19. Chloe

Regrets are real,and they’re all-consuming.

I shouldn’t have told him I loved him. He’s obviously freaked out about it. After spending the night at his house, he brought me home and said he had to work, telling me some kind of story that it may be a few days.

I’m such a fool. I told myself over and over that I wouldn’t let my guard down and what did I do? I confessed to him that I loved him.

Of course, he’s freaking out. I don’t blame him.

I made it home just in time to shower and walk to the gym to open it, and now I have class. I’m not feeling it today. I would much rather be at home, eating a pint of ice cream in my sweats, trying to figure out how I’m going to get my life on track, but here I am, smiling as people walk in for class.

“You going to take it easy on us today, Chloe?” Janet asks.

I shake my head. “You know I’m not. We’re going to sweat it out.”

Janet is smiling ear to ear and claps her hands together.

Just as class is about to start, Natalie walks in. I run over to give her a hug. Natalie is the owner of the gym, but since she had the baby, I hadn’t seen her much in here. “I’ve missed you around here.”

She pats her softly rounded stomach. “Yeah, I’m missing you and this place too, but the baby is keeping me pretty busy. Beau is home with him now, so I thought I’d get a class in.”

She hugs me again, and since I know we can catch up after class and people are waiting, I make my way to the front. “Okay, so let’s get started.” As we go through the warm-up, I give a brief description of what’s happening in class today. “So I need to work off some steam. I may get in more reps or a higher weight, but remember that you go at your own pace. The only thing you need to do today is move, that’s it. Now don’t get me wrong. I want you to push yourself, but know your limits.”

Everyone mimics my moves, and we’re halfway through the class when I start to feel a little funny. I count down an exercise and grab my bottle of water and take a big drink, but that doesn’t seem to help. I put one hand on the wall, but everything is spinning, and before I realize what is happening, I’m lying on the floor looking up at worried faces.

I try to get my eyes to focus, but I can’t. I can, however hear the conversation going on around me.

“She fainted.”

“Maybe she’s pregnant.”

“She needs a man for that.”

“She was making out with some guy in the street the other day.”

“Oh my God, she is pregnant.”

“Should we call 911?”

I hear Natalie’s calm voice. “All right, ladies, she’s probably overheated. Let’s give her some space.”

I feel cool air hit me in the face, and when I’m finally able to focus, I see Natalie, fanning me with her hand. “There she is. She’s coming around.”

She turns to the other women. “Okay, so class is over. I’m going to take Chloe to the office and have her sit down. I’ll make sure you get a free class added to your membership.”

Natalie helps me from the floor and with her arm around me walks me through the gym to the office. The women around me are all worried, and I try my best to assure them I’m fine.

As soon as I sit down, Natalie pulls up a chair and sits in front of me. “You okay?”

I nod, still feeling kind of out of it. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Well, that’s good. You scared the hell out of me. Did you eat this morning?”

I nod. “A protein bar and shake,” I tell her and leave out the part where I was having sex all night and was famished this morning.

She tilts her head, staring at me. “Any chance you’re pregnant?”

I shake my head no and then stop suddenly. “Uhhhhh.”

Natalie laughs, and I stare out the office window. It’s a one-way mirror, and I can see the women out there, but they can’t see me. Some of them are looking this way and whispering. Oh God, it’s going to be all over town I’m pregnant, and I don’t even know if I am or not. “I guess there is a chance… a few weeks ago…. No condom. Shit, and one time in the shower.”

I stutter out the words, but luckily Natalie doesn’t make me repeat it. “Okay, will you be all right by yourself for a bit?”

I grab onto her hand, suddenly not wanting to be by myself. Shit, what if I am pregnant? What am I going to do? Oh God, Elias is going to freak out. He didn’t handle it too well when I told him I loved him and now…

“It’s okay. I’m going to run to the pharmacy and grab a test. Easy peasy.”

I know my eyes are about to bulge out of my head. “No it’s too soon. I’m not… there’s no way.”

She laughs. My friend, my boss, laughs in my face. “Chloe, honey, when did you have your last period?”

I look at the calendar on the wall and try to calculate back. “Shit. I should have had it last week.”

I feel nauseous all of a sudden. “What if… oh my God… oh my God.”

Natalie brings me in for a hug and holds on to me. “It’s going to be okay. Let’s not worry about it until we’re sure. I’ll go get a test.” Before I can argue, she holds her hand up. “I had a baby a few months ago. No one is going to question me buying a pregnancy test. They’ll think it”s for me. Now will you be all right until I get back?”

“Y-es.” I stutter.

She nods her head. “Okay. Stay put. I’m going to tell them that you’re resting and not to disturb you.”

I watch her leave and she’s talking to the women outside as she goes. Once she’s gone, I move over to the couch and sit down as I freak out. What am I going to do? Elias is not going to be happy. Yeah, he said he wants kids, but he sure didn’t say he wanted them with me. I slap my hand to my forehead. And I told him I loved him.

By the time Natalie makes it back, I’m pacing a hole in the carpet of the office. I take the bag from her and start to ramble. “What am I going to do?”

She puts her hands on my shoulders and looks me straight in the eye. “Chloe, remember when I told Beau I wanted a divorce?”

I nod my head because even though I disagreed with her, I knew Beau loved her. “Yeah, I remember.”

She nods. “And until we got back together, you were with me, helping me, talking me down, the whole way. I’m going to do the same for you. You’ll get through this, and I’m here for you. Olivia, Abby… all of us, we’re here for you.”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay.”

She lifts the bag I’m holding. “So first step, let’s find out if you are indeed pregnant or not. Then we’ll go from there.”

“Right. Take the test.” I take the bag and disappear into the bathroom off the office. I follow the directions and stare at the stick as it sits on the counter. I can hear Natalie pacing back and forth, her phone ring, and then her talking.

“No, Beau, I’m not pregnant.”

“I was picking up a pregnancy test for a friend.”

Fuck, people are already talking about Natalie buying a pregnancy test.

She giggles. “Yes, we can surely talk about another baby.”

“Okay, I’ll see you when I get home.”

I tune out the rest of the conversation and stare at the stick. It’s barely been a minute, but the lines are already showing up. Two lines. I already read the package, and I know what two lines mean, but I’m reading the pamphlet again. Sure enough, there’s no doubt about it. The test says I’m pregnant.