25. Jasper

Chapter twenty-five

Jasper

R eina is curled in my arms when I wake. She's gripping my wrist as my hand splays over her belly. Her shoulder is warm against my lips and nose. I want to kiss her, but the feelings from last night return before I can make that mistake.

She asked me to marry her—the selkie equivalent of a mate bond—so why aren't I happy? I want her to be my wife, my mate. Just not like this. Not like a payment.

A transaction .

I could practically hear her mind whirring away last night, the royal scheming as she considered what would come after usurping her mother. She wants to use me and my family to control the seas and prevent Wolfsheim or Seter from disrupting her reign. I would protect her anyway— always —it just feels so disingenuous this way.

I'm trading Vansen's cage for hers.

I want her to want me , not my power and my people.

Men outside the tent cough and spit their morning phlegm as they rise for an early departure. I want to keep holding Reina, keep pretending that this is all there is, just the two of us on the road.

"Promise me," my mother's voice echoes through my mind in a begging scream.

"Princess," I say, squeezing Reina a little tighter. "It's time to wake up."

"No," she mumbles groggily and pulls on my arms, keeping them wrapped around her.

Gods, can't I just live in this moment?

"We have to if we want to stay with the caravan," I say gently. "It's safer with them."

She moans. "My body hurts."

I shift the covers and immediately smell blood. Fuck, she's actually hurt. I throw the blanket all the way back.

Reina yelps, curling in on herself. "No need to be so rude!"

I scour her body for marks. "Where are you cut?"

She scowls. "I'm not cut. My body just aches from carrying the pack and walking so much."

"I can smell your blood," I say, rolling her onto her back and inspecting her more closely.

Suddenly she goes pale and crosses her legs. "I'm not hurt…Go away!"

She rolls to the side to escape me, but I grab her wrist and pin her back down as feral panic swims through my mind. "Where, Reina?"

"Stop, let go!" She kicks and squirms.

The half of my mind that knows I might be hurting her even more is too quiet beneath the primal selkie fear. "Show me!"

"I'm having my monthly bleed!" she screams and something about the frustration in her eyes makes me stop. We both fall quiet, panting as we stare at one another until I slowly release her.

Someone outside chuckles and mumbles about a bad morning.

Reina groans and flops down onto the bedding. "Wonderful, now everyone knows."

My mate bleeds monthly for some reason, and she's used to it…More than that, she's embarrassed about it. I don't want to look like an absolute idiot, but I need to understand why. This wasn't one of the important Man-things Meianha taught me.

"I don't understand. Is it normal for you to bleed monthly?"

"Gods, why…" She covers her face. "Yes, it's normal for all women of breeding age."

"Are you going to bleed every month?"

"Until I'm with child, yes."

The words turn my stomach into a whirlpool of confusion and yearning.

"You'll attract predators" is all I can manage.

She growls and throws her hands down on the bedding. "It's not as if I want to be bleeding."

"I didn't mean—"

"Just go away, for Zephrom's sake!" She throws a shoe too fast for me to dodge and it cracks me on the nose.

"Fuck! I'm going," I groan painfully as I grab my boots.

"If you want to be useful, bring me water and a cloth to clean up so I attract fewer predators," she sneers.

With her marriage proposal last night, I know she won't try to escape me now, yet I still don't want to leave her. What if someone else comes to take her?

"You'll give anyone who comes through that flap a face full of fire, yes?" I ask.

She glares at me with simmering rage. "Yourself included if you don't leave now ."

I sigh and stuff my feet into my boots. "I'll return shortly."

When I emerge from the tent and the smell of Reina's blood leaves my senses, I can think clearly again.

A monthly bleed which means she's not pregnant. Perhaps my Heat was reacting to her being fertile? I know the mating and child-rearing of Men is different from selkies, but monthly opportunities to conceive a child is unbelievable.

A man pats me on the shoulder as he passes. "C'mere, my wife's got something for yours."

The hairs raise on the back of my neck and my fangs descend as I eye the man. He might be trying to lure me away and distract me. Reina curses in frustration and the need to help her overcomes my trepidation.

I follow the man through the mismatched tents, some tall enough to stand all the way up inside of, some so low to the ground I wonder how the occupant even got in. There are canvas coverings of tan, blue, grey, yellow, and green. Some are faded, and some so worn they're barely doing their job anymore. It seems many of these merchants have been traveling with the same gear for decades.

The man stops at a well-cared-for tent that's lighter tan at the top and darker near the bottom.

He turns to me and holds up a hand. "Wait here."

I glance over my shoulder and find our tent in the bunch, then nod at the man.

He says something in a hushed tone and a woman replies. "It's right over there."

The man emerges a moment later with a strip of bloodstained cloth fastened with four strings. His cheeks bloom with red as he holds it out to me. "This'll at least keep things from…getting everywhere."

I reach out to take it, then lean in and whisper, "Will she know how to use this?"

He scrunches up his face and nods. "Likely. If not, you can bring her over here."

I give him my thanks and then go to the center of camp. Someone has boiled water from the nearby river and I take a small cup of it with me back to the tent.

"It's me," I say from outside, fearing for my hair and eyebrows.

"I'm decent enough," she says and I slip inside.

Her face is red, and her lashes are stuck together. Teardrops stain the bedding in front of her. My heart lurches into my throat at the thought of making her cry.

"A man around camp said you would know how to use this," I say, holding out the… thing.

Reina looks up at it and her eyes glisten with fresh tears. Her expression screws up and she buries her face in her hands as she begins to sob. I drop to my knees in front of her and set the cup of water aside so that I can hold her.

She folds into my arms. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled…or thrown my boot. I know you're just trying to help me."

My heart cracks open. "I don't understand what's happening, but you don't need to be embarrassed. You can ask me for whatever you need, and I'll try my best to get it."

She keeps crying and my body aches to move, to do something to fix her tears. But there's nothing to do. I must keep holding her until she directs me.

After a while, she sniffles and looks up at me. "I'm hungry."

Finally, something I can do . I hand her the… thing , and turn to my bag. Inside is more bread, cheese, and water.

"It's not what a princess is used to eating, but it's what I can offer right now," I say, holding the measly meal out to her.

She grabs the bread with both hands and nibbles on it as silent tears slip down her cheeks. I want to reverse time and make them return to her.

"What else can I do?" I ask, desperate for directions.

She picks up another piece of bread. "Eat too."

I take the slice from her hand and shove it all in my mouth, chewing mechanically before swallowing.

She laughs, hiding her smile behind her food. "You didn't have to eat it like that."

The sound of her joy makes me crave it even more. "What else?"

She nibbles her lower lip. "I need to clean up before we leave, but I know we need to pack the tent, our gear, and—"

"I'll do everything. Just take care of yourself."

Her eyes well with tears again and I tuck her against my chest. "Don't cry, please."

"But you're being so nice to me," she says, her voice warbling.

I chuckle. "Haven't I always been?"

"Not like this ," she says, and it strikes something in me.

"Well, you're my wife. I have to take care of you and be nice to you."

"I've seen husbands who hurt their wives," she whispers.

"Who? I'll help you set them straight," I say.

"Alyse's husband, the prince of Wolfsheim. He…he hit her. I wanted to hurt him. And then, he killed her the night of her wedding," she barely gets out before devolving into sobs.

Again, I'm reduced to ash, holding onto a crying sun and wishing she would shine bright.

Juuren, how do I comfort her? Please, show me the way to ease her suffering.

"She's not dead," I say, and I don't know why, but it feels true.

Reina sobs harder, her hands groping for purchase against the back of my shirt.

"She's not dead. I know when we last saw her it looked that way, but I can feel it. It's truth. She's not gone."

She sniffles and looks up. "Is this more selkie magic?"

"Yes," I say without hesitation, though it's a lie.

Even if her sister is gone, I need her to be whole and functional. She needs it, too. If we're both to complete our goals, we have to believe there's something to live for.

She loves her sister, her family.

I love mine, too.

And I believe they're all alive.