Chapter 19

Chapter

Nineteen

ORION

I t was four days later when I glanced into the mirror after a shower to find a flash of blue in my eyes. I had noticed the color shifting since the heat, but it wasn't the first sign that my body was starting to revert back to the way it was. The night after our in-town date, Zane had pinned me to the bed and ate my ass for so long, I was sobbing into the pillow, but there was still no slick. The lube we picked up from the supermarket filled in nicely, but I found myself missing what my body had been.

Zane didn't seem to mind, but there was a small piece of me afraid that the moment I was a Beta again, with no traces of the change, he'd start to realize I wasn't what he wanted at all. But it wasn't the time or place for that sort of crisis, so when I stared at myself and saw my old eyes looking back at me, I allowed myself a single moment to breathe, and then I met the Alpha in the living room.

We were heading into town for another supply run, and it was all I could do to meet his gaze without flinching. He seemed to notice, even though the newborn bond that had formed between us had all-but disappeared, and he immediately climbed to his feet.

He was across the room in an instant, taking my face between both of his hands, and he kissed me filthy and open-mouthed until my toes were curling in my boots.

"Stop panicking," he murmured against my lips.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to shrug him off. "I'm not. It's not a big deal."

"I know what you're thinking, Orion. I don't need to feel your emotions to know you're worried." He stroked his thumbs over my cheeks, then took a step back and released me. "I want you just as much now as I did when you were overwhelming me with heat pheromones."

That was obviously not true. In the times we'd fucked—which were more than I had fucked anyone in a long time considering there was little else to do in the cabin—he hadn't once grown a knot. And I knew that it wasn't everything, that it didn't mean he didn't want me, but it was hard not to take it personally.

"I'm alright," I told him. It was partially true, which would have to be good enough.

He didn't put up a fight as we headed out to the car, but I noticed he was a little more tense on the drive in. We headed across town to a little gourmet supermarket with local produce, and when he put the car in park, he didn't get out right away.

After a beat, I looked at him with a frown, and I noticed a line of tension that hadn't been there before. "You okay?"

He started to nod, then shook his head. "Something's…" He licked his lips, and I realized he was probably feeling his brother. Fear crept up my spine, because him losing what little family he had left was too real, and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Is it Danyal?"

His brow furrowed deeper. "I…no. No. He's still…" He stopped, then dragged his hand down his face. "It's something else, but I can't put my finger on it."

The moment he mentioned it, I realized he was right. There was something in the air—a shift in the mood, but I couldn't begin to know what it was. I could feel Kor in the bond still and nothing had changed, but I couldn't deny it felt like we were standing at the edge of a cliff, overwhelmed with the desire to jump.

"Let's get shopping, then we can call Kor when we get back to the cabin." We'd only spoken to the Alpha once, the morning after my heat. He sent messages every now and again, but they always remained the same: stay where you are . I was starting to feel the cabin fever setting in, and I didn't want to think about how much longer we were going to be left out there.

Zane didn't argue with my suggestion, so we headed for the sliding doors, and he took my hand as we stepped in. The place always smelled faintly of dirt and butcher shop blood, which wasn't entirely appetizing, but I liked that it was quiet.

I let Zane take the lead as he pulled me toward the bakery, and I got a little lost looking at the vast array of little cakes in the window when I heard his heart begin to pound. Glancing over my shoulder, Zane was leaning on the counter, staring at one of the TVs that was playing a news clip in the dining area.

"Hey," I started, but his hand flew up to quiet me.

With a frown, I turned my attention to the person on screen, and for an impossible second, I thought it was Misha. The man in the suit with the perfectly styled hair had Misha's face, but as I tuned my hearing in on him, he had a different voice.

It was pitched nasal and arrogant, like any politician.

" …my pleasure to announce my bid for President. But more than that, I am announcing my bid to unify both the Wolf and Human communities. We have been separated by war for too long, and the only way we will be able to find a path to true peace is to come together under one government. For the good of us all."

For the good of us all. The last line sent chills through me. It was the same rhetoric that had been used during segregation, and then when the first bombs dropped. And again after every mass killing of our people.

For the good of us all.

When I looked over at Zane again, I realized he was more shaken than just hearing those words, though. He had gone completely pale, and his jaw was trembling like he was freezing. Dropping my little handbasket, I took him by the back of the neck, sinking in my claws as I spun him and pressed his forehead to my own.

"Let's get out of here. Right now."

He didn't fight me when I pulled him to the exit. He was entirely too pliant as we hurried to the car, and he sank boneless onto the passenger seat. I got in, but I didn't start the engine right away. Turning to him, I wanted to reach out, but he seemed lost in his head. His eyes were wide, but unseeing, and he was biting his lower lip so hard, I could see blood pooling in the corner of his mouth.

"Zane," I said after a beat.

He blinked rapidly, then sucked in a breath through his nose. "That was him."

It took me a moment to realize what he was saying, and then I felt ice in my veins. "The man on TV…"

Zane still wasn't looking at me as he nodded, his hand reaching out to grip the car door. "I…his voice. I'll never forget his voice."

I didn't know much about Misha's background—just enough to know who his father was and that his brothers were involved in politics. And it wasn't much of a leap to assume that man on TV was one of them. The face behind the capture and torture of so many—Wolf and human alike.

"We need to get back to the cabin," I said softly. "I have to call Kor."

Zane clenched his jaw and nodded, then he swallowed and turned toward me. "I'm sorry."

I wanted to shout at him, demand that he never ever apologize for his trauma, but I knew that wasn't going to do him any good. So, instead, I reached out and grazed the back of my knuckles over the side of his neck, passing my scent onto his skin.

I felt him relax a fraction, and when his heartbeat began to steady, I started the car and made the drive home as quickly as I could manage without getting noticed.

I didn't wait for Zane to follow me in. I knew he needed some space to process, so I left him in the car as I raced inside to grab the little phone from the table. It rang once before Kor's voice sounded over the line, and I could tell he was exhausted.

"I'm assuming you heard."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "We were at the supermarket, and he was on TV. What the fuck is going on?"

"Their first move," Kor said from behind a sigh. "Media got ahold of the files, and someone started releasing satellite photos of the labs and their test subjects being moved. It's being called a hoax—the human media is saying that we're attempting to discredit them. And then Misha's brother…"

"He was the one who tortured Zane," I told him. I moved to the window and pulled the curtain back, staring at Zane's slumped form in the passenger seat. Everything in me ached to go to him, but I knew he didn't want me there. Not yet. "He recognized his voice."

"Fuck," Kor growled. "How…how bad was it?"

"Bad," I answered. "It's his story to tell, but it was fucking…it was brutal. He was steps away from becoming Bryn."

I heard Kor suck in his breath. We hadn't talked about Bryn since I told him I had killed him, and I knew it was conversation we needed to have, but now wasn't the time. "Is he okay?"

"Not right now, but he will be," I answered. "What are you going to do about Misha's brother?"

"We're waiting to see if Marion responds. This bastard basically declared a coup on both sides. He's presenting it like an election, but I have some insider info saying that he's going to try and take this to the UN and force a merge. I don't think our Prime Minister is going to take this lying down."

My eyes widened. "Does he have the power to do that?"

"No. But he's going to make an attempt to gain it. And if he really does have allies within our government, they might be in on it with him. But everyone can smell another war coming." Kor said nothing for a long time. "I think I should tell Misha about what his brother did to Zane."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "You probably should. It'll be better coming from you, and I don't think he's ready to talk about it. I…what's his name?"

"His brother?" Kor asked. "Alexei. And I have a feeling we're all going to know that name very well in the coming months."

"We won't let him get away with this," I growled, and I felt a pulse in the pack bond from Kor, letting me know he understood.

"No. We won't. I do need you to hang tight for another two days. I need to get you both out of there now that the humans have gone public with their plans. I don't know when the other countries are going to start closing their borders to prepare for potential war, but my sources are telling me it's gonna be soon."

A small part of me was reluctant to give up this little bit of isolation so cut off from everything else going on in the world. But looking out at Zane's shuddering form, huddled in the car, racked with memories, reminded me there was no escaping the reality of our situation. And Zane needed to get his power back.

Just like Kor had when he returned.

And he wasn't going to find it waiting in the middle of nowhere.

"We'll be ready," I told him.

"Tell Zane Mikael's hot on Danyal's trail and by the time we get there, we should at least have some information," Kor said. "And tell him…" He hesitated a long moment. "Tell him that it's going to be okay."

I knew Kor didn't say that lightly, as a Wolf who had suffered unspeakable pain at the hands of the humans. And I knew he wouldn't have said it unless he meant it. "I will." Part of me wanted to confess right then that Zane and I were lovers, but in that moment, I wasn't sure if it was going to last, and I didn't think I could survive having to tell Kor that it was over before it even began. "See you soon?"

"I'll let you know when we hit the road."

The line went dead, and I tucked the phone into my pocket before I wandered to the kitchen to see what we had for food. Cold cuts, bread that wasn't quite stale, a box of table crackers that Zane had picked up on a whim. It was hardly gourmet, but it would get us fed.

I laid everything out, then moved to the front door, sucked in a breath for courage, and opened it. I stepped back, startled when I nearly collided with Zane's larger form, but he didn't waste any time gathering me close. His face buried in my neck as he took in deep, shuddering gulps of air, and he walked me back until I was braced against the wall.

"Hey," I said quietly, dragging fingers along the back of his neck.

He squeezed me tighter. "I'm going to kill him. I have never wanted to be this person—the Wolf who could taste the blood of revenge in the back of my throat, but I…"

"I know," I told him, holding fast to his shaking body. "I know. And I'm going to be there to clean the blood from your claws and lick your wounds. Metaphorically."

He chuckled, and I felt a bit of the tension drain out of me when he pulled back and stared into my eyes. His face went serious, though, and I braced myself for what he was about to say. "I'm sorry for shutting you out."

"Zane…"

He pressed his thumb to my lips, cutting off my words. "I'm terrified that I'm never going to get better. That every time I hear his voice, I'm going to be transported right back there. I'm"—he swallowed thickly—"afraid that I'm going to get the chance to rip his throat out, and I'm going to freeze the moment he speaks to me."

I bared my teeth. "Then I'll cut out his tongue."

Zane's eyes widened, then he laughed. "Fuck. You're so…" He trailed off, then leaned in and took my mouth in a powerful kiss. When it was over, he didn't pull back, instead speaking right against my lips. "I couldn't do this without you."

"Yes," I said, easing him back a little. I wrapped my arms around his waist and let him rock against me, feeling how hard I was just by being near him. "You could do this on your own, but you don't have to. And it's not just me who's got your back, Zane. You will never be alone in this."

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, nosing along my jaw. "I know."

"I spoke with Kor," I told him gently, and when he tried to pull back, I held him fast. "He'll be here in two days to get us back over the border. He thinks everything's going to start closing up now that the humans have announced their intentions to merge governments."

He stiffened, but nodded, and managed to lean back far enough to look at me. "Does it make me a monster for wanting a little bit longer here with you?"

My entire body shuddered with need. We were Alpha and Beta—two Wolves that were never meant to mate, but it was like he was carved into a shape that fit against my own more perfect than anyone else had ever been. "No. And I think when this is all over, we should come back."

"Here?" he asked, his brows up.

My first instinct was to say no. We should go somewhere nicer, more luxurious. We should go somewhere that people could wait on us, and serve us drinks, and we wouldn't have to exist on shitty sandwiches and boxed crackers for dinner.

But I didn't, because this was paradise. It was the first place I realized I was allowed to have the one person I had always wanted, and the one person I never thought I could.

"Yes. Here. I want to come back here with you when it's all over and do everything all over again." I leaned in and brushed my lips against his jaw. "Everything."

He groaned, thrusting against me, then pulled back and sighed. "Forty-eight hours, huh?"

I nodded. "Want to make the best of it?"

He grinned, a little feral, and pulled me down the hall.