Chapter Four

Four

Lucas

When I wake up the next morning, it takes me a second to remember where I am. The bed is comfier than mine, and the drapes are pulled completely closed.

I turn my head to see Shawn still asleep beside me. He’s on his stomach, snoring softly. Despite the dim lighting, I can still make out the scars lining the skin of his back. They’re deep grooves, crisscrossing from one side to the other. I’d asked him about them one time, and he’d told me his birth father had whipped him back when Shawn was still living with him.

I was sixteen the first time I saw them. I couldn’t believe someone would do that to any kid, let alone their own. He’d been so blunt about it, his voice devoid of emotion like it was no big deal. But I saw the pain in his eyes. It was the first time he ever let me hug him.

Fuck, what have I done? I shouldn’t let myself get involved with Shawn. Not again. It feels like a betrayal to Natalie because how upset she was when she realized he had disappeared is forever burned in my memory. But it’s also because I promised myself if I ever saw him again, I wouldn’t let him affect me the same way.

I wasn’t supposed to let him back in.

As quietly as I can, I slide out of the bed, grab my clothes from the floor, and hurry out the door. I pass a cleaning cart on my way to the elevator, and people bustle around, checking out. Once I’m in the elevator, I pull my phone from my pocket to check the time. Just after seven.

I have just enough time to get home and shower before my shift. Working at a landscaping company in the south means getting to work early so we don’t all collectively die of heatstroke.

Still, I love my job. I’d started college to go into med school, but I’d underestimated how hard it would be to go back to a hospital setting. In our first year, they took us on a tour of the local hospital, and I quit that day. I walked out of the tour and never looked back.

I think Natalie would understand. At least, I hope she would.

Even though I know logically it’s not healthy, sometimes I feel like I’m trying to live for her too. Her life was cut so short, and I’m still here. Landscaping was a good option because Natalie loved nature, and I could see her working something like this too. Maybe I’ll go back to school at some point, but not right now.

When I get home, I take a quick shower and throw a new set of clothes on before getting back in the car. On the way to work, I call a towing company to take care of Shawn’s car. One of the guys I knew in high school owns the place, and I know Killian will make sure his car’s in working order quickly. I tell him where Shawn’s staying, so he can get in touch with him about the car, but I give my credit card number for the charge.

I feel a little bad about the way last night went. When he stayed with us back then, he was full of secrets, but I knew he loved Natalie just as much as I did. He would never leave just because he was scared or didn’t want to be around someone who had cancer, like I accused him of last night.

No, it was something else. Something that could potentially hurt me or someone else. It’s the one thing that would make him stay silent. Because Shawn is more loyal than anyone I’ve ever met.

When I get to the navy base, I meet up with Benny in the parking lot. He whistles when he sees me.

“Right on time, man. What’s up? You never cut it this close.”

“Slept in.” I could tell him about Shawn, but that would involve telling him about all the other stuff. After Shawn left, I did my best to forget about him, meaning I never talked about him. Not to anyone. Killian remembers because we were good friends when Shawn lived with us, but these guys I met through work? They have no clue. Most of them don’t even know about Natalie.

“Too early in the morning for you to be lying.” Benny wags a weathered finger at me. He’s been a landscaper for thirty years, and it shows in his permanently tanned skin and the sunspots he carries on his face and arms. He’s the oldest one of us, and the only one I could really see myself telling about Natalie or Shawn.

Still, all I do is shrug. “It was nothing exciting. Just stayed up too late watching a movie.”

“Which one?”

“Die Hard.” It’s the first one that comes to my head, and it’s Benny’s favorite, so I know it’ll get him off the subject of me.

His face brightens and he launches into an impressive Bruce Willis impression that makes me grin. He keeps it up while we outfit ourselves for the day’s work. We take care of the insecticides on the base every few months, so it’s just a few of us here today. It’s hot work, but the pay is good, so I’m not going to complain.

Our boss—Gavin—is really great and doesn’t care about when we break or come in as long as the work gets done by the promised time. So while Benny entertains the other two workers—Carl and Vicki—with a recap of the plot of the fourth Die Hard movie, I put some earbuds in and get to work.

The sun beats down on the back of my neck as it rises higher in the sky, but I don’t bother with sunblock. We’ll be done by lunchtime with the four of us working.

It’s not even noon by the time we finish, but it’s already pretty hot. The four of us gather in the parking lot and drink some bottled water.

“What’re we doing about lunch?” Carl—the youngest of us—asks. “Because we all know whose turn it is.”

Benny cuts him a look. “I’m sure the Wendy’s up the road is offering one of those five-dollar deals.”

The rest of us groan.

“Not there again,” Vicki says, adjusting her hair in its bun. “I can’t look at anymore of their food. Take us somewhere nice.”

“We don’t look good enough to go somewhere nice,” Benny replies. “Fast food or bust.”

“It’s not the 1800s anymore,” Carl says. “We don’t have to dress up to go somewhere that’s not fast food.”

Before Benny can reply, a car with rental plates pulls into the parking lot, almost clipping my Jeep. The engine cuts out, and then Shawn steps out of the car, his face marred with a scowl.

“Oh.” Vicki’s eyebrows lift.

“Can we help you?” Benny asks, wiping his hands on his khaki shorts.

“I need to talk to Lucas,” Shawn replies, his voice just barely cordial. Anger burns beneath the words.

Benny looks at me, like he’s waiting to make sure I’m okay if they leave.

I give him a nod.

“All right, well, if you decide to join us, you know where we’ll be,” Benny says, and he heads to his car with the other two.

“What?” I ask Shawn as soon as the others are out of earshot.

“I can pay for my own car service,” he says. “I don’t need your charity.”

“It’s not charity.”

“Well, I don’t want fuck money either.”

“Get the fuck over yourself. That’s not what it was. I felt bad about snapping at you, okay?” It’s uncomfortable to admit because a big part of me is still angry at him, but I don’t want him thinking I paid for his car just because we slept together.

His scowl stays, but his voice loses some of its edge. “You shouldn’t have felt bad. It was fine.”

“Well, what’s Killian say about the car?”

“Needs a battery,” he says grudgingly. “It’ll be ready tomorrow. He got me in touch with the rental place.”

When I stay silent, he clears his throat and admits quietly, “I didn’t like not knowing what happened to my car. I know it’s a piece of crap, but it’s mine. It was the first thing I ever bought, and sometimes, it was what I lived in. So I don’t like not knowing where it is.”

“Oh.” Internally, I cringe a little. That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. Growing up, I never had to worry about where I’d sleep at night, or if I’d be in a safe place. So to me, a car is a car is a car. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”

His smile is a little bitter. “Yeah, I figured. But…I appreciate you helping me with it. Killian was nice. He told me you were here.”

“I’ll thank him for that later.”

His grin turns a little more genuine, but the wariness still lingers in his eyes. “Well…thanks.”

He starts to turn and walk away, so I call his name.

“You want to go get some lunch?” I ask.

“Really?” He frowns. “You want to have lunch with me?”

I shrug. “Sure. Why not?”

He glances back at the rental car and runs his index finger along his upper lip. I’d forgotten he did that when he’s thinking. “Okay. But I don’t have long. I’m photographing a couple at three this afternoon.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I give him the address to meet me at, then get back in my car. A part of me wonders if he’ll really meet me at the diner. He’d looked a little uncertain, but maybe that’s just leftover stuff from him leaving in the past. I’ve grown a lot since the last time I saw Shawn, and I’m guessing he has too. I need to give him the benefit of the doubt.