Chapter 38: Jamie

38

JAMIE

D ean hasn’t surfaced all day, or at least, he hasn’t come anywhere near me.

Wyatt and I have spent the day with Maggie and Jax as she does her rounds, visiting the sick and elderly members of the pack. We deliver food and medicine, while fielding their questions about why the alpha hates me so much.

Jax seems to be taking all of this in his stride, happy to find out he has more siblings. When he found out we’re mates, he seemed to find that particularly entertaining.

Good news travels fast. Everyone seems to know that we’re her children now, but thankfully, they don’t seem to know Dean’s my mate. They know something’s up though. I’ve gone from teacher’s pet to pariah.

Those who don't hate me on sight for doing something to upset Dean are deeply suspicious. If it weren't for how much they adore Maggie, I'd have had a lot of doors slammed in my face.

It's a relief when we get back to the packhouse, which is a hive of activity, and it’s all-hands-on-deck.

Everyone who didn't make it through to the next round has been sent home, and the pack is busy preparing for the new influx of competitors. There won’t be as many this time. Only siblings of alphas were allowed to skip the qualifying round, but it’s still a lot of sheets to be laundered, rooms to be cleaned, and meals to be prepared.

Lynn and Callum have been racing around, making sure everything is in order. The pressure on everyone to get it right is palpable. Alpha’s and Head Alpha’s from all over are going to start coming now that the competition is starting to heat up, and Dean’s pack is eager to impress.

When my shift at the clinic is finished, I volunteer my services making up beds.

“It’ll just take him a while to come around,” Maggie says softly, fluffing up the pillows in one of the suites reserved for a visiting dignitary. “And he’s busy with the competition.”

Shaking my head, I wish I had her confidence, but he’s relentlessly stubborn. I’ve tried multiple times, but he won’t even speak with me.

“Accusing someone of holding your mother hostage and threatening to take their pack away isn’t exactly a minor disagreement. Especially when he saved your life.” With a weary sigh, I curse my own stupidity. “I compared him to his father. Maybe he’s right not to forgive me.”

I was so desperate to blame someone else for the shitty life I’ve been living that I didn’t stop to think Dean had it worse. Mum left us at home so that we didn’t have to suffer the life he did. Even as rogues, our life was better than one where you’re regularly beaten and ultimately forced to kill a parent to save your siblings.

I’ll take a few sleepless nights in the forest and some name-calling any day.

“I still can’t believe he didn’t know.” My mother finds the idea of my wolf refusing to acknowledge Dean for so long hilarious. “Clever wolf. She knew you’d do something stupid like reject him to get your revenge.”

I pout, still furious that my wolf kept such a secret from me, but I can’t argue with my mother’s logic. In the absence of any other way to hurt him, that’s exactly what I would have done.

The idea of breaking our connection is devastating, yet I have to accept it’s something Dean might choose to do.

“His own wolf is playing a blinder too. Pair of traitors.”

Even more shocking is the idea that they ganged up on us. Dean’s wolf never claimed me, knowing his reaction to finding a mate, a rogue at that, wouldn’t have been a positive one.

“Well, look at the pair of you. They were right.”

We stayed up most of the night talking about what happened after Mum moved here. She didn’t want to mate Graham once she realised which pack he was the alpha of, but she knew Dean’s father wouldn’t take no for an answer. Her alpha convinced her she had to go, afraid Graham Reynolds would start a war.

Bringing us here with her was too dangerous. Her alpha promised to take care of us. She thought she was protecting us and her pack.

She never expected to make it back alive. She thought he’d kill her, but instead, he turned his anger toward his children, who reminded him every day, just by daring to look like his first mate, of what he’d done to her.

And not being able to shield them from his violent temper ate away at my mother, more and more, as his madness deepened. Maggie was a broken woman by the time Dean ended his father’s life.

She tucks her hair behind her ear as she works, uncovering the deep jagged scars that run from the top of her ear, all the way down her face and neck. They’re clearly claw marks. Ones that were purposefully not allowed to heal, or her wolf was too weak to repair. Neither choice paints a pretty picture of her life here with her mate.

“This… is not who Dean is. You know that.” Mum touches the side of her face and gives me a sad smile. “You have the chance to have something amazing together. But you need to show him that you don’t fear him. That you see the real Dean. And let him see the real Jamie, then he can decide what he wants.”

Groaning in frustration, I turn from where I’m re-stocking bandages and throw my hands out. “I know that. I was just hurt. I’ve apologised for what I said, but he still won’t see me.”

Maggie tilts her head and gives me a small smile. “That’s telling him. You have to show him.”

It’s not pleasant, eating humble pie, but Mum is right. I lied to him about why I was here, even when he warned me not to. I ransacked his house instead of just asking him where she is.

The only version of me he’s seen has been deceitful and selfish.

“You make it sound so easy.”

My wolf is depressed, pining for her mate.

“Nothing worth doing is ever easy. But he hasn’t kicked you out, Jamie. If he wanted you to be gone forever, he’d have made it happen by now.” Maggie wraps an arm around my shoulder and gives it a cautious squeeze, still unsure how much affection to give me after all these years apart. “And it’s the pack run tonight. Anything can happen on a full moon.”

As the sun begins to set, I can already feel my energy levels getting a boost. The moon breathes life into us all, and I cling to the idea that he’d never skip his own pack run, not with so many strange wolves wandering around his territory.

He’ll want to be out there leading his wolves, making sure there’s no trouble, and showing off his pack to the visitors.

I’m still not sure whether going is a good idea. What if he makes it clear in front of his pack that I’m not welcome? Or his wolf tries to run me off, thinking I’m trying to stake a claim as luna.

But I have to try. And in the absence of any other good ideas, this is it.

“It’s the Buck Moon tonight,” Maggie says, as she stacks fresh towels in the bathroom. “Do you know what our pack used to call it?”

I shake my head, trying to recall another name for the July Full Moon that doesn’t relate to hay or herbs. I doubt that’s what she’s thinking of.

“The Claiming Moon.”

I roll my eyes, not feeling the same level of optimism. My wolf likes the sound of that, but only if the claiming involves us. I’m not sure I could stomach watching other happy couples getting together when my own match has gone so horribly wrong.

Before we leave the room, Maggie tugs her hair back in front of her face and wraps a thin scarf around her neck. My heart aches for her, seeing how self-conscious she is about what Graham did to her.

If nothing else, I’ll be forever grateful to Dean for ending her torment at his father’s hands. The hollow ache inside me fractures, turning into a gaping chasm of regret. I have to find a way to fix things. I simply will not accept any other outcome than him forgiving me, no matter how long it takes.

“Come on. The first of the new competitors have arrived. I have a feeling that things are about to get wild around here.”