Chapter 13

Tommy

Physical therapy wasn’t asbad as I’d thought. Between the steroids and the fact that I was in good physical shape simply by virtue of what I did for a living, my knee felt pretty good after a few days. It was still sore, but I didn’t need the pain meds anymore to sleep and the exercises the therapist had me doing felt pretty good.

I really liked Allisha. She was the straight-shooter I’d pegged her for and the two sessions we’d had so far hadn’t felt like therapy so much as finally having someone to talk to. She didn’t spend the time telling me what I was doing wrong or pointing out my flaws. Instead, she seemed sympathetic.

A bonus was that she was a big fan of the band’s music, so I could talk to her about details without having to explain every little thing. Honestly, I was going to ask her if I could meet with her every day instead of every other day. Group therapy was okay, but I really preferred the one-on-one. She assured me there was a purpose to group therapy, and to give it a chance, so I was.

If I was honest, I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure what I was doing here or what I hoped to get out of it. Talking about feelings had never been my thing, but when she’d pointed out that could have had a role in what had ended my marriage, I’d spent a lot of time thinking about the past.

Had I been such a shitty husband that Harley had turned to Carter? Had my inability to open up inadvertently pushed her into his arms? The only person who could answer those questions was Harley, but it didn’t seem likely she would want to. I was considering calling her when I got home, though. Or maybe even inviting her up here to talk to me with Allisha playing moderator.

I didn’t know if that was possible but planned to ask at our next session.

Of course, Harley wouldn’t have to say yes, and why would she? She didn’t owe me anything, least of all an explanation. Well, maybe she did, but that was from my perspective. Hers could be totally different.

Staring out at the ocean, a cigarette dangling between my lips as I lounged on my balcony, it occurred to me she would love it here. She loved the ocean, and we’d talked about buying a house on the beach someday, but with the band’s travel schedule, it hadn’t seemed like a priority. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if that was one of many things I’d allowed to fall through the cracks.

Would a house on the ocean have made her happier?

In retrospect, I knew one thing that would have made her happy was a baby. Despite my sterility, she’d been open to adoption, but I’d shot it down every time she brought it up. The thought of raising someone else’s child had always rubbed me the wrong way, and I wasn’t sure why. That was something else I wanted to bring up with Allisha.

Apparently, I had a lot of baggage to unpack.

Two weeks—hell, two years—might not be enough time for all the shit floating around in my head.

I had to think about the band, though.

We needed to start rehearsing and doing promo for both the tour and the album. Our PR team was on some of that, but we needed to be involved. Radio station appearances, filming videos for social media, and of course, we were scheduled to do videos for the first two singles. Normally that was already done by this point in the process, but things were a little different this time around. Losing Carter had shown us that work—and money—wasn’t everything. We needed to take time for family, friends, and to simply be. We needed time to recharge and enjoy life instead of going from one project to the next.

Maybe that had been part of my failure as a husband as well.

Now that the guys were all involved in serious relationships, suddenly everything was changing, and it was slowly becoming clear I hadn’t treated Harley as well as I should have.

Hell, I hadn’t treated her well at all.

And I regretted that more than anything else in my life.

I finished my cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on the little table.

I was considering using some kind of nicotine patch while I was here, figuring there was no time like the present to get healthy, but I had very little that made me happy right now, so it seemed unfair to give up one of the few things that did.

Harley and I had both been smokers once upon a time, but I would have bet my last dollar she’d quit when she found out she was pregnant. If I knew her, and I did, she hadn’t started up again afterward, either.

I really needed to stop thinking about her.

I’d thought of almost nothing else since that night at the cemetery, and it was starting to get on my nerves.

Group therapy for those of us dealing with grief started in a few minutes, so I grabbed my crutches and hobbled out to the elevator. Technically, I didn’t need them, but the physical therapist said if I wanted to be ready for the tour in eight weeks, I needed to protect the knee at all costs, so I was using them anyway.

I’d been told different therapists moderated the group sessions each time, and Allisha was doing it today, so I was looking forward to it. Most of the others in the group were dealing with the loss of a spouse, but my relationship with Carter was special because we’d been both friends and business associates. The success of Onyx Knight took everything to another level, and everyone had been far more sympathetic than I’d anticipated. I’d been pleasantly surprised that no one seemed interested in my rockstar status, which was a nice change.

It was a small group, just six of us, and everyone waved as I entered the room.

“Hey, Tom.” A middle-aged movie producer named Quinn Bonham gave me a grin and I smiled back.

“Hey, man. Did you watch the Cowboys Monday night?” It had come up that he was a football fan and the team had been featured on Monday Night Football on TV last night.

“What a shit show.” He shook his head. “We lost our kicker. They’re saying he’s out for the season.”

I nodded. “I know. Tough break.”

“Don’t lie. You’re happy they lost.”

I laughed. “Kinda, but I didn’t want to shit on your already shitty parade.”

“Ah, I’m used to it.”

“Hello, everyone.” Allisha came in carrying a notebook and a mug of something. “Sorry I’m late. It’s been a busy day.”

“Yeah, we keep you on your toes,” I quipped, making everyone laugh.

“That you do.” She smiled and glanced up as there was movement in the doorway. “We have a new addition to the group today. Come on in, Harley.”

My head whipped around so fast I nearly broke something.

What in the ever-loving fuck was Harley doing here?

Had Allisha somehow orchestrated this?

I turned back to Allisha accusingly, but she was nodding at Harley, who obviously hadn’t seen me yet.

The rest of the group was calling out friendly greetings and Harley had a smile on her face until she made it to the empty chair next to Allisha. We sat in a small circle in this group, and my back had been to her until now.

Harley was just about to sit down when she spotted me, and she froze.

Our eyes locked and her mouth fell open.

She immediately straightened up and shook her head, looking from me to Allisha and back again.

“I don’t…” Words seemed to be failing her as she stood there.

Then without a word, she turned and practically ran out of the room.

And for some inexplicable reason, I ran after her.