Chapter 28

Harley

I couldn’t imagineTommy slowing down or retiring from music.

He would hate that, and I hated it for him.

“You’ll be miserable if you stop touring,” I blurted out.

His eyes widened slightly and then he reached for my hands, holding them between both of his and pulling them to his mouth. “If I have you, that’s all I need.”

“You can’t survive without music,” I protested. “Onyx Knight is everything to you.”

He was quiet for a long time, his eyes searching my face.

“When did you start believing that?” he asked after a moment, still holding my hands. “The only thing I can’t live without is you.”

I tried to think of a response, but nothing came to mind. It was like my brain went completely blank.

He couldn’t live without me?

Was that true or something he was saying to woo me back into his extremely complicated orbit?

I wasn’t doing a very good job of surviving without him, but I’d truly believed he’d moved on. If nothing else, that he’d initially masked the pain with music and groupies and the lifestyle he loved so much. It never occurred to me that he hadn’t gotten over me.

And I fell more deeply in love with him than ever.

I was in so much trouble.

“Why?” I whispered when I could finally formulate a sound.

“Why what? Why can’t I survive without you?”

I nodded.

“Because you’re my person, Harley. My heart, my love, my soulmate. We managed to fuck everything up, but I’m here to tell you I’m not going to do it again. Unless and until you tell me you don’t love me anymore, I’m not giving up. We’re going to find a way back to each other. We have to.”

I didn’t want to cry but my eyes felt watery.

“Don’t.” He gently kissed my fingers. “No tears. Not tonight. Look at the water, enjoy the food, and let me remind you why you married me in the first place.”

Instead of fighting it, I let the tears slide down my cheeks.

I’d been holding in so many emotions, for so long, I couldn’t do it anymore.

And I didn’t want to.

“Ah, baby, I hate to see you cry.”

“I’m sorry,” I sniffled. “I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“If I could drop to my knees I’d come to you,” he said. “But since I can’t, come sit on my lap.” He tugged gently at my hands, and I let him pull me toward him.

“I don’t want to hurt your knee,” I protested as I sank down.

“Knee is fine like this.” He wrapped one arm around my hip and used the other to cup my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “Tell me what I can do to make you happy,” he said.

“I’m happy just being here with you,” I admitted. “Overwhelmed, but happy.”

“That sounds confusing,” he said, stroking his knuckles across my cheek.

“To me too.”

“Okay, so hang on to me while you work through it. I’m not going anywhere.”

“What happens when we leave here?” I whispered, resting my cheek against his.

“Whatever you want.”

“I want us to be together, but we can’t be if you resent River.”

“Oh, baby, no. I don’t resent him. He’s innocent in all of this. Hell, if you get right down to it, we made him together. Not biologically, but all three of us were there that night. All three of us played a part in his conception, even if my role was only to put you and Carter together.”

“Did you really want to watch me… with Carter?” I whispered, voicing something I’d never dared ask before.

“I don’t know what I wanted,” he said. “There was a part of me that wanted to see what it would be like to be with him, you know? Curiosity because he was larger-than-life. Everyone wanted him. Men, women, young, old, fucking everyone. But I’m straight, if momentarily bi-curious, so it seemed impossible. Until that moment when everything came together.”

“And adding me to the mix made it okay to fool around with a guy?” I asked in confusion.

“I swear to you, I didn’t articulate it in my head that way. It was all about how hot it was, in the moment. He’d watched us have sex dozens of times before, so when he came in, I didn’t think anything of it. When he came toward us…it was like I was under a spell or something. And I convinced myself you wanted it too. That’s the part I may never forgive myself for.”

“No, don’t.” I shook my head, wrapping one arm around his neck. “We’re trying to heal. If we hold on to guilt and anger and regret, we’ll never get past this.”

“I know, but you were supposed to be my priority. My wife. And I want you to know, if we decide to give it another shot, I’ll never lose sight of that again. You will always be my priority.”

I swallowed, suddenly uncomfortable.

Would he be able to understand that no matter how much of a priority I was for him, River would always be my priority?

Would he eventually resent us?

Or worse, resent River?

That would be just as devastating to me as losing him.

In fact, I didn’t know which would be worse.

“What?” he asked when I started to get up. “You just shut me out. We went from completely in tune to you being somewhere else.”

I lifted a hand and ran it through his hair, taking a moment to memorize the lines of his face. The shape of his lips. The dimples that I loved to explore with my tongue. He was the sexiest man in existence. There was no movie star or athlete that held a candle to him.

How did I survive three years without him?

Now that I had him back, it was unfathomable to imagine my life without him again. I’d come here to figure out exactly that—how to live without the love of my life—but everything had changed.

Except maybe it hadn’t.

Maybe we were already doomed, no matter how much we both wanted this to end differently.

“What?” he repeated, his eyes filled with concern as they searched mine. “Talk to me.”

“I have a son,” I said. “And he has to be my priority. I know you probably don’t understand but?—”

“I’m not stupid, Harley.” He frowned. “Of course, your child will be your priority. He’ll be mine too. But that’s different. If we decide to be together, that includes him. And he needs you.”

“What happens when you need me too? What happens when you want me to be at your side for an awards show or for the Japanese leg of the tour, and he’s got baseball games and band practice and?—”

“Band practice!” Tommy’s face lit up. “You think he’ll be percussionist or a bass player?”

“Probably a professional hockey player or something,” I chuckled. “But I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” He grabbed my chin and stared into my eyes. “I’m here for it. All of it. When I said you’re my priority, that includes River. You have a baby now, the one thing I couldn’t give you, so regardless of how he came to be, that part of the past is no longer an issue. We can move on.”

I wanted to cry again, but this time I managed to keep the tears at bay.

“You’re hitting me in the feels today, Thomas Landon Bane.”

“Well, Harley Amelia…” He paused. “Did you change your last name?”

I nodded. “Yes. I thought it would be easier if I wasn’t Harley Bane anymore.”

“I’m sorry you felt that way.”

The waiter came out with our meals, and we hadn’t even touched our salads.

“Let’s eat,” I suggested.

“Sure.” He lightly patted my ass as I slid off his lap.

“Beef Wellington,” I mused as the waiter put the dish down in front of me.

My favorite.

He was pulling out all the stops and I was getting confused all over again.

Could this really be the start of something new for us?

Did we even have a chance?

I hadn’t even mentioned the fact that I was scheduled to be impregnated with another one of Carter’s babies in the near future.

Would he be okay with that?

It was terrifying because I didn’t know if this was the road to redemption or the one to purgatory.

Because just like before, I was too afraid to tell him about my plans.