34. Lust

34

Lust

Saint

There's something about the smell of blood.

It's honest.

There's no more pretending I haven't crossed a line. No more pretending this isn't who I am.

Kole. Saint.

It's all the same— it's all me .

Shrapnel ripped pieces out when I was younger. And after enough conditioning, I stopped trying to heal the wounds. I let them bleed out, accepting the emptiness I was left with.

That's why I appreciate Sigma Sin's initiation rituals. They're a way to let out the sickness in a way the House deems acceptable. It's why this basement is my safe space, even as the initiates stand nervously in front of us .

I drag my knife down Jase's chest, and blood spills from the wound. But it's nothing like when I carved my mark into Violet's wrist.

No beauty.

No purity.

All he does is leak sin like me.

"Congratulations." I pull back. "You passed."

Jase is a new initiate, and this is his first trophy, but it won't be his last. He's tougher than most who have pledged in the past couple of years. And the fact that he got through his test so quickly is proof we're going to have to find a way to make him really work for the next few.

Blood leaks from the fresh gash in his chest, but he lets it drip. He doesn't so much as groan or flinch from the wound.

It's why he belongs here. He understands our bodies mean nothing. We mean nothing . And therefore, pain means nothing.

"You can leave," Declan says to Jase, and Marco guides him out.

I watch him go and wish I could follow him to find Violet. There's no place I'd rather be than with her. Between her legs, bending her over. Fucking every hole until she can't even scream.

She'd writhe around me and remind me that I've been numb my entire life. But with her, I'm a raw nerve feeling everything.

Her vines wrap around every bone, and her thorns carve out notches for her to live. She can bury herself inside me and feed on my heartbeats like leaves do sunlight.

Whatever I feel for Violet is so big I can't contain it. I can't define it. The moment I'm done here, I'm going to find her so I can feed into it.

The door shuts behind Jase, and Marco makes his way back over to Asher's side across the room. Declan stands beside me with Zane, our second initiate, in front of us. He doesn't move as he watches us, waiting for his punishment.

Unlike Jase, he didn't pass his test.

Worse, he made a mockery of the House.

Zane isn't the first person to fail their first trial, and usually, we kick them out peacefully—considering the trials themselves are torture. But Zane tried to weasel his way out of the truth, so this won't be pretty.

The only thing worse than someone who fails is someone who thinks they'll get away with lying to us about it.

Sigma Sin sees everything. I'd know. I handle all the surveillance.

Zane's first trial was lust—one that's usually the third or fourth for initiates. It means different things to every person. Sex, abundance, power. An intense desire for something—anything.

In Violet's case, lust is her obsession with darkness. She craves things she might not be able to handle. And if she hadn't found me to help her unleash that, it could have been the end of her.

But in Zane's case, lust represents something very different .

Before he came to Briar, there were rumors circulating in his hometown that he assaulted a few girls on the cheerleading squad. And while Sigma Sin doesn't have much of a moral compass, if there's a chance a member of Sigma Sin might do something that would hurt the credibility of the House, it needs to be weeded out early to make sure it doesn't.

Which is why we strategically planned out Zane's first test.

Zane's smart and cocky. He's the football captain and has gotten away with everything he's done up to this point because of his family's money. He probably figured that was enough for us as well.

It isn't.

Everyone here has family wealth and influence. What's valued are secrets, and Zane led us right to the heart of his.

"You fucked up," Declan says, circling Zane.

He stops beside him and grabs his shoulders, shoving him to sit in the chair in the center of the room.

"I fucked my girlfriend. What's the big deal? She wouldn't have said anything."

Declan chuckles as I walk over to the table, setting down the knife and trading it for bolt cutters.

"No one cares if you fuck your girlfriend, Zane. The issue is when ." Declan pats him on the shoulder. "Any other year, you could have fucked her all you wanted. Her. Her friends. Some slut at a party. No one would give a shit. But you knew the rules we laid out for you, and it was pretty fucking clear. No sex. "

"What does my being celibate have to do with anything?" Zane laughs, not realizing he's proving our point further by asking that question.

Not all the trials are transparent, but this one should be obvious, even for an airhead like him.

"It's just a fucking trial." Zane shrugs.

I turn to face him with the bolt cutters at my side. "That comment right there is why you fucking your girlfriend is the least of our concerns."

Not only that, but it's also pathetic.

Thirty days is nothing like the yearlong term the House inflicted on me with Violet. Most trials aren't nearly that long, but given I passed the first six easily and it was my final one, they wanted to be sure I was committed before handing me my legacy.

Zane couldn't make it three weeks.

Not for himself.

Not for the House.

To him, it's just sex with his girlfriend, but to us, he's revealed his lack of self-control. A quality that will fall back on the House eventually when it's clear he doesn't understand loyalty.

If it were just me and him in this room, I'd be tempted to do worse than I will. There's nothing more disgusting than lying, backstabbing pieces of shit.

"Fine, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was this big of an issue. I'll start over. I'll pass this time." Zane's bargaining now, panicking as I approach with the bolt cutters in hand.

"That's not how this works." I shake my head .

Marco and Asher move to either side, holding his arms down while Declan takes the spot behind him.

Declan has one of his favorite chains, wrapping it around Zane's neck to secure him in place while Marco and Asher hold his arms down.

"Take from the House, and we take from you." I stop in front of Zane, and Asher peels one of his fingers from the chair to hold it up for me.

Wrapping the bolt cutters around it, I snap his finger off at the first knuckle, and the entire room echoes with his scream.

It's satisfying to the point where I'd like to clip off a few more. I'd like to cut him piece by piece from his fingers to his limbs. Chop him up just to show him what a disloyal piece of shit he is.

Marco, Asher, and Declan release him, and he grabs his hand. He's screaming and bleeding all over himself.

"Asshole." Zane's dark eyes fill with rage.

"That's us taking it easy. Repeat this to anyone, and you'll lose the part I'd much rather be cutting off right now." My gaze moves down to between his legs, and his whole body tenses. "I'm sure half the female population at your high school would thank me for it."

"Take him to the hospital," Declan says to Marco and Asher. "It looks like he accidentally lost a finger trying to fix something."

Zane's still screaming as Marco and Asher lead him from the basement. He'll hate us for what happened in this room but won't say shit about what we've done. Sigma House has our reputation for a reason. We don't make empty threats.

The door closes behind Marco and Asher, leaving Declan and me in silence.

"Feels like a fucking waste." Declan stops at my side, still holding the chain. "It's so much more fun when they fail out after three or four."

I glance over at him, and I can only imagine what Declan's picturing. Sometimes, I think the only reason Declan fits in around here is because Sigma House gives him an outlet for his sadistic tendencies.

"You're sick."

He shrugs. "You're no better."

Walking back over to the table, I set the bloody bolt cutters down. "So, how'd the search go?"

I lured Brax out of the house today so Declan could dig through Liam's room. He had a few hours to tear things apart to see if he could find any evidence of what Liam was up to or who he thought was betraying Sigma House.

"There was nothing life-altering at first." Declan walks to the far wall and hangs his chain up. "You know Liam. Textbooks, sports bets, porn. Did you know he had a thing for pegging? Would explain a lot of shit."

"You're getting off topic."

"You're no fun." Declan chuckles. "I did find one thing that was interesting: a shitload of research on Violet."

"Violet?"

Liam didn't give a shit about her. She was a trial and a virgin. Nothing about her interested him except for the fact that he could use her to torture me .

"Why was he looking into her?"

"Don't know. It was just random notes." Declan stops at the table. "Things about her mom, where she was born, where she works. Boring shit. Guess you weren't the only one obsessed."

Except, I don't think obsession is what was driving him.

Liam didn't like Violet, especially at the end when he found out she was talking to another guy on the Dark Desires app. If he was looking into her, it wasn't because he was interested in her; it had to be something else.

Up until now, I assumed Violet was an easy target since she was his girlfriend, and she pissed him off. But what if he didn't just need any girl that night in the forest? What if his revenge required someone specific?

It had to be her .

"Liam didn't like Violet. He wasn't obsessed."

"So you think she's tied to the traitor he was talking about?" Declan asks.

"I didn't." Now, I don't know what the fuck was going on.

"All right. Well, I'll keep digging, but either way, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You got rid of his body, right?"

"Of course." Chopped it, burned it, buried it. "I'm not a fucking idiot."

"And his car?"

"Bottom of Rochester Lake."

After drugging Violet that night in the woods, I carried her to the Petersons' cabin, where my car was parked. People were so drunk they didn't notice the unconscious girl in my arms.

I brought her home, then I came back to deal with Liam.

There's a reason he chose that particular road to the Petersons' cabin when the direct route would have only taken forty minutes. No one goes that way, so when I returned, the scene was exactly how I left it.

I got rid of the body first, then the car. I took my time to make sure that even if they found his bones, there wouldn't be anything tying me to him.

Liam isn't like Nixon, an orphan. People care to look for him and have the money to do it. They'll find his car eventually, and maybe even a clue or two. But they won't find proof of what I did.

Not that proof is my issue. Anyone who matters in this town won't want to try this case in court. Sigma House has better ways of handing down justice.

If the council members decide I killed him, I'll pay whether there's strong enough evidence or not. Which is why I was careful.

"Brax meets with the family lawyer in the morning. We'll look again," I tell him. "We need to make sure we aren't missing anything. If Liam was looking into Violet's past, there has to be a reason. We need to figure out what that is and if it will help us. Or, at the very least, make sure there aren't any loose ends."

"And Violet?"

"I'll take care of her."

A dark smirk climbs his cheeks. "I'm sure you will."