9. Chloe

I knewI couldn’t just have sex with Elias and be okay.

It was a week ago that he fucked me, and even though I cringe thinking of it, I know that’s what it was. It wasn’t making love. It wasn’t a proclamation of love. It was two people that wanted to have each other… it was fucking.

I suck in a ragged breath as I think about that night. Hell, he couldn’t even look me in the face when we did it.

I try to focus on the class of people in front of me. I need to do my job, but my thoughts keep straying back to Elias.

The next morning, I woke up and first wondered if I’d dreamed it, but as soon as I started to move, I knew it really happened. I felt the remnants of the night before in every muscle of my body. I was dumb to ask him to shower. He didn’t even take off his clothes for sex; he sure enough wasn’t going to take his clothes off to shower with me.

I cringe and shake my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. At least this is a toning class and it’s almost over. “All right, other side. Really stretch—you should feel it in your calves.”

I go into my spiel about the importance of stretching, focusing on the floor in front of me instead of facing the class. I told myself that I could handle a night with Elias, but not seeing him again is messing with me. I know I shouldn”t let it, but it is.

“All right, everyone. Let’s do one more. Stand up, lift your hands to the sky, and reach. Left side… really stretch. Hold for ten.” I count to ten. “And now the right side… really stretch and hold for ten.” I count to ten again, and when I’m done, I clap my hands together. “Great job, everyone. Have a good night.”

People start to break off in small groups and talk or catch up. I grab my towel and water bottle, hoping to make an escape before Ronnie gets to me. After our date, I told him we’d be better off as friends, but I don’t know if he’s in complete agreement with it because he’s still seeking me out every chance he gets.

I almost make it to my office when Ronnie calls my name. I’m exhausted, and even though I just want to go home, I turn with a smile on my face. None of this is his fault. I should have known better than to go on a date with someone that works out here. “Hey, Ronnie. What’s up?”

He stops in front of me. “Good class, Chloe.” I’m about to tell him thanks, but he continues. “I just wanted to check on you. You look a bit tired or out of sorts.”

I purse my lips. Did he really just say I look tired?

A few women from class pass by and wave, and I holler bye to them. “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of classes this week. I’m looking forward to going home and getting some rest.”

I start walking through the gym, turning off machines and shutting things down, hoping he gets the hint, but he just follows around behind me. When I get to the big bay windows at the front of the gym, I’m flipping the open sign to closed when I see Elias across the street.

He’s in another sweatshirt with the hood over his head, but I can still feel his eyes on me. My heart does a little flip, and I just stand here and stare at him, happy that he showed up.

“Everything okay?”

I turn to look at Ronnie. “Yep, I’m good. I’m going to get out of here. I’ll see you in class—”

He cuts me off. “I can walk you home.”

I point my thumb outside. “Actually, my friend is outside waiting on me.”

Ronnie peeks around me, and I know the instant he sees Elias because he frowns and shakes his head. “You’re better than this, Chloe.”

My mouth drops. Is he serious right now? I’m not going to correct him and tell him that Elias and I are not together. “He’s a hero, Ronnie. He’s better than all of us.” I walk over to the front door and hold it open. “I need to lock up.”

He is about to walk by me and stops. “Chloe, listen…”

I shake my head and look him right in the eye before cutting him off. “I’ll see you in class.”

He lets out a breath and walks out of the gym. I take a peek outside, and Elias has walked across the street and is standing by the door now. I grab my purse and walk out, locking the door on my way out. “Hey,” I say breathlessly.

He nods, looking even grumpier than usual. “Can we talk?”

Oh God, this is where he says he’s leaving or he tries to convince me that the other night was a mistake. I’m not ready for this conversation, but I pull myself together enough to ask him. “You want to go inside? Or to my house?”

“Your house, if it’s okay.”

I nod and start walking down the sidewalk toward my house. His stride is longer than mine, but he slows down to stay next to me.

Neither of us says anything on the walk, and unlike the other night, this is awkward and emotionally exhausting. The whole time I’m freaking out, wondering what he’s going to say to me.

When we get to the walkway of my house, he points at the porch. “Can we talk out here?”

I almost falter on my feet. Hell, he doesn’t even want to be alone with me inside. This is not going to go well, and I brace myself for what’s to come. “Sure.”

I sit down on the stoop of my porch, and he sits down next to me. He’s not looking at me. Instead, he’s looking at the big oak tree in the front yard, and he seems completely fixated on it.

I wrap my arms around my legs and settle my chin on my knee as I wait for him to start talking.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, Chloe.”

I hold my breath and wait for him to continue. Is he apologizing for the other night? For five years ago? Or all the time in between?

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry that I left here five years ago and never called you or wrote you.”

I hold my legs a little tighter, afraid to move. I’m waiting for relief to set in. He’s finally apologizing, but it doesn’t feel the way I thought it would feel. I turn my head to look at him, and even though he’s not looking at me, there’s so much anguish on his face, and I feel the need to give him an out. It pains me to say it, but I murmur the words that I’ve tried to convince myself of the last five years. “It was one night. I was a fool to believe it was anything more.”

He finally turns to look at me. “It was more than that, and you know it, Chloe. I fucked up.”

He grits out the words, and I know he feels what he’s saying. I don’t know why I’m giving him outs and making excuses for him. “You didn’t fuck up. It was one night, and in the heat of it, you made promises.”

He nods. “Yeah, promises I intended to keep.”

I throw a hand up. “Okay, so what happened? You left and never thought of me again. What happened?”

He turns and sits facing me fully now. “You know that’s not true. I don’t know how you knew about the picture I carry of you, but you saw it. You know I’ve thought about you. I’ve thought about you every damn day since the day I met you.”

He rams his hand through his hair and pushes the hood off his head. “I went on a mission, Chloe. The day I left here, that’s what I was doing. I didn’t have a choice. It was a mission I couldn’t turn down and not just because I didn’t want to disappoint my boss or anything. I had to go because people would die if I didn’t.”

I bite my lip and stare at him wide-eyed. I knew he was in the military and he worked for Walker sometimes. And everyone knows Walker has mercenaries that help people. I don’t want to know, but at the same time, I have to. “What happened?”

“It was in Afghanistan, and it was supposed to be routine. In and out.”

I almost reach for him but stop myself. “And what happened?”

“You don’t need all the details. You don’t need to have those images in your head, but I was hurt, and I almost died. I was in rehab for two years.”

I swear my heart stops beating, and I gasp. “You were hurt? Five years ago? Why didn’t anyone call me… why didn’t you call me?”

He rolls his eyes and spits the words out. “Right, I was not going to put that on you. It was hell, Chloe, and I wasn’t bringing you anywhere near it.”

“But…”I start, and he’s quick to respond.

“I couldn’t call you like that. I was barely conscious, and even though I said your name over and over in the hospital bed, thankfully no one knew who you were to contact you.”

I gasp, knowing that he wanted me with him and I wasn’t there for him. I knew that one night with him meant something, but after five years, I’d convinced myself that I was a fool. “It was five years ago, Elias. I understand maybe why you wouldn’t call me right away, but what about after? Why didn’t you call me when you were better?”

He blows out a breath, and he’s back to looking at that damn oak tree in my yard. “My life was shit. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to work again, and even when I did start working, I had a lot of catching up to do. I worked my ass off for a year to get my shit together. I had a plan to get a job, get a house here in Whiskey Run, and make it to where you couldn’t refuse me. I was going to do what I had to do make things right.”

I throw a hand up in the air. “Well, what happened? Is this it? Where you followed me around and then refused to talk to me? Was that your way of trying to get back with me?”

I’m so confused I can’t make heads or tails of it all.

His head is in his hands with his eyes closed. I take the time to really look at him, and seeing the scar that goes from his hairline down his cheek makes me sick to my stomach knowing he was hurt. His voice is strained and gravelly. “It took me a while to get a job, but Walker eventually took me on full-time on his Ghost team. I was getting into the groove, saving money and finally able to support myself. I had a trip planned here after the next mission I had.”

He sucks in a breath and goes silent. Damn, I know this isn’t good.

“What happened?”

He whispers, “A bomb.”

I clench my hands together. It’s either that or I’m going to hold on to him and cry until I can’t cry anymore. “I’m going to need more information than that.”

He opens his mouth to talk and then closes it. He does the same thing again, and I reach for him without even thinking about it. I thread our fingers together and squeeze his hand. “Talk to me, Elias.”

He pulls our hands to his chest and holds them there. “A bomb. It was ugly, and to this day, I can remember everything about that day. Everything. I try to forget it and push it out of my mind… my thoughts, but every day it’s there.” He sucks in a breath and lets it out. “There was a bomb. Randall died. Davis hurt his leg, Kanan’s arm, Jason’s eyes…”

When his voice trails off, I scoot closer to him. “And you?”

He looks over at me and lifts his chin. “I was hit with shrapnel. It could have been a lot worse, but I have scars, Chloe. Scars that cover most of my body… my face… everywhere.”

My voice is so thick with emotion. “But you’re alive.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You always look on the bright side. Yeah, I’m alive to scare women and small children.”

“Elias,” I admonish. “You’re not scary.”