18. Elias

In the aftermath,I feel a calm that I’m not used to feeling.

Chloe is curled up beside me, resting her head on my chest, and we’re both quiet as we recover. My mind, which is usually going a mile a minute, is clear and focused right now.

She has one leg over mine, and her arm is over my chest. She’s drawing shapes against my skin, and I wish I could stay in this moment forever. The only thing I’m thinking about is the woman in my arms and how I’m going to convince her I can be the man she needs.

She breaks the silence first. “Thanks for bringing me here. I know you didn’t want to, and I sort of forced your hand, but, well… thank you.”

Maybe it’s what we just shared, but there’s a vulnerability in the moment, and once I start, I keep going. “I should have brought you here sooner. It was never about you, Chloe. You have to know that. It’s me and my insecurities. I’ve been talking in therapy about it, and I’m trying to do better.”

“You’re going to therapy?” she asks, surprised.

“Yeah, well, up until a few weeks ago I would go and sit in her office and not say a thing. She didn’t care; she would sit right there with me and wait me out. You see, one of the conditions of working for Walker here is that you have to attend all the doctors’ visits and you have to participate in therapy.”

“I didn’t know that, but it sounds like a good idea. How is it going? I mean, therapy. Is it helping you?”

I take my time in answering. I honestly believe Chloe has done a lot to help me, but yeah, talking to Dr. Kline has helped too. “Yeah, it is. I’m working through it anyway. She says I can’t let my past hold me back from the future I want.”

She stutters over the words. “What… what do you want for a future?”

I don’t want to freak her out, but it’s good she knows. “You know… a wife, kids, and I’d like not to scare them to death when they look at me…”

I let my voice trail off, and Chloe doesn’t say anything. Her hand has stopped drawing circles on my chest, and I worry that I’ve said the wrong thing.

“Chloe….”

“Hmmm?” she answers groggily.

“This feels good… it feels right.”

She tenses for just a moment, and then her hand splays across my chest. “Yeah, it feels good, E.” She blows out a breath.

“I think we—”

“No promises, Elias. We talked about it. We’re having fun. I don’t expect anything else.”

“But—” I start, and she climbs on top of me, straddling my body. Everything I wanted to say goes out the window because Chloe is naked on top of me, smiling down at me.

I wrap my hands around her hips, sliding her down over my hardening cock. “Nope, none of that, mister.”

“Oh yeah? You got a better idea?”

She puts her hands on my chest. “I do. You trust me?”

I nod without even thinking about it. “Yeah, I trust you.”

“Okay. Lie still and no touching.”

I chuckle, and she bounces on my belly as I do. “Right? You’re naked… on top of me… and you think I’m not going to touch you?”

She grabs my hands and puts them on the bed on each side of me. She gives me a stern look. “Yep, you’re going to keep your hands right here.”

I clench my fingers around the sheets. “Fine. I’ll play your little game.”

As soon as I agree, she does the last thing I would expect. She leans up and kisses the scar on the side of my face. “I love looking at you, E. All of you.”

She slides her fingers across the scars on my chest, and I’m choked up a little. “You don’t have to—”

She stops me by kissing my lips and then leaning back to look at my eyes. “I want to. No matter how many ways I say it, you don’t believe me. I’m going to show you, Elias. I’m going to show you that even though your scars are part of you, they are not you. I love looking at you.”

My heart is beating so hard I’m sure she can hear it. I’m holding my breath as she touches, kisses, and tastes every part of my body. She doesn’t rush it and takes her time as she loves on every inch of me. My heart is racing, and emotions well up inside me. I’m not sure what to do with any of this, but I stay where I’m at, letting her love me.

When she gets to my thigh, I freeze up. There’s no debating how ugly it is because I literally have a chunk of my leg gone. The indention, the marred skin, it’s just ugly. But Chloe doesn’t hesitate. She kisses me, and even though I’m half numb there, I feel her kiss in a way that touches my very soul.

She’s trailing kisses along my thigh, and I look at her as a single tear rolls down her cheek.

I lean up on my elbows to watch her, and she continues to kiss me, trying to heal me and taking on a pain of her own. The game is over because this is the last thing I want. I pull her up until she’s lying over my body, and I hold her close. “Please don’t cry.”

She sniffs and looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I hate what you went through, Elias, but I wish I could convince you that the scars don’t matter to me. I love…”

I hold my breath waiting for her to continue.

“I love you just the way you are.”

Her eyes are wide and filled with love as she looks back at me. She’s completely vulnerable right now. She deserves a better man—a whole man—but I can’t imagine letting her go.

I shudder out a breath, stunned by what she just said to me but also because I can feel it. I can feel how much she loves me. I need to say it back. Hell, I want to say it to her more than I want my next breath, but I also know that when I do tell her how I feel, I need to be able to do it wholeheartedly and be able to keep my promises to her. I can’t half-ass this. She deserves more.

When I say nothing, she slides down my body. “I wasn’t done yet.”

She goes straight to my hard manhood, and when she takes me in her mouth, I lose my mind. My hand goes to the back of her head, and she moans, taking me deeper. “Fuck, Chloe.”

She takes me deeper, and I have to fight the urge to come already. Every muscle in my body is pulled taut. I have my head thrown back, eyes clinched closed, and I’m fighting not to come in her hot little mouth. I won’t last long like this, but the way she’s going, I don’t think she cares. When I can’t fight it any longer, I softly tug on her hair. “I’m going to come,” I warn her.

But she doesn’t care.

I explode then, and she takes every drop.

And me being the asshole I am, I miss the sadness on her face that wasn”t there before.