Chapter 37

CHAPTER 37

KAYDEN

" A nd nothing that happens between us is going to affect our play," Maddox insisted. "We're committed to this team and to winning. All in."

Coach Banning said nothing in response. I gripped Maddox's hand tighter.

"We aren't planning on coming out, though. Or, at least, not yet," I stated. "But we're worried that Axel might start talking about us. And that if he does, and rumors start, it might force our hand. He's pissed."

Banning raised one eyebrow. "Axel can raise his concerns with me privately. But he doesn't have a right to out anyone. Might be a good idea to speak to an LGBTQ rep here on campus."

"It's not only our team; it's the hockey world in general that's not accepting," Maddox looked at me and then back at Coach. "Even if Kayden and I weren't together, I don't know for sure that I'd want to come out."

Banning sighed and leaned forward. "I played in the league for five years, and I knew a couple of guys who were queer but kept it hidden. They waited until they retired to come out. It's not right, it's not fair, but unfortunately, change in the hockey community is slow," he paused. "Back to the here and now, moving forward, we go on as is. But if there are any issues, you need to tell me. We can't have your relationship affecting our season. Not when we're so close to our goal. I need all your efforts focused on the ice. Got it?"

"Yes, Coach," Maddox and I said at the same time.

"Good, now get out of my office."

A sudden knock at the door had Maddox and I letting go of each other's hand.

"Come in!" Coach yelled out.

The door opened and Axel looked surprised to see us. Like he didn't think we were going to take his threat seriously? Asshole.

"I can come back later—" Axel started.

"No, I don't have time later," Coach barked. "Get in here and close the door. Let's get this over with."

There were no empty seats in the office, so once Axel shut the door, he moved to stand beside me.

Banning steepled his hands.

"Maddox and Kayden told me about what happened. For everyone's reference, the team is status quo. That means whenever any of you—" he paused and glared at Axel. "And I mean any of you, step onto the rink, any rink, wearing the Sutton Cougars uniform, you're all teammates and focused on playing the best game you can. Off the ice, what you do is your business. And only your business. Are we clear?"

Maddox and I quickly nodded, and Axel too.

"We all have too much at stake at this point in the season. Keep in mind that scouts will be attending games and taking notes. Play hard, stick to your job, and do what you do best out there. Save your personal shit for personal time. That's all."

Axel headed for the door first, with Maddox and I following.

"And one more thing," Banning added. We turned to face him. "You guys are some of the most talented players I've ever had the privilege of coaching at this level. I don't say that lightly. And I don't want to see any of you achieve anything less than greatness."

I felt calmer, but I wasn't sure how Maddox was doing. Or what Axel was going to say. Not until we left Banning's office.

"Look, maybe I overreacted a bit—" Axel started.

"You think?" Maddox snapped and took off down the hallway.

I turned to Axel.

"We were planning on telling Coach. We're not stupid," I whispered.

"I didn't say that you—" Axel raised up his hands. "Look, I don't want anything to fuck up this season. You don't know the kind of pressure I'm under."

"We're all under it. All of us. I'm on scholarship, and I struggle with my classes because I have dyslexia," I blurted out. "What do you think I'm going through every day?"

Axel stared at me and slumped back against the wall.

"Sorry," he muttered and shook his head. "I had no idea."

"That's what happens when you make a judgment about something you know nothing about," I replied. "Maddox and I take hockey as seriously as you do. Nothing gets in the way of it. You've seen us play. Trust in that."

I didn't have anything left to say to Axel. I stalked off in search of Maddox, who was now out of sight.

Probably halfway to the dorm by now…

I made my way down the long hallway and through the front doors, and when I stepped outside, I found him standing on the steps, staring at his phone.

"I've had enough drama for one day," I sighed. "Let's go back to the dorm and study. I've got an essay coming up, and I'm nervous as fuck."

Maddox looked up at me.

"I got a message from Daniel. He's driving down here tonight. He'll be at the game tomorrow."

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "We need all the support we can get."

I went to hug him and then realized where we were standing. Putting my hands back in my pockets, I stared at him.

Maddox didn't say anything. He stood there, head down.

"Are you okay? Aren't you stoked he'll be here to watch you play?"

"I am." Maddox looked up at me. "But, also, surprised. That he'd do that. For me."

"Well, he is your foster family."

"Was. But that doesn't mean he has to come see me now."

We started down the stairs and walked along the pathway.

"Obviously, you mean a lot to him."

Maddox's cheeks flushed as he nodded.

"I wasn't exactly the easiest kid to deal with," Maddox admitted. "But he's been more like a dad to me than my own. And I…I don't want to let him down, you know? There's only a handful of people whose opinions I care about. And Daniel's one of them."

"I can't wait to meet him."

Maddox didn't respond at first. Shit, did he not want me to meet Daniel?

"I told him," Maddox finally replied. "About you. About us."

He didn't say anything else and he didn't have to. I realized what it meant. And how much I meant to Maddox.

When we arrived at the dorm, we headed straight to his room. Once inside, we dropped our bags and tossed our jackets off. I sat in his chair, beckoning him to sit on my lap.

Maddox put his arms around my neck, sliding in nice and tight. Nothing between us. I cupped his face, running my thumb along his lips, across his cheekbone.

"So, you told Daniel we're together. Does this mean you more than like me?" I asked, pulling him in close, teasing his mouth with a soft kiss.

A loud moan rumbled out of his chest. It had me pulling him in even tighter.

"Like isn't the right word, Kay," he confessed, taking my lips in a claiming kiss. "I'm sure you've already figured me out. My feelings are never in the middle. All or nothing. Even though I might not say it or show it, you've gotta know that you're all of it. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Maddox didn't need to say the words. I doubted he might ever say them. But looking up at his steely blues, I didn't see lust. I saw the truth staring right back at me.

"Yes," I whispered. "I've fallen so hard for you, Mad. It's like the first time I stepped foot on the ice. My legs are wobbly, my knees are weak, and I'm scared I'm going to get hurt. But it's still the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me."

Maddox gave me a smile I'd never seen before. One that literally took my breath away.

We didn't just fuck that night. There was love there, too.

Maddox – later that night

Kayden was out cold beside me, intermittently snoring and talking in his sleep. I'd say he was adorable, but thinking the word, never mind saying it, had me shaking my head at myself.

Despite—or maybe because of—the most intense sex we'd ever had, I was too amped up to join him in dreamland. Overloaded with emotions I wasn't prepared for. I thought after what I went through with my dad that I'd be able to face anything.

Turns out, I wasn't prepared to fall in love with Kayden.

I'd gotten so used to holding everyone at arm's length, and holding everything inside, that speaking sometimes was near painful. And unleashing my deepest feelings? Forget about it. But as I stared at Kayden, I knew that somehow, little by little, the words were going to come. I didn't know when. I didn't know how. But one day, I'd be ready. I could only hope Kayden would be patient enough to wait for me.

"What's wrong?"

Kayden's sleep-roughened voice rolled distracted me from my thoughts.

"Nothing," I replied. "Go back to sleep."

"No. Something's bothering you. I can tell."

"What are you, a mind reader?"

"No. I'm attuned to the many, many moods of my Maddox," he chuckled.

I slid back down beside him and tucked my face into his neck, taking a deep inhale, my unsettled heart still beating erratically.

"Don't give up on me, alright?" I whispered.

He hugged me tightly. I kissed his neck, then made my way up to his jaw, until he turned his head and our lips met.

"I didn't. And, I won't."