Chapter 23

Tyler

I'm upset she thinks I'm anything like that asshole she told me about, Damon.

For one, I'm not a cheater, and two, there's no other girl I want.

I knew I was making a rod for my own back when I kept the Stacey thing from her, but I was genuinely trying to do the right thing and find out the facts.

I thought she may cut me some slack since I've only just learned this information myself, and Stacey has been ghosting me since we got back from Miami.

"Can we talk later?" I ask, before I make for the door. I need to get uptown anyway and meet her soon. But I don't want to leave it this way.

She blinks up at me. "Let me know how it goes."

I see the fear there. Her eyes are watery too. I know she cares about me, it's written all over her face.

"I'm sorry, Cind. I regret not telling you when it happened, but please believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are. I have no idea how to navigate this."

She softens a little, but not much. "Talk to her, do what you need to do. We'll talk when I've had some time to process it all."

I nod. Not quite satisfied with the fact I may not be coming back here later.

Maybe I need to go to my parents. In fact, that's probably a good idea.

Some space might be the best thing while we both figure out what the fuck I'm going to do if Stacey really is pregnant with my baby.

We say our goodbyes and I give Henry a cuddle. He went jogging with me just this morning. Cindy met us in the park on the way back where we had a coffee.

It feels like so much has happened since then. Too much, I can't keep up.

I'm nervous as hell about seeing Stacey again. But uptown isn't usually a place where I need to worry about anyone seeing me. I'm not a Hollywood movie star, but sometimes it happens. Usually if we're at a trendy club or a restaurant.

I'm sure no one is going to be on the ready for a photo op outside Cosmos cafe this afternoon.

I try to steel myself as I find the cafe, knowing if I'm not ready now, I may never be ready. Maybe this is all just a nightmare, and I'm going to wake up from it any moment without any cares in the world… The season is over, we won the Stanley Cup, and I can relax with my girl at my place at Mercer Island.

But when I walk up to the cafe and I see her waiting outside, at least, I think it's her, my heart kicks up about a thousand notches.

Her profile matches everything I remembered from the time we're together; light brown hair — though it's shorter — petite frame, deep brown eyes, and full lips.

She turns a moment later. What I'm not prepared for is the huge baby bump she is most definitely displaying.

Fuck. This isn't a dream anymore. And she's not playing.

My eyes don't move from her stomach as I walk up to her. She finally sees me, the recognition in her face tells me she is kinda relieved I'm here. Her shoulders sag a little, and she lets out a sigh.

"Stacey." I stand there, not knowing how to greet her. Does she expect me to be happy she's kept this from me for over six fucking months?

I clench my jaw and try my best to keep my temper at bay.

"Tyler," she says, softly. I barely hear her.

I glance down at her belly again. "I see things have changed since we saw each other."

"Yes, they have," she sighs. "Let's go inside. We'll talk there."

I'm so shocked to see her heavily pregnant, I don't know how else to feel anymore.

Am I at least happy she told me eventually before she ran off and adopted my child out without me knowing? It could be worse, I suppose.

I walk up to the counter and order us both a coffee while she takes a seat in a quiet nearby booth. She's sliding out of her long jacket when I walk over and take a seat.

"This is really fucking awkward," I tell her. I can't fucking stop staring at her round belly. I can't believe it.

"Ty, you have to know how sorry I am." She reaches for my forearm, but I move it away.

"Can you just get to the part where you tell me why you kept this from me for so long?"

"I told you I never meant to do that. I thought I was doing what was best for the both of us. I didn't want to disturb your life, or ruin it for that matter."

I laugh without humor. "You thought that was the best thing for me to not know about my own child? By the way, are you really sure it's mine?"

I don't care how it sounds. The truth is, the moment she found out she should have contacted me, we could have worked this out together months ago.

She gives me a look. "Don't even, Tyler. Of course it's yours. I haven't been with anyone else since we broke up."

I swallow hard. "I'll still require a paternity test."

"You're not going to take my word for it?"

I shake my head. "Can you blame me? You text me out of the blue, saying you need to see me at the drop of a hat, then you throw this at me and expect me to just be okay with it."

She presses her lips together, then pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry, Tyler. That's all I can say. I don't have any other excuse. You made it clear when we broke up you weren't in love with me. There was no chance of you giving up your precious career anytime soon, either. Surely, the last thing you would want is to be burdened with a screaming newborn."

"That's my decision to make."

She stares at me wide eyed. "Would you have reneged on ‘us' if you'd known I was pregnant beforehand?"

It's my turn to gape at her. "Are you saying you knew you were pregnant back then?"

She vehemently shakes her head. "I found out afterwards, like I told you."

I don't even know if I believe anything that comes out of her mouth. The fact is, we're here now and the kid ain't gonna just disappear in all of this.

"I don't know what I believe anymore, Stacey. This is all coming out of left field. Despite that, we need to work out the details. You mentioned not keeping the baby and adopting her out?"

I clench my fist on my thigh under the table at the mere thought of it.

This baby may not be born yet, but I know she is going to be better off with her birth parents. Despite Stacey's misgivings, she has never been unstable, and neither have I.

"I don't know, I freaked out,Ty. That's why I called you. My hormones are all over the place and I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mother. So yes, I have looked at the adoption process if worse came to worse."

"If worse came to worse? You can't be serious?"

Her dark eyes flick up at me. "You seem mad."

"Can you blame me?"

"I didn't know if you'd have an interest in the baby, Tyler."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. The fact you felt you couldn't come and talk to me about something as important as this is just unfathomable. Am I that bad of a person?"

"Like I said, I've been all over the place. It's not that I think you're a bad person. But logistics say there's no way you'd be able to raise the baby even if you want to!"

"You really think that?"

"Don't tell me you want to raise her?"

She seems incredulous, like she hasn't even thought about the possibility.

"You obviously don't know me very well."

"Maybe I don't," she sighs. "I honestly didn't think…" She looks at me with wide-eyes, and I see there's truth in what she's saying.

It stings, to be fucking honest. That I'd just agree to sign the baby over to complete strangers, that I wouldn't want a part in the child's life.

"I want the baby, Stacey. If you're giving her up for adoption, then I will take her off your hands." Of course, I don't know the first thing about babies or how the fuck I'm going to do that, but I know I'll figure it out. I have supportive family and friends, so I know I'm not alone in this. I'll navigate it somehow.

"You're going to take her?"

"Yes, of course. I wish you'd stop acting so surprised about it. I don't know what you expect me to say. Oh sure, no problem, sign our kid away without a second's thought."

"You don't have to be like that, Tyler. This is hard enough as it is. I also never said I was going to put the baby up for adoption. It was a thought that crossed my mind when things felt hard. I don't have family like you do, I have no one to help. It all felt so hopeless."

"You should have contacted me," I mutter. "It's insulting that you think I'd leave you high and dry. Now, when do you want to organize the paternity test?"

Her eyes bug wide. "You're serious?"

It's my turn to stare at her with the same intent. "Huh?"

"After all of this, you don't believe me that the baby is yours!"

"I don't know Stacey. It's been six months since we saw each other, and you kept this big fucking secret for that whole time. I don't know what I believe anymore."

She folds her arms across her chest, tears in her eyes. I feel like a fucking asshole, for that part, at least. But can she blame me? I'm still in shock over the whole thing.

I'm going to be a father…

The words seem so foreign and far away. But when I glance down at Stacey's protruding stomach, it all feels a lot closer to home.

Cindy flashes before my mind, and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do about all of this. Is she going to want to still be with me, knowing the decision I've made?

What girl is going to want to be with a guy who's raising a baby to another woman by himself? The whole thing is a huge mind fuck.

"I get you need to process this." She looks down at the table. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

I glance over at her, knowing I have to keep my frustration and anger in check if I have any chance of coming to some resolution with this. I want to be in this kid's life. I don't want her having any excuse for disappearing with the baby, or adopting her out later on behind my back. I don't know how these things work.

The one thing I do know is I'm going to fight for the little one. If this kid is my flesh and blood, there's nothing I won't do. There are no lengths I won't go to.

And right now, I want to get past my fury and confusion about it all. There's no point me sitting here pointing the finger at her, we need to work out what we do now going forwards. Then I need to work out me and Cindy.

"What are we going to do?" I ask her. "How are you feeling about things at the moment?"

She sighs, and reaches for her coffee, taking a small sip and placing the cup back down. She's definitely more reserved than I've ever seen her before. And I've never truly seen her nervous. This whole pregnancy has really taken a toll on her.

I just wish she'd contacted me sooner. I would have been there for her every step of the way, even though we weren't a couple anymore.

"I'm feeling scared about the birth. I've been going to pre-natal classes. The whole thing is freaking me out."

I grip my hand again on my thigh, another thing I've missed out on. Plus the sonogram thing where I get to see the little blip on the screen.

Still, I push that aside for later and try to dig a little deeper. "I'm sure it is a scary thing, Stacey. But you'll be in the hospital under the best medical care. And I'll be there."

As weird as that's going to be. I will be at the hospital for the birth.

She swallows again, blinking several times. "You'd be at the birth?"

I run a hand over my head. "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be? Just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean I don't care about you and our baby, Stace."

"It's been a long time since you called me that."

"I'm sorry for how things ended. But I honestly thought we were good."

"We were good, Ty. I don't think you're a bad person at all. You were good to me, things just didn't work out. I wanted more than you could give, and I didn't like you being away all the time. I know all of that, I see it now… I know you have another girlfriend?—"

I suck a breath in upon the mention of Cindy. Yes, I feel fucking guilty that I've fallen for Cindy in a matter of weeks, and it's bigger than any feeling I've ever had for a woman. But is that really my fault? Can I really control who I fall in love with and who I don't? Things didn't align with Stacey, and I felt bad about it, but I really thought we were okay and getting on with our lives.

"How do you know… oh, the night we won the cup?" She was in the car park now, I remember.

"I wasn't stalking you. I was waiting by your car, finally having the courage to face you. But then I saw you with her and I got spooked."

"It's all very new with her," I say. Hoping she doesn't know who Cindy is, as I'm not about to tell her right now. She knows plenty about the team since we were together for a year. But it isn't like she knows any of the admin staff or behind-the-scenes guys.

"Do you love her?" She asks.

I sigh. "It's not the time or place to talk about that."

"Just tell me if you love her."

"What does it matter?"

"It matters to me. I'm about to have your baby!"

"Yes. I love her, Stace, and I've moved on. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be in the baby's life, therefore I'll be in your life. Maybe we can have joint custody, if you still want that when she's born? Or I can be the primary caregiver, and you visit or whatever."

"Wow, you'd take her?"

"Yes. I would. She's my child too, I don't want her to be adopted."

She blinks over at me with tears in her eyes.

"All possibilities," she says. "I guess now I know where your thoughts are at, we can find a solution."

"I think we need to wait until the birth before we make any rational decisions."

"I think that's a good idea, too."

"How long do you have to go?" I ask

"About two weeks."

Fuck, that's not long. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone thinking about it.

I'm going to be a father in a couple of weeks?

The shock is almost too much. But she still doesn't seem sure of what she wants to do, so I need to keep her feeling as comfortable as I can, so we keep communicating.

I want a hand in this child's life, no matter which way we go with it.

There's no other way.

"Do you have another prenatal thing?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "I haven't been going for the past couple of weeks. But one of the other moms befriended me, and she's been helping me."

"That's good," I say. "Can we get together then next week and do the paternity test? Then we can arrange for me to be there if you have another doctor's appointment, and we can start getting things ready for when the baby is born."

"Okay, yes, let's do that," she says. "I'll ask my doctor what's involved at this late stage in my pregnancy."

I'm glad she's not still acting weird about the paternity test. I need to know for sure. Of course, I don't want to put her or the baby at risk, so we will have to see what's involved.

I don't think she's lying. Even so, we split up long enough ago that I've really no idea if there's been anyone else or not. If she's lying to me, I don't know what the fuck I will do. I guess I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

"Don't ghost me again, okay?"

She bites her lip, but nods her head.

"I mean it, Stace. If you need something, you call me. You're not alone in this anymore."

"Will you hate me forever for not telling you sooner?"

"I need to process things. I don't think hating you is going to help any. I am annoyed, but we need to navigate this together and be on the same side. I meant it when I said I want to be a part of this. I'll take full custody if you don't want to be a mom when she's born."

She presses her lips together, fighting back tears. I don't know if she's relieved, or sad, or what she's feeling. And I don't ask her because I have enough swirling around in my head to last me a lifetime, let alone one afternoon.

"I'm here for you," I reiterate.

We both stand up after that and it's awkward, to say the least. Despite my unchartered feelings about all of this, and not knowing what the fuck to do about any of it, I am there for her. I tangoed with her back then. She didn't get pregnant alone.

I just wish she'd gone about things better.

"It's going to be okay, Stace. You know that, right?"

"Yes," she says. "Now I know you're on board, and you're not mad about becoming a father. That makes things easier."

"Well, you have to look after yourself and the little one."

"You're a good man, Tyler. I always knew it."

I smile as she reaches to hug me quickly, and I don't pull away because that feels mean, given her fragile state. "We'll talk next week."

Hopefully, by then I'll have something figured out about how this is going to go and what we're going to do. Maybe I'll have come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be a father. It's just not in the way I'd ever imagined.

* * *

I drive straight to my parents' place, briefly sending Dad a message before I start driving. I need to talk to Cindy, of course. She's been on my mind the whole afternoon. But I need to see my folks and get everything off my chest before I even attempt to call her and try to work everything out. Cindy was obviously very shocked and confused when I saw her earlier, and I hate the fact she gave herself to me, and now she's doubting it. I know how much of a big deal all of that was for her.

I know I am willing to fight for us and make things right again.

The fact I didn't tell her straight away has come back to bite me in the ass, just like I knew it would. But it's out in the open now, and I have to roll with the punches.

There's no taking away from the fact that this is happening one way or another.

The paternity test will obviously confirm if I really am the father of Stacey's baby, but I need to put the provisions in place now for when we get those results.

I very much doubt she is lying, she wouldn't take it this far if she was. But I need to know for sure before I get too involved.

I shudder at what the fuck coach is going to say about all of this when he finds out. Not only have I been seeing his daughter behind his and the team's back, but now I'm going to be a dad to my ex-girlfriend, a woman who may or may not want to keep the baby.

It's shaping up to be one hell of a messy conversation, but that conversation has to happen now, not later. We need to get this all out in the open straight away.

And after I talk to my folks, that's exactly what I intend to do.