Chapter Four

I lost myself in his kiss. I knew that this felt right, everything I thought the perfect kiss was he did and then some. I was blown away. I knew that one thing I needed to do was make sure things didn't go too far, but the longer we kissed, the more my sense of reason diminished in waves of endorphins. His lips moved to my earlobe where he playfully nipped at it, teasing me devilishly.

I chuckled a throaty, sultry chuckle when he did that, which made him growl playfully as he moved to place light kisses on my neck. There was no room for chuckles or laughing when he did that, because it literally stole the breath from my lungs. I was stunned how I relaxed, and the foreign feelings I felt at his touch. Jerry had held me possessively but, it never felt like this. Jerry…

"Are you okay?" Stefan asked me, looking up.

I realized then I had stiffened up and balled my hands into fists so tight I was drawing blood with my nails from my palms. Shocked I slowly released the tension in my muscles and relaxed into Stefan's arms, only this time I curled into him cuddling up to his muscular chest and wrapping my arms around him.

"I can't yet Stefan, I'm sorry." I whispered emptily burying my emotions deep and locking them up tightly.

"I'm not in a rush Jez," he said easily. "When you are ready is when it will be the right time. It wasn't today, well fine, we just met." Stefan continued so matter-of-fact, I smiled.

"What do you like to do when you don't have to be Alpha Stefan?" I asked, trying to distract my mind with Stefan. It worked.

"I like to rebuild cars," he said proudly. Yes, he definitely considered himself badass.

"What kind of cars?" I asked lying back onto the ground.

Stefan lay down with me, but curled me up next to him so my entire body was against his. I didn't mind in the least.

"I like old American Muscle cars; I just finished up a Trans Am a week before I had to leave. Paint was still wet when I left her there. "He said regretfully.

"I always hate having to leave a project behind before you can see the end product." I said absently, thinking of all the projects I had started at different foster homes and then I would have to leave before I could finish.

"What do you like to do?" Stefan asked, I could tell he was trying to distract me so I wouldn't think about my past and just be happy for a few moments.

"I'm not sure, I'm never in one place long enough to discover interests." I say.

"Do you like music?"

"Yes, but I wasn't allowed to listen to any music other than the hymns station and the classical station at my last actual foster home." I said, not even thinking about what I had revealed.

"Ah, so I'm guessing you aren't a fan of that kind of music," he made his voice sound like a question.

"Well, I like some of it, I don't like to associate things with people I don't like." I said. "There is no reason to let a person ruin a good thing just because of a bad experience. I liked the black spirituals that came on, and some of the classical like Handel, Mozart, and of course Beethoven. You can't not like Beethoven."

"I wish I could look at things the way you do," Stefan said sadly. "If I had been in your position I would probably smash my radio if any gospel or classical came on, even if I had liked it before. I always had a great appreciation for black spirituals too, there was this one song called ‘Up to the Mountain' a girl in the pack sang at a talent show at school, it gave me chills, I just listened and watched in awe as this little bitty girl sang it. Do you sing?"

I felt myself blush a bit, I did sing, but I hadn't in a long time. I never really felt like singing after I changed, probably because I was unhappy.

"I haven't sung in a long time, I'd probably sound horrible." I felt my mouth twitch as if I would smile.

"I doubt that, you're too beautiful for any ugly sound to ever come out of you." He jested lightly, but I could hear the serious undertone.

"I will take that cheesy comment as the compliment it is supposed to be and just say thank you." I chuckled.

"That wasn't so cheesy!" he laughed.

"Oh yes it was and you know it!" I giggled and playfully smacked his arm.

Did I just giggle? I thought to myself, but pushed the uncertainty away.

My stomach chose that moment to growl and announce its hunger.

"Let's get you something to eat," he chuckled and helped me back into the house.

As soon as we entered Stella emerged and looked shocked at my appearance, beat up, bruised, and dried blood everywhere.

"Stefan, you should have brought her inside and cleaned her up an hour ago, are you mad?" she scolded helping me up to bed and ordering women to fetch different supplies to doctor me up again. Most of my injuries were already healed, I just needed cleaning up.

"Don't worry about it, I can clean myself up, and I don't think that there is much of a bedroom left after Stefan got a hold of it," I spoke up lightly.

"Nonsense, you are hurt, and our future Luna, let us take care of you," Stella waved me off. She reminded me of Sherry, before I shifted.

"Stefan, I am amazed at you," Stella rambled on.

Stefan allowed it, maybe because she was his elder, or perhaps because he was afraid of the little woman. With that thought I had to swallow a chuckle.

Stella tucked me into another bed, and from the smell, I could tell it was Stefan's.

"You sure do have a habit of getting hurt," Stella thought aloud as she eyed my bandages on my arm and leg.

"You have no idea," I smirked.

It was nice to be comforted and taken care of. Stella obviously had experience with nursing. The way that she cleaned wounds, and made sure I was comfortable was methodical and well-practiced.

"You should be more careful then," Stella smiled warmly as she cleaned my forehead where I hit my head.

"Could you get me a glass of water?" I asked Stefan who was pacing back and forth with pent up energy.

"Thank you, he was making me nervous," Stella whispered.

"I couldn't tell," I complimented, "You were a nurse?" I asked.

"For fifty years," she smiled.

"I had a foster mother who was a nurse, she was one of the good ones, you remind me of her," I smiled.

"Thank you, Luna," she smiled.

"I'm not your Luna, just call me Jez," I requested.

"Not yet," Stefan said as he walked in with my water. I popped a couple of the pain pills that were in my pocket from the doc earlier that morning.

"You should have been more careful, Stefan, she was in the infirmary this morning with Doc, and you go into a rage and she ends up falling out the window," Stella mutters to him.

"Stella." Just her name, he said so evenly, but it was a clear warning.

"I helped bring you into this world Stefan, I helped raise you." She replied calmly. "I will always say when I think you are acting out of line, Alpha or not. It is not a disrespect to criticize you."

"Yes ma'am," Stefan chuckled.

I smiled at the easy way that they communicated. I didn't understand why I couldn't easily explain myself like that. I was starting to feel hungrier and my stomach growled loudly. Stella hit a button on the phone and paged the kitchen.

"Could we get a plate up here to the Alpha's suite," she said.

"Sure thing Stella," replied a voice in the kitchen.

"I think I can leave you in the capable hands of Stefan," Stella smiled at me, placing a hand on my cheek. "Just call if you need anything," With that she left the room.

"I'm sorry, I should have brought you in and cleaned you up sooner," Stefan said and sat on the bed beside me.

"Well, we both weren't thinking clearly," I supplied.

"No, but it was my fault." Stefan admitted.

"You can't take all of the blame," I argued.

"You were injured and I acted rashly_" he rattled off.

"Stop," I commanded, "I'm fine."

About that time my food arrived and I was so hungry that I didn't bother much with talking. I was halfway through my plate when I noticed Stefan smirking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I like to watch you eat," Stefan answered.

"Oh," I looked down at my food, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"No, it's adorable, the way you get totally engulfed in your food."

"I'm not really used to eating on a regular basis," I explained softly.

"What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled.

"When I was…" the pause had him nodding in understanding, "I didn't exactly get fed regularly, when I had the chance I would sneak out and go hunting."

"If you could go hunting, why stay?" he asked.

"Macie," I replied, "I was trying to get us both out of there, but legally, she is Madigan's daughter, and short of kidnapping her I didn't have the money to get us both out."

"So…"

"I had to leave her behind," I clarified. "It took a long time to work up the nerve to do it,"

Stefan nodded. He didn't say another word about it.

I found myself drifting off into a nap not long after that and when I woke up, Jason was by the bed sitting in a recliner reading a book.

"Hey," I said, my voice slurred and gravely with sleep.

"You need to take it easy moonpie," Jason helped me sit up and my leg was throbbing in time with my arm and head.

"Pain killers, " I nodded my head to the side table.

He handed me two pills and I knocked them back without water, hurting badly enough that I didn't want to wait for it.

"The wolfsbane is keeping you healing at almost human pace," Jason noticed, as he helped me change the dressing.

"I won't be able to heal properly until I can shift," I agreed.

"You're lucky you can take a beating and are hard to hurt, because you should be dead because of that fall," Jason warned. "You should have been more careful and I could strangle that alpha,"

"I appreciate it Jason, but I can handle it," I assured.

I looked around the room looking for Stefan only to find that it was just Jason and I.

"He asked me to watch over you while he took care of some pack business." Jason answered my unspoken question.

I nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jason asked me gruffly.

"No," I replied.

"Have you made a decision," he asked.

"I decided to try, I don't know what that means yet," I answered.

"You should try to be with him, and when you are confident that you are going to stay, I'll leave, but I lost you for the summer, I'm not letting that happen again moonpie," Jason promised.

"Will you help me get to the shower?" I asked attempting to avoid the emotional crap he was edging on.

"Sure thing,"

After a shower I felt reborn. I attempted to call my wolf but she kept hitting a wall and I sighed in defeat. By the time I emerged from the bathroom in my towel to get some clothes, Stefan was back.

He stopped pacing when he saw me. The air was thick with the tension, but it wasn't the same kind of tension I was used to. The space between us was charged with electricity and lust. His eyes raked over me with smoldering heat and my skin tingled, stomach tightened in anticipation. I could feel my breath become quick and shallow in excited pants just from the heated perusal of my skin.

"Would you mind getting my bag?" I whispered, trying to distract him, but not really sure if I wanted to.

"It's in the closet," he replied. His voice made me shiver, just the smoky deep tones had me acting like a bitch in heat.

I shook my head and moved to the closet, inadvertently flashing my whipped up back to him. I had forgotten about it with the other injuries I was dealing with, and it was becoming quite normal for me.

The air changed on a dime from tense to uncomfortable.

I looked into his eyes and saw pity. I couldn't bear to see him looking at me like that, I turned away and tried to ignore that I had seen it. I didn't want special treatment, I was not some beaten dog, I was strong and I never gave in.

"I still can't shift," I said, "I can't heal completely until I shift and the wolfsbane is taking a lot longer to get through my system than I would like."

I emerged from the closet clothed and scars covered.

"I can help you shift," Stefan said.

"Really?" I asked curious

"Yes, I can coax out your wolf, it's a perk of being an alpha," he smirked.

"Do you wanna run?" I asked, desperate for the exhilaration that I had been deprived of for too long.

"Sure, I want to show you something special I think you will like." Stefan stood up and offered his hand to me.

"Of course, you could ride me," Stefan said with a wink. The way he said it I blushed. "Get your head out of the gutter, I didn't mean it like that," he teased.

"Yea, sure you didn't" I purred, and his eyes darkened a bit, no doubt picturing what my tone suggested.

"Have you tried shifting?" he asked simply.

"I've been kind of nervous to, but not since being in the infirmary, but I tried a few minutes ago," I admitted.

We made our way out to the woods in near silence, small talking along the way.

My wolf seemed to be ready to burst out of me she was so excited to go on our first run with our mate. She reminded me of a girl in middle school going to see a boy band like she was jumping around inside of me with ecstatic squeals. I knew if I couldn't shift she would just take over and rip at my insides with her frustration. That wouldn't be so great considering Stefan would see me naked, along with flailing in agonizing pain, then everyone else who is in the pack house would see as he carried me to the doc to be sedated. Oh well, I thought. So I stripped as fast as I could and tried to shift. I tried desperately to will my change to come along, but it was like a barrier kept my wolf from coming through even though she was beating against the barrier. Then she began to attack the barrier, and inadvertently my insides felt as if they were being split apart. I began to scream and thrash uncontrollably. My heart pounded in my ears so fast and erratically, I feared that it may stop. My wolf began to panic and pushed frantically.

Stefan's wolf rushed over to us. He exuded his power over us in a calming wave and found the barrier keeping my wolf and I separated. He shattered it and reached out with his own wolf to calm mine, but it was too late. As soon as the barrier was gone my skin ripped and I changed so quickly that the force of it left me weakened and shaking with exhaustion.

For a moment, I stood there taking in the forest. The smells and the sounds swept over me, allowing me the sense of peace I craved so much when I couldn't be in them. The woods equaled safety. I wished sometimes that I could just stay in wolf form; everything was so much more simplistic in wolf form. The definition of simplicity is to be without complication, and that meant stable. The human world was so complex which allowed so many dilemmas. I knew that I could be complicated because of my past, but in wolf form that didn't matter, because wolves had very simple mindsets. Mates came first, their survival. That's how it was supposed to be, but I had to wonder, would I put my mate before my life? My first thought was no, and I thought I should feel horrible for being selfish. I couldn't make myself feel bad about caring about my life more than my mate's. I barely knew him. Even though I agreed to try to make it work, didn't mean that I automatically trusted him.

My wolf disagrees, but that's because she was love-stricken from first sight. I wasn't exactly ready to just let go yet. So I had trust issues…who didn't? If he could wait for me to trust him, then I could do this. I just prayed he wouldn't push me before I was ready.

I finally stood and sniffed the air, finding Stefan's scent easily. His scent was like cilantro, mint, and rain. I watched him step out from behind me. He looked like he was shocked, and I twitched my ears around listening for something that would tip me off as to what had caught his attention. I spun around and there was nothing. Where was the threat? What was wrong?

Nothing is wrong Jez, you are just so breathtaking, I can't help but stare. I spun back around and looked at him, with a look of shock mirroring his own.

Did you not know we could talk to each other mentally? He asked.

I shook my head no.

When we are fully mated we can do it in our human form too, but for now it only works in wolf form.

I turned to start running, I had no idea how to talk back to him.

You just did.

So you can hear every thought I have in wolf form?!

Yes, pretty much.

Well shit, do you wanna take me somewhere then?

Absolutely. Stefan started running toward the West.

I took off, following him at his side. I didn't like running behind anyone even though pack etiquette said that the alpha female ran at the right shoulder of the alpha male. I thought that rules about running formations were obsolete and archaic, much like young women becoming debutants and being presented as eligible when they turn sixteen.

I'm not expecting you to do what I ask, but it makes me uncomfortable having you block my vision on the right. Stefan's voice floated through my head.

I guess you should trust me to watch your right side.

How am I supposed to protect you if you are blocking my vision?

How are we supposed to work as a couple if you can't trust me or treat me as an equal?

You are my mate, I'm supposed to protect you. Why can't you let me do that?

I'm not weak.

I wasn't saying you were, but your change did leave you exhausted, let me take care of you.

While we were running, Stefan picked up his pace trying to get in front of me, but I kept up with him so we stayed neck and neck. Yes, I was stubborn. By this point we were flying through the forest. I don't think we were going anywhere in particular now, we were just racing. I couldn't believe that he thought I was weak.

I don't think you are weak!

Whatever.

I focused my attention on the forest. I didn't want to talk to him at the moment.

If you don't want to talk to me then you can just listen! He screamed in my head.

If you don't calm down and speak to me with respect you will regret it.

You don't respect me, you won't back off!

I stopped in my tracks and turned around. I started walking back to the pack house. I wasn't going anywhere with him. He can't stomach me running next to him then he wasn't going to be able to have me. I ran toward the pack house as fast as I could. I didn't want to be around him. He was so absorbed with being macho that he can't see that I am just as independent and I don't need him to survive. If he thought I was so wanton that I needed a man like all the other she-wolves in his damn pack he needed a wake-up call. If he wanted me then he was going to have to appeal to my better nature.

I trotted along thinking of different things, and like everything lately, my thoughts drifted to Madigan and Stefan. I tried to keep my thoughts light, but it was near impossible. How could I be the Alpha Female he needed if we couldn't get along. I know I am stubborn and nitpicky, but damn it to hell it is not like I chose for this to happen. I wanted freedom, and I'll be damned if I was going to be a complacent little housewife for him. Cages come in all shapes and sizes.

Out of nowhere, Stefan leaped out and pounced on my back, causing me to roll over and land on my stomach with him on my back.

Don't run from me again.

I growled. I was so not in the mood to deal with this bullshit right now. I flipped over quickly so I could kick him off of me.

LEAVE ME ALONE! I screamed in my head, knowing he would hear it.

You need to understand something first, just listen to me.

NO! I don't want to listen to you right now. I growled at him again.

Do not growl at me. He growled back

Geez! Don't you get it? I don't want to talk to you right now, and if I don't want to listen I fucking won't. So back the fuck off! I growled.

Damn it! Stefan charged me so fast I couldn't blink in the time it took him to grab me by the throat and pin me. I think of you as my equal, but there are hunters out here that have been trespassing causing it to be extremely unsafe as you well know. My intention is only to keep you safe. It's not because I think you are not my equal, it is because I am male and I want to take care of you. Why can't you let me take care of you?

I don't need to be taken care of.

I am well aware that you can take care of yourself.

Then why do you insist on me running behind you as if I am weaker.

I don't want you to feel weaker than me, but I want to take care of you because you shouldn't have to take care of yourself anymore. You are my mate and I will always be here for you. I am not going anywhere. If you leave, I will go with you, if you cry, I will hold you, if you laugh, it will be at my jokes. When I smile, it's because I have you. Now, let me be what you need. I can't do that if you fight me the entire time. Please, I know that you have been hurt and it has caused you to not trust anyone, to only rely on yourself, but make no mistake, I intend to gain your trust. Don't take me for a weak alpha male that will just cater to you. I require some things the way that you do.

I relaxed, I wasn't happy about it, but he was right. I couldn't expect him to just roll over. To be honest with myself, I liked it that I didn't rule him. If there was one thing that I craved was to be taken care of, I just didn't let anyone in except Jason, because I didn't trust anyone. I definitely didn't like to admit to myself that I wanted someone to take care of me. No not the tough as nails female rogue. Not really my fault. That's just how life has shaped me. I don't know if I was ready to let him take care of me, but if nothing else, I turned a simple argument about him wanting easier visibility into a fight blown entirely out of proportion. I give. I thought to him.

He released me and backed up cautiously, no doubt expecting me to retaliate. I didn't, he was right, I did need to let go a little if I wanted this to work. As a mated couple, we would depend on each other, meaning I would have to depend on him and he would depend on me, which is why we were both supposed to be strong so that way one half didn't do all the work so to speak. It didn't make me any less angry. I could tell that we would butt heads a lot more. I could tell he liked the idea of a complacent woman.

No, I don't. I like it that you stand up to me, just not so much you don't see reason.

Damn it, can you not intrude on my private thoughts? How am I supposed to complain about you in my head if I can't trust that you won't listen to my internal rants?

Sorry, you're right. I'll try not to listen to you when you are screaming your thoughts at me.

I just glared at him and started walking back toward the pack house.

Where are you going? I thought you wanted to go somewhere? He asked, and his eyes got that look that I've seen little boys give their mothers when they want a new toy, or something of the sort. It was the puppy-dog eyes, and he looked like I would just break his heart if I didn't go with him. I couldn't say no to that irresistible face.

Good, follow me. And just like that he snapped out of it.

Wait a minute, that wasn't genuine? I'm going back.

It was genuine, you just made me genuinely happy though, which snapped me out of what you call "puppy-dog eyes".

I laughed in my head, but it came out as a bark/wheezing sound.

We trotted easily through the woods now, I backed off and let Stefan lead. I didn't understand why that angered me so much. It wasn't like I knew which way we were going.

Maybe it's your excess of hormones from finding your mate and not being claimed.

I felt like smacking myself in the head. This was like PMS only on steroids.

A funny noise erupted from Stefan, and after a moment I realized he was attempting to cover up a laugh with coughing. Laugh it up now, but if it's anything like PMS that I've had, you better watch out when it turns from rage to constantly being horny.

And just like that, Stefan became very solemn. I could tell he was focusing intently on my last comment. I smiled to myself. I wondered what sex with Stefan would be like. Could I do that? It was just so soon and the only person that had ever touched me like that was…him. I thought about how Stefan would react to all of my scars…. He saw the ones on my back but hadn't really seen everything.

We are here.

I mentally thanked him for getting my mind off of Madigan.

Anytime.

I looked around and we were on a cliffside. The cliff looked over onto a river, over to my right was a waterfall of at least fifty feet roaring and churning the water at the bottom into a foamy white. It was beautiful. It reminded me of a painting. An artist could stay out here for hours and never catch all the beauty that was here. Wildflowers and moss draped over the rocks, and weeping willows drooped gracefully along each side of the falls. The pool at the bottom was tempting me to dive in.

Do you like it?

Yes, can we swim? I didn't care that it may not be deep enough to dive in, I just wanted to feel the thrill of jumping and then the rush when the water envelopes around my body. I could feel my tail wagging excitedly behind me.

Okay, we can . I heard Stefan chuckle. I started shifting into my human form, not even caring if he saw me naked. I figured he would see me naked at some point anyway, but like a perfect gentleman he turned away and shifted so he wouldn't see me yet. In my human form my bare feet squished on the moss. I ran toward the side and leaped, grabbing my knees to my chest and did a cannonball. My stomach was filled with butterflies as I soared through the air. Then I hit the water. The water was freezing! I scrambled as fast as I could to the surface for air, and squealed.

"Oh my goodness! It's freezing!" I yelled.

I looked up and saw Stefan standing there looking at me in his wolf form laughing at me.

"Stefan! You better get down here!" I laughed. My body adjusted quickly to the change in temperature.

Stefan shook his head.

"Please!" he backed away from the edge.

"Hey! Don't just leave me down here!" Where was he going? How did I get out of here? "What the hell are you doing?! Stefan!!" I screamed.

"Calm down! I'm shifting!" Stefan's voice shot down toward me.

Not two seconds later I saw a streak of naked skin jump off the side of the cliff and hurtling toward me. I scrambled to get out of the way and then Stefan landed in the water behind me. My hands shot up over my head as a reflex. The splash died down, and I straightened up and waited for Stefan to resurface. I spun around looking for him, but he didn't resurface.

"Stefan?" I called out. Only the sounds of the water surrounded me.

"Stefan? You're very funny now come on!"

After what had to have been at least a full minute of searching I started to get worried. Was he hurt? Did he hit his head on a rock? I dove down and looked, but the bubbles in the water made it impossible to see very far. Where did he go? Is he ok? He could be drowning right now! I have to go get help!

"Stefan?!" I yelled frantically.

I didn't notice that my wolf was complacent. I didn't pay attention to the fact that if I had focused I could actually feel him, and know that he wasn't dying, and he wasn't far away from me. Instead I let myself freak out and when I felt his hands on my shoulders, I was so scared out of my mind that I didn't even notice that his skin caused tingles to race up my arms. Instead I just reacted, and ended up kicking him in the balls and then punching him in the nose.

Then I realized who it was.

"Stefan?! Oh my goodness!" I cradled his head in my hands. "I'm so sorry are you okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine." Stefan said in a squeaky high pitched voice.

"I didn't mean to, I thought you were , well it doesn't matter." I rambled on. "Wait, a minute, were you trying to scare me?" I asked.

"Something like that," he said moving his face around, trying to work out the muscles that were hurting. "You have one hell of a right hook."

"I'm so sorry," I said throwing my arms around him. "I was so worried, I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry, baby I should have thought that through. I didn't even think that this would freak you out." He said putting his arms around me. He held me tightly with one arm, my entire body pressed against his. The other arm treaded water, keeping us both afloat.

"I overreacted, it's my fault." I felt tears start to sting my eyes as I started thinking about what I would do if he died. I didn't want to lose this feeling of being complete. I barely knew Stefan, but it's as if I had known him for years.

"Baby, don't cry, I'm fine I promise." He said rubbing his hand up and down my back to calm me down. As he did, I became extremely aware that my naked body was pressed against his and his hand was gently massaging my back.

"Stefan." I whispered. "I need you to let me go…"

And just like that he released me. The cold water rushed over my front, shocking me back into my right mind. My wolf growled in frustration. What is your problem with him? Just let him mark you already!

"Stefan I," I choked out.

I looked up at him, and could see the same feeling in me reflected through his eyes. A smoldering fire reached out to me like it would give me that release that I needed. Escape, it whispered that I could find home in his arms. His hands reached out to my hand in the water and clasped around it, pulling me toward him.

"I won't mark you yet." Stefan whispered in my ear.

"Why? I want you to." I whimpered, my body was still inches from his.

"Because right now you are a storm of hormones, and your wolf is pushing you into it," he stated pointedly.

"My wolf is part of me, we are not separate, but she is me as I am her." I argued. "I don't argue with my wolf, if she thinks I'm ready, I trust her."

"So you don't fight your wolf at all?" he asked me surprised.

"Well, sometimes, but on things like this, no, I don't fight her. I didn't fight her when your wolves brought me in, but I did fight her when I first met you, and it's caused nothing but problems, so maybe the problem is that I'm being dishonest with myself." I felt confident in my argument.

"Did you just lawyer me?" he asked smiling.

"Yes, I did." I laughed.