Chapter 14

CHAPTER

FOURTEEN

MARY

There's nothing for me to do except stand on the sidelines and watch them as they go through a workout. Brad is exhausted and soaked in sweat, but he keeps pushing it. Rust doesn't even look at me. I feel like the dorky kid sister again, waiting on the sidelines, praying for my crush to notice me, to care. The last time Rust tried to train me, we ended it in the steamiest way possible.

"I might run to the store," I tell Marquis, standing on the edge of the training room with me. "Do you want anything?"

"No, dear. What do you need? We have a vending machine."

The word "dear" makes me think of Mom. "Uh, I just want to stretch my legs."

"Okay, yes. Very good. No, thank you." He doesn't take his eyes off Rust, watching him as if trying to solve a puzzle. I know the feeling.

As I walk across the street, my heart pounds as if my body has been waiting until I'm free and clear to let me feel the effects of being so close to him. Not just close, but with him covered in sweat, his shirt sticking to his body, outlining his shape.

I grab a sandwich, a soda, and a pregnancy test while in the store. I look out the window as the cashier runs it up. She's an older lady with old-style glasses with a drooping chain. She frowns as she tells me how much it'll be. After I tap my card, she says, "I hope you're okay, darling."

"I'm fine, thank you," I say.

"There's help if you need it."

"What sort of help? " I snap. "If this is positive, it'll be the best news my husband and I ever had!"

She gawps at me as I take my bag and march from the store. I know I probably came across like a crazy lady, but I don't want this to be a bad thing. I want to live in a world where Rust cares, where he can care, where just the fact of my baby wouldn't ruin his life. My baby … I'm already thinking like that as if I'm pregnant. I don't even know yet.

Back in the gym, I go into the bathroom and tear open the pregnancy test. I can't go on without knowing. This is the first chance I've had between packing and the flight. Or maybe, deep down, I didn't want to know. But now, after seeing him, seeing those intense eyes and that don't-give-a-damn stare, I know I have to find out.

I pee on the stick, then wait, wait, wait, stare, and wait. The future taunts me, telling Brad, his face turning pale, then red with rage as he roars at me, "Mom would be ashamed of you!" That would be the worst, the Brad betrayal and the Mom shame, all wrapped up in one.

A pit opens in my belly, getting bigger and bigger the longer I wait. That night was so warm, so safe, with the thunder crashing outside, but with our bodies pressed close, it didn't matter. I've relived it way too many times since then. The way he felt when he first pushed inside—big, uncomfortable—and then the balm of pure pleasure that washed through me a moment later.

The test is done. The results glare up at me. I don't know if I'm happy or sad.