Chapter 8

Cindy

Caitlin catches up with me in the parking lot. I'm beyond furious by the time I reach my jeep in no time. Quick enough to be able to brush the tears away before they even fall.

It's not even about Damon anymore. It's my mom as a whole.

I haven't talked to Damon in years. He tried to come groveling back here and there over long bouts of silence, but he eventually gave up. When we first moved, he threatened to come to Seattle and camp out on our front porch if I didn't take him back. I close my eyes at the memory, squeezing them shut. I never once considered what it would be like to be with Damon ever again after what I saw that day. Cheating is just a no-go zone for me and the betrayal still stings. Mom knows it, but she seems to revel in rubbing it in my face. I also realize it was just puppy love. Now that I'm older, I know it was clearly a blessing in disguise.

I guess what annoyed me even more back then was the way everyone, except my dad, just brushed it off and tried to just sweep it under the rug. It really said very little for all the values and beliefs they were always preaching every time we went to church.

It didn't seem to mean much when it mattered.

"Cindy, wait!" Caitlin reaches me and grabs me by the elbow as I turn around.

We both stand looking at each other. We're so similar sometimes, people think we're twins.

"I'm fine," I mutter, fumbling for my car fob. Though I don't even need it as my SUV has keyless entry.

"You're not fine."

She's right. I need to leave. I don't want Mom coming out here. It's not like she would, anyway. She's never been sorry or chased anyone in her life.

I stamp my foot like a child having a tantrum, but I guess it beats smashing something. "Why does she always do this?" I all but yell. "Every freaking time. She just loves rubbing it in my face!"

Caitlin rubs my arm soothingly. "I'm sorry," she says, like it's her fault. It isn't.

She's done nothing but be on my side, always.

"It's not your fault. It had to happen."

"I don't like seeing you upset," she goes on, holding her arms out to me. We hug for the longest time.

"Thanks, sis. You know how to make things better," I tell her. "You always had that knack."

She smiles. "I can't believe you just said fuck and screw in front of Mom."

I can't help but laugh, though I feel like I have nothing to laugh about right now.

"For someone we've both known for a long time, I don't think I'll ever get any closer to knowing her or what she's really about," I say sadly.

"Mom makes it that way, just remember that."

I sniff into my hand, wiping my eyes. "I shouldn't let her rile me. I know it."

"You should be able to have a peaceful lunch with your mom and sister without your ex being brought up every single time, Cindy. It's not normal."

I nod, leaning back on my car. I relax a little, knowing that Mom isn't going to come out to the parking lot begging for my forgiveness. Like that would happen.

"How can what he did all those years ago still be okay in her eyes? That's the part I don't get. I'm over it anyway, why isn't she? We were young, what he did was wrong, but I've moved on."

"I know," she sympathizes. "And she won't let you forget it, and I've no idea why. She has it in her head about you and him being meant to be or something, and that's that. It's amazing she thinks the devil is in everyone else, but not in the actual people that do wrong!"

"Tell me about it." I hear my cell vibrate from my pocket and pull it out. A small smile escapes me as I see another message from Tyler. I still haven't read the first one yet.

"Wait a minute." Caitlin grins as her hands rest on her hips. "What's that little smile all about?"

"Nothing." I shake it off, or try to. Shoving my cell back in my pocket for later. The excitement I feel about reading it is next level.

"No way!" She tries to reach for my back pocket and I squeal, dodging her.

"It's nothing!"

"The more you say that, the more I'm gonna try to see what it is," she giggles. "That smile has to be about a guy. Are you seeing someone?"

I bite my lip, thinking about it. I mean, I'm not really seeing him. We made out in the car last night, and I can still feel him on my lips. His stubble on my chin. His scent is still tantalizing my senses from memory alone. The way his mouth brushed against mine, he was so tentative and tender. Nothing what I thought he'd be like.

"Cindy! Out with it!" Caitlin presses when I'm still trying to find the words to explain Tyler.

"I'm just thinking how best to put it," I say with a laugh, shaking my head. I find it amazing that I've gone from all out war and tears with my mom, who I just spouted blasphemous words at inside Houston's, to smiling and feeling cozy over my brief exchange with Tyler Peterson, the guy I can't fall for.

"Put what?" She squeals. "You dawg! Cindy!"

Yes, she gets excited for me if she thinks there's a guy involved. She knows my past dating history and how reserved I am with all of that.

"Yes, it's a guy." I sigh.

She claps her hands together and urges me to go on.

"It's a long story," I begin. "But you can't breathe a word, especially to Dad."

She laughs her head off. "Like I'm gonna run to Dad! Why would I do that?"

"Well." I press my lips together for a moment. "He's a player for the Hawks."

Her eyes grow wide and she literally jumps up and down. "Cindy! What the fuck!"

I giggle. Caitlin has always thrown an F bomb here or there when Mom's not around. "Look, it's all new, early days. I didn't even know he liked me really until last night."

"What happened last night?"

Gawd, I still haven't even told Susie yet. I need to message her when I get home.

"Me and Susie were having dinner and we bumped into him. Long story short, he gave us both a ride home, and we kissed in the car after Susie left."

A huge grin spreads across my sister's face. "Which player?" She breathes, clearly loving this new piece of information.

"Tyler Peterson," I whisper, like someone can hear us in a quiet parking lot where there's no one else around.

She gives me that wide-eyed look again. "OHMYGOD. He's hot, Cindy!"

"I know." I slap myself on the forehead. "I don't know what I'm gonna do. I really like him."

This is where I often feel like the little sister when it comes to guys. I can give Caitlin all the advice in the world on other subjects, but not on relationships.

"I'll tell you what you're gonna do, jump his goddamned bones. You think hot guys like him come along every day? Well, maybe they do at the stadium, but you know what I mean."

We both laugh at the irony of that statement. "We had a team meeting on Monday and he couldn't stop staring at me. Thank God Dad was too engrossed in strategy to notice what his captain was up to."

"This is so freaking hot. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It's brand new," I say. "The kiss only happened last night."

"Do you know how much I'm loving this right now?"

I shake my head. "You don't understand. This is a huge problem."

"Are you insane?"

I give her a look. "Our contracts clearly state the no fraternization policy without permission. And dating one of the guys is definitely off limits."

"Well, either screw the policy or get permission!"

"It's not as easy as that. We both want to keep our jobs in the process. And anyway, it probably won't even come to that." I shake my head. "I'm just thinking out loud."

"Show me the text!"

I'm dying to read it, but I want to do it when I'm on my own. "Don't you dare."

"Seriously, Cinds. You don't know how happy it makes me to see that look on your face. Surely, if you both want to take things further, you can talk to Dad and the Hawks? Could there be a way around it?"

"I'm not sure." I shrug. "I guess I'm gonna have to dig that contract out. I didn't think it was a possibility until last night."

"He's clearly into you. How was the kiss?"

"So good."

"Tongue?"

I shake my head. "It was soft, he was tender."

She's deep in thought, assessing the information I'm giving her. "Do you wanna slap his salami?"

"Caitlin!"

"I'm just asking," she laughs.

"Look, I'm feeling things I've never really felt before. There's no doubt about it. And he's experienced. You know Tyler's reputation. He's used to having women throwing themselves at him. He's famous for goodness sake. Imagine how many women he's had!"

"I don't think it matters at all. There's nothing to be scared of, Cinds. If he likes you, he'll like you for who you are. You don't have to rush things, and you don't have to change who you are."

I smile. "Thanks, sis. I'll certainly keep you posted."

"You'd better."

We hug again.

"In all seriousness, it's okay to be cautious," Cait says. "But you have to live a little too. The world isn't as big and bad as we sometimes think it is. There are good guys out there."

I nod, appreciating the sentiment. She knows I've been through a lot and climbed a few mountains to get to where I am now.

"Does Liam ever tell you you're a little firecracker?" I muse as I open the driver's door.

"Every other day," she giggles. "I'll see you next weekend?"

"Sounds good. I'll come over."

"I love you," she says.

A wedge forms in my throat. I'm so damned lucky to have a sister I can talk to like this. "I love you too, Cait."

* * *

I feel better for getting it out to Caitlin. I've been harboring these feelings all week, so to say them out loud and be able to talk about him without prying ears or judgment is a relief.

I don't even pull out of the lot before I dig out my cell and check my messages.

I programmed his name in there last night when he sent me a ‘hello' text when we exchanged numbers in the car.

Tyler

Hey, Cindy. Hope you're having a great rest of your weekend. I enjoyed our kiss a little too much. Though I'm sorry if I was inappropriate. I can't stop thinking about you.

I stare at the message as the butterflies pick up again in my stomach. He unglued me so damned easily. I can't stop thinking about you?

This man!

Then I read the second message he sent while I was in the parking lot.

Tyler

Do you want to meet for coffee during the week? That's if you're still talking to me.

I stare at both messages for probably a full five minutes, not being able to stop thinking about how his fingers slid down my throat, past my décolletage and grazed my breast, his thumb rubbing over my nipple while he kissed me. Yes, it was forward. But I encouraged him to do it, and am I sorry about it? Nope.

I'm not sorry one bit. I haven't been able to stop imagining what it would feel like for him to have his mouth on me again, playing with my body. I wish I'd not pushed him away.

I've never felt this sexual before towards anyone, it's not something that comes naturally, especially growing up with my Mom being so strict with that kind of thing.

I start typing back.

The buzz in my body is off the charts. I love how he makes me feel so good.

Me

Hey Tyler. I meant to message you earlier but I was out with my mom and sister having lunch. No, you weren't inappropriate, I'm sorry for taking off like that. Believe me, I liked kissing you, too. When do you want to meet for coffee?

Surely that lets him know I'm into it. Despite acting like a deer caught in headlights when he made the moves. I felt like climbing into his lap, but my inhibitions stopped me. Obviously not to have sex with him, but I wanted to feel him close to me.

I squeeze my thighs together now, feeling the wetness he's caused just from the memory of his scent and his sexy kisses.

I don't wait for his reply, because he might be busy. Instead, I start up the car and decide to grab a few groceries from the store on the way home and then take Henry for an early walk in the park. Then I'll run a bath and pour a glass of wine, while I try not to think about using my bullet again for the second night in a row.

I have a feeling I'm going to be using it more and more until I see him again.

I wonder what he would think if he knew.

By the time I get home, I have another message from Tyler and a missed call from my mom. I do not want to talk to her right now. Not the way I'm feeling over our fight. She can go to Hell. It's the one place she thinks we're all going anyway, so she might as well join us.

Tyler

How does Oohla Cafe sound before we head off for the game on Wednesday?

That's right, the guys are traveling mid-week for the next game.

Cindy

Sounds good to me. See you tomorrow. Will you be at the meeting?

Please say yes. I plan to wear something a little more strategic if I know he'll be there, and there's no reason he shouldn't.

Tyler

Sure will ??

I can't help but feel happy with that, and future coffee plans.

I might be nervous, but I'm not going to let that shine through. It's like Caitlin said, it's time. It really is time.

After I have a nice little stroll with Henry, I get a message from Susie saying Emmerson and her friend in Seattle, Maddison, are coming to town in a couple of weeks. Em's dad hasn't been well, and she wants to spend some time with her folks. That's going to be interesting, considering she's Taylor James' old flame.

We're going to meet up with them and have dinner when they get here and maybe even go to a game. Later, I get a message from Emmerson telling me about her trip over here, and how she's looking forward to us all getting together.

I'm happy that they're both coming. I've met Maddie a few times. She's good fun and a real hoot. Me and Susie both got along really well with her.

Susie hasn't had any guys recently on the dating front either. In fact, in some respects, she's worse than me, and I'm not entirely sure why that is.

One thing I know for sure is how nice it was of Tyler last night to be so sweet to Susie as well as me. Making conversation with her and looking genuinely interested when she spoke.

He certainly came across so different from what I ever expected when we were up close.

I do a little googling after dinner as well as feeding Henry, just before I run my bath.

He did a recent underwear campaign for Ralph Lauren and the photos went viral and left very little to the imagination. I know the guys were all giving him shit for it on the team, but would've received a huge endorsement for it. And rumor has it, he didn't care what anyone thought. All his tattoos were on full display, including the swirling patterns up over his upper chest, then up over his shoulders. My eyes wander down his fine-tuned body and I can't help but stare down at his package. I mean, it speaks for itself, and it's just front and center.

If what I'm seeing – with Tyler wearing tight fitting boxers is anything to go by – I can only imagine how he looks without them. It's an equally intimidating, but delightful thought.

The sports editor at the Seattle Times headlined him with ‘Peterson drops his pants for Ralph Lauren ad campaign. This is one of the reasons why he's called the Seattle Hawks bad boy in the first place, and I don't think he really cares.

I'm realizing more and more that it's just an image. In real life, he's nothing like the guy posing in the photos, as hot as it is. And he looks even hotter in real life.

But he didn't seem to display an ounce of the attitude that he's usually renowned for the other night. Sure, he could have been putting on the Mr. Nice Guy act, but would he really do that and risk being reprimanded by the Hawks for starting something with me?

And is that what it is?—someone he can't really have without divulging it to the team"s officials and my dad. Maybe that's the appeal. I'm off limits.

I guess if we have coffee and meet up during the week, I might be a little bit closer to finding out the answers to some of my questions.

He'll probably run a mile anyway if he even gets to the point of finding out about my upbringing. And the fact I've had one partner and no other prospects could be an issue for a man so wise in the ways of the world. Or maybe he'll be fine with it. Am I overthinking this?

It is what it is, and like Cait said, I don't need to change for anyone.

But tonight it's me and Henry for some quiet time. And then the bathtub where I can soak my aching body, and relax, thinking about Tyler and what will happen this week. And maybe my trusty bullet thrown in for good measure. It is waterproof, after all.