I thought that was you."

I turned to find Sharon standing next to our table, a squeamish look on her face as she glanced between us.

"Hey, Sharon. You remember Jesse."

"Yes, hi." She nodded at Jesse. "I didn't realize you were back together."

"It happened after the article. How are you?"

It had been just as awkward on the video call with her. For someone so well-versed in public speaking, small talk was not her forte. But that could have been due to lack of interest. At the end of our discussion, I'd asked if she wanted to get lunch sometime or schedule a follow-up call if she needed more info, but she'd ended the call quickly and I'd never heard from her again until she'd tagged me in the post.

Once she'd gotten the information she'd needed from me to pump our connection, she'd had no interest in connecting with me since I'd served my purpose. I'd already more than suspected her sweet new persona was a mask, so I was more amused than insulted.

"I was going to reach out to you in the morning. Someone wanted to contact you after seeing the article, and I wanted your permission first before I passed along your information."

I hadn't had many inquiries for new clients, just a few offers to be a sports influencer on social media because of the college shots of me Sharon had included with the post. I'd been relieved that was all it had been since the article's circulation.

"Who wanted my information?"

"Raina Nello."

"Are you serious?" I blurted out, my eyes bugging out of my head before I could help it.

"Who's Raina Nello?" Jesse asked.

"She played on the last US women's soccer team to win consecutive World Cups. My grandfather made me a fan because she was an Italian American soccer player." I turned back to Sharon. "I saw that she liked the post, but I don't understand why she'd want to contact me."

"Rumor has it she's writing a memoir. Maybe she's looking for an editor?" Sharon grinned, her eyes a little feral. "I'd be happy to help promote if I'm right. She's a huge advocate for women in sports and female entrepreneurship. I could almost see a whole exclusive series. I'd love to support you."

Support me. Right, I wanted to say. An exclusive post about Raina Nello's memoir would draw in all the big health and fitness sponsors that Sharon loved to feature. I laughed, thinking of our video call and how she kept trying to change the subject of how I'd played soccer on a full scholarship in college while earning my communications degree to shift focus to the famous-to-her authors I worked with instead.

I was surprised she'd included the soccer photos, but I had no doubt she'd push the fact that it was her article about me responsible for connecting us and celebrate herself as she pretended to celebrate me.

"I'm so glad that I could make this happen for you."

"Well," Jesse began, stretching his arm along the back of my chair. "I read the post. And it was a great piece about Emily, but that's because Emily herself is pretty amazing. She's had a successful career and was an incredible athlete, whether or not she went pro. It's great that you were able to make the connection, but my girl gave you the tools to do it. So I'm glad she was able to do this for you."

At thirty-nine years old, hearing Jesse call me his girl shouldn't have given me the same rush as when I was eighteen. I didn't need him to put Sharon in her place for me, and I was very grateful, no matter what her intentions were, that she'd given me a chance to possibly work with a childhood hero of mine.

But watching Jesse get insulted on my behalf was a huge turn-on.

"Yes, it's all wonderful," I told Sharon as she glared at Jesse. "Tell Raina I'd be happy to connect."

"Great." She straightened, pushing a tight smile across her mouth. "I will let her know tonight and get back to you if anyone else reaches out. Have a great dinner."

"Thanks," Jesse called after her, looping an arm across my shoulder.

"That was kinda hot." I ran the tip of my knee-high boot up and down over Jesse's shin. "Unnecessary, but hot."

I put down my menu and slid my hand to the back of Jesse's neck and pressed my lips against his.

"Still my biggest fan?" I teased.

He smiled into the kiss and cupped my jaw.

"Always."

By the time we got back to Jesse's house after dinner, I already had an email from Raina. I waited until he'd gone upstairs to change before opening it, not wanting to squeal like a fangirl, even in front of him.

Hi Emily,

I'm sorry for the random message, but I think finding Sharon's post about you was a sign. I'm writing a memoir and have no idea where to start or how to write, to be honest. Unlike you, my strengths in school were only in soccer and not words.

I don't know if you'd be interested, but I'd love to work with you to bring my story to life. Not only do you come highly recommended as an editor (I contacted a few of your clients before reaching out to Sharon), but you obviously know soccer too. I've seen some videos of you playing in college, and I was really impressed. From what I saw, you absolutely could have made it a career, but I completely get why you didn't.

There are a few events I'm supposed to attend in the next couple of months that I want to mention in the book, and I was curious if you'd be interested in coming to California for the next few months to both attend the events and work with me on the book. It could be two months or as many as six. I won't be able to give you an answer until we get started.

Please email me or call me at the number below if you're interested. Either way, I loved reading about your journey and success.

"What's wrong?"

I jumped when I found Jesse next to me on the couch, his body rigid with panic as he searched my face.

"Shit, you scared me."

"Well, you scared me too. You look like you just saw a ghost." He squeezed my knee. "What's going on?"

"Sharon must have given Raina my information as soon as she saw us tonight. I already have an email from her." I kept my gaze on the carpet as Jesse squinted at me in my periphery.

"Okay, so I thought that would be a good thing." He scooted over and glanced at my phone screen. "What did she say?"

"Sharon was right. She's writing a memoir, and she wants me to help her write it, not just edit it."

"Is that something you've done before? Is that why you look so nervous?"

"Yes. I haven't in a while, but I've ghostwritten in the past." I rubbed at my temple. "She thinks I know enough about soccer that I can help her craft the story, and although I prefer editing, actually helping to write her story would be an amazing privilege."

"That's great. You're going to do it, right?"

"I want to. Grandpa would flip if he were still alive. He thought for sure I'd be on a World Cup team someday."

"You could have been if you'd wanted to." He rested his head on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. "What's stopping you?"

"I'd have to go over the details with her, but she'd want me to come to California for a few months so I could attend a few events with her that she wants included in the book. And work with her during the day to write it."

Jesse's grin faded in almost slow motion. Maybe it wasn't the same, but that identical dread from twenty years ago spread in the pit of my stomach.

I loved being here with Jesse and Maddie, and although we hadn't discussed it again, I was seriously considering giving up the apartment I hardly used and taking Jesse up on his offer to move in. This was a curve ball I'd never expected, but as much as I wanted to stay, I couldn't ignore it.

"Can you do that with the clients you already have?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I'd have to see what my downtime would be like. I have a lighter schedule over the next two months and could probably handle a big project like this. Beyond that, I'd have to see if I'd have the time to work on what I have scheduled." I dragged a hand through my hair and dropped my chin to my chest. "Please don't look at me like that."

"Like what? I'm sorry, I'm just a little surprised. I didn't think she'd want you to travel to her. You have clients all over the country, and they don't make you come to them, right?"

"No. I'll probably decline, but?—"

"But you want to do it?"

"I at least want to reply and look into it."

Jesse gave me a slow nod when I met his gaze. How could I leave him again? And Maddie. Mom was doing well, already up and walking with a cane. She had daily therapy and liked the rehab facility she was recovering in, but across the country was a lot of miles away from the people I loved.

"I'm just going to tell her no. I'll say thank you for contacting me, but I can't make this work."

I pushed off the couch, grabbing my phone to head upstairs.

"Wait." Jesse caught me by the crook of my elbow. "If I wasn't in the picture, would you say no just like that?"

"I don't know. It's a big ask, and there's my mother to think about. It's a lot, like I said. A big opportunity?—"

"A huge opportunity. Don't make me that guy, Em."

"What guy?" I finally turned around, afraid to look Jesse in the eye and darting my eyes everywhere but at him.

"The one who holds you back. The one I never wanted to be. Do I want you to go when it feels like I just got you back? No. I don't."

He brought me into his arms, his hand in my hair as he pulled me to him.

"But do I want you to just say no and regret it someday? Absolutely not."

"How do you know I'd regret it?"

His chest jerked with a chuckle.

"When Sharon said her name, your face lit up like the most beautiful Christmas tree." He ran his knuckle across my jaw. "Plus, your grandfather liked her too. He always did right by me, so I don't want you to let him down."

"Are you kidding? He'd love this." I rubbed my eyes, my nose burning at how he really would have loved it and would have wanted an introduction. "I'll deal with this tomorrow. Now that Maddie is at your parents' house for the night, let's head to bed early." I slipped out of his arms, not looking back as I walked upstairs.

The epic night of loud sex we'd had planned seemed doubtful, so I grabbed one of Jesse's T-shirts and headed to the bathroom. I took extra time getting ready for bed, Jesse's scent along the cotton collar making me feel even worse.

I burrowed onto my side after I climbed into Jesse's bed, not hopeful for any kind of sleep. We weren't the kids we used to be, but I couldn't help thinking back to the night he'd broken up with me. He'd seemed fine the day before, and then, all of a sudden, he'd decided having me so far away was too much for him.

Teenagers were known for not thinking clearly and living by impulse, but while Jesse had matured since then, he had other things on his plate now to alter his judgment. We were insanely happy, but it still felt like we were maintaining a delicate balance sometimes. He was in therapy, his niece still had the occasional nightmare, and some days, I knew he was trying his best to appear like he was holding it together when he was just exhausted.

How could I leave him? Or her? What if Jesse didn't want me to hurt Maddie, so he cut me off? Two hours ago, I never would have believed it was possible, and now I was terrified of it.

"Hey," Jesse whispered as the bed dipped behind me. "I've never heard you breathe so hard while you were lying this still."

"I guess my body is still, but my head is racing." I tried to joke, the dull tone in my voice making it fall flat.

"If I had to guess—" he looped his arm around my waist and rolled me onto my back "—you're probably thinking I'm going to freak out again and run." He raised a brow when I didn't answer.

"It may have crossed my mind a little." I turned my head, sinking my cheek into the pillow when a lump scratched at the back of my throat. Losing Jesse now would be so much worse than when I'd lost him back then. I both couldn't fathom it and couldn't stop thinking about it.

He draped his hand over my throat, pressing his finger into my cheek to turn my gaze to his. Inching down and holding my eyes, he pressed his lips to mine, slow and sensual, his tongue swirling with mine in lazy strokes as if he was trying to savor the taste of us.

"You're the love of my life. I knew that back when I was fourteen, even if it scared the shit out of me."

"I knew it too." My voice cracked, already laced with tears.

"So." He rolled on top of me, sliding his arm under my waist, and pulled me closer. "My only question is, are you going to come back to me?"

"Of course."

I blinked away tears at his slow grin.

"Then that's all I need."