Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

KAYDEN

I had no oxygen left after spewing out that mouthful without pause.

Jackson and Dane stared at me, eyes wide, mouths open.

"Hello?" I asked. "Did you hear me? Please don't make me repeat all that."

Jackson ran a hand through his hair and looked at his boyfriend. Dane shook his head and turned to me.

"I was not expecting that," Dane muttered as he took a sip of his drink. "Um. I need a moment to process."

"I can't blame you, Kay." Jackson smiled at me. "The guy's smoking hot. Even with that angry attitude. Or maybe that's it. Yeah. The bad boy vibes are so?—"

"So what?" Dane bit out.

Jackson laughed and leaned over, kissing Dane. "Intriguing."

"Intriguing?"

"But not as much as you, babe."

Dane cupped Jackson's face and kissed him back. It was brief but hell, they were hot together. Why hadn't I noticed that before? I pulled at my shirt and took another sip of my soda.

"Uh, guys?" I asked.

"Sorry." Dane turned to me. "Okay. First off, it's not unusual to get a hard on after a workout, right?"

"Yeah, but I was thinking about him before he got there. And then he was there, and I couldn't stop staring at his biteable ass, and—" Shit. "Did I say ‘ biteable ass ' out loud?"

Jackson and Dane nodded.

"And then when I got home, I was, you know, thinking about him when I jerked off. Like, imagining stuff we were doing. Together. In detail."

"And this is the first time you've reacted like that to a guy?" Jackson asked.

"Yes. No. I mean, yes. I think. Okay, I've noticed hot guys, but I didn't imagine myself with them. And I've got limited experience with sex in general. I've only made out with a handful of women."

"It sounds like it's time for research," Dane offered.

"Research?" I asked.

"He means porn," Jackson added.

"Like you and your first day here?" I teased. "When we caught you mid-jerk?"

"Yes. But be smarter than me and use your ear pods and, most important, lock the door," Jackson chuckled. "I can send you the link to my and Dane's favorite site. See what you like, don't like, what turns you on. If it turns you on. After that, you'll know if you're ready for more…personal exploration."

Like touching an actual guy? But the only guy I wanted to touch was Maddox, and he'd probably bite my hand off.

"I guess that's a good plan. But I'm worried. It's a lot to deal with. Like, I've got enough on my plate with hockey, classes, and volunteering. And now my sexuality, too?"

"You don't need to figure out it right this second, Kay. This week, this month, or even this year. Take your time," Dane encouraged.

I nodded, slightly less panicked. "True. And maybe I'm concerned about nothing. Maybe I'm having a reaction to stress? I've never felt so frustrated before. I've also never met anyone who's as prickly as Maddox. But also, I want to know why. He's dealing with something big. I don't know what, but something. The guy needs a hug, or a shoulder, or a friend? I don't fucking know. Why do I need to know?"

Jackson reached out and patted my leg. "Because you're sweet, Kay. You want to help people. But be careful. If you're right about Maddox, he might be more trouble than you can handle."

My mind was running so fast that I didn't know what to think. But Jackson had a point. One thing at a time.

"Well, I'll let you guys get back to studying," I replied and got up. "Thanks for the Coke, and the talk. I feel better. First, I have an apology to make to Maddox."

My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out. It was an email notification. The results of my essay were in. Sixty-five, barely a passing grade.

"Shit."

"What's wrong?" Dane asked.

"I got sixty-five on that economics essay. I'm so fucked."

Dane got up and gripped my shoulder. "The semester's not over. How much does it count toward your final grade?"

"Only ten percent, but still."

"Maybe if you clear things up with Maddox, he can help you out?" Jackson added.

"Maybe. Anyway, thanks again. I'll catch you guys later."

I headed for the door and made my way back to my room.

My phone pinged again. And again. One was a message from Jackson with the porn link. Oh man, I had to leave that until later or I'd get no studying done at all. The second was a reminder from Coach about Thursday practice and our home game on Saturday. The third was a confirmation for my official tutoring session on Friday. More work.

My mind wouldn't settle, and I didn't know what to do first. That was always a challenge for me. Starting ten things and finishing none of them.

But there was one thing I wanted done.

Kayden: Can we meet up?

I didn't count on Maddox replying to me, but I hoped. And surprisingly, a minute later, he responded.

Maddox: If I say no, are you going to keep hounding me?

Kayden: Yes

Maddox: When and where?

Kayden: Library, second floor, one hour

Maddox: K

Maddox

I was only here for Kayden's apology. At least, I assumed that's what he was up to. Once that was done, I was gone.

Bad enough I couldn't stop thinking about that wank session in the shower, or what had inspired it. For the first time in a long time, I needed someone to talk to. But not my therapist. I didn't feel like getting analyzed. I just wanted another opinion about this situation. So, I texted Daniel. My former coach was the only person I trusted. Outside of my mom. But I could only talk to her in my dreams.

Daniel was the reason I was here, and yet I'd barely called or texted since I arrived. Guilt gnawed at my gut. Another example of me being a shit person. A shit friend. Which is why it was better that I had none.

Maddox: Something's come up at school and I'm not sure what to make of it.

A few seconds later, Daniel replied.

Daniel: About class or the hockey team?

Maddox: It's about one of the players, a guy I room with on the road. Kayden.

Daniel: Did you tell him to fuck off? LOL

Maddox: Of course. But it didn't take. He's persistent.

Daniel: And that's it? He annoys you?

Maddox: Yes. No. Sort of. We had a misunderstanding on Sunday and then we were arguing at practice today. He drives me nuts. But that's not all. Fuck, I don't even know if I can say it.

Daniel: Whatever it is, you know you can tell me. When you're ready.

I typed out a response, deleted it. Typed it again. And finally sent it.

Maddox: I'm feeling things. More than I should. Like, in a way I haven't about anyone else.

Daniel: What do you think it means?

Maddox: I don't know. I shut off that part of myself because I can't imagine getting close to anyone.

Daniel: You've come a long way in the past four years. Maybe this is the next step. A new friendship?

Friendship? Or, more? My hormones were messing up my head and I couldn't think clearly.

Maddox: Maybe

Daniel: Tell him the truth. If you think Kayden is trustworthy, tell him. That's the only way to bridge a gap. Like you and me, right? Once you told me, things changed. Things got better.

Maddox: I'll think about it. This could be all for nothing. I should ignore him and focus on my game, my studies.

Daniel: Follow your gut

Maddox: TTYS

I shoved my phone in my pocket and waited by the elevator. As the minutes ticked by, my nerves kicked up. Until finally, I heard the telltale ping. Somehow, even though the doors were still closed, I knew who was on the other side of it.

Sure enough, when they opened, there was Kayden. My body primed like fight or flight. And when he walked in my direction, I realized the shower fantasy was not a one off. Because I sure as fuck noticed him now. Which ticked me off. I didn't want this. I didn't want to feel anything.

"I'm here. What do you want?" I bit out.

Kayden ran a hand through his tawny hair. "I wanted to apologize for Sunday. For thinking that you were going to make fun of me."

"Noted," I replied and started to walk away.

"I'm not done yet!" Kayden called out.

"Surprise," I snapped and turned around. "What is it?"

"I wanted to know if you'll, you know, still help me with the economics class? I got a sixty-five on the essay and if I'd stayed and worked on it with you, that probably wouldn't be the case."

Fuck, why was I suddenly soft for this guy? I was pissed. At him, and at myself. Goddamn empathy had picked a fine time to show up.

"Once a week, we meet here for two hours," I replied. "Fridays at noon. Take it or leave it."

"I have my regular tutor ten to eleven thirty, so that works perfect," he whispered, looking relieved. "Thanks."

The big guy grinned, and it looked damn good on him. It shouldn't. But it did. Staring at his smiling face was like staring into the sun. Or a solar eclipse. Either way, I was sure to get burned, or worse. I couldn't even believe the thoughts running through my head…

"Anything else?" I asked.

There had to be. Kayden couldn't say one thing and leave it at that.

"Well, I?—"

His comment was interrupted by my phone ringing. Unknown number . Who'd be calling me? Maybe it was something to do with school?

"I have to take this," I replied and turned my back on Kayden.

I tapped accept and brought the phone to my ear. "Hello."

"Is this Maddox Grange?"

The echo of my former last name gave me instant chills.

"It's Maddox Rocher," I bit out. "Who are you and why are you calling me?"

"My name is Wallace McKenzie. I represent Corey Grange's estate. I'm reaching out with an update and?—"

I tapped end and cut off any further words. Jesus Christ. The mention of my father's name had my stomach roiling. The snack I'd eaten after practice was about to make its way back up. I ran to find a bathroom, and I made it just in time. Heaving, I puked into the toilet, and blinked away the tears that threatened.

No. Fuck him.

A loud knock on the door startled me.

"Mad? Are you okay?"

Fucking Kayden.

"Go away!" I shouted. "Leave me alone."

My stomach flipped again, but this time, thankfully, I didn't throw up. Once I was sure I wasn't going to heave again, I washed up and headed back into the hallway. Of course, Kayden was standing there waiting. At first glance, with his arms crossed over his chest, he looked like a guy you'd want to avoid. But he wasn't. And I fucking knew that this goddamn teddy bear was gonna follow me home. I knew it.

"What happened?" he asked me.

"Don't you ever take a hint and leave people alone?"

"No. Are you all right?"

His golden eyes pinned me in place.

"I don't know," I muttered. "That call was about someone I never want to think about."

"That bad?"

"I ran off and puked my guts out. Yes, that bad," I snapped.

"Tell me."

Jesus Christ. "No."

Fuck the elevator. I needed to walk. I headed for the stairs, Kayden following. When I made it outside the building, I took a deep breath of clean, cold air. It was okay.

I'm here in Vermont. I'm safe. He's gone and I'm safe.

"Mad," Kayden whispered as he stood beside me.

Fuck this.

"The call was from an attorney, okay? One who represents my father," I admitted as I leaned up against the brick facade of the building. "His estate."

"Oh," Kayden paused, biting his lower lip. "What happened?"

I shook my head. "Trust me, you really don't want to know."