Chapter 37: Dean

37

DEAN

T urning my back and heading to the kitchen, I bang saucepans down on the counter harder than necessary, and chop ingredients with scant regard for the safety of my fingers.

Callum sits silently on one of the stools at the island, not judging me and not saying a word, just being there until I'm ready to talk.

Finally, I stop, resting my hands on the island. “She’s my mate.”

I exhale loudly, and my body goes slack, head hanging between my arms. I never thought I’d say that out loud.

“She thought I was keeping her mother from her. Tore the place apart trying to find ‘proof’ she could take to Blake to show him I’m just as bad as my father.”

The words stick in my throat, still hard for me to swallow.

When Callum doesn't say anything, I lift my eyes to meet his. His lips are pressed into a thin line, and his expression is serious.

“I know,” he says gently.

I stare at him, stunned.

“Jamie told me, when she came by my place to thank me for helping to rescue her.”

My gut twists as jealousy burns my insides. I can’t stand the thought of her alone with another unmated male.

“I’m sure you got a sanitised version of it.”

Callum’s expression doesn’t change despite my bitter tone. “She told me what she did. And what you did. But what I’m most confused about is why you didn't tell me.”

I don’t have an answer for him, or not one that I’m willing to share, so I just glare at him hard, hoping he’ll take the hint and shut up.

“You're mad, and I don't blame you. But you’re also protecting her. Anybody else would be tossed out in a heartbeat. It’s obvious you care for her.”

He couldn’t be more right. Anyone else would be long gone, but I can’t make myself get rid of her.

“I did care, not anymore. I’m only letting her stay for Maggie.”

Callum scoffs at my blatant lie but shuts up when I point a very sharp knife at him.

“I pulled her off that fucking ledge and kept her alive. I didn’t sleep one fucking wink, terrified she wasn’t going to wake up. I thought we had something. I was so close to telling her I wanted her by my side… but all that time, she thought I was hiding her mother and hated my guts. It was all a fucking act!”

She was aroused, but maybe that’s all it was for her, a primitive attraction and nothing deeper. I mean if she thinks I’d ever hurt her, fuck, was she scared of me? Is that why she didn’t want to take things further? My stomach churns at the thought that maybe she wasn’t as into it as I thought.

Her lies have tainted everything.

I’m getting more and more worked up as I remember every disgusting accusation she threw at me in my office. The one she broke into. My blood boils. My heart pounds in my chest. I don't know if I can hold back my anger.

“Maybe you should sit down, Dean.” Callum watches me warily, and I don’t blame him. I’m barely keeping the shift at bay. I can feel my wolf rippling beneath my skin.

“Callum, this is the first time since Dad that I've come so close to fucking losing it. I don't feel like me, and it's terrifying. What if I’m no different? What if this is how it starts?”

Callum stands abruptly, his stool screeching as it drags across the wooden floor. He jabs a finger toward my chest, his face darkening, every tendon in his jaw and neck, standing out as he shouts at me.

“You're not like him, Dean. You couldn't be more different. And if I ever hear you say those fucking words again, I’ll quit my job just so I can kick your ass. Because after all you've been through, that the entire pack has been through, that you would even think to question the type of man you are is infuriating. And I'm not going to listen to it.”

I narrow my eyes and stare at him, but don’t tell him to back down like I should. Probably, because I know he’s right.

“So, tell me what the fuck is really going on,” he demands, knowing me too well to allow me to continue blustering so I can avoid admitting the truth. “Why are you punishing her when she could be the best thing that ever happened to you?”

I close my eyes and clench my hands into fists. “I'm angry.”

Callum glances around at my torn-up house and my rage cooking and raises one eyebrow. “I can tell you're angry, Dean, but I don't understand why you're so angry.”

Finally, the truth bursts out of me. The lid pops off Pandora's box, revealing the secrets I’ve been hiding from myself and everybody else.

“I'm angry I saw my father ruin everything over a woman and I won’t be him. I don’t want to need her like this,” I roar the words I've been thinking but was too afraid to speak out loud. “I should be able to walk away from her. Because what if she’s right? And I hurt her.”

I laugh at myself, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it and throw my hands up in the air. I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams.

“This is not how matings are supposed to go.”

It doesn't make any fucking sense, and it's making me think I've lost my fucking mind.

Callum stares at me in silence, then plops down onto the stool with a serious, yet unsurprised, look on his face. “Do you want her to be yours or not?”

I sigh and stare at the ceiling. “My wolf didn't tell me a thing, but I suspected when we… when I couldn’t stay away from her. Then when she shifted and ran from here, I could feel her wolf, right here.” I thump my chest hard. “But it doesn’t matter. I can’t be with someone who thinks I’m like him.”

“Of course it matters, Dean. If you love her, it matters.”

I stare at him, gobsmacked. Maybe he's losing his mind as well.

“Just forget about everyone else for a second. What do you want?”

Her , my wolf roars, without hesitation.

“Neither of you have exactly had the best example set for how mates should act. She hasn’t lived in a pack for years. She was confused and hurting. She did something stupid while she was upset. And the truth had to come out anyway.”

I hesitate. It’s true. Did I really think she’d sit on her hands and wait for my return?

“Before any of this, you were saying you didn’t want a mate. Maybe you’re just using this as an excuse to turn her away. When really, it was just one ill-thought-out swipe, made after you’d already hurt her feelings.”

I growl at him, but he holds still, delivering the harsh truth as only my beta could.

My father killed his mate or drove her to kill herself. I’m not sure I trust myself to be able to handle this kind of intense connection without going mad. Maybe that’s why I reacted so strongly to Jamie’s jab.

“But is letting her go going to be any easier? Letting one of these other alphas sweep her off her feet?”

My wolf snarls at the idea of someone else. Panic grips me and I grip the counter so hard my knuckles turn white. Everything about my feelings for Jamie is overwhelming. I don’t like feeling so out of control.

“Trust your instincts. You're not your father. But you’re going to be alone forever, if you can’t get past this. Don’t reject her just because you’re afraid you’ll end up like him.”

I stare at Callum, about to deny his words, but then I think back to the cabin. I had Jamie in my arms, I could scent her reaction to me, and yet I pushed her away as soon as she asked what we were going to do about the bond. I was the one who went cold.

“Talk to her. Even if it's just to clear the air, so you can both move on. Because at the end of the day, she's Maggie's daughter. She's going to be here for a while.”

I groan, acknowledging that I’ve already conceded to let her stay. Whatever problems I have with Jamie, I would never take the chance to get to know her daughter away from Maggie. And I know she’s not ready to leave the territory just yet. If Maggie wants Jamie here, she can stay.

“You need to find a way to be civil, at the very least, because I can’t deal with any more drama.” He stares around at the empty bottle of whiskey, and the food cooking away on the stove. “Most wolves dream of finding their mate. You owe it to the rest of us to at least try and make this work.”